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SexySubnneed

Does your Master have multiple subs or just you?

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SexySubnneed
Posted

 My current Master and I entered into a committed relationship right from the beginning. However things appear to of changed.  All I asked for was complete honesty. Well it appears that He’s calling other girls and women and making plans to see them. The majority of them are not subs or slaves. I’m not sure what to do. Do I just pull back and not get so attached, live with it or start to look for a new Master.

So I want to know who out there has a Master or Dom that has multiple subs/slaves. Or are you in a committed relationship. Let me know which scenario your in and what you like about it. Especially those that are in a relationship where there’s multiple subs/slaves  or just other women. It’s something I’ve  never liked and  never been able to handle.  I’m OK bringing in someone else every now and then though.  But I would like to hear other perspectives on it. 

 I should also mention that my Masters new to the lifestyle. I don’t think he understands fully the  amount of trust and faith I as a slave need to put into him my Master or what it takes for me to do it and what it means to me.  I did try to explain it to him in the beginning but I don’t think I did a very good job. 

Posted

Hi there sexysubnneed, welcome to the forum. 

I'm sorry to hear you're having difficulties in your relationship. My view on your problem is that it isn't necessarily a D/s issue. I think it's a simple (and important) trust and communication issue that can occur in vanilla or kink relationships.  

Regardless of kink, it seems there's some kind of communication issue here.  You believe one thing and it looks like maybe your Master has a different view. 

I think a long, honest conversation is needed to see what is the best way for you to continue. 

 

We're all different. I am married, I indulge in kink with my husband but he's not particularly sadistic. So I play with other doms from time to time, all casual, non-sexual encounters. We're all different in our needs and how we do BDSM! 

PatientTraveller
Posted

SexySubnneed, have a look at a similar topic thread in the forum titled "New submissive... advice please", you find responses from both Doms and subs.

 

Carnelian2
Posted

I agree with VictoriaBlisse in that you need to discuss this, ideally that should have been discussed from the outset. D/s like Vanilla relationships comes in all shapes and forms. Some people are comfortable with an "open" relationship others are not. One thing is that D/s is certainly not a carte-blanche to have multiple concurrent partners until both parties have agreed up front.

Posted

I have just ended things with my Dom, he too was new to a Dom/Sub dynamic. The communication was there, he just lied to me. Turns out he had been meeting with other women for vanilla sex throughout. Vanilla. Pffft. I truly thought I was giving him everything he needed. In hindsight, I don't think he understood what I needed from him to have that connection. It's early days so I'm still hurt and humiliated (not in the good way), but it's his loss. I know how you are feeling and would perhaps break away. 

SexySubnneed
Posted

 See the thing is, we did discuss that right from the get go in fact I actually asked him to make the decision and he said that we would be hundred percent committed. Then he changed things without letting me know.  

SirArtu
Posted
It is clearly a case of your Dom not keeping his word I'm afraid. Would you really want to trust a man who can't keep his word with your submission? I think not. You deserve much better than to be treated this way. His breach of contract. I'm afraid you guys don't have a dynamic anymore. Best of luck for the future.
Carnelian2
Posted

I agree with SirArtu. He has not kept his commitment to you and that is it. He might recognise it and try to patch things up,  but really, if this has been going on for a while then that train may have left the platform. You might be best of moving on instead of being hurt more.

Posted

Have to say I agree with SirArtu and Carnelia2 here. D/s relationship or vanilla, you have agreed to get into a monogamous and committed relationship with this manchild and he agreed to be faithful to you. He failed. He has cheated and maybe multiple times from what you tell us. That makes it pretty clear that:

1 - There is no trust left in your relationship

2 - All openness, honesty and communication have broken down and this is his fault and not yours.

3 - We know that he is not a true Dominant. A true Dominant male would never treat you or anyone in the way he has done. At best he is a pretender and at worst a deliberate con-artist who has manipulated you to get what he wants. Either way he does not deserve yours or anybody else's submission, trust, worship or devotion.

4 - Because he is cheating he is basically telling you, through his actions, that he not only does not respect you, but that he does not care about you or your feelings, at least not enough to respect you and stay faithful.

5 - Because he has cheated with others, he is also so full of selfishness and lack of care for you that he is putting you at risk of sexually transmitted diseases. Do you know that he was being safe with these other women, do you know that they were all clean and healthy ladies? You don't and thanks to his lies you now need to go and get yourself a sexual health check to make sure he has not passed on any nasty STD's thanks to his selfish and self serving behavior.

6 - There is little to no point in talking to this manchild (and that's what he is, a child who grew into a man body but is still selfish and cannot control his impulses like a child) as you already know that you cannot trust him to make  any promises from now on that he will keep true to his word on. In fact he may even turn around and play the "poor me", try to blame you or promise that from now on he will be faithful. Then start cheating on you all over again. Don't even give him that opportunity, he doesn't deserve it! People like this rarely ever change and seem to think there is nothing wrong with their behavior.

7 - At this point he has already decided and chosen to end your relationship by betraying your trust and respect by lying and cheating. You simply need to make it official now and tell him that it is over between you and it was he who ended it with his untrustworthy, lying, selfish and disrespectful behavior. Tell him that as a man and a Dominant he is a disappointment at best and a fraud at worst.

 

You need to cut your ties with this looser and cut them now so that you not only give yourself some time to heal the emotional damage that he has inflicted upon you, but also to give yourself the time, space and opportunity to meet a Dominant who deserves your submission and whom would never treat you in this way. Every moment you delay making this break from this unsuitable manchild is another moment you could have been using to find someone amazing who will rock your world.

I have no doubt you will find what you are looking for once you cut these ties and I wish you all the best for the future and what it may hold for you. We are about to start a new year, so give yourself the opportunity to start afresh and make this year one to remember.

   

Posted (edited)

I am actually the dom or man/child as I have been called. She has failed to mention that we have known each other maybe a month, and I have never ONCE cheated on her. I had been divorced since last year and and had been, shall I say, wild for the last 6 months. This all happened with her and myself in a whirlwind and I admit I got caught up in it. I have never been in this type of a relationship before and didn't know what it truly meant. I haven't been making plans to see anyone else, although I am still in contact with a few of the women I had seen. I have advised her that I probably am not the right person for her, as she deserves someone with more experience in this. I really wish people were not so quick to judge without knowing all the facts. 

 

Edited by DirtiestSeven
Inserted op
SexySubnneed
Posted

 Thank you everybody for your input. . However I think I’m going to try and talk to him and see if we can’t figure things out together. Like I said I do have strong feelings for him and since he’s new to this lifestyle I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt this once and see what he has to say.

Posted
@DirtiestSeven It doesn't matter whether you are new to the lifestyle or not, if you have entered a committed relationship, kink or non kink, with @SexySubnneed than committed you should be. The contact with other women should have stopped out of respect for SS. Just because you haven't physical done the act of cheating doesn't mean that you haven't been unfaithful, and within any relationship, especially a kink related one which requires a lot of trust, unfaithfulness is destructive. If you advised SS that you were not the right person for her than you shouldn't have gotten into a committed relationship.
Posted
1 hour ago, DirtiestSeven said:

I am actually the dom or man/child as I have been called. She has failed to mention that we have known each other maybe a month, and I have never ONCE cheated on her. I had been divorced since last year and and had been, shall I say, wild for the last 6 months. This all happened with her and myself in a whirlwind and I admit I got caught up in it. I have never been in this type of a relationship before and didn't know what it truly meant. I haven't been making plans to see anyone else, although I am still in contact with a few of the women I had seen. I have advised her that I probably am not the right person for her, as she deserves someone with more experience in this. I really wish people were not so quick to judge without knowing all the facts. 

 

Well as one of those people who were quick to judge I was basing what I had posted on the information that the poster of this topic had presented and as such could not have known that you have not actually cheated on her when this was what the poster was insinuating.

However as VonHart has rightly (in my opinion) stated if you have talked previously before you got into a relationship with this woman and told her that you would get into a committed and exclusive relationship with her, then you have still broken this promise to her and betrayed that trust.

By your own admission you have been talking to other women whom you have seen/dated and been romantically involved with and while you may be new to this type of D/s relationship, you are not new to relationships in general and those same rules from normal/vanilla relationships about trust, honesty and transparency still apply. D/s relationships are no different in that respect.

So when you're in a normal or vanilla relationship and you tell the woman your with that you are committed to her and then start seeing going on dates with other women or stay in touch with women you have seen/dated or been romantically involved with then you are still being disrespectful of the commitment and promises you have made and naivety about D/s relationships is not an excuse that I would allow anyone to hide behind had they been treating me or my friends this way. In either a D/s or a normal relationship most women would have a right to feel aggrieved had you treated them this way. So I can fully understand why your submissive has been upset by this.

At the end of the day it sounds to me like you are not committed to your partner as you are are still keeping your options open with these other women (why keep in touch with them if you have no interest in them romantically or sexually and you already have a woman your supposed to be focused on 100%) and as such you should not have told her you would make a commitment to her in the first place. Unless you are willing to commit to her fully and leave these other women who you've dated/seen alone out of respect for your new relationship and partner and focus all your attention on her, then I don’t see much hope for you both staying together or moving forward.

Posted

I agree with your comments 110%, yes... I should have been more forthcoming when she returned, yes I did make a verbal commitment that night, but at the same time this was over a four day Whirlwind first meeting, and she was gone for a month after that. She even said herself, that she feels it would have been different had she been here the month after our first encounter. While she was gone I did have a chance to step back and put it all in perspective and ask myself was I ready to be in a committed relationship after knowing someone for days, and also coming off of a 6 month run of being single and enjoying my life. I understand if you're in this lifestyle, I get where the comments are coming from, as I was unaware of the commitment it takes to be in a relationship like this. Just the other night as an example we had finished a session, and I had completely forgotten about the aftercare. I was easily reminded when I saw the look on her face when I was about to leave, and it all hit me... For which I immediately apologized, and apologized again for last night. This is more than a relationship when it comes to a Dom / submissive. It's like riding a bike almost, I didn't learn to ride a bike in one day, I tried to... In the end though it will take me a lot longer time. Yes, she deserves a better man than me at this moment, but that's not to say that I couldn't be that man if given time. So judge me if you will, My Life Will Go On as will yours, but there was no intention of misleading her whatsoever. You guys take care, be good to one another... And have an awesome Christmas Hanukkah whatever you celebrate!

Posted

Well I’m glad to hear that like many of the best Dom’s out there you have enough humility to admit your mistakes and aim to improve and learn not to make them again. I know that for my own training to become a good Dom I made many mistakes and I needed to make mistakes to learn from them. It’s does sound to me that you head and your heart are in the right place after you latest comment and I do hope that you can both overcome the difficulties you have experienced with each other and work to make your relationship and your communication and commitment to each other that much stronger thanks to this. I can often be quick to judge myself (something I try to work on being better with) when it comes to D/s dynamics and I think part of this is because it is so vital to have that intense trust and connection in a D/s relationship (as you are finding out) for everybody’s safety and wellbeing. It can often seem harsh when we comment in the forum on personal situations as we never 100% know what has gone on or what both parties have done to cause a given situation, but if you are both committed to each other and hoping to learn to form a better, stronger and lasting relationship then I do wish you both all the best in your journey as well as some happy holidays and festive fun.  

Carnelian2
Posted

@DirtiestSeven- It sounds like your heat is in the right place. Best of luck and have a good holiday

SirArtu
Posted

I think you guys could do with sitting down and having a serious chat about what you both want and more importantly can give.

Treat this as not so successful training and start fresh. Make a commitment to each other and stick to it.

I would like to add that speaking to other people is not really an issue in my opinion, for either of you. That's as long as you make your situation very clear to the third parties so they know you are not available for anything other than friendship.

Everybody makes mistakes, we all learn by fucking up somewhere along the line. 

The important thing is to take a step back and really look at what you're doing and fix it if necessary. 

Vanilla or D/S, a relationship is a relationship buddy and especially as a Dom, you have a bigger responsibility towards the person you're with. A Sub will look up to you, will want to be awed and inspired by you. If you're being an opportunist, what sort of a Dom does that make you? More importantly, think about what sort of a Sub would submit to a cheating Dom. 

Remember, in reality, the Sub is the one with all the power. You can only go as far as your Sub allows you...

I wish you guys all the best and hope you can have a fresh start with a better outcome. 

MistressDivine
Posted
I’ve been in the exact situation when i used to like being a sub. If you’re both in a relationship, either it vanilla, master/slave or both, it seems as if he’s doing what’s my ex did and he’s cheating but will try to cover it up with it being part of his ‘dom role’... look for a new master, and partner.
Posted

As a Dom the most important thing for me is to have the trust of my sub, this joker has no idea on what a Dom is or how to treat his sub. I have never felt the need to have more than one sub at a time my advice find a new master.


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