For a slave to use the word 'Master' for the first time is a formidable step in a BDSM relationship. What should you consider before doing so - and what are the implications? writer Sienna Saint-Cyr explores the infamous 'M' word.

The first time Master slipped from my lips, I came so hard. The honorific flowed naturally, and it took a bit of time for reality to sink in. Not only had I called Sir 'Master', but I’d done it with ease. If felt right—a calm in the storm—and it shocked me. Not just because I’d shouted it out while coming so loudly for him, but also because he’d accepted. He’d called me a good girl, his slave, then came himself. It was one of the hottest experiences I’ve had and gives me chills even now.

Are you ready to call him Master?

When we’d spoken of things I wasn’t comfortable with, Master/slave was one of them. I’d already come out of relationships where I’d felt like an unwilling and nonconsensual slave. Additionally, I'd had trauma around feeling owned by abusers. So this held absolutely NO interest for me.

Yet while I was deep in subspace—in that completely genuine and serene state, where judgment and fear no longer hold me hostage—I shouted, “Thank you, Master!” as I came for him. Every time I said it, a rush of orgasm moved through me, and I felt lighter. But immediately after, the panic set in.

What kind of Master is he?

Would he require a written contract? Would he begin dictating who I could date, or when I could be intimate with my husband? Thankfully, that was not the kind of Master he was and is.

The only things he’s ever ordered me to do are the things that make me grow as a person. Or the things I ask him to hold me to. And even when he’s ordered me to do something, I can still safe word out if I need to.

Assumptions about the M/s dynamic

This made me revisit all those poor assumptions I’d made about Master/slave relationships. People kept warning me, “Don’t get into a M/s dynamic! You’ll get your money stolen. Lose your husband…” and so on. This came from people that are in the kink community as well as not.

What I learned is that the honorific slave doesn’t mean a lack of control with everything. I didn’t have my bank account drained or need to sleep on a dog bed. Not unless I wanted to. There are many subs that love slumbering away at Master’s or Mistress’s feet and dog beds make that more comfortable!

Being owned has made me feel loved, safe, cherished, and accountable. Not all the non-consensual stuff that I’d previously associated with it. Indeed, the more I submitted to him as Master, the freer I felt. A bizarre oxymoron that still makes me laugh.

Consenting to be owned

When I called him Master, I consented to be owned. I asked for it. He accepted by calling me 'slave'. It was a verbal contract (which didn’t bother me), and one that was negotiable as far as what that meant to us.

I felt like I had more say than ever because this was something I consciously chose. And because I chose a good Master, I also knew that if something bothered me, he’d take that into account. He’d either help me with whatever the issue was, or he’d respect me if I set a boundary. I feel valued, honoured for my fulltime submission, and rewarded for progress.

It’s an honour to own someone in this manner, just as it is to be owned. It’s a powerful dynamic that if done with mutual admiration, opens doors to things that might not feel possible otherwise.

A chance for personal growth

Master/slave relationships offer opportunities for huge amounts of personal growth. For both parties. They hold heavy meaning, and so often denote a level of commitment that makes those large amounts of growth a lot less terrifying.

The first time this became clear to me was when I’d wanted to pose as a figure-model. Because of childhood trauma and insecurity, I didn’t have the guts to do it without the help of my Master. So I called him, let him know what the situation was, and he said, “You did the right thing. You will do this.” Not only did he give me what I needed and asked for, but he was there for me every step of the way. Challenging me where he knew I could handle the push, embracing me, and praising me for my accomplishments.

A new level of freedom

When Master says, “You’re free,” I know he means free from bullshit lies I’ve been told growing up. Free from the propaganda of how life should be, and free from what society says is normal. What he means is that I am free to be who I am - completely.
Despite my initial judgments and assumptions, being my Master's slave has been the most liberating experience of my life.

Sienna Saint-Cyr writes erotica and blogs about kink, poly, body image, most things relating. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @siennasaintcyr.


Do you dream of using the infamous 'M' word but have yet to find someone worthy of such an honour? Join today to find your ultimate BDSM partner. 


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