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shhbbyisok

New Dom, Experienced Sub

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shhbbyisok
Posted

Like the title says, I'm a new dom to the scene with a sub who seems to have a lot more experience in this area than I have.  I kinda gravitated towards being a dom naturally and I feel like I'm hitting a wall, which is how I find myself in this position now. 

I tried talking to her, but she says that that conversation is down the line for her, and whatever I'm comfortable with she's probably good with too.

 

So. What to do. Where to start than with what we've done I suppose?  

She told me she likes some pain and she's very good at taking instruction.  Spankings and choking and biting have been awesome and fair play.  So far no props have been taken into play, but I plan on a homemade flay (made from an old belt), but I also want to bring restraints into play.  

 

So for restraints, will the ropes I have around the house work?  I'll definitely try to not tie too tight and be attentive during, but any suggestions as far as knots or if I need a specific type of rope would be great here.

 

I don't really know a whole lot to do besides...

specific instructions?

different types of pain/tease?

I've been kinda winging it on the dirty talk, but definitely open to suggestions here too I suppose.

 

 

I just want to jump right into it because that's the kind of personality I have but I need something to go off of.  Goddamn I should just look up some porn, but really I want some insight.  Please help?

 

 

  • Like 1
MissTillysue
Posted

There are some good books out there you can have a look at to help you, a couple off the top of my head are "Never mind the roses give me the thorns" or "The complete topping handbook" (not sure if the latter is the correct name) Both of these are useful reads. Try also to get your sub to tell you more about what she likes.

As for toys/props a riding crop is a good start and not too expensive or there are plenty of pervertibles available around the home...wooden spoon, spatula, clothes pegs etc the list is endless. You can use most ropes for general ties but make sure they dont tighten too much under pressure or you may not be able to undo the knots and always have a knife or scissors handy should you need to release them in a hurry

  • Like 1
Posted
I can (as a sub) make this very simple for you. Ask her what her hard limits are. Make sure that you never ever violate those limits and then literally do whatever turns YOU on. That is what a sub wants - to serve
callipygian
Posted

You could look up TWO KNOTTYY BOYS on youtube

I am by no means a rope rigger but can tie my laces - they will get you started for sure.

And they have a fuckin awesome name  - so why not.

I also expect a quick google will give you some fair insight into knots and how to SAFELY tie / use them.

Sexyfeet142
Posted

Or try a restraint that goes under the mattress, has 4 cuffs, 2 at the top 2 at the bottom for each corner of the bed, maybe good place to start, hard to get out of but quick for you to undo when needed, no knots and fairly inexpensive, just a thought? Also I personally like these lol 

Posted
My bit advice would be ‘get dolled up & go to a fet club’ you’ll have a fantastic night together, probably get talking to some great people & get a bit more of a direct insight into how other people play. You don’t need to join in just take in the atmosphere & the experiences. Everyone is different so it’s just about finding out who you are.
  • Like 1
eyemblacksheep
Posted

ropes around the house depend very much on what the ropes you have around the house *are* 

they are likely OK, but there's different sensations.

I think it's likely you will have a lot of questions for her, for yourself and for the board - try to be more specific than high level.  

As said above, getting involved in your local kink scene is a very good move - there'll be plenty who can help with knowledge share - and it's also possible to have hands on demonstrations - if you're interested in rope. many of the above video resources are excellent - but do also try to go to a rope club if there's one near you.

Acknoweldge there'll be a lot of trial and error, a lot of winging it and lots of challenges ahead.  There'll be a lot of stuff for you to both work through.

Why not set her a task to write down some fantasies or ideas - read through them and any that you feel you can do; do when she doesn't know you will (but when is appropriate) 

Even if it's just words in a jar to pick out as a lucky dip.

  • Like 1
shhbbyisok
Posted (edited)
11 hours ago, BigPolly said:

My bit advice would be ‘get dolled up & go to a fet club’ you’ll have a fantastic night together, probably get talking to some great people & get a bit more of a direct insight into how other people play. You don’t need to join in just take in the atmosphere & the experiences. Everyone is different so it’s just about finding out who you are.

How could I find things like this in my area?  This sounds like an awesome way to get ideas and meet some interesting people.

 

16 hours ago, Fimus said:

I can (as a sub) make this very simple for you. Ask her what her hard limits are. Make sure that you never ever violate those limits and then literally do whatever turns YOU on. That is what a sub wants - to serve

 

That's pretty awesome advice, but being new to this kink I'm not even sure what WOULD turn me on..I guess I could go with the natural progression of it but I really like to dive headfirst into the things I do

 

 

15 hours ago, callipygian said:

You could look up TWO KNOTTYY BOYS on youtube

I am by no means a rope rigger but can tie my laces - they will get you started for sure.

And they have a fuckin awesome name  - so why not.

I also expect a quick google will give you some fair insight into knots and how to SAFELY tie / use them.

Already learned my first knot!  Looks awesome, is pretty simple, and seems like there's low chance to cut off circulation but still has the desired effect to RESTRAIN.  Great suggestion

Edited by shhbbyisok
Posted
17 hours ago, shhbbyisok said:

How could I find things like this in my area?  This sounds like an awesome way to get ideas and meet some interesting people.

You can look on here there’s quite a few clubs etc advertised on here or you could put up another post asking if anyone knows of anything in your area 

eyemblacksheep
Posted

alternatively,  if you've a working copy of google - that's often helpful

  • Like 1
soul45
Posted

Research x 10 and dont watch porm its bullshit I made the mistake back in the day of thinking that was what it was all about...No It's far more than that ...you have a sub that's good but as long as she/he sets out their boundaries you are good to go 

soul45
Posted (edited)

would add for me when I set out I got into ropes....but found it took too long often have all day scenes but was spending half the time doing rope work ...your sub most of the time doesn't care how its restrained...so if you can afford it buy restrains they are cheap theses days also B&Q is your friend two bits of wood one above the skirting board one high...put hooks on ...no need for a st Andrews cross

Edited by soul45

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