Molly's BDSM Tips | How Do I Find a Partner to Fulfil a BDSM Fantasy?

At times, it's easy to think that we may be the only ones with a particular kink or fetish. This week, Molly responds to one Fetish.com member who is looking to fulfil a BDSM fantasy, but is having no luck in finding suitable partner(s) to explore with.  Find out what Molly suggests...
  

Dear Molly,
I know you say that no one is alone when it comes to fetishes, but are there many people (sub women in particular) who are into BDSM electro play? I don't know why, but seeing women with electrodes (pads or clamps) hooked up to their boobs while strapped down and shaking intensely (with me possibly wearing a gas mask for breath control), turns me on. I don't quite know how to go about finding a girl who would be willing to go through that - or even where to start looking, as I've found it quite challenging (especially local people).

Another fetish that I'm having the same problem with is: getting with an immobile or almost immobile woman (mostly bbw/ssbbw), force feeding with a tube and getting it on while she can't do anything but speak and slightly move, or a combination of the two. I guess what I'm asking for is advice on how to deal with this or references to find sub women who are into my fetishes, but mostly to know that I'm not alone with this because I just can't help but fantasize about it and I feel like I will never find someone to share it with.
Justa Fantasy
 

Dear Justa Fantasy,
I know it seems like there is no one out there who is into the same things as you, but I can assure you that there most definitely is. Granted, the scenarios that you've described are fairly niche, but they're not unheard of. If there's someone out there making porn that features a kink, then rest assured this means that others watching are also getting off on it. Obviously, the key is finding those folks. 
 

Breaking down your BDSM fantasies

One of the things that I would urge you to do is break these BDSM fantasies into their components, rather than focusing on it as a particular scenario that you want to experience. So, for example, list some of the kinks you're interested in exploring such as Estim / BDSM electro play, restraints, gas masks and also things like breath play, torture scenes, breast and genital torture, consensual non-consent scenarios, and bondage. 

When you break it down into a list like this, not only is it less daunting for you to be able to talk about it to others but also far less daunting for any potential partner who might read your profile or get into a conversation with you. It would be impractical to expect anyone to start diving into a scenario - like the ones you have described. It would be something you would slowly build up together as you experiment with the various parts of it. So, for example, you might start off buying a gas mask and playing around with that to see how you both feel about it. 
 

BDSM fantasies don't always mean reality

From what you've said here, it would seem that so far these are fantasies you've had and not things you've actually experienced. There's nothing wrong with that at all. In fact, most people's kinks start as fantasies they've had, which they've slowly turned into reality with their partner(s). Also, we all discover that some things are just not practical to do for real - or that we may only want to live out parts of them. 

For example, I've had fantasies of being sexually violated by an unknown person. Despite this turning me on in my fantasies, I also know that it's not something I want to experience with an actual stranger. You may find with time and experience that some elements of your BDSM fantasies are impractical to do for real, the feeding tube element is potentially one area that definitely would be challenging as it would require some medical skill to be able to perform safely on someone. It might, however, be possible to set it up, so it looked like that was happening, or you might decide that this remains a fantasy. 

Additionally, be sure to make clear to any potential partner(s) that these are your fantasies and that you would definitely be up for exploring elements of them - but that you realise it's not a starting point in a sexual relationship, and some of it is probably not going to be possible to do for real. 

Sharing your BDSM fantasies with a partner is a very sexy thing to do, as then you can explore them verbally with each other without acting them out - this is far less daunting for a new partner than you describing one of these scenarios as something you would want her to do. 
 

Be more than your BDSM fantasies 

Also, remember that it's important to be more than just your BDSM fantasies and kinks. Finding someone to share these things with means developing a relationship that's more than just about performing these fetishes with. Don't forget to make sure that any profile you have on a kink site includes information about other things that you like, perhaps movies that you're into, your favourite food, books or music. You could also check out Fetish.com's guide on how to message kinksters online and get results. 

You are way more than just your kinks, and it's vital to share some of that stuff with people, because part of finding someone to explore with, is finding someone who trusts and likes you. To do that, they need to know way more about you than just want turns you on. 
Good luck
Molly x
 

For tips and advice, contact Molly via her Fetish.com profile or visit her thread in the BDSM Forum. 

 
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