The Submissives' Guide to Taking a BDSM Beating

Over the years, BDSM has helped our writer, Abi Brown to develop a few useful techniques for processing discomfort. Here, she shares the submissives' guide to taking a beating.

Submissives' guide to taking a BDSM beating | Stage one

As a general rule of thumb, it's a good idea to give a submissive a warm-up before you get down to business. I love all the stages of being beaten, of course, but this is often the one that is the most straightforwardly enjoyable. I'm usually actively smiling at this point, and anyone watching me would see that I'm having a glorious time.

There's a switch I can flip in my head where I can reinterpret lighter *** as being pretty much entirely pleasurable. I'm a lot more submissive than I am masochistic in the classical sense. But, my understanding is that serious masochists can keep doing this for a lot longer than I can. It's a neat trick and one that makes "basic" spanking a lot of fun. For more on impact play, check out safety tips on doing impact play right.

Submissives' guide to taking a BDSM beating | Stage two

When things start to get a bit more difficult, I start to get louder - not to mention much more active and more likely to move around. Something about gasping and moaning and flinching (and occasionally swearing!) channels the *** outwards, making it easier to bear. I can imagine myself sending the *** away from me as it intensifies. One of the best things about this stage of the submissives' guide to taking a beating is knowing that I’m likely to be left with marks that will please me enormously.

I know that a lot of Dominants enjoy this stage the most, because it’s when I’m the most reactive. I’m told there’s something glorious about hearing and seeing someone taking a beating for you. Indeed, thinking about that is another is yet another thing that I enjoy about the experience.

Getting ready for a flogging. Image: istolethetv via Flickr Creative Commons License (CC by 2.0)

Submissives' guide to taking a BDSM beating | Stage three

After a while, things can start to become much harder. Whether this is because the Dom has switched implements or increased intensity or simply because a sustained BDSM beating builds up and up as you get sorer and more tender. I love to know that I've made it through a beating like this and come out the other side. This stage in the submissives' guide makes me feel powerful, somehow, and more resilient.

Additionally, I also enjoy giving my Dom the kick they inevitably get out of knowing I've taken something so difficult for them. It does take a little endurance, though. One of the reasons I don't like to reach this stage with Doms I don't know or trust too well yet, is that I get a lot harder to read. Instead of sending the *** outwards, I start drawing it in: I imagine myself absorbing it, letting it become a part of me and flow through me. I'm usually very still and quiet while this is going on because it requires a lot of concentration and steady breathing. It's a conscious process; less of innate ability and more of a psychological trick I can play on myself.

Submissives' guide to taking a BDSM beating | Stage four

Eventually, when step three has gone on for as long as I can keep it up for, I spontaneously burst into tears. While this doesn't happen very often, it's not something I'm usually interested in pursuing. The vast majority of the time it's best for both the Dom and me if we stop before this point. As a result, I'd be more likely to use a safeword than get this far.

However, the few times it has happened, though, it's been incredible. It feels like being laid bare, somehow; taken back to first principles, totally revealed and known and understood. Furthermore, it's deep and raw and the kind of experience that it's difficult to talk about without sounding like a mad hippie who overthinks everything.

This point has always signalled the end of a beating for me; it's less a technique and more the end of the road. It's also a moment of deep connection with the person who has been beating me. Additionally, the final stage in my submissives' guide is a time when I need for a few moments just to be held by them and come back to myself.

Abi Brown is a freelance writer and general pen-for-hire devoted to sexual deviancy, far-left politics and wearing too much jewellery.