Molly's BDSM Tips on Domestic Discipline

Our resident BDSM advice guru is back with some tips for one FET member looking for ideas on the subject of domestic discipline. Read on to find out what our Molly suggests.
 

Dear Molly, 
My partner and I have recently begun a domestic discipline relationship. It is all exciting, but we're looking for more ideas around the discipline aspect of things. Do you have any ideas or suggestions on how my head of the house can discipline me or other ideas about how he can generally show me he is in charge of the relationship?
His Girl
 

Dear His Girl,
It's often thought that domestic discipline relationships have their roots in traditional 1950's-style marriages where the wife was the homemaker, with the husband the breadwinner and head of the house. He would make all the decisions and discipline his wife if he saw fit and is still practised today among certain Christian religious households. However, it has also been adopted as a relationship structure within the BDSM community. How those relationships work depends on the individuals involved, but like all BDSM relationships, there are some core things to consider.

Define your DD relationship roles and expectations

As with any kink relationship, it's essential to spend time defining your roles and expectations. I would suggest that you both write down your thoughts around this, then bring them to the table and discuss together. This way, you're both clear on the parts that match, and areas that don't can be addressed and worked through. The aim is that you can come to an agreement that works for you both.
 

Consider your limits

One of the most important things for you both to consider and agree upon are your limits. Defining what to include in your dynamic or not is essential and will help when working out areas of discipline, also, where your partner can impose rules and where he can make the ruling decision. 

For example, you might say that you want all financial decisions to be joint or decisions concerning children should not be part of your DD relationship. These are just examples, obviously. It's up to both of you to figure out what works. 
 

What are the domestic discipline rules?

Once you've done the above, then you can begin to develop rules for your domestic discipline relationship - and the expectations. For example, perhaps dinner is meant to be on the table at a specific time? Or maybe you're meant to iron all his clothes ready for the next day, serve him tea in the morning; run him a bath and so on. Once you start to build out those things, it'll help to bring more structure to your DD relationship and also help to develop the discipline aspect.
 

A note on punishments

What punishments are and when they're applied is something that will develop over time for sure. It's an area that requires thought and imagination, especially by the head of the household, but there's nothing wrong with you making suggestions too. 

One of the things that I would advise your head of household to do as part of his discipline repertoire is to ask you what punishment you think you deserve. He can either accept your suggestions or maybe use it as a starting point to come up with something harder or meaner. 

Also, take into consideration things that look like punishment, but you may enjoy, which means they're not acts of discipline. For some, spanking is something they really want, so spanking as a potential form of punishment might be more like a reward. However, perhaps using a wooden spoon from the kitchen might not feel so great and therefore would be more of a punishment. 

Punishment can also mean taking away privileges and activities you enjoy. So, for example, not letting you watch TV for a certain period, or banning you from drinking coffee for a day and only allowing water. As I said, this is an area where using your imagination and thinking outside the box can be fruitful.


Domestic discipline in a BDSM context needs thought and imagination. Would spanking be a reward or punishment for you?

Domestic discipline should be fun

My final thought is that all relationships - kinky or not - are meant to be fun, happy places and nurture all parties. You need to communicate well with one another about what you do and don't like and agree on a structure that you both thrive within.

Domestic discipline should be fun and make you both happy - even while being punished for something, and it should make you feel supported. A partner should never deliver discipline in anger and only be applied fairly, and within the agreements you've made between you.

Working together to develop your relationship while experimenting with different ideas can help bring you closer together. Regular reviews of how things are going are an excellent way to help with that and keep you both feeling rooted in your DD relationship.
Good luck! 
Molly x

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