How to bring up this side of yourself?

[Ki****]

Check out the book Someone You Love Is Kinky. Great place to start, and something you can share with her if she’s open to understanding

[ea****]

I like it sometimes they are asking me a question for you that is just Tex to you and not copy of what someone else has said

[Th****]

Honestly? The first step is don’t treat kink like a secret trapdoor you’re waiting to spring on someone. If you’re dating someone you didn’t meet on a kink platform, you’ve gotta ease in with respect — not try to “gauge” her like she’s a lab rat.

[Th****]

Just now, ThirstTrapSaint said:

Honestly? The first step is don’t treat kink like a secret trapdoor you’re waiting to spring on someone. If you’re dating someone you didn’t meet on a kink platform, you’ve gotta ease in with respect — not try to “gauge” her like she’s a lab rat.

So then you could say something along the lines of: “So I’m into some things that fall a little left of vanilla nothing scary or disrespectful, just more sensual and power-exchange focused. I’m not here to shock you, but I’d love to talk about it if you’re open.”

[BruiseWayne]

I stopped trying to date vanilla women entirely just so I could avoid having to do this. And, beyond that, it's extremely important that I be kink compatible with my partner, so it would be such a huge waste of time for the both of us if I didn't find out up front whether they're into the same things as me. And in doing that I've always found the direct honest approach to be the best course of action. With someone I already know is kinky I don't feel like it's something I'm 'springing' on them, or some thing I have to ease them into because I don't know how they're going to take it or what their views on it are. 

 

My advice would be that ultimately if kink is something you absolutely can't do without ( like in my case ) they you really should start focusing more on trying to date people who are already part of the community instead of going after vanilla partners and treating kink like it's some kinda thing you have to sneakily convince your partner to accept and indulge you in. 

 

It's rare but some people will just want to do whatever their partner is into simply because it makes them happy, but if you're into anything other than a lil smack on the tush, some hairpulling, making a person kneel and call you Ma'am or Sir then you're going to have a hard time getting someone to accept some of the more intense things that are involved with kink. So yeah. 

 

I abandoned the vanilla dating world a good long while ago and TBH it was probably the best decision of my life. 

Edited July 14 by BruiseWayne

[Ho****]

1 hour ago, BruiseWayne said:

I stopped trying to date vanilla women entirely just so I could avoid having to do this. And, beyond that, it's extremely important that I be kink compatible with my partner, so it would be such a huge waste of time for the both of us if I didn't find out up front whether they're into the same things as me. And in doing that I've always found the direct honest approach to be the best course of action. With someone I already know is kinky I don't feel like it's something I'm 'springing' on them, or some thing I have to ease them into because I don't know how they're going to take it or what their views on it are. 

 

My advice would be that ultimately if kink is something you absolutely can't do without ( like in my case ) they you really should start focusing more on trying to date people who are already part of the community instead of going after vanilla partners and treating kink like it's some kinda thing you have to sneakily convince your partner to accept and indulge you in. 

 

It's rare but some people will just want to do whatever their partner is into simply because it makes them happy, but if you're into anything other than a lil smack on the tush, some hairpulling, making a person kneel and call you Ma'am or Sir then you're going to have a hard time getting someone to accept some of the more intense things that are involved with kink. So yeah. 

 

I abandoned the vanilla dating world a good long while ago and TBH it was probably the best decision of my life. 

Interesting what different people call intense. I'd find kneeling and calling someone Sir extreme, impact play almost part of vanilla sex; for you they're the opposite way round.

[BruiseWayne]

1 minute ago, Hotchpotch said:

Interesting what different people call intense. I'd find kneeling and calling someone Sir extreme, impact play almost part of vanilla sex; for you they're the opposite way round.

Yeah for someone like me that's pretty standard issue submission lol. But then again that's why I really need to make sure up front that a potential partner is going to be into that sorta thing before I bother trying to form any kind of rapport that goes past friendship.