To all the goddess/mistress types

[dominionhub]

Yesterday at 02:38 PM, ThaliaV said:

*So they're not recognized by the sort they DO NOT SEEK*

They literally do not want to be "found" by those who are unqualified.

Therefore, it does not "defeat the purpose of being online" as their purpose for being online isn't necessarily the same as your reason for being online. *Especially* on social media.

 

 

I read, and understood, what you wrote.

The dommes are prioritizing for obscuring themselves to avoid people they do not want to talk to.

But, at a certain point, stealth defeats the purpose of being on social media.

[Emilyxyz306]

First : how does the sub introduce himself to me?
Does he show genuine interest to get to know me or serve me or is he just searching for someone to cater to HIS fetishes and needs.

What I don’t like:
- subs who tell me how horny or whatever I make them right from the start
- disrespectful tone or a too casual tone
- bad communication


What I find very positive:
- subs who ask how they can serve me the best way
- polite and maybe even careful questions
- showing me they already see me as an authority over them
- a sub that can really communicate


I also think trust is important. The moment I talk to someone and think he might be a good fit, he has to prove me I’m not wrong on the choice I made.

[Slave4you81]

I'd also suggest if you're making the first move remember she isn't there for your pleasure your there for hers. So hold back telling her your fantasies or what your looking for until she asks. Be polite and remember she's not your Mistress until she says. Good luck and ✌️ oh and if you want them to find you and message you, make sure your profile is inviting and intriguing add as much as you can about yourself in as short a way as possible. I need to follow my own advice on that last one. I'm hopeless as making profiles pf myself lol

[Du****]

3 minutes ago, Slave4you81 said:

I'd also suggest if you're making the first move remember she isn't there for your pleasure your there for hers. So hold back telling her your fantasies or what your looking for until she asks. Be polite and remember she's not your Mistress until she says. Good luck and ✌️ oh and if you want them to find you and message you, make sure your profile is inviting and intriguing add as much as you can about yourself in as short a way as possible. I need to follow my own advice on that last one. I'm hopeless as making profiles pf myself lol

I wish more were like you.

[Slave4you81]

Aww shucks :p thank you. I still have my moments though. We're only human after all

[Th****]

2 hours ago, Slave4you81 said:

I'd also suggest if you're making the first move remember she isn't there for your pleasure your there for hers. So hold back telling her your fantasies or what your looking for until she asks. Be polite and remember she's not your Mistress until she says. Good luck and ✌️ oh and if you want them to find you and message you, make sure your profile is inviting and intriguing add as much as you can about yourself in as short a way as possible. I need to follow my own advice on that last one. I'm hopeless as making profiles pf myself lol

I wish that more male subs were like you. Far too many think that we are only here to fulfill their fantasies. They don't want to submit at all

[Slave4you81]

Thank you I try.. its mostly just good manners really. Treat everyone with respect even before they earn it or *most commonly these days* loose it. I agree its like being passive aggressive only its kinda like ***d passive domination *I don't know. Maybe a way to feel like they're still the man in the situation. Being submissive but still having the 30s notion that women are subservient to men. So always needing the control over everything. The puppet master. They'd be better finding a submissive girl then teaching her what he wants, I know there's some out there that like that kinda thing lol. I digress.

[Slave4you81]

Fulfill her fantasies or at least make her fantasise about you first and make sure your kinks are at least similar first. If not aim at friends. If she is open to that. Not everyone is these days. Damn I've wrote more today than the last god knows how many years I've haunted this place lol

[Th****]

2 hours ago, Slave4you81 said:

If not aim at friends

This. Most people you encounter aren't going to be compatible for one reason or another, even if you get on reasonably well as just people. Community and friendship is important and could lead to being introduced to a future partner simply through being in the same social circles. 

Edited February 16 by ThaliaV
Typo

[Deleted Member]

I consider myself to be decently attractive, very clean and not awkward at all. My issue is that so many nasty or fake sub guys flood the market. I’m not saying I’m all that lol obviously I am a sub so I’m lacking on certain confidence, but damn I should at least get some attention? Idk

[Th****]

3 hours ago, FunGuy1989 said:

I consider myself to be decently attractive, very clean and not awkward at all. My issue is that so many nasty or fake sub guys flood the market. I’m not saying I’m all that lol obviously I am a sub so I’m lacking on certain confidence, but damn I should at least get some attention? Idk

Being a submissive does not inherently equate to a lack in confidence. 

[Deleted Member]

That’s true! I just mean it in the sense that I’m genuinely into it and play the part correctly

[ey****]

6 hours ago, FunGuy1989 said:

I consider myself to be decently attractive, very clean and not awkward at all. My issue is that so many nasty or fake sub guys flood the market. I’m not saying I’m all that lol obviously I am a sub so I’m lacking on certain confidence, but damn I should at least get some attention? Idk

There's bits where you're setting yourself up to fail.

Like, when I started I again felt that there were so many subs, particularly 'bad subs' that it made it harder for me.   It doesn't.   I'm not saying it doesn't have it's challenges at times (like I dunno, if someone opens their inbox to the hypothetical 100 messages by the time they've read the 10th crap one they may well delete the other 90 regardless of quality - this in itself is a straw scenario) but that all I had to do is, well, show I'm not fake and show I can be good to be around.

Now some differences.  I don't consider myself massively attractive, but I've also found that most women/Dommes don't actually care that deeply.  I've likely got some undiagnosed neurodiversity, so I can sometimes be a little awkward, but on the flip this means I'm more likely to reach out to people who genuinely interest me and as such it often comes over that way. 

But, feeling you're entitled to some attention is a set up to fail, because other than the fact that, y'know, finding someone can be hard - you'll find yourself doing "I'm doing x/y/z so should get a/b/c" and sometimes that's correct - but often it can breed in different forms of entitlement which leads to the downfall of a lot of Domme/sub relationships.   

[Gr****]

10 hours ago, FunGuy1989 said:

I consider myself to be decently attractive, very clean and not awkward at all. My issue is that so many nasty or fake sub guys flood the market. I’m not saying I’m all that lol obviously I am a sub so I’m lacking on certain confidence, but damn I should at least get some attention? Idk

So, by that logic, if you're not standing out enough to be noticed then there's definitely something that you're doing wrong if you're not glowing like a diamond compared to your competitors. 

 

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

But, feeling you're entitled to some attention is a set up to fail, because other than the fact that, y'know, finding someone can be hard - you'll find yourself doing "I'm doing x/y/z so should get a/b/c" and sometimes that's correct - but often it can breed in different forms of entitlement which leads to the downfall of a lot of Domme/sub relationships.   

Agreed. 

You're getting what everyone else is getting: a chance. Nobody is guaranteed / entitled to the type of person they want on a specific timeline. Comparing yourself to others has apparently not been doing you any favors.

[Th****]

13 hours ago, FunGuy1989 said:

That’s true! I just mean it in the sense that I’m genuinely into it and play the part correctly

I'm going to somewhat reiterate what Eyem and Griot have said. 

It seems you have a bit of a mindset problem. You're not entitled to or guaranteed anything. Finding compatible people is *hard* in the least challenging scenarios, then add in niche groups of society like people into BDSM & Kink and the pool is simply smaller, especially any given local pool. 

While physical attraction does play a role to a degree most Dom women (and probably women in general) are much more concerned about a partner's character and how compatible they are overall. If all that mattered was pretty it wouldn't be nearly as frustrating out here. Genuinely submissive men who are working/have done the work on their inner selves have a decent knowledge base on the lifestyle and present themselves well definitely stand out in the crowd but all of this takes patience and a good mindset. 

[Slave4you81]

Yesterday at 12:22 AM, ThaliaV said:

This. Most people you encounter aren't going to be compatible for one reason or another, even if you get on reasonably well as just people. Community and friendship is important and could lead to being introduced to a future partner simply through being in the same social circles. 

That is very true, these days I find it harder and harder to find compatible people and just as difficult to make friendships *especially online* fif*** years ago it was so simple but as more people came on sites like these the worse some guys got, too the stage where everyone is tagged the same way now.
Eek I've always liked my solitude, community and friendship scare me a little these days. Other people bring so much unnecessary drama to life. Most people's drama in life would disappear fast by learning to enjoy their alone time more. Finding the right people could be interesting though.
May I ask you a question? I'll ask but obviously you don't need to answer...
Should submissive guys be the one to make the first move? Whether it be send the first message or talking to someone irl.

[ey****]

36 minutes ago, Slave4you81 said:

Should submissive guys be the one to make the first move? Whether it be send the first message or talking to someone irl.

to remove the concept of 'should'

some people have a preference and that is valid.  There are Dominants who would not reach out to a sub however interested they were, and that to me may be their preference - but is folly

I am aware of a couple of ladies who took on board the whole "it's so haaard being a sub guy" whines and did reach out to some guys who seemed interesting, but they got back a lot of "prove you're not fake" or people then assuming being contacted meant anything was fair game.   So if you DO get contacted first, you can do due diligence that it might be a scam without making accusations 

Myself; I have a mixed history on who made a first move, but certainly a lot is easier in real life, since it's easier to see what each other is about 

[Slave4you81]

36 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

to remove the concept of 'should'

some people have a preference and that is valid.  There are Dominants who would not reach out to a sub however interested they were, and that to me may be their preference - but is folly

I am aware of a couple of ladies who took on board the whole "it's so haaard being a sub guy" whines and did reach out to some guys who seemed interesting, but they got back a lot of "prove you're not fake" or people then assuming being contacted meant anything was fair game.   So if you DO get contacted first, you can do due diligence that it might be a scam without making accusations 

Myself; I have a mixed history on who made a first move, but certainly a lot is easier in real life, since it's easier to see what each other is about 

That is true. Everyone is an individual and unique and should be treated that way. I guess even dominant people can be self-conscious or shy at times.
And I've been guilty of that.. you get a message from someone, then I automatically thought- here we go-what scam today. Usually, in that case I just chat and see where it goes. I don't call them scammers and I'm not rude to them or pushy. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
Yea, i also have a mixed history in that respect. Real life is easier depending on where you live and the nightlife in your city.
I didn't mean to come across as whiney either. I totally get why it's the way it is. It must be helluva frustrating on these sites for a lot of women. I've had ex's that I met online on vanilla chat sites and even there they can't escape the vile comments.
Honestly it's irl when you see someone in a club who exudes dominance *maybe it's perceived that way, and their not* when they have the resting bitch face *not an insult* that's when I don't approach *but want too even more usually* would you approach or think they just want peace and quiet?

[ey****]

1 hour ago, Slave4you81 said:

you get a message from someone, then I automatically thought- here we go-what scam today. Usually, in that case I just chat and see where it goes. I don't call them scammers and I'm not rude to them or pushy. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

I'm going to say; that sometimes there's a message and it's clearly a scam and you know.  You don't need to give them the time of day.

Equally of course, while there's a lot not allowed on this site, there are stuff allowed elsewhere - so if someone is selling, then it's not necessarily a scam (though not permitted here) and there are polite ways to converse (or, simply not reply) 

1 hour ago, Slave4you81 said:

Real life is easier depending on where you live and the nightlife in your city.

it is, and, sometimes willingness to travel.   Last week I was with a lady in London, this week I am going to an event in Leeds.   And, well, London I was down for football so coincide at the same time, Leeds a friend is giving a lift.

1 hour ago, Slave4you81 said:

Honestly it's irl when you see someone in a club who exudes dominance *maybe it's perceived that way, and their not* when they have the resting bitch face *not an insult* that's when I don't approach *but want too even more usually* would you approach or think they just want peace and quiet?

Sometimes context applies.  You can approach anyone at a shared event politely.   Though, seldom is jumping into invites for play a good idea.

That said, there are events which do try to partner people up for play to some degree.  Again the one I'm going to on Wednesday has a period where subs can approach a stand and there are Dommes there and if one goes "yes, ok then" there is short play - and if everyone is "no, sorry" you're on your way and no worse off.   It is an opportunity to make an impression.

 

[Scarlettlips]

I always look at their availability first, attraction, conversation and sexual interest. If there is a good vibe and interest then we proceed. But if your some dude who just wants to cheat on their wife and be blackmailed I'm not your girl.