The perfect scene

[Callmesir-9902]

Subs when it comes to a scene do you prefer to be told details about the theme / focus I.e. training, sensory or impact or it be a total surprise.

Dom’s - do you plan all your scenes or have an idea and see how things pan out?

[Alpalmson]

I'm a switch, so I can speak for both sides based on my experiences.  Regardless of being the sub or the dom, prior communication before performing the scene is communication.  As a sub, it is my obligation to provide my domme with my limits.  I know some will say a sub has no right to express limits to a dom, but I disagree.  In this type of play, there must be trust.  As a sub, I have to trust my dom will take care of me and not violate that trust.  How one expresses limits can be vague or specific.  For example, one can produce a detailed list of limits.  Obviously, this may hinder the dom's creativity with the scene.  Another example is just to say no CBT, size of anything going into my ass must be approved before play, no ***, and no permanent marks.  I like being vague but firm. Also, there needs to be a safe word or red-yellow-green light agreement. Once baseline protocols are established, I prefer to be surprised.  This heightens the experience.

As for being a dom, I will ask for limits and the subs preferred way of safe play.  I like to know well in advance of performing the scene because I enjoy crafting a detailed script for the adventure. If there are no limits, anything is game for me as dom.  If my sub has expressed limits, I will incorporate those into the scene.  As a dom, I think it is my duty to plan our the scene in detail.  I owe that to my sub given what I'm about to do to them.

[Qu****]

I primarily do edge play (electricity, fire, & needle/*** play), so my protocol might be different from a lot of others. But for me it all needs to be planned out at least roughly and the bottom needs to be informed of all the risks, shown that 1st aid supplies are at hand, safe words, and any aftercare that should be done before play begins. Body parts to be touched, words/triggers, and items used all need to be discussed as well. Along with deciding what aftercare will look like. I also ask the bottom if there's anything they would like to specifically add, could be a phrase, an action, etc.

[Ch****]

Generally all the chit chat about limits ect are done prior to any meets , maybe a refresher on the day especially if new partners.
I prefer not to know all the details, but I would probably have a few ideas if certain toys of mine have been requested, but I wouldn't know the how/positions ect.

[fiend_13]

As a Dom, and within a framework of consent, prior negotiation, limits discussed and specific activities already practiced and tested I would usually direct a scene in the following manner which was taught to me by a Pro-Domme many years ago... I start days before the session by writing a script. Usually 4 A4 pages, each page is a "scene", so a session involves 4 scenes. A page is quite a simple breakdown of which activities will be occuring, in which order and for what duration each activity should last. Each activity will also include notes on what toys, equipment or accessories are required for each act. And what background music or sound effects should be playing (from a pre-chosen playlist). It's not a dense wall of text, just bullet points printed large. In addition to this there is a 1st page, the intro. The intro has the title of the session writ large and notes on protocol levels required for the duration and details of the opening ceremony where (usually) the sub will kneel, offer me their collar and request that I collar them as a symbol of handing over power/control for the duration. Then they will offer me an item (such as a paddle if it's an impact play session) and they state they give me permission to punish, funish or reward them for the duration (differs depending on pre-negotiated activities). And then I ask them to state clearly what their slow/pause/stop safewords will be. I remind them that at any time they can request a break for water or to go to the toilet. Then we'll begin the scripted scenes. A 1 page, 1 hour scene will typically be broken down into 4 10 to 15 minutes activities including time to change between positions/activities/equipment/furniture/location. I understand this might sound way too structured to some people who prefer more spontaneous play. That's ok, I'm not saying this is the one true way, this is just what works for me. I can be subject to time blindness and getting lost in the moment. Without this timetable of events and order of play I might easily lose track of time or forget to include a particular activity that the sub had requested. This keeps me on track and prevents the whole session from running over time if we have a limited time frame to work within. And in case anyone's curious, there is still wiggle room within the session. The script is only a guideline. It is possible and entirely reasonable to adapt the scenes and activities as they progress through the session. Things can go off-script, one has to be ready to compensate, cancel, increase or decrease an activity's level, style or duration at any given moment based on reading the subs reaction or obvious feedback. The script isn't set in stone but is a very useful tool for my style of play and to keep me on track. I also don't use a script every time I engage with a partner. If you know each other well enough sometimes you just act spontaneously and let passion guide you both. Or sometimes you just both say "hey should we go upstairs and play after dinner?" And there's no time for scripting. So to answer the original post: I like to plan my scenes quite meticulously and these are usually the most rewarding sessions. But sometimes it's fun to just to see how things pan out.

[cu****]

As a sub, if we are sticking within my limits, I dont wanna know details and I want to be surprised. If we are pushing any soft limits, I would want to know in advance when its happening. If we are training something I struggle with, I would want to discuss it ahead of time but NOT know exactly when the scene would be happening because otherwise I would be too in my head and anxious about my performance leading up to the scene.

[Se****]

Reading the comments helps me more understand sub-dom rship. This is helpful. Thanks guys, will check again if there's new comments.

[ey****]

I think a take away from the original message is "theme / focus" which I take as being a little bit different from things being spelled out

I think a lot can depend on the context of the relationship regardless of role, and how long we've been playing together etc.

 

I guess to think a bit, if you're going out for a meal and a partner asks "where are we going?" then even the answer "it's a surprise!" needs some kinda context - for example can't turn up in jeans and t-shirt to a fancy restaurant and it'd be silly to be in finery for Nandos - knowing whether alcohol is involved might decide whether to take the car, and you don't want to turn up to a buffet only wanting a light bite.

The same is true for play/scenes for any preperation the sub must do.  Is there a chance of anal? OK, eat appropriately around this and douche - but if no chance, then this is unnecessary.   If someone plays with others than they may need to factor in bruising or marks.  

I've an upcoming play date, don't know what we'll do but have gone through a consent checklist and that in itself is a framework which means there won't be too much surprise as the boxes have already been ticked or crossed. 

[YoursMaybe]

I think it depends on how much I trust the person/how well we know each other. High level of trust? Run it. Low level? I need to know the deets