Trust

[phoenixsub]

Suggestions only from serious real time Masters/slaves please:

 

I am currently serving my Master real time from last 1 year and meets him in person every quarter. I know him for last 12 years and have been his online slave on and off till last year when we met for first time

we know a lot about each other’s family and was always treated special and lovingly. I had a deep trust in Master for sharing headless pics when doing tasks, I did ask him multiple times for my secrecy and not to store my pics.

Recently I discovered that he do share my pics with his other subs online as part of their training and otherwise and this has shattered my deep trust.

i immediately wanted to move away and leave him, to scream at him. But I am finding myself so weak that my cravings are stopping me. Also I love him deeply and he has been very caring, so is doubtful what to do.

Disclosing him this might end relation as I used wrong means to find this out due to doubt I was getting.  He also knows that I hate and is jealous of him chatting/ video with others, still I need to accept it.

i am not sure what to do now. I am not the type of person who changes shoes often and is very dedicated in serving.

[Cade]

Not having the complete story, I can only give very limited advice based on my own experiences. Applying this to your situation, certain questions come to mind: did your master tell you he wouldn't keep or share your pictures? You mentioned that you asked for it several times, but did he give you a direct answer? This is significant because if he agreed to not keep your images and not to share them, than he pretty directly lied to you. For me, that is unacceptable in this form and would end the relationship, the foundation of trust shattered. I know for me, it would turn into constant questioning of whatelse I was lied to regarding, and in my experience, that he was able to lie about one thing shows he might well lie about anything. This is going on the assumption there wasn't a misunderstanding, of course. Even if there was a miscommunication, I'd really have to question your trust in him if you did impress upon him your desires regarding images and he disregarded them without talking with you first. Just my opinion. Good luck!

[phoenixsub]

Thanks for your reply.

Yes he agreed and also said ‘what shall I do by keeping them’, also he shared screenshot of my daily email report with others, which even though didn’t show my real name but my nick name

[wantboijuice]

I totally agree with Cade, all trust has been lost. It is fundamental to a relationship, be it between master and slave or just an ordinary couple. I personally would end the relationship, nut tha's easy to say when you're not in liove. This is exactly why I wouls insist on having a contract if ewntering into a long term reklationship.  I wish you well Phoenixsub

[Cade]

@phoenixsub No worries! I hope that you can work this issue out with little negativity.

 

Even despite your anonymity not compromised, it's still a major breach of trust, in my opinion. If it was understood and accepted between the two of you and he acted against that trust, I would find it difficult to think him even the least trustworthy. Perhaps even more so as your "master", but I concede that in my world, dishonesty is not a mastery of dominance.

 

Thank you for sharing your situation! It took a lot of courage, and I'm certain others will be able to learn from it.

[phoenixsub]

Thanks a lot Sirs for your guidance here. 

Need lot of courage to face Master today to talk and walk away. Hope won’t get extreme emotional to stick to him and to talk strongly which is against the nature of any sub that too with her most precious Master.

 

phoenix name is right, cheated and used by one Master, to be used by 2nd and to be cheated again

Perhaps BDSM world is not based on trust but only selfishness and misuse 

Edited January 11, 2018 by phoenixsub
More lines added

[Carnelian2]

@phoenixsubregarding your last statement, I would not discard or dismiss D/s out of hand. Like any other place, you have all sorts of people, some more trustworthy than others. The fact that he has had multiple subs simultaneously should raise a flag, or at least be treated with extra caution due to the risk of disclosure.

how you feel is most important regardless of the circumstances 

there are many wonderful people here, so please do not give up

[Joker50]

I have had many subs with whom I have shared pictures and received them in return. I have never shared a picture with anyone else unless permission has been given . I think everyone keeps pictures , if only by virtue of keeping the e mail to which it is attached . But the whole picture is missing and you don't say how you found out and you should.

[Robustlove]

Hi phoenixsub. Firstly let me say it always saddens me to hear about anyone in a situation like yours. Unfortunately in both the vanilla and BDSM world honesty is not the valued and prized treasure it should be. You have had some great advice already from Cade, wantboijuice, Carnelian2 and Joker 50 and I echo and agree with their thoughts. From what you have said of the situation it sounds like you already have honesty and trust issues and it's not a one way street, but lets break this down into easier to read points of what the main issues here are. 1. You felt that your master was not being honest with you and was sharing intimate or private images of you that he had promised were for his eyes only. 2. These feelings of being lied to or treated dishonestly caused you to do something (you haven't told us how you found this out yet) that you know was also a breach of trust or privacy to find out if he was lying to you. 3. Unfortunately your gut instincts were proved right and you have found out (through what you imply are dishonest or at the very lest nefarious means) that he has been lying to you and sharing your pictures with other people online. This is a massive breach of your trust and as many have already implied, it would make me question if I can trust a word this Master ever says to you from here on out about anything. At this point if you do decide to stay with him then you need to tell him that he needs to earn your trust all over again. Personally I would politely show him the door and tell him why and suggest in future that he is simply honest with anyone he forms relationships with or this may be a recurring theme throughout his life. 4. What I think is actually a worse sin against you as his submissive is sharing your private and likely far more intimate daily email reports. These reports I would imagine were like a daily diary and sharing your innermost and private thoughts and feelings with others is one of the biggest breaches of trust I can think of. When you do talk to your Master you need to ask him, "Why have you shared not only my private pictures but my private daily emails with others, what were you hoping to gain from doing this"? You see there is no real good reason for doing so, and asking him that question will reveal much about who he is and why he has consistently lied to you and broken your trust in this way. In all honesty at this point as far as you know he may have been using your private images and emails to boast to others about his control over you as I cannot believe he was using them to train any other subs, that's just horseshit as you can easily train subs without doing such things. 5. When you do finally talk to your Master about this both you and he will both likely feel that you have both betrayed each others trust now and despite the fact that you are begin honest and upfront with him in confronting him about this situation (therefore have not been lying long term as he has been) you will both have lost your trust in each other. The only real remaining question to ask yourself is, "Do I ever want to trust him again", followed by "Do I honestly think I can trust him again". The only reason to stay in this relationship is if you can honestly answer both questions with a "Yes". Personally in such a situation it would be a double "No", from me and from many others. Take heart my friend and if you do end this relationship try to perceive it from the more positive point of view that you are simply acting in favor of your own destiny, by freeing yourself physically, emotionally and mentally and allowing yourself more time to find an honest Master who deserves your submission.

[BigPolly]

If I could give you a hug I would! In any relationship/friendship/sexual exchange trust is so important. But in BDSM it is essential. You expose yourself & give yourself to someone in a way that most people never will & that is so precious so for someone to take that precious gift & abuse it by going against what you trusted them to do is the worse feeling ever. Because of the situation, as a sub giving yourself to someone the way a sub does can leave you at times feeling vulnerable & almost like you ‘need’ your Sir (this is one of the reasons I keep relationships & bdsm very separate) however if you walk away, you will go through a grieving process but then you will eventually come out of the other side feeling so empowered & knowing how you will approach & play in the future with a new Sir. No one can tell you what to do but he has broken the fundamental rules in BDSM of trust & respect & in my opinion does not deserve to be called Sir. He is abusing the trust of many, he doesn’t deserve the gift of submission or ownership that you are giving him. If you do walk away then stick with this group & have some fun with the others on here Xx

[Deleted Member]

I'm sorry this has happened. I feel deeply hurt for you. Love and good wishes sweet heart.

[phoenixsub]

Thanks all for descriptive replies.

it has ended between us. Only response to all my questions was ‘only shared a pic for my lower half not face’. He kept quite otherwise and at last said ‘it’s my choice alone if moving out’.

To answer the other questions, email’s screenshot was not about my feelings but reporting if following daily rituals.

Another question that most asked, how I found out. During last meeting I found out his membership on one of the bdsm website. When I asked him then about it, he replied ‘It’s pretty old account and he doesn’t use it anymore’. That account too revealed pic of my back and legs to other members. 

Few months later I visited that site to check my pic, to find him online there daily raising my suspicion. I again talked to him about this. He replied ‘he does visit site at times, not regularly and I shall trust him and he is looking for 3 some’. I accepted it but was still doubtful. 

So I created account on that site, upon joining like other members, his message too was there seeking my submission.

I chatted to him for less than a day, and he shared email screenshot saying this is how he expect reports and gave me a task to do. When I asked if he got any pic to guide in task, he shared pic of my lower half.

In past too, he used to share many such headless pics with me of unknown gals to me.

I know I too must have used wrong means to find truth, but what shocked me most is his lack of effort to stop me from going away or to give me explanations.

Was I expecting something wrong from him, were my expectations of privacy too high? I without heart accepted that he will chat and meet other gals, but I could not withstand lies.

Also earlier I sent him message from my husband’s phone in emergency, which I asked him to delete and he agreed. We both know about each other’s family and r Facebook friends too.

During last meeting I found message lying in his whatsapp.

 

Where I went wrong? Feeling doubtful if I am too emotional and should have enjoyed bdsm life with him? 

Or it was best to move out? Missing him already 😞

[phoenixsub]

Sirs and Mams, thanks for your time and efforts and my apologies for bothering you all.

My sincere apologies to my Beloved Master whom I hurted in this process.

I should have discussed with him first, rather than taking the help of forum.

Master generously cleared the misunderstanding and I will continue to have trust in him as I did in last 12-13 years.

Master I beg your pardon and request you to accept me again as Your slave.

 

[BigPolly]

Phoenixsub you have not bothered any of us with your troubles, we are all here for each other. My heart sinks at the lack of respect or love you have for yourself by apologising to someone who uses the term ‘Master’ but sadly this is not any kind of respectable Sir, he has abused your trust & abused his role as a Dom. You are willing to once again give the gift of ownership to one who has shared photos of you without your permission & spoke to others yet lied to you about it. I really hope you learn to realise how important & powerful you are as a sub & stop allowing any ‘false dom’ to control you. YOU are in control of you & only you. One day a true Sir will come along, one who will be honest & true & show you how important your submission is to a relationship & he will take you away from this other false guy & show you what true trust & respect is. Good luck x

[ey****]

whilst it's possible there's nothing that can't be wrong : he has broken your trust.

At the best, you're not happy with this - and it should be flagged so you can both move on (together or apart) 

if you are infatuated enough to turn an eye on him breaking your limits, he'll end up doing it again - accidentally or otherwise 

[Ch****]

he as broken your trust. my master as pics an videos of me on his pc. i trust him to not share them. if he did i would be broken an never trust any one ever again08