Communication is the most intimate foreplay

[Do****]

Knowing your boundaries and limitations, as well as your partners and their triggers keeps the scene safe. Watching the body language, how tense the partner is and doing regimented check ins with your sub during the scene creates a safer atmosphere. Don’t be afraid to call a stop to scene if you notice distress. As a Dom it is my responsibility to read her body, but Subs, we are not mind readers. Only you know what is in your head. You are never a failure for using a safe word or tapping out. You found your limit. You should never feel ashamed for that.

What methods do you employ before, during, and after to maintain safety and trust in your partner?

[Ta****]

Communication, communication & communication.
I have not yet called my safe word bt thats because we talked & had what we called wellness checks on each of us so we knew we were both in good spaces & good to go ahead with wellness checks throughout & lots of aftercare following scenes

[st****]

Thank you

[Do****]

@Skarlet_69 thank you for sharing

[Ma****]

I agreed, it is important to stay safe and stay good. Pleasure born from this too ❤️

[On****]

Well done 👏 We're not mind readers no, but we are responsible for the scene 💯 which means reading her, not just words but expressions, body language and reactions. Knowing and respecting limits nor introducing any part of play that hasn't been negociated prior, on essence reading her.

[Mr****]

This is awareness, not communication. Not everyone is always aware of their traumas or such that can bubble up mid scene either or are even able to process it as its happening.

Vulnerability and adherence to needs is the greater intimacy and freeing foreplay.

[Do****]

19 hours ago, MrFirstKinksFriendly said:

This is awareness, not communication. Not everyone is always aware of their traumas or such that can bubble up mid scene either or are even able to process it as its happening.

Vulnerability and adherence to needs is the greater intimacy and freeing foreplay.

While there is awareness mentioned in this post, it seems you missed the first sentence. This comes from communication about what scene you are doing and how long it will happen. If trauma is triggered you must be aware of the shift in her body and mood. Being open and communicating about past traumas is the best way to navigate this situation. Vulnerability comes from trust, adherence to needs comes from communication of needs. You can’t have either without communication.

[Mr****]

I didn’t miss anything. Respectfully, this is where I think you’re vastly oversimplifying. Communication doesn’t guarantee awareness. A lot of people don’t actually know all their triggers until they HIT them, especially someone new to the scene—and assuming they’ll always know, or be able to process and articulate it mid-scene, is naïve at best and downright dangerous at the worst.

Awareness isn’t optional; it’s fundamental. Communication about what we’re already aware of is great, but it doesn’t cover blind spots. The only way to navigate those is cultivating real-time awareness:, which yes you discussed in part because yes trauma CAN show—but thinking it always will is a VERY dangerous assumption. Furthmore people can also get very confused about their own limits at times.

You can’t collapse awareness into just ‘communication.’ One comes from within the individual, the other is the act of sharing it. Without awareness, communication has nothing to transmit. Without communication, awareness never gets shared. Both matter—but they are not the same, and treating them as if they are makes play riskier than it needs to be.

Believing everyone in this scene is ALWAYS conscious of and has fully processed their own trauma is a HUGE misread and assumption.

Plenty aren’t—and pretending like it's otherwise vastly sets people up to get hurt and have no ability to handle it when it bubbles up out of nowhere mid scene and hits hard as it possibly blindsides after the scene is over.

This framing is overly simplified and assumes the best-case scenario—a picture-perfect scene with MINIMAL turbulence. That’s not realistic, and thinking trauma or boundary ***s will always be obvious or always communicated mid-scene is a dangerously naïve assumption.

[Mr****]

Boundary ***s will always be**

[Mr****]

FML boundary line crossing* since I cant write out Vi O Lations....

[Do****]

39 minutes ago, MrFirstKinksFriendly said:

I didn’t miss anything. Respectfully, this is where I think you’re vastly oversimplifying. Communication doesn’t guarantee awareness. A lot of people don’t actually know all their triggers until they HIT them, especially someone new to the scene—and assuming they’ll always know, or be able to process and articulate it mid-scene, is naïve at best and downright dangerous at the worst.

Awareness isn’t optional; it’s fundamental. Communication about what we’re already aware of is great, but it doesn’t cover blind spots. The only way to navigate those is cultivating real-time awareness:, which yes you discussed in part because yes trauma CAN show—but thinking it always will is a VERY dangerous assumption. Furthmore people can also get very confused about their own limits at times.

You can’t collapse awareness into just ‘communication.’ One comes from within the individual, the other is the act of sharing it. Without awareness, communication has nothing to transmit. Without communication, awareness never gets shared. Both matter—but they are not the same, and treating them as if they are makes play riskier than it needs to be.

Believing everyone in this scene is ALWAYS conscious of and has fully processed their own trauma is a HUGE misread and assumption.

Plenty aren’t—and pretending like it's otherwise vastly sets people up to get hurt and have no ability to handle it when it bubbles up out of nowhere mid scene and hits hard as it possibly blindsides after the scene is over.

This framing is overly simplified and assumes the best-case scenario—a picture-perfect scene with MINIMAL turbulence. That’s not realistic, and thinking trauma or boundary ***s will always be obvious or always communicated mid-scene is a dangerously naïve assumption.

I’m trying to understand where in my post I said awareness was optional. I clearly stated that it is the Doms responsibility to end a scene when they notice distress. Trauma often takes many forms but it will be a shift from the normal, going silent, tone shift in voice, body tensing up, disassociating, are all signals something is not right. Checking in and potentially ending the scene when your partner feels off is always your responsibility. Being aware of these and doing research before you take on a Dom role is your responsibility. Communication does not just happen before a scene. It happens during, and after. Processing and debriefing a particularly intense scene after proper aftercare is necessary to find out what went right and where it may have or did go wrong. Sometimes this occurs again days after in order to process everything fully. We can’t always be perfect. Mistakes do happen and we communicate to learn from them. This is where the growth happens and we become better.