Beginning Dom

[ey****]

I guess a little bit

when you say always had an interest in being a Dom - what interested you? How did you vision things?   Because those could be good end points to work towards on where to start from

and that then could become a good start to learning some activities or psychology

I guess a thing though also is even if you were a fully fledged Dom - it still doesn't mean you're the right Dominant for everyone 

[TimtheMerciless]

20 hours ago, DommeDelight said:

I watched some videos on porn sites. Literally googled it. There were lots of websites talking about different levels of D:s, styles, people discussing why they like it, what it does for them, articles about different aspects of it. Then back to watching the porn sites and seeing examples of different play, toys, techniques. Research and learn. Read first hand accounts.

However that was before I discovered this place. Go into the Forum. There’s a section on Dom and sub. Lots and lots of discussions about various aspects of it. Subs talking about things they like, problems they have. What makes a good or bad Dom. There’s also a section about being new to kink and I think it’s in there that you’d find an intro to kink thread.

Honestly, reading and watching what people share and discuss is the best way to learn, and to get to know what you like, what your style is. Go down a rabbit hole 😉

That's great advice. Plus you are right rabbits are very sexy ***s . Bit aren't there ethical considerations? 

[TimtheMerciless]

20 hours ago, DommeDelight said:

I watched some videos on porn sites. Literally googled it. There were lots of websites talking about different levels of D:s, styles, people discussing why they like it, what it does for them, articles about different aspects of it. Then back to watching the porn sites and seeing examples of different play, toys, techniques. Research and learn. Read first hand accounts.

However that was before I discovered this place. Go into the Forum. There’s a section on Dom and sub. Lots and lots of discussions about various aspects of it. Subs talking about things they like, problems they have. What makes a good or bad Dom. There’s also a section about being new to kink and I think it’s in there that you’d find an intro to kink thread.

Honestly, reading and watching what people share and discuss is the best way to learn, and to get to know what you like, what your style is. Go down a rabbit hole 😉

But seriously yes great advice. My take on it is look at how others do it but look for what is dommy about yourself. So in my case I'm not macho ( I'm bordering on camp ) but I am sarcastic and funny.

So I riff with that when I'm being Dommy. For somebody else they need to riff with Thier Dommy qualities, whatever they might be. Every person is different. 

 

 

[Um****]

Alright so I see a couple of things that need to be addressed.

First, what started your interest in being a Dom? I ask because it seems more a regret of a missed opportunity the way you put it, rather than something you do for yourself.
Dominance is driven by the innate qualities of the individual, IE “I am dominant because it is my natural state and is the most comfortable for me, I prefer to take the lead”. Someone who is not hardwired for it will struggle to maintain it.

Dominance is also not about what you do in the bedroom, that is just a Top. Dominance is the art of doing, taking charge, guiding others, protecting others, having discipline, and knowing how to lead so that others willingly follow.

YouTube is not an adequate source of information for growing and improving in the lifestyle. If you want to learn to be a Dom, you have to study and apply your studies. Seeking out a Mentor is great for this, but it can be done without if you have the drive and interest to find information, go to classes, and self reflect and practice what you learn. If you want a good starter book on power exchange I recommend “SlaveCraft: the roadmap for erotic servitude” read it, analyze it, ask questions about what you need clarification on, and go from there.

[Da****]

So much useful information. Thank you to all that commented.

[Sc****]

It’s more a natural thing imo,,, yeah the lifestyle is there for a reason and it needs two understanding and open adults,, but a dom is a dom naturally and a sub is a sub naturally,, imo I feel it’s more a personality than a lifestyle or hobby haha!! You just know if you’re a daddy dom 🤪 Hope you find what your mind desires my man🫶🏻

[Da****]

7 hours ago, Umilta said:

Alright so I see a couple of things that need to be addressed.

First, what started your interest in being a Dom? I ask because it seems more a regret of a missed opportunity the way you put it, rather than something you do for yourself.
Dominance is driven by the innate qualities of the individual, IE “I am dominant because it is my natural state and is the most comfortable for me, I prefer to take the lead”. Someone who is not hardwired for it will struggle to maintain it.

Dominance is also not about what you do in the bedroom, that is just a Top. Dominance is the art of doing, taking charge, guiding others, protecting others, having discipline, and knowing how to lead so that others willingly follow.

YouTube is not an adequate source of information for growing and improving in the lifestyle. If you want to learn to be a Dom, you have to study and apply your studies. Seeking out a Mentor is great for this, but it can be done without if you have the drive and interest to find information, go to classes, and self reflect and practice what you learn. If you want a good starter book on power exchange I recommend “SlaveCraft: the roadmap for erotic servitude” read it, analyze it, ask questions about what you need clarification on, and go from there.

Can't agree more

[De****]

Fetlife and kink positive clubs that put on education. I highly recommend any club that is heavily inclusive. I'm a new Dom myself but going to an Impact Risk class run by two women, one Domme and on Sub, and part of a poly relationship, showed the dynamic that I'd like to foster.
You'll need to learn so much more that just the scene, but negotiation, what type of feeling they (and you) are aiming for, you have to decided how you will do check-ins, if you are doing impact, where are safe places to do that (DO NOT HIT THE TAILBONE!!), etc.
And for yourself, what are your motiviations and you are allowed to say no and with draw consent at any time, etc.,etc,etc.

I am hearing that there is a shortage of good Doms out there, because there are so many men who say they are doms, but just want to get their rocks off.

I think the kink community is more matriarchal but people still what what they want, and many want that from a male. What they also want is safety, security, and a controlled experience that they can open up into. (And make sure to negotiate aftercare!!).

I think there is a lot out there that more of us haven't considered unless you come to the kink space (and this has changed over time).
So wheb someone says research, they mean it. Just also make sure that you safely include yourself into the community, which means getting out into those spaces. If you learn it is not for you (poly and open spaces), then you can take the knowledge back to vanilla spaces and teach others how to do this right.
Have safe fun out there.

For consent (which you need always, but especially with power dynamics);
bettymartin*

You will also want to chech their free resources. There is a difference between a yes, a curiousity, a challenge, as consent, and if you are domming, that will influence the scene you craft.

There is a lot out there but I know I'm excited to learn. (If you want your partners putting up five star reviews, we got to do the work. )

Edited September 21 by FETMOD-TF
*External link removed

[Pa****]

I would recommend going to some events. A Dom is much harder work than a top. A top does things because their partner ask a Dom is much more.emotionallg involved.

[bi****]

Don't sweat it, King. It's become a bizarre cult and if you don't get and take every detail of the neurotic indoctrination, many won't give you the time of day. Even if she does she will still be trying to power bottom while calling herself a "sub". Just find a regular girl and bring out her kinky side.

[df****]

Yesterday at 09:11 PM, bigDogDaddy1 said:

Don't sweat it, King. It's become a bizarre cult and if you don't get and take every detail of the neurotic indoctrination, many won't give you the time of day. Even if she does she will still be trying to power bottom while calling herself a "sub". Just find a regular girl and bring out her kinky side.

Not bad advice. I wanted to laugh because with the right “vanilla with sub tendencies” can teach you quite a bit! And, without the pressure to perform flawlessly, you can perfect your technique and get comfortable with the dynamic.

[Tr****]

I perfer doms with less experience because I can help them to dom more as I need. I have found i love to teach how to dom but I myself, I dont want to be a dom. Does that make sense

Totally

[Tr****]

I meant to quote someone else

[do****]

Go to public dungeons and watch people. Not all of them will suit your style but it helps to get a big broad view of what kinds of things they do. If they're approachable and you liked this or that facet, talk to em after they're done with their scene & aftercare

[pu****]

You need education. Read books. Take classes. Good Doms are knowledgeable and teachable

[fa****]

Bro I learned from porn

[ge****]

8 hours ago, fairfax917086 said:

Bro I learned from porn

Worst possible place to learn for the most part as it presents a somewhat false idea of what a D/s dynamic represents - sure there is *some* porn that is better than others, and it can certainly give ideas of individual things to do but it's generally an idealised, male oriented view of what dominance looks like

[Do****]

If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me and I’ll help you out the best I can

[Em****]

I'd say the first thing is that being a Dom is an illusion of control. The sub has all the real power as it is their boundaries that shape what you do. So find those out. What are they into and what's not ok. Then do the things they like and act like it's your idea. 

[Ge****]

I think the notion of being a Dom is that you skip the IE dating phase. And The getting to know phase. And the most important phase trust. Because before you can control someone they have to
A: like you
B: trust you
C: be attracted to you
And then you can clearly communicate what each party wants when they want it, and how executed it. Then as your abilities grow, so can they.

[Ge****]

And Domkenobi88 I didn’t know I had a long lost brother. If you don’t mind me, saying so, you’re a handsome chap. Almost as handsome as I am. 😂