Submissive patience

[Da****]

I know I have been without a Master/Dom for some time now. But I did recently come back to the fold. Over the last 6+ months, I have been in contact with a Master who says He has me under consideration. We have never met in person, but we do talk daily. He has set up nightly routines for me to follow and He has me locked into chastity 24/7. I do everything He asks. I know, this is a very different time from when I was last owned by a Master. My question, though, is this: with 6+ months and only having spoken via texts with one video call, I feel like this will not go any further. Am I wrong to feel this way?
I can say, He is a good person and I WANT Him to take me as His. And following His directions and His orders does make me feel my place and my role. For that I am thankful. But it is not the same as seeing a Master face to face, it seems to be lacking direction that leads to full exchange of control and dominance. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[ra****]

Your feelings are always valid. If it’s lacking the direction you need or want, just remember that while he may be the one “in charge”, you are the one who gets to ultimately decide whether his leadership is going in a direction where you trust him enough to submit.

A good Dom knows that a sub is a person who has feelings and opinions that he needs to be willing to hear, respect, and either decide if he’s willing or able to make adjustments to better meet your needs and expectations.

It’s a dynamic. There are two people involved and just like any other relationship between two individuals, they will either evolve and continue to grow or they start to go in different directions and that’s ok, too 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

If youre not feeling a connection and that something is lacking, bring it up to him. If he is receptive to your needs he will work to resolve that disconnect, if he dismisses it, then perhaps he is not the right one for you.

Too many fakes get on here for "online" control because they are married and cheating, really not that in person, or have other reasons for avoiding actual innperson connections.

As the submissive, you are totally in control. You dictate the terms and the way the relationship works. If youre not happy, say so.

[Do****]

If you feel like it isn’t going anywhere, then it might be time to move on. Your feelings are important. When it comes to this life style, your feelings and needs are just as important as his needs. Don’t be afraid to share your feelings and thoughts with him. If he can’t understand that then it’s time to move on

[Bracken]

One video call and only talking through text doesn’t sound like it’s going to end well

[Deleted Member]

I would say ask him to do a video call and bring up everything your feeling and make your intentions known that you want to be his and if he doesnt have a plan i would say reevaluate if you want to be with him.

[On****]

I understand the desire to be owned but long distance relationships are not easy, your M should be checking in with you often outside the power exchange to openly discuss and negociate what is and isn't working for you and M should be constantly in tune with meeting your needs for growth or recognizing your development has slowed or stopped. I would be concerned if this dynamic is truly with your well being in mind.

[Co****]

The advice, as with many relationship questions, is that you need to communicate. Ask if there is a plan for the relationship to progress. Ask if that is something your Dom even wants or if this is as far as he plans to go. Then you will know and can act accordingly.

[Da****]

Thank you all for the advice. I will talk to Him again. I know my feelings are valid, and maybe I am too blinded by my own desire to be owned again. It is hard when a sub loses a Master who was there for 5 years, 24/7. You adjust, sure. But when another Master comes along showing interest in the sub, maybe it's just me, those feelings all flood back. This is especially true for me having been out of it for so long (years).

[Da****]

Again, my thanks to all. I will talk with him again and express this.

[we****]

Is this a distance relationship?

[Da****]

Only about 2 hour drive

[we****]

Then should be more. I have drove that sometimes once a week

[Deleted Member]

6 months? F that!

[On****]

4 hours ago, DamonKslv said:

Only about 2 hour drive

Not understanding what you both have agreed to in this dynamic but 2 hours separation is not much in my mind, sounds like there needs to be a discussion at the very least. Good luck

[Hu****]

You are not truly his. You are virtually his. A real master must commit to the full ownership of his slave and the responsibility of ownership. You are only getting half of what you need. Do not settle for that, you will never be happy.

[OA****]

Sounds like you want more than what he’s offering. Maybe be direct with YOUR needs. Do you want to waste another 6 months?

[Sl****]

Be Direct, Open, and Honest with your Needs. Without a Video Call they might be very different from how they described themselves. Like he could be a different Race, Height, Sex, Weight, etc.
Also possible that they're not as Serious about this as you are. Maybe for them it's more Casual Fun. Maybe they DON'T want Greater Emotional Energy & Vulnerability. Maybe they live with Family or Kids.
An as much as I hate to say it... POSSIBLE that they are cheating and trying to keep this on the DL.
This is EXACTLY WHY you NEED a Heart to Heart about your Wants AND Needs. With what BOTH of you are Able & Willing to do and have in the relationship.

[Da****]

@SluttyMorrigan, we had 1 video call. He is who he says he is, age et al. He is married, but to a husband who is also a Dom. Maybe his husband does not agree with him when it comes to taking me specifically, that is something that never crossed my mind. But, that is something I should discuss with him. Thank you

[Sl****]

Thursday at 10:57 AM, DamonKslv said:

@SluttyMorrigan, we had 1 video call. He is who he says he is, age et al. He is married, but to a husband who is also a Dom. Maybe his husband does not agree with him when it comes to taking me specifically, that is something that never crossed my mind. But, that is something I should discuss with him. Thank you

Yeah! The main thing is you're unhappy with the Status Quo. You don't know without talking why the Current Status Quo exists. Which is something you should talk to him about.
Maybe it can be overcome and maybe it can't. Won't know until you really talk to him about it!

[th****]

Your instincts and gut usually isn’t wrong.

[Da****]

So I talked with Him. I straight out asked "will we ever meet face to face, in person". Maybe I should have been more diplomatic about it. But, anyone here knows, to truly feel fulfilled, a sub needs a Master. Maybe needs is a bit strong, but that is how I felt about Him. Now, a little back story on this. We have been talking for 6 months, going back to April. The first 2 months was just talking and getting a feel for each other. He started expanding that by setting rules and daily routines. This started with chastity 24/7 with daily morning check ins that had to be done by a certain time. By July, the routine was expanded to include plugging myself by a certain time at night and staying that way for the rest of day until next morning. It also included posture pics at check in, clothing mandates at home, and Him officially stating I was under His consideration. This was July and I did as he ordered. Were there times when I failed to follow through? A couple of times, yes. But, most of the times that I could not follow through, I expressly asked permission for that. This was for things like Dr appointments and airline travel. All through July, August, and September, I asked about meeting. He was busy or had to talk to his husband. About a week ago, I did have a medical issue arise. I had a minor heart attack brought by my a fib. Yes, he knew about my heart condition from the start. Anyhow, when I asked if we were ever going to meet, his response seemed to place the reason we have not met on me and his busy schedule. He said he was too busy to host. I tried to tell him, I wasn't expecting him to host and go full out on a first meeting. Meeting for lunch or coffee or something, just so we could talk out expectations, rules, protocols, limits, et al.
I am hesitant to end this journey with him. For me, being so close to being collared again was uplifting and gave me joy. At the same time, getting no definitive answers, after a while it makes me wonder if I am really worthy of that.

[Co****]

I have tried to make long-distance Doms work, but the dynamic doesn't itch the scratch for me. I think it's important to ask yourself what you want from this situation and if you will ever get what you need from it. In my opinion, your submission is a gift. If you're not getting what you need, the relationship is unbalanced. Finding the right Dom is tough and requires patience, but it's better to be alone than to give yourself to a Dom who can't make time for you in his life. Stick to your guns about what you want. I hope things work out for you.🖤

[Deleted Member]

For me, the vetting process comes naturally through conversation and friendship. Time spent together learning who we are in a vanilla environment. Until I have physically put my hands on you in a completely innocent way, your rules and instructions can kiss my ass. Yes, I want to be in a D/s relationship again, but I am not going to sacrifice my mental health to find it. If I was in the situation you described, I would have some serious red flags and that “relationship“ would’ve been over months ago. You and your time are way more valuable and he does not seem willing to “pay the fee”.

[Co****]

Monday at 12:08 PM, DamonKslv said:

So I talked with Him. I straight out asked "will we ever meet face to face, in person". Maybe I should have been more diplomatic about it. But, anyone here knows, to truly feel fulfilled, a sub needs a Master. Maybe needs is a bit strong, but that is how I felt about Him. Now, a little back story on this. We have been talking for 6 months, going back to April. The first 2 months was just talking and getting a feel for each other. He started expanding that by setting rules and daily routines. This started with chastity 24/7 with daily morning check ins that had to be done by a certain time. By July, the routine was expanded to include plugging myself by a certain time at night and staying that way for the rest of day until next morning. It also included posture pics at check in, clothing mandates at home, and Him officially stating I was under His consideration. This was July and I did as he ordered. Were there times when I failed to follow through? A couple of times, yes. But, most of the times that I could not follow through, I expressly asked permission for that. This was for things like Dr appointments and airline travel. All through July, August, and September, I asked about meeting. He was busy or had to talk to his husband. About a week ago, I did have a medical issue arise. I had a minor heart attack brought by my a fib. Yes, he knew about my heart condition from the start. Anyhow, when I asked if we were ever going to meet, his response seemed to place the reason we have not met on me and his busy schedule. He said he was too busy to host. I tried to tell him, I wasn't expecting him to host and go full out on a first meeting. Meeting for lunch or coffee or something, just so we could talk out expectations, rules, protocols, limits, et al.
I am hesitant to end this journey with him. For me, being so close to being collared again was uplifting and gave me joy. At the same time, getting no definitive answers, after a while it makes me wonder if I am really worthy of that.

You have received an answer - it just isn’t what you wanted to hear. He isn’t interested in meeting in person or taking things further. Now it is up to you to face that truth and decide if you are ok continuing the way you have or if you need to look for something else.