Question - What have you learned?

[Quil]

My question is for either a submissive or a dominant

What have you learned from your self and or your partner?

 

I am a new dominant and have been in an exclusive relationship with an experienced submissive for over a year. I have personally dealt with a lack of impatience with my self, self doubt, FOMO and jealousy. That being said I acknowledge I have grown in my communication, confidence and empathy. I have learned a lot from my girlfriend. She is very honest and open about her past experiences. She has experienced most of her fantasies, which is alluring and daunting. She has opened up about her past struggles and traumas too. While I strive to make improvements on myself, my responsibility for her is paramount. Adaptation of my emotions and hers has been the biggest lesson of my journey.

 

[NY****]

I applaud you and it sounds as if you are growing by leaps and bounds! We are a married couple and I introduced my husband over time to the lifestyle however I have to admit that while I tried to make sense of my own desires and needs I never had the right relationship to explore it fully. I now have that and I will say my mental health has been so much better for it. I have never been ok in my own skin sexually and now I am growing literally daily in that arena and being able to communicate with my partner. We are learning together and soaking up everything we can and our relationship has always been a strong one but the lifestyle has increased the strength and depth to ranges I never knew existed.

[Leisa]

Sounds like you may be having an identity issue of sorts. Are you comfortable in the dominant role or is your FOMO coming from wanting to explore a more submissive role on occasion? Two switches can be very happy together if she’s willing to give that a go on occasion. Remember D/s is much more then just play. It’s constantly evolving and growing. If you’re having these feelings communicate them to her. As an experienced sub she will understand and you can grow your role together. Communication is one of the most important things in this lifestyle. If you’re not 100% committed to your role and still have doubts then a conversation is needed. Best. Of luck.

[Quil]

5 hours ago, Leisa said:

Sounds like you may be having an identity issue of sorts. Are you comfortable in the dominant role or is your FOMO coming from wanting to explore a more submissive role on occasion? Two switches can be very happy together if she’s willing to give that a go on occasion. Remember D/s is much more then just play. It’s constantly evolving and growing. If you’re having these feelings communicate them to her. As an experienced sub she will understand and you can grow your role together. Communication is one of the most important things in this lifestyle. If you’re not 100% committed to your role and still have doubts then a conversation is needed. Best. Of luck.

 

[Quil]

Great question. My identity has evolved a lot in my life. I explored a switch role a long time ago. After I got divorced just under 2 years ago I made a conscious decision to open myself up to new relationships. One thing that opened up for me personally was kink and my dominant role which I never fully explored. Since exploring this my communication and self awareness has grown significantly. My girlfriend and I have been in an exclusive relationship for over a year. The relationship dynamic is balanced. She is a submissive bedroom only. While I am older than my girlfriend and have had more long term relationships, the FOMO/jealousy is based on her having more kink experience. So as something positive has come into my life I have also been given the opportunity to address negative issues with my identity. 

There are times in the past with my girlfriend when kink or my dominance was discussed but we hit a road block. I am sure part of me felt it was due to my lack of experience compared to my girlfriend’s, but taking to my girlfriend I have learned how she has her own struggles letting go due to work stress, *** management, insomnia, dealing with past traumas and current COVID craziness 

 

So I continue to be patient with myself and learn how to adapt to my emotions and hers.