How to vet better to reduce vulnerability

[Deleted Member]

So my experience is limited. I’m learning. I realise I have a lot of vulnerability that sometimes splurges out and sometimes I appear paradoxically strong and confident and like I know exactly what I want and need.

I have tried to create a profile that makes this pretty clear.

I try to spell out my vulnerabilities and particular anxieties and what I’ve learned from past experiences.

 

Perhaps it is not particular to fetish and just the risks of putting yourself out there to find something nice. Sometimes I think that humans are too complicated. Yet they fascinate me, and I like to solve every puzzle.

Perhaps my enjoyment of challenge means I end up in the wrong places. I wonder if that is some kind of sub-conscious avoidance or self-fulfilling prophecy?

I’m not naive. I know that you have to explore before you know. I know that people are all different and being compatible isn’t about worth. Yet I put a lot of effort in and I don’t want to do that pointlessly.

I seem to only become aware of what was obvious after it is too late. 
 

I struggle with trust and letting people in. It’s hard to do. 
 

I feel a bit disillusioned. Or maybe I am naive and idealistic. Maybe I just know deep down that a sense of connection will always evade me. After all I am a transient butterfly, always fleeting. Nothing about me endures. So perhaps I shouldn’t expect interactions to?

Have I rambled making no sense? Most probably. 

 

 

 

 

[Deleted Member]

Makes total sence to me.

[Mo****]

I don't know the answer but I understand the problem all too well.

[UK****]

Quote

How to vet better to reduce vulnerability

What I do know, it's an art not a science.  After a while you need to let your gut tell you.  If there's a red flag there, then there probably is.  Don't try to find reasons why it's not there.

[Deleted Member]

Glad to read that your organising your thoughts Raven 🌹

[Deleted Member]

I can relate to struggling with trust. I thought I’d never find a good Dom who would be able to be there when I’m ***, but I did and I was shocked as I wasn’t in the best state of mind at the time. So a Dom who will be kind and courteous even when you are *** and struggle to trust is out there. Keep searching and you will find him. 

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Morganna said:

I don't know the answer but I understand the problem all too well.

Well at least I feel like I’m not weird, if you find the answer, let me know... 

[Deleted Member]

7 minutes ago, Unicorn_30 said:

I can relate to struggling with trust. I thought I’d never find a good Dom who would be able to be there when I’m ***, but I did and I was shocked as I wasn’t in the best state of mind at the time. So a Dom who will be kind and courteous even when you are *** and struggle to trust is out there. Keep searching and you will find him. 

Maybe, sometimes I feel like I’m safer on my own 

[Deleted Member]

37 minutes ago, TAROTT said:

Glad to read that your organising your thoughts Raven 🌹

Do they sound organised? They don’t feel it 🤣😏🤷🏻‍♀️☺️

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, UK_Knight said:

What I do know, it's an art not a science.  After a while you need to let your gut tell you.  If there's a red flag there, then there probably is.  Don't try to find reasons why it's not there.

My gut seems to not be functioning very well.., but I like the idea of it being an art 

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Chiana said:

Makes total sence to me.

Thanks. Sometimes I feel I can’t make sense at all. It’s like I run around in circles and end up back at the beginning but the beginning isn’t recognisable anymore 

[Deleted Member]

23 minutes ago, RestlessRaven said:

Thanks. Sometimes I feel I can’t make sense at all. It’s like I run around in circles and end up back at the beginning but the beginning isn’t recognisable anymore 

Its because im very much the same, i dont have trust in people  

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, Chiana said:

Its because im very much the same, i dont have trust in people  

But then I decide to trust and it’s not about being let down or the other person doing anything intentionally wrong. It’s just that it should have been clear from the outset that it wasn’t what I needed. 

[Deleted Member]

26 minutes ago, RestlessRaven said:

But then I decide to trust and it’s not about being let down or the other person doing anything intentionally wrong. It’s just that it should have been clear from the outset that it wasn’t what I needed. 

I just find too many people will say one thing then do another, 

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, Chiana said:

I just find too many people will say one thing then do another, 

I think sometimes they think they mean what they say and it is all well intended, but then they realise, when you told them you were too much and too *** you were right. It’s a tough one then. I don’t think anyone really wants to do the wrong thing do they? We are all just doing our best. It is just I’m a difficult person mostly. 

[Deleted Member]

14 minutes ago, RestlessRaven said:

I think sometimes they think they mean what they say and it is all well intended, but then they realise, when you told them you were too much and too *** you were right. It’s a tough one then. I don’t think anyone really wants to do the wrong thing do they? We are all just doing our best. It is just I’m a difficult person mostly. 

Yeah difficult, i would say complicated

[Daisydreams]

Perfect sense! 

you voice a lot I feel but couldn't put into words 

[Deleted Member]

9 minutes ago, Daisydreams said:

Perfect sense! 

you voice a lot I feel but couldn't put into words 

Thank you daisy 😘

[Deleted Member]

Just think you ramble as usual 😂

[Deleted Member]

Just now, FabSeverus said:

Just think you ramble as usual 😂

😇

[Leisa]

8 hours ago, RestlessRaven said:

Maybe, sometimes I feel like I’m safer on my own 

I understand trust issues and it’s not just a matter of being new to the lifestyle. It’s hard to take that first step and even harder if that first step ends up being a trip. Even after all these years I still trip up at times and will ignore the red flags. That’s just me not trusting myself enough. Relax and have fun with the process.