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Collaring a sub

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So I'm new to scene and I'm interested in FemDom and would like explore my submissive side. I wanted to know if there was a formal process for collating a sub? When I find a suitable partner I'd like to symbolise my commitment and devotion with a collar. However I do have some question. Does the sub have to ask? Is it purely upto the Doms discretion? Is there a formal ceremony/vows? What type of collar would be most practical for 24/7 use?

Any thoughts and experiences from the community would be greatly appreciated.


A sub offers his/her commitment, it's up to the Dom/Domme to accept. If the Dom/Domme accepts the sub will recieve his/her training collar. Once training is completed the sub recieves his/her collar, this official ceremonie is called the "ceremony of roses". This proces however old school. Hope I could help


Some stuff within collaring doesn't have hard and fast rules


When you say "I would like to explore my submissive side" this sounds more like an experiment than a commitment. 

There's nothing wrong with wanting to experiment - but - it's important to be honest with yourself and others.

Remember, the other person is also investing in you emotionally.

But still, for sake of argument...

You meet a Dominant and you like her, and you want a collar to show devotion - you would raise it.  It doesn't have to be the sub who raises it - my former Mistress broached the idea with me  - context often applies and we had known each other a while and she'd wanted me to be one of her subs.  

Obviously the point you raise it could vary and your relationship could be at a different stage.   Obviously at this point it's very important you're both on the same wavelength.

At this point there may be new 'rules' - but a lot of 'rules' are just formalising common sense 

Some people do ceremonies, some people do not - some people have perfectly healthy relationships without the need for a formal collaring.  

Some Dominants see the concept of collaring as very fantasy-driven, the idea that the sub will be trained to be a model submissive for their Dominant - and find this off-putting.   Some Dominants have also been through this in the past and have found subs enjoy the fantasy or, the experiment (see above) and after investing emotionally into the submissive - the sub still leaves when they find it's "not for them", to flit to another Dominant, "I'm trained now" or in some cases, to disappear shortly after earning the collar - like it was an achievement and they now ghost.

I think what I'm trying to say in my word salad.  You can commit yourself to a Dominant without a collar.  There might become a point where this does seem like nice symbolism and at which case it's something to raise.  But you don't seem very committed to the idea of being a submissive yourself, let alone to a hypothetical Dominant. 


Like I said I'm still new and trying to figure it all out. The question was more hypothetical. Just curious at this stage. Because like you pointed out I might not like it and it's not something I'd want to rush into. Then again I guess partners would have establish what it means yo them.

13 minutes ago, DJarvosole said:

Then again I guess partners would have establish what it means yo them.

It depends on their own experience - and also it might not be something that some have thought of until the situation arises.   Those who are already more sure in what they want may have, or have had, multiple subs and that can come with it's own pros and cons.

Genuinely - I feel the best approach is to focus on the moment and how relationships develop, rather than chasing an end goal

Posted (edited)

I have attended one formal collaring ceremony that was done on a stage at a kinky campout. The relationship had been going on for maybe five years before the ceremony, and ended within a year of said ceremony.

I've heard from one submissive who stated that their dominant simply slapped a collar on them one day, and that was that. They stayed together until the submissive's death by cancer years later.

It's like a wedding: massive cathedral ceremony, small backyard union, city hall civil ceremony, elopement - at the end of the day, they're married. 

What method is used depends on the comfort and preferences of the people involved - though likely with final approval or veto by the dominant / M-type / owner. Whether it should happen at all depends on the strength of the commitment between those involved. 

Edited by GoddessGriot
adjusting specifics
  • 2 weeks later...

Like everything it’s down to the dynamic between the people involved! My Mistress and I were really informal about it. Does it make it any less valid? No not at all! I am devoted to Her service. Did we have a big formal ceremony? Nope just us talking together and decided it was the right time.

Don’t get her up on the “rules” talk to your partner and you will find a path together.


I've been giving this some thought recently, as I explore my dominance. I have a few possible submissives... do I want them collared?

I'm a sensual dominant, and I like the freedom of being polyamorous. Any submissives I have/May have will never be owned by me, they are always free so do desire them to wear a collar? No. That said, I'd be happy to collar my submissive(s) if they desired it.

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