My Partner the Sub.

[A_****]

I met my partner on this app. We’re both neurodivergent and the same age. She is submissive and we got chatting and over the course of a few weeks we decided to start a d/s dynamic! We’ve been together for over a year now and it’s been very difficult at times.

She’s never been in a d/s dynamic although she’d met two Dom’s from this app. She’s into spirituality as well as being feminist and she’s a strong believer in duality and the balance between masculinity and femininity. She acknowledges that I stand strong in masculine energy but we endure a lot of conflict within our dynamic. She has modern views of a women’s role in the relationship which I agree with. She’s a huge fan of Teal Swann.

She constantly challenges me which I enjoy, life’s not suppose to easy. She likes emotional intelligence as well as emotional attunement. I once explained that her wants align with the wants of a little. She did her research and agreed to sharing some of the characteristics that make up a little.

As a Dom, I’ve become more loving, really affectionate and more emotionally attuned. Prior to this dynamic the subs I’d been with, allowed me to take the reins fully and were eager to please me. This dynamic is so much different. We have a lot of boundaries which I’m very respectful of. The longer this dynamic goes on more I beginning to believe it’s just becoming a relationship between two people who enjoy a little kinky sex.


Is this normally.

[Funguyj24]

Why would it not be normal? Looking at your profile you say you've been in multiple dynamics all different over 20 years so i cannot begin to understand why you would think differences in each relationship would be a problem. If it works for you both then clearly there is no issue. It is not abusive and you both seem to be happy from what you describe so why do you need any external validation of a relationship that is working for you both. Don't worry, you don't need to question it. Every dynamic and every relationship is specific to those involved.

[No****]

Your relationship and dom/sub dynamic is whatever you want it to be or make it. Don’t get too hung up on labels.

[Su****]

Speaking as a middle who is sub it sounds like you are doing everything right. Being Dom is not about saying what goes all the time. You have to move within the subs boundaries. This is what makes it fun, as actually the submissive has huge power in the power play of a D/s dynamic. Maybe you could role play more or set scenes if you don't feel it's kinky enough? Or introduce other items/people/ ideas. The BDSM world is vast and I think with creativity you will be fine.

Edited yesterday at 02:28 PM by SubBella666

[A_****]

29 minutes ago, Funguyj24 said:

Why would it not be normal? Looking at your profile you say you've been in multiple dynamics all different over 20 years so i cannot begin to understand why you would think differences in each relationship would be a problem. If it works for you both then clearly there is no issue. It is not abusive and you both seem to be happy from what you describe so why do you need any external validation of a relationship that is working for you both. Don't worry, you don't need to question it. Every dynamic and every relationship is specific to those involved.

It’s no so validation I’m after. I’m multi faceted and I like to push boundaries. But there’s a right way to go about these things. Call it corruption. Normally when I have these thoughts, I take my time to think about ways in which I can progress the kink in our relationship. I came to the forum to get a different perspective.

[A_****]

23 minutes ago, SubBella666 said:

Speaking as a middle who is sub it sounds like you are doing everything right. Being Dom is not about saying what goes all the time. You have to move within the subs boundaries. This is what makes it fun, as actually the submissive has huge power in the power play of a D/s dynamic. Maybe you could role play more or set scenes if you don't feel it's kinky enough? Or introduce other items/people/ ideas. The BDSM world is vast and I think with creativity you will be fine.

Thank you, I’m grateful for your perspective. I’m definitely going to take what you said onboard.

[Su****]

2 minutes ago, A_Doms_Duty said:

It’s no so validation I’m after. I’m multi faceted and I like to push boundaries. But there’s a right way to go about these things. Call it corruption. Normally when I have these thoughts, I take my time to think about ways in which I can progress the kink in our relationship. I came to the forum to get a different perspective.

I think you need to speak to your sub
She might be feeling the same. But either way honesty is best

[cl****]

Hell yes!! I'm like her. A little, but a feminist. Lol. We can be a challenge to a dom that's used to complete control. But a nucular relationship have boundaries. Im a sub in the bedroom and at home when appropriate. In intimate situations, and when alone, my dom is my master. Im ur Bitch, only if in a sexual context. Call me a Bitch cause ur just mad at me, u'll never touch me again. Do i think u guys have a good, healthy relationship, especially since u have embraced and love it. Happy life to y'all

[A_****]

24 minutes ago, SubBella666 said:

I think you need to speak to your sub
She might be feeling the same. But either way honesty is best

We have good communication. She would like us to strengthen our relationship rather than delve deeper into kink. Which I understand her point of view. The thing is I really love the kink lifestyle. But I’ve realised if I want things to progress I need to be more attuned to her feelings as well as be more disciplined in myself in order to get more out of the dynamic. It’s a case of stepping up. Even though I’m a Dom by nature I’m still human (a man) it’s easy to become content. If that makes sense.

[Re****]

Communication is key! Every relationship in or out of a Dynamic situation in this lifestyle requires full and open communication. Frankly, the more blunt the better. You can't grow together if you can't accept all facets, even the ones that weren't there when you first got together. This lifestyle is designed to help people learn more about their core needs and to get them met. So even when it can be a bit contentious, if the heart bond is there and you both respect each other then you should be able to work through just about anything. I congratulate you on the work that you're doing! Thank you for sharing!

[A_****]

13 minutes ago, RedAngyl said:

Communication is key! Every relationship in or out of a Dynamic situation in this lifestyle requires full and open communication. Frankly, the more blunt the better. You can't grow together if you can't accept all facets, even the ones that weren't there when you first got together. This lifestyle is designed to help people learn more about their core needs and to get them met. So even when it can be a bit contentious, if the heart bond is there and you both respect each other then you should be able to work through just about anything. I congratulate you on the work that you're doing! Thank you for sharing!

I appreciate you reaching out, thanks for your kind words and thank you for the support.

[A_****]

35 minutes ago, clevlala said:

Hell yes!! I'm like her. A little, but a feminist. Lol. We can be a challenge to a dom that's used to complete control. But a nucular relationship have boundaries. Im a sub in the bedroom and at home when appropriate. In intimate situations, and when alone, my dom is my master. Im ur Bitch, only if in a sexual context. Call me a Bitch cause ur just mad at me, u'll never touch me again. Do i think u guys have a good, healthy relationship, especially since u have embraced and love it. Happy life to y'all

Hi Clevlala appreciate you reaching out. Thanks for the support.

[ki****]

I align with your partner a bit. But I’m more of a brat. Keep up the good work with communication

[Su****]

think if she is as into it as she wants, and even with further discussion on where you could progress to, she says this is it for me then you have three options accept and stay in a loving relationship but go no further, ask to be poly or open in your relationship or finally leave. I have been here where an ex was not  dominant. I stayed. But slowly the passion and love died as I was like a flower in a desert without kink in my life. 

But only you can decide 

[Ms****]

I think it is normal and it's beautiful. Good on you!

[al****]

8 hours ago, SubBella666 said:

think if she is as into it as she wants, and even with further discussion on where you could progress to, she says this is it for me then you have three options accept and stay in a loving relationship but go no further, ask to be poly or open in your relationship or finally leave. I have been here where an ex was not  dominant. I stayed. But slowly the passion and love died as I was like a flower in a desert without kink in my life. 

But only you can decide 

I’m kind of thinking the same as SubBella. It’s all down to what you are willing to live with and without. Even a caring relationship can fizzle out if you are not having your needs met too. Deepening a relationship is good but you both should get what you need out of it. Giving up your need for dominance has to be your choice. Just make sure you are doing it because you want to, not because you feel you have to to maintain the relationship. In the end you are being untrue to yourself. If I met someone that knew I was submissive that decided that he couldn’t dominate me, that he just wanted a regular relationship, I couldn’t do it. It would be giving up who I am. Not just a kinky activity.

[Da****]

Nothing needs to be "normal" in our world. If that was so, we would be on a vanilla platform. Everything that involves another revolves around relational bonding and at times that nurtures our inner child to such degree, that less kink or theatrics feels needed. As long as we can flow with it, the conscious intertwined flow guides and updates itself.

[la****]

Sounds very healthy and beautiful.* You are allowing your love for each other to change you and help you grow. In all of my 24/7 dynamics— underneath our protocols, rituals, or the kinds of sex we have—we are just two people in a relationship who love each other.

If you are somewhat missing that feeling of being adored and would like her to let you take the reins fully sometimes, my advice is to study and learn her very carefully and learn how to proactively anticipate her needs and wants. Love her and care for her so well that she feels completely relaxed and safe with you. That is how you tame her 😉

As a domme, it warms my heart to see my submissive ***s teaching that subs can be feminist too.

*The only detail that concerns me is the mention of Teal Swan — she is not an ethical or responsible person to follow. Caution with any self-proclaimed spiritual guru, really. They are either scamming or are unwell. Either way, they will lead you nowhere good.

[la****]

Oh wow the word sis.ter is censored 🤭

[A_****]

Yesterday at 05:03 PM, SubBella666 said:

think if she is as into it as she wants, and even with further discussion on where you could progress to, she says this is it for me then you have three options accept and stay in a loving relationship but go no further, ask to be poly or open in your relationship or finally leave. I have been here where an ex was not  dominant. I stayed. But slowly the passion and love died as I was like a flower in a desert without kink in my life. 

But only you can decide 

We’ve been together for a year, it’s still early days, I believe once I become more attentive, it will make her feel more at ease and safer in our dynamic which will give me more of an opportunity to progress our journey into kink. As we get older and experience different relationships, I believe it has an effect on the way we trust and allow ourselves to feel safe in relationships, so because we’re both at an age where we’ve had a few experiences, I’m more than happy to take the time to ***l back the layer of let’s say past experience to gain her trust fully and her heart. I think generally we all go into relationships a little guarded and whilst being on a discovery journey within the world of kink, it opens you up to feeling and sensations you’ve not encountered before so I can understand her apprehension and her caution when wanting to concentrate on the relationship rather than kink. Safety is important and we talk about it a lot in this world so it’s only right she would want to keep her heart safe. If that makes sense.

[A_****]

Yesterday at 07:15 PM, MsMiniNinja said:

I think it is normal and it's beautiful. Good on you!

Thank you, MsMiniNinja.