How do you discuss kinks with a partner?

[SU****]

Met a partner and hes been very vanilla but we discussed kinks prior, but no actual play yet. How would you go about broaching bringing kinks to the table?

[bo****]

Tell him straight out what you want, he may not be the one for you. But be up front .

[fx****]

Grab them by the collar and put them on their knees and remind them why y’all even met in the first place, or get on yours and remind them

[Be****]

Maybe just do it during foreplay? Be communicative.

[Ni****]

Open discussion is the most effective way. I have no time for dancing around the issue.

[im****]

I brought this up to my previous partner much later in our relationship than I should have. So I recommend not holding off on the conversation for too long.

I made sure to broach the subject while relaxing in bed. For me it was a big deal initially and we dabbled in a few things at the beginning but became exclusively vanilla. During our spicy time he’d agree that he wanted to try or would talk about things and that helped him get off but he didn’t actually want to do those things anymore. Which is why I went with the more relaxed environment when we usually talked and caught up with one another. Not every moment will be the perfect one though so you gotta do what you gotta do.
Ultimately it cleared up more things for us and we did try to find a middle ground but it didn’t work out in our favor.
I sincerely hope your partner stays open minded and wants to explore with you. Good luck!

[Pa****]

My partner and I fully started asking what we wanted to try. Made a list then started checking things off the list. We experimented a lot of things positions, toys, etc. afterwards each time we had talk. Like hey how was that? What was good what was bad. Would we do it again. You can’t be shy about answering you just gotta be super open.

[Sp****]

He’s doing it wrong

[JM****]

That’s hard my past experience the ladies I went with didn’t understand kinky now I’m just gonna go after what I want if we click there should be no basis for certain kinks

[Sl****]

By the time I’m already being intimate, I first tell her how important it is to feel safe to express herself and how receptive that I’d be. If I feel an awkwardness? Maybe we’re not the ones to align any kinks with.
(I try to convince her how open I am, even if I’m caught off guard by what’s shared… and how willing I am to try whatever she enjoys)

[jj****]

I usually just go for it 🤷 If a partner doesn’t want to do anything like that, I’m not going to MAKE them, you know? Bring it up, say “this is the kind of stuff I’m into”, and let them give you their honest response. I don’t think we should entertain the shame and stuff around sex if we don’t absolutely have to. Most vanilla guys are open to at least trying something that doesn’t sound TOO crazy, just be prepared for if he winds up hating it so you aren’t too disappointed.

[Ma****]

Just be blunt about it.

[ha****]

Honest communication while you both work on creating a safe, judgement-free environment.

[Davin88]

I know you’re a sub, but honestly, in a situation like that... especially if the relationship was built around other dynamics and you’re trying to slowly spice up the intimate side... I’d probably take control in a more gentle, guiding way at first. Like telling my partner what to say or do, helping lead them into that confidence instead of throwing them into the deep end. Over time, I’d slowly let them take more control so they can ease into the new territory naturally. Eventually, you’ll get to a point where you can fully submit because they’ll start recognizing how your body reacts to their confidence, and they’ll genuinely want to take charge on their own.

[Ga****]

Not gonna lie, your bio is already saying you’re looking. So if you and your man have not discussed anything yet, you need to get off the apps or end it with him.

Beyond that, if it’s something that is important to you, nicely and with respect bring it up and find some common ground.

[Co****]

Have a conversation around RBDSMA.
Use this to open up a conversation. Both of you can share to find commonality and then further discuss to start experiencing things together.


Relationship
What type of relationship do you. want with him. One night, long term, every month. Define the relationship.

Boundaries
What are your boundaries? Define the container you feel safe in. What is offered limits?

Desires
Share your desires, interest, what turns you ON, what sparks you.

Safety
This goes hand in hand with boundaries. What makes you feel safe? What do you need to build trust?

Meaning
What does the relationship mean to you? Just physical? Deep emotional connection? Long term partner?

Aftercare
This goes with Safety. What do you need to feel safe. How do you want to be taken care of? Left alone? Cuddled?

[Ba****]

Well if you are both sure that he is actually vanilla then you don’t

If not it’s a fine line but you can still lead him into situations that make it easier for him to take control to find out together how far he can comfortably go without being too manipulative
Just start slow, progress in measured steps and talk about it

Apart from that basically what @CoastalCuisine said

[Be****]

Talk open and do it now, before yall get too attached and find out later that you're not really into the same things on the same level.

[Ma****]

Be creative in your conversations.

For example, you coukd just bluntly ask. I dono why people are so afraid of this, its the main reason why people that dont give a fk, end uo getting most of what they want. They just say the thing, with out hiding it.

Otherwise, an indirect way, and maybe some one mentioned it above, you can:
-say you could both watch 50 Shades of Grey–and then after volunteer a little bit, and say, "i thought scene A & B was hot. What about you?"
And then if a positive response, move on to, "could we try something like that scene?" And then spell out what you mean, specifically. Light spanking, for example. Then if it goes well, next time you can ask for firmer soankings, if that is where you wanna end up.

Or
You could have an "erotica night" where you each find a sexy hot short story, or scene from a book, and read it to each other. Then, like previously mentioned, talk about the elements you liked from his and your stories, and thrn ask him to share what he liked. And thrn again, say you'd like to try a little something like that. Start small and lighter. Can always increase, later. But dont want it to feel intimidating and intense, from the get go.

...unless youre both into it. 😏

[We****]

There are few people in this world who has not imagined themselves in some form of kinky scene that was triggered by some dark desire…. Too many are not sufficiently confident to share their thoughts and emotions with their partner.. always remember one persons kinky is another’s vanilla… he may be shy or worry he will lose you if he confesses his dark desires .. as others have said , get it into the open .. good luck

[pb****]

You have to be straight with them if they offered but can’t do what they offered then time to turn them loose because they weren’t honest with you, on the other hand they might be waiting for you to ask for the things you talked about so don’t be scared ask and then go from there

[Deleted Member]

If you dont feel comfortable enough to ask someone, you either dont know them well enough or they arent a good play partner for you. Either move on, or get over the expectations. Huge red flag in my opinion. I need to know someone enough and feel safe even if its just talking about the basics. For everyone's safety.

[as****]

Kink positive framework.

[pb****]

1 hour ago, mercetibenz said:

If you dont feel comfortable enough to ask someone, you either dont know them well enough or they arent a good play partner for you. Either move on, or get over the expectations. Huge red flag in my opinion. I need to know someone enough and feel safe even if its just talking about the basics. For everyone's safety.

Agreed

[st****]

Probably just offer/suggest/or begin performing your end of the thing, and he may pick up. Communication is key. Even if you're the submissive you can still ask or suggest or offer or whatever, and maybe ask them to do what they wanna do also.