How do you discuss kinks with a partner?

[SU****]

Met a partner and hes been very vanilla but we discussed kinks prior, but no actual play yet. How would you go about broaching bringing kinks to the table?

[bo****]

Tell him straight out what you want, he may not be the one for you. But be up front .

[fx****]

Grab them by the collar and put them on their knees and remind them why y’all even met in the first place, or get on yours and remind them

[Be****]

Maybe just do it during foreplay? Be communicative.

[Ni****]

Open discussion is the most effective way. I have no time for dancing around the issue.

[im****]

I brought this up to my previous partner much later in our relationship than I should have. So I recommend not holding off on the conversation for too long.

I made sure to broach the subject while relaxing in bed. For me it was a big deal initially and we dabbled in a few things at the beginning but became exclusively vanilla. During our spicy time he’d agree that he wanted to try or would talk about things and that helped him get off but he didn’t actually want to do those things anymore. Which is why I went with the more relaxed environment when we usually talked and caught up with one another. Not every moment will be the perfect one though so you gotta do what you gotta do.
Ultimately it cleared up more things for us and we did try to find a middle ground but it didn’t work out in our favor.
I sincerely hope your partner stays open minded and wants to explore with you. Good luck!

[Pa****]

My partner and I fully started asking what we wanted to try. Made a list then started checking things off the list. We experimented a lot of things positions, toys, etc. afterwards each time we had talk. Like hey how was that? What was good what was bad. Would we do it again. You can’t be shy about answering you just gotta be super open.

[Sp****]

He’s doing it wrong

[ch****]

That’s hard my past experience the ladies I went with didn’t understand kinky now I’m just gonna go after what I want if we click there should be no basis for certain kinks

[Sl****]

By the time I’m already being intimate, I first tell her how important it is to feel safe to express herself and how receptive that I’d be. If I feel an awkwardness? Maybe we’re not the ones to align any kinks with.
(I try to convince her how open I am, even if I’m caught off guard by what’s shared… and how willing I am to try whatever she enjoys)

[jj****]

I usually just go for it 🤷 If a partner doesn’t want to do anything like that, I’m not going to MAKE them, you know? Bring it up, say “this is the kind of stuff I’m into”, and let them give you their honest response. I don’t think we should entertain the shame and stuff around sex if we don’t absolutely have to. Most vanilla guys are open to at least trying something that doesn’t sound TOO crazy, just be prepared for if he winds up hating it so you aren’t too disappointed.

[Ma****]

Just be blunt about it.

[ha****]

Honest communication while you both work on creating a safe, judgement-free environment.

[Davin88]

I know you’re a sub, but honestly, in a situation like that... especially if the relationship was built around other dynamics and you’re trying to slowly spice up the intimate side... I’d probably take control in a more gentle, guiding way at first. Like telling my partner what to say or do, helping lead them into that confidence instead of throwing them into the deep end. Over time, I’d slowly let them take more control so they can ease into the new territory naturally. Eventually, you’ll get to a point where you can fully submit because they’ll start recognizing how your body reacts to their confidence, and they’ll genuinely want to take charge on their own.

[Ga****]

Not gonna lie, your bio is already saying you’re looking. So if you and your man have not discussed anything yet, you need to get off the apps or end it with him.

Beyond that, if it’s something that is important to you, nicely and with respect bring it up and find some common ground.

[Co****]

Have a conversation around RBDSMA.
Use this to open up a conversation. Both of you can share to find commonality and then further discuss to start experiencing things together.


Relationship
What type of relationship do you. want with him. One night, long term, every month. Define the relationship.

Boundaries
What are your boundaries? Define the container you feel safe in. What is offered limits?

Desires
Share your desires, interest, what turns you ON, what sparks you.

Safety
This goes hand in hand with boundaries. What makes you feel safe? What do you need to build trust?

Meaning
What does the relationship mean to you? Just physical? Deep emotional connection? Long term partner?

Aftercare
This goes with Safety. What do you need to feel safe. How do you want to be taken care of? Left alone? Cuddled?