Who Should Sex Be Focused On?

[an****]

In my experience, most of my focus during sex is on my partner, making sure she’s engaged, comfortable, and able to reach completion. I’m very used to taking on that role, and I’m comfortable adjusting or backing off if she’s not responsive to check-ins or “soft asks.” What I’ve noticed, though, is that some women still place a strong emphasis on a my pleasure, mirror check-ins, especially when their own experience is more complex, variable, or less guaranteed. What drives a woman to prioritize her partner’s pleasure over her own?

[Gr****]

I like to agree. I am quite a pleasure Dom so making my partner enjoy it as much as possible so the most pleasurable thing for me.

[No****]

What drives a woman to prioritize her partner’s pleasure over her own? I am confused why you would ask that after you wrote an entire paragraph explaining why you prioritize her pleasure over your own? Why would it not be the same for her to focus on her partner’s needs? And to be clear, I am not asking that in a snarky way, but rather genuinely curious why you think two partners should have different goals in bed?

[Gr****]

1 minute ago, NotSoPureMichigan said:

What drives a woman to prioritize her partner’s pleasure over her own? I am confused why you would ask that after you wrote an entire paragraph explaining why you prioritize her pleasure over your own? Why would it not be the same for her to focus on her partner’s needs? And to be clear, I am not asking that in a snarky way, but rather genuinely curious why you think two partners should have different goals in bed?

You know, I completely breezed over the last bit there. I agreed with the first bit and sentiment and completely blanked on that last bit! You make a very valid point. The question seems a little odd

[Th****]

Sometimes it’s past experiences. My ex would blame me for me not getting off. He’d get upset and say I either needed to lose weight or would accuse me of cheating. And I wasn’t comfortable leaving the relationship for a long time. During that time I learned to act like I was having the ultimate time, even if I wasn’t. And sex wasn’t over until HE came. So sometimes I panic and think the guy isn’t having a good time when he checks in and I try to make it seem like I’m having a better time than I actually am. Thankfully, the last guy I met on here was very intuitive. He would slow down or we would take breaks because he knew I was thinking too hard and no longer enjoying myself to the max capacity… if that makes sense? I’m not speaking for ALL women, by far. I know I am just a small fraction, but I know other women who have done the same🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

[Mo****]

I tend to ensure my partner comes during sex. I feel as though it’s more… “important” for him to finish since he has a more stressful job and that by him finishing—he might have a better day.

[Ca****]

It shouldn't be focused on anyone. It's a mutual activity, better when everyone involved is actively engaged.

[an****]

2 hours ago, NotSoPureMichigan said:

What drives a woman to prioritize her partner’s pleasure over her own? I am confused why you would ask that after you wrote an entire paragraph explaining why you prioritize her pleasure over your own? Why would it not be the same for her to focus on her partner’s needs? And to be clear, I am not asking that in a snarky way, but rather genuinely curious why you think two partners should have different goals in bed?

Thank you for the disclaimer, I appreciate clinical discussion. I’m framing it as logistics. Exactly why I’m questioning the reverse. If one side is generally more complex, less predictable, and easier to disrupt, and the other side is relatively straightforward and almost guaranteed with minimal effort, then doesn’t it make sense to focus unevenly? I am not questioning the want, but the why. I have my own assumptions just looking for outside data (This also assumes both parties are seeking climax).

[Ca****]

5 minutes ago, anotherusername said:

Thank you for the disclaimer, I appreciate clinical discussion. I’m framing it as logistics. Exactly why I’m questioning the reverse. If one side is generally more complex, less predictable, and easier to disrupt, and the other side is relatively straightforward and almost guaranteed with minimal effort, then doesn’t it make sense to focus unevenly? I am not questioning the want, but the why. I have my own assumptions just looking for outside data (This also assumes both parties are seeking climax).

Most guys don't realize it, but our sex drive is just as complex as women's. We tend to oversimplify it, and jump straight to ED when we can't perform. But if my head's not in it, if I'm distracted, or self conscious, or can tell that she is, I can't perform. It should be pleasurable and engaging for all parties to ensure everyone is in the moment and performing at their best, whatever that looks like.

[an****]

2 hours ago, ThicccGrl92 said:

Sometimes it’s past experiences. My ex would blame me for me not getting off. He’d get upset and say I either needed to lose weight or would accuse me of cheating. And I wasn’t comfortable leaving the relationship for a long time. During that time I learned to act like I was having the ultimate time, even if I wasn’t. And sex wasn’t over until HE came. So sometimes I panic and think the guy isn’t having a good time when he checks in and I try to make it seem like I’m having a better time than I actually am. Thankfully, the last guy I met on here was very intuitive. He would slow down or we would take breaks because he knew I was thinking too hard and no longer enjoying myself to the max capacity… if that makes sense? I’m not speaking for ALL women, by far. I know I am just a small fraction, but I know other women who have done the same🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

I understand your reasoning. Check-ins spiked your anxiety, that's interesting. Thank you.

[ar****]

Imagine both partners, each focusing on the other partner. That's a very unselfish, true love to me.

[an****]

1 hour ago, MoJay8814 said:

I tend to ensure my partner comes during sex. I feel as though it’s more… “important” for him to finish since he has a more stressful job and that by him finishing—he might have a better day.

My curiosity always fits along the lines of your comment. Climax for men (personal experience) is a main end goal for sex for many reasons. Is climax just not your goal or what's the reason why male climax seems to be giving more importance? What is the main end goal for yourself if climax is not it?