A Woman's Perspective on FET: "I'm not finding anyone..."

[Ra****]

I'll chip in from my perspective. For a long long time I was on the internet on sites like this looking for a cis woman that was into a girl like me. But do you want to know what actually made the biggest difference?

GET OUT! Get out into the real world, Go to Munch's, Go to fetish events, Go to sex clubs. Go to the places these women go. Now that I go out and about in public I have met many many women that are not on sites like this but they still enjoy the dynamic. They are likely driven away by desperate men that barrage them with messages but when they go out to these events in person they can vet and communicate and see if there's a vibe right away.

I can't stress this enough. If you can't find what you're looking for don't just hide in your house. Get out there and meet people and make friends in the community.

[Ni****]

Your profile does leave too much to guess. More visibility on your face, body type, and style would help people match to you.

First and foremost, this is a fetish-based connection site. People need to know if you fit their attraction. (No, I know not everyone needs looks as part of their attraction, but that is less common in males than one would hope to believe)

Your Bio needs more depth as to what youre looking for, and what attracts you.

There is just too much guessing.

[Be****]

13 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I guess another thing. Apologies if this has been raised on the thread already, but

Yep - guys complain about women who are not serious, won't meet up, flake, etc.  all of which can suck if you think you're doing everything right (and it's easier to blame the other person)

but, like, I've been about a bit - and there's been plenty of women I know or have known in that time who've....

Talked to guys who've not disclosed they're married.   Which either then ends in them trying to cheat, or just talking to fap off while their wife is in bed

or those without a partner, who are happy to talk up and wank off.  

Those where when it's come to meeting have found the guy won't do calls first, and/or shuns the women's suggested meeting places for no logical reason

And those where the woman has been stood up.

Or where they have met, and maybe it's just a coffee or maybe it's led to sex/play/whatever - and then the woman got home to find she's blocked by the guy everywhere.

We need to kinda get away from the notion that it's "only" hard for men.  

Yeah, you think you made a connection and the vibe was great and then they simply disappear. The worst is when they're like I'll message you when I get home so that you know I made it safely cuz of course I asked that and then not even that. So then I'm worried about them that they're lying dead in a ditch somewhere..

[vo****]

Yesterday at 09:58 AM, west-Antonio said:

You are right. I stopped using this App because the first person I interacted was looking for someone with experience. I wanted our minds to connect first before the physical aspect but she thought otherwise, I’m single but I won’t stop searching.

I like your devil's advocate here because I don't disagree with what you say back if you wish she was coming from I've spent two decades away my heart and mind connect people and end up with people who only want what they like in the bedroom will not look into what I like and the few who have been willing to look into what I like in the bedroom or more submissive than me I am not dominant and if I have to dominate my partner in the bedroom I have no interest in them in the bedroom I've been a relationship that has been bedroom activity free for the last 6 years because of that. so I mean if she's had even an ounce of some more experience I can see why that would be important for her now does that make a great match up with you clearly not and that is fine but I think all three are important mind, heart and preference

[vo****]

Yesterday at 10:10 AM, DumpThatLoadGuy said:

For clarity. Mature, confident, physically attractive women don't talk a tough game behind the keyboard. They walk the walk, and are actually here to make progress and meet IRL. They're confident, not intimidated by a good looking alpha, She demonstrates her desires and is ready to be mounted by me to Dump That Load Deep inside, while she squirts all over her hardwood floors. This is from my own personal experiences on here. The ones who actually walk the walk are scarce.

oh yes again what is it with men and the alpha around but don't get me wrong it can determ me when done correctly but not every woman is trying to submit to alpha Male pressure said 90% of what we see from the alpha male community is that women should behave the way they did in the 1800s I'm sorry most women nowadays don't agree with that and this is why most alpha males are still single

[vo****]

20 hours ago, DumpThatLoadGuy said:

The Key word here In your comment is "degrade". This is a "degrader" and "degradee" site. Make sense will ya.

I'm sorry not all of us who like being degraded also there's a time and place for that even the women I do know that enjoy that do not enjoy it in everyday activities

[Sh****]

As a few people already mentioned, don’t dismiss filling out one’s profile description! As a woman, I also get a lot of traffic on my profile and incoming messages from men pile up. Funnily enough though, one day I stumbled upon another person’s profile and he had a description that really matched the energy I’m looking for and kinks that overlapped with mine — so I messaged him first! Text conversations went well; sex actually did not make up the majority of the conversation. We met up in person for coffee and have since been enjoying exploring our kinks together, including very heavy ***/*** play. Getting to know each other as people and building trust first has made the sexual aspect quite lovely and exciting!

[Sh****]

*the words that got censored were de-grad-a-tion and hum-il-i-a-tion 🤪

[am****]

Tuesday at 12:02 PM, An_Irish_Queen said:

Aw gross...."alpha"? 🤢 You're a walking red flag boyo! THATS why the women who allow you to "mount" them are so few & far between.

Your childish attempt at forming a narrative in order to protect your ego is...at worst, dangerous, & at best, pathetic.

Mature, confident, physically attractive women, know their worth, and know how to identify a red-pill fool from the safety of behind their screen. After all, what is the No.1 risk to a woman's life in the modern age....MEN. There is NO denying that statistic.

You really should have more sense for your age 😑

Have fun with the male loneliness epidemic 😅 I have a feeling it won't get much better for you. So keep stomping your feet and trying to tell any woman or man in earshot, that you're a "big tough alpha guy, and you must respect my authority".

This is such a shock, I really was expecting a more emotionally intelligent take from "Dump That Load Guy". The world is full of surprise and disappointment

[am****]

Sunday at 06:13 PM, scouring4 said:

Can also add on to this to NOT request for private gallery immediately and without asking.

I've actually come across this with someone else and while I don't discount the frequency of pervs some of it might come from misunderstanding and a possible Fet bug. For example, I don't know if you know *all* your pics are hidden, even the (probably?) SFW ones so we don't know you look like. If that's intentional or not, I don't know.

That's what happened with the person I met and they don't know how to fix it. So, I don't know, they could be pervs, but at least some could just be wanting to see what you look like. But I'd think they should still at least ask themselves instead of hitting the request button, like the bare minimum of politeness.

[Bu****]

I really hope they'll listen to this advice

[mo****]

I guess I can fully agree with you because I miss respectful, cordial hospitable as anyone can be and it’s either no response or people are very judgmental because of my complexion

[mo****]

I hope they’re not only listen to the advice. I hope I get some request soon so I can join some people and have some great time. I’m a pleaser and I love to please.

[Th****]

On 5/12/2026 at 1:02 PM, An_Irish_Queen said:

Aw gross...."alpha"? 🤢 You're a walking red flag boyo! THATS why the women who allow you to "mount" them are so few & far between.

Your childish attempt at forming a narrative in order to protect your ego is...at worst, dangerous, & at best, pathetic.

Mature, confident, physically attractive women, know their worth, and know how to identify a red-pill fool from the safety of behind their screen. After all, what is the No.1 risk to a woman's life in the modern age....MEN. There is NO denying that statistic.

You really should have more sense for your age 😑

Have fun with the male loneliness epidemic 😅 I have a feeling it won't get much better for you. So keep stomping your feet and trying to tell any woman or man in earshot, that you're a "big tough alpha guy, and you must respect my authority".

Old mate got called out. Anyone who tells you they are alphas are trying to make you believe it like someone who loses their shit when you call out a lie and to make you lose the power they have a tantrum

No one is a clear cut archetype. I mainly sit in sigma but I think there’s traits in delta that are about thinking out of the structure and doing what makes sense and not what you’re told . Most of the others tend to do what they are meant to.

Is penis size directly inproportional to how a guy Announces his self proclaimed Alpha status? Or is he short? No one will submit to a short leader. That’s why women generally don’t like shorter guys. It’s wired in plus she looks down

[Th****]

May 11, DumpThatLoadGuy said:

It's because most females profiles here are just here for keyboard play, . Although they won't tell you that. Also, some profiles/people are AI generated, or scammer accounts. These are the main reasons men aren't meeting women from this site.

You are correct in the fact that the reality is that most women join dating apps because of boredom or other factors but who cares, i could read these threads all day and as a female particularly on Fetish based apps the assumption is from males that have a minimal amount of actual sexual understanding apart from her pussy is always dry there’s something wrong with her or some other projection of accountability is that she doesn’t feel desired or safe emotionally which is confirmed by the complaint. If you can both match energy and have healthy boundaries and have the spine to communicate without being shady for some weak selfish reason you’re toxic.

I need to go and put my focus into my I’m here to waste peoples time on my phone thinking I’m pretty intense but there’s so much to comment on and read

[mo****]

I totally agree bcuz not many men will admit to being pleasers

[ey****]

7 minutes ago, moss808503 said:

I totally agree bcuz not many men will admit to being pleasers

a lot of men claim to be pleasers.

like, someone who calls themselves a Pleasure Dom, which is increasingly common, is a form of pleaser.

Hell, anyone under any form of sub role.

Mind, just because someone claims they're a pleaser, doesn't mean women want to be pleased *by them* the same things come into play about finding partners in general 

[Th****]

Men lie to get sex. It’s your job as the access to see if he knows what to do because it takes time to explore and understand which tool or what does this and making sure they are not in a position where you went in too hard too fast and especially sadist Doms need to experience what it’s like to feel and be responsible for looking after. The actual dynamics are too

[Ba****]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

a lot of men claim to be pleasers.

like, someone who calls themselves a Pleasure Dom, which is increasingly common, is a form of pleaser.

Hell, anyone under any form of sub role.

Mind, just because someone claims they're a pleaser, doesn't mean women want to be pleased *by them* the same things come into play about finding partners in general 

Hold up
Pleaser and pleasure dom are not the same thing

I for example tend to have some sort of purpose in mind when i cause/grant/inflict pleasure, beyond just pleasing my partner or self-gratification(aka where a lot of the recent negative attention comes from)

Service tops are closer but even there it’s not universal

And if we want to blanket include any form of sub then we can just expand it to everybody intending to be pleasant to be around(i usually prefer not to included here either^^)

No objections to anything before „like,“ and after „Mind,“

[Mr****]

So I would like to pose an alternative solution and we are going to rely on history for our example. So the first section is for the guys.

1) set the d**k pics to private and get some face pictures up on your profile.

2) spice up those profiles a bit. Let your passion for things both kink and non kink related show. I'm guilty of it too so I'm not judging.

3) be a gentleman! This is important cause if you want the ladies/people you are interested in to do their part you have to be a gentleman.

4) be okay with things not working out. Just cause you make a connection doesn't mean it's going to turn into something. Let relationships form and flow naturally.

5) anyone can feel free to add to this list.


For the ladies

1) make the first move. This is the way things used to work and Bumble got it half right. You don't have to send the first message. But like a picture or status, leave a comment, send a sticker.

2) engage in the conversation. You don't have to lead the conversation but add some details so we have somewhere to take the conversation. Ask some questions, that kind of stuff.

Haha I know this is probably a long shot in 2026 and it only works if everyone does their part. But it's what dating used to look like before computers. Guy and girl would lock eyes. Girl would drop something. Boy would come running to pick it up. "Hey, I think you dropped this" conversation is started. Guy asks girl out on date. Picks her up opens the door, pays for the meal, is just a gentleman, a little bad boy and mystery never hurt. But guys were happy to put the effort in because they weren't running around trying to talk to everyone. There were just cues that people knew meant yes I would like you to come talk to me.

And it's no one's fault. We are just stuck in a perpetual loop of downward communication because guys are burnt out from having to be creative and unique for 1000s of people who were never interested to begin with. And that burn out leads to ladies with flooded inboxes getting burnt out on reading sh**ty messages or filtering through d**k pics.

Ladies send a sticker if you would like a guy to talk to you. Guys don't message ladies that haven't sent you a sticker. Everyone can like and comment on whatever they want but lets be intentional about communication again so we can get back to having solid, fun conversations.

[Yo****]

21 hours ago, Switchybydesign said:

Old mate got called out. Anyone who tells you they are alphas are trying to make you believe it like someone who loses their shit when you call out a lie and to make you lose the power they have a tantrum

No one is a clear cut archetype. I mainly sit in sigma but I think there’s traits in delta that are about thinking out of the structure and doing what makes sense and not what you’re told . Most of the others tend to do what they are meant to.

Is penis size directly inproportional to how a guy Announces his self proclaimed Alpha status? Or is he short? No one will submit to a short leader. That’s why women generally don’t like shorter guys. It’s wired in plus she looks down

Hold up, wait a minute. As a 5'10 woman I have only been in lasting relationships with men who were shorter than me (except for my current partner who is the same height). This is some patriarchy/manosphere stuff because I know plenty of short kings who see a ton of action. Short, poor, lacking success, lacking "size", or lacking self esteem....none of those things matter unless you wear them like armor into every interaction you have. That's literally psychology.

[Na****]

It’s just math, there’s hundreds of guys on here and like three girls.

[Ro****]

4 hours ago, Narph said:

It’s just math, there’s hundreds of guys on here and like three girls.

I see plenty of other women on this platform. If you're struggling to find us, it might be worth looking at your profile or your search filters rather than assuming we don't exist. We're just being careful with who we engage with. Most won't engage with shadow people which is exactly what your profile is. No Pic, bare minimum profile. That's a giant nope from me.

[Deleted Member]

👏🏻

[Dr****]

But in terms of your post I post nothing because there's nothing to see in my life, who wants to watch me do drywall, tile, or plumbing. Nobody. Plus its weird to watch me work.

Edited June 1 by FETMod-RG
Removal off-topic part