A Woman's Perspective on FET: "I'm not finding anyone..."

[cellofello]

5 hours ago, Dreyma said:

But in terms of your post I post nothing because there's nothing to see in my life, who wants to watch me do drywall, tile, or plumbing. Nobody. Plus its weird to watch me work.

I can guarantee you that there are kinky women out there who would love to learn to do construction, even if only to be able to work on their own homes. So don't be afraid to put your day job in your profile.

And what do you do when you're not at work? I'm now retired from my day job as a software engineer, but I am a semiprofessional cellist by night (and getting more paying gigs now that I'm retired). I have a relationship with a woman I met here whose eye was caught by my musical interests. So go ahead and put your vanilla hobbies/interests into your profile! Even if it doesn't match anything a woman reading it is interested in, it at least shows you're a three-dimensional human being, not just a horny bag of kinks.

[Ha****]

This! Thank you.

Read their profile. When you send a message, don't ask "how's your day/weekend going?" And no "hey beautiful/gorgeous" or even "wow what a complete profile, sounds like you know what you're looking for". While the last one might sound like it's different from everything else that might be showing up in their inbox, it's actually not.

If you're interested in someone for more than casual sex, tell them what made you interested. What is it that actually makes you want to talk to that person, specifically? If it's something other than their face or body, then you have something specific to mention, which is a much better conversation starter. Talk about what you connected with, what appeals to you, how you picture the dynamic or scene or kinky/fetish interest they mentioned in their profil, when that interest is something you have in common.

If it's just their face you like and you only want sex, then...sure; send "heeyyy beautiful " or something, but don't get mad if you don't get a reply when that person is not looking for a casual fling.

I can't tell you how exhausting it is not knowing whether someone is actually looking for the exact or similar enough thing I've said I'm looking for, or if they just liked my face, and I don't have the time to respond to all the "hey beautiful" and "how are you" s, and similarly bland, non-specific messages.

Online dating is tough enough for people like me, looking for both a romantic and aesthetic attraction and connection with someone, and for whom sexual attraction just isn't a thing right away, without adding to the number of those messages to check and reject/field. I even put a message at the top of my description with some quick points about not messaging me if you want certain things I'm just not interested in, to save us both time, and yet I still get people who just don't read it and send a message anyway, or only read the first couple sentences and decide that's enough, then send a message that reveals they know nothing about what I'm looking for and just messaged because they like my face.

It's exhausting, and after a while it's hard to remain polite, though I do try.