Is the Vibe Changing? The rise of ghosting, ***-requests, and profile turnover (even for paid accounts)

[No****]

I try to commit to meeting in-person as soon as possible. I attend in-person events. When the digital world isn't working, go back to what was. Trash will take itself out. If someone ghosts me, their loss, I dodged a bullet. They obviously lack the needed communication skills anyway.

[Pa****]

Hi all, yes, i would say that lately it is worse. As the site gets more well known, and also due to the current world events & everyone is broke & taxed to deatth... there is a burst of scammers, even some AI scam bots lol.

Unless the profile has multiple photos, (even if locked is ok), and has a valid, good, kink based Bio description, with the 'Likes/Into' section added... i dont bother sending msgs.
I prob have 600 to 1000 on my block list, just so they stop showing up in my feed.
Sometimes i'll send msgs if bored to to mess with them back lol. "Oh sure i can send you $. I sent it? Didnt you get it?" Lol

- no photos / 1 photo, prob fake. (Even similar faceless pics is better).
- after just a few msgs, if trying to get you to take the convo offsite to a phone number based app like Telegram is a scam. They want your number to phish or spam you.
- asking your job or income right away, prob fake.
- asking too many personal details, (what street in what city do you live, exactly which company you work at) scam.

It seems obvious to read, but when getting msgs dont get caught up in the fun and send out specific details until you verify them or meet.

Re some comments about "i dont get a reply / ghosted". That is the usual on many sites. It could be as simple they didnt notice at first you were a smoker & they haate it, so now yer blocked or ghosted. Or your age range is out of their comfort zone, or your pics just didnt work for them / not their type. Keep trying!
Ask for a voice note. Ask for a specific photo, like "give me a 'peace sign' with your left hand", before meeting up! On snap you can also chat through app.

Yes, they leave some scammers profiles up way too long, but they delete a lot.
The ones that you see quickly deleted are usually scammers that You didnt notice, so be aware!

I have met 4 or 5 ***ps from the site, after careful verifying and many msgs, then took the convo off site to Snapchat to share some extra photos and a quick chat. The site is better than most due to the details you can add or search methods, and free msgs, but needle in a haystack ;) 4 ***ps after 400 to 500 profiles / msgs = lots of work and digging for the gold. .

[ha****]

I tried that method of asking for a pic with them doing something specific & it turned out to be AI generated. AI is ruining online dating & connections.

[an****]

You asked for honesty 😬

The market is giving you data. If nobody you're attracted to is choosing you, either change your standards, improve your value, expand your market, or accept the outcome. If the system is working against you, learn why?

Don't conclude that 'there's no one.'

The filters (age, location, interests, etc.) don't prove there's nobody. They define the market you're choosing to participate in. Bans and restrictions play a role too and need to be understood not demonized entirely.

It's the same as someone saying, 'there are no jobs'. No, there may be no jobs that pay $200k, are fully remote, require no experience, and are within 10 minutes of your house. Those are filters. So is slander, and sabotage.

"There are no whales (high-value options)."
No, there are no whales in this pond. You either go to the ocean, catch bass, or become the kind of fisherman capable of catching a whale in a bathtub. This is a normal gripe.

Better questions find answers to these data points:

Why are people ghosting? Did you know that on some platforms, if you tell someone you aren't interested in them it flags your profile?

On some platforms every message you send/post is scanned and if it has language that makes the receiver have a less enjoyable time, the platform can and will flag your profile and may soft limit your visibility or shadow ban you altogether.

Ghosting is way safer. Also people are not nice when you tell them no and will retaliate by reporting you so you have to block them first. I personally have an immediate block and no contact policy for anyone that hits even close to a boundary. Common decency is not worth suffering behind a digital curtain for weeks.

Deleting and restarting your profile is one way to get a 'clean' start for a female profile especially. Do you know how many matches/messages you will receive if you create a female profile with zero pictures or anything even eluding that you are breathing? Thousands is the answer.

Also deleting and restarting now with photo recognition is a lot harder and the meta data is being shared across platforms more and more and the people that screw this up consistently can find themselves banned across almost every platform for bad behavior on one app. It's like the 'tea app' except this is automatic and invisible and affects every action and doesn't require a mad-ex, just someone you said hi to that didn't like your face 🤣 also why I have a 1 swipe/message/poke/like/etc rule, if I see the profile again I know they passed so I block them. If they really 'want you' they will delete and restart their profile, it's not that serious to block a potential 'the one'.

Treat every interaction online like it's the flappy bird game. You stop interacting, you fail, you say a mean thing, you fail, you send two messages before a response, you fail, you like too many people who don't like you, you fail, you don't open the app daily, you fail.

Being nice and respectful is baseline behavior, same as grooming, having adult clothing, cleaning your room, being situationally appropriate, and having a shred of communication skills (volley not interview, if you just ask or just answer questions and the conversation becomes an interview/interrogation move on). That's not rare, it's also boring if that's all you got. Be your whole weird self and filter hard for compatibility not convenience.

Also be consistent, cautious, and calm. Block immediately, ghost, and only be nice. These are the new rules, and it's not personal.

[SirDominic]

I don’t bother with flaky minimalistic profiles. I prefer people who actually take the effort to work on their profile. Yes, some information could be kept private from the general community - that’s natural.

[bornTOserve]

1 hour ago, haines-city10472 said:

I tried that method of asking for a pic with them doing something specific & it turned out to be AI generated. AI is ruining online dating & connections.

I’ve done the custom selfie before… but yes, don’t trust it anymore since proving one was AI of requesting her to “pinch her nose“ in the pic 😂

It’s pretty bad out there nowadays, on this app and others. A lot worse on alt.

Unfortunately we just have to watch our backs. I never send ***, don’t even give out my phone number or anything else more personal until I’ve met someone in person. Always talk on secure apps like Signal if taking the conversation elsewhere

Catfishers and AI profiles definitely have noticeable traits in their pics, bios and messages. I just try to keep an eye out for those and stair clear of them

[Pa****]

Ahahaha, just got anotber bot / scammer now. 2 msgs in... AI sounding msgs asking about my job, then if i can take the chat to instagram, lol. Wish i could share screenshots here.
Everyone go check this profile and spam it with msgs lol.
I'll wait till later today to report it. Have some fun :)
YVONNEMARIE

[Ma****]

From a female perspective, I have had the same person create multiple profiles and none of the pics are of that person. I seem to be consistently reporting reporting fake profiles. I even had one guy block me because I caught on to his scam. It was the same one used by another scammer that I spoke with. I'm beginning to wonder if being on the app is worth it when the same people who are reported as scammers just create new profiles, with the same pics attached. it's a bit ridiculous honestly.

[Wi****]

Happens to all kink apps (see feeld) people see kink and first user base is ok but then it attracts entitled "doms" who are trying to demand sex or monetizing this. Plus bots

[Pa****]

4 minutes ago, Maliria said:

From a female perspective, I have had the same person create multiple profiles and none of the pics are of that person. I seem to be consistently reporting reporting fake profiles. I even had one guy block me because I caught on to his scam. It was the same one used by another scammer that I spoke with. I'm beginning to wonder if being on the app is worth it when the same people who are reported as scammers just create new profiles, with the same pics attached. it's a bit ridiculous honestly.

Exactly. Fet could easily deploy their own AI, to keep same phone numbers, i.p's, and photos from re registering and auto block them instantly. The app is mkre useless day by day now re AI and scammers.

[sq****]

I'm Squish and I have an account with my fiance Jay and we honestly understand that. We have a girl we were talking to and everything was fine but right after we sent spicy photos and just deleted hers then blocked us and others just dropped the convo. Like I just wanna find a sweet unicorn or just friends would be nice

[hf****]

It’s a mess. I’m gonna bail on all online dating. That’s the strong intention anyway. Specifically I think it’s a rip off when about 3 messages in all of a sudden FET decides they need to have their profile veeified. I’m told I’m a good looking OG, house, all of it and nothing. Back out in to the wild I go!

[sardonicus87]

At least you guys are getting to the point of being ghosted, I never even get responses ever to my messages, and yes, they are always respectful and not entitled or anything women complain about all the time. They're "the right kind of message", and I haven't even had a response in over a year.

[Surfsupscotty]

Is there other sites or apps that are better or we need to start one🥵

[sardonicus87]

Well, I also rarely message because discounting the obvious bots, scammers and real people who just want your ***/selling content, the only filters I have are women within 2 hours of me that are looking for men. That's literally it, and ALL the profiles are blank, no effort, no quality, and on the rare one has anything other than "lol I hate doing these", they're always looking for something highly specific that I am not.

So not only do I not get responses, there's literally nobody in a reasonable distance to even message with in the first place, and moving is not an opinion for me and long distance is not an option.

[La****]

Can we add "People who respond to my messages with OBVIOUS AI responses"? When you do find people worth messaging on paper, they respond with a lazy "hi" to a message I spent time and effort writing. Or, worse yet, they feed my message into AI, and copypaste back an obviously sycophantic AI reply that doesn't say anything new past summarizing what I just said. Wow.

For real, though... the scamming and blank pages are getting out of control. I have been with someone I found on here for almost 3 years now, and have a very successful go of things overall in the last 5 years, meeting numerous real people in person, playing with many, finding relationships across state and national lines, but it has definitely changed as of late.

[Kinkyboy1980]

It's refreshing to hear that some have actually met people on here and are still together. I just have no clue who is actually genuine. I always compliment and introduce myself when I start a message. However I'm lucky if I get a "hi" back. What is wrong with people!!!

[La****]

9 minutes ago, Kinkyboy1980 said:

It's refreshing to hear that some have actually met people on here and are still together. I just have no clue who is actually genuine. I always compliment and introduce myself when I start a message. However I'm lucky if I get a "hi" back. What is wrong with people!!!

My partner and I live together and we met here. Prior, I had met probably... 10-12 people for a date from here. It is possible, but it involves a huge amount of persistence, dedication to saying something of substance, and honestly? Luck. Sometimes I see the perfect person on paper, but am filtered out for being an older guy. I also am predominantly a top, but I had to HEAVILY adjust my approach to meet anyone dominant because "switch" translates to most inexperienced BDSM people here as "you're not dominant enough", or just plain "no thank you". Granted, niche kinks will do that on any page, but I find it to be worse here. The filters are pointless in browsing as well, as many profiles are either dead (haven't logged in for multiple months) or are scammers (I include those who top for cash here as well)/beggars. I also get a lot of low-energy messages from subby people who think "I know he isn't interested in subs right now and stated as much, but I will be different than the others!"

[Kinkyboy1980]

It certainly is a brutal app and quite demoralising. I'm not a fan of online dating, too many just hide behind the keyboard and as you say use it an excuse to scam. I'm on another app called fetlife, however that is more a social networking app than a dating one.

[La****]

I was on FetLife for years and years... its a very good place for becoming involved in your local community, but past that, I don't participate because it is a very closed community and can be (as with any established space) VERY clique-y. My particular fetish communities of choice are also very very toxic and I choose instead to DNI there for personal reasons. Might work great for someone else, however! Give it a go!

[Kinkyboy1980]

I found that on there aswell, very clique. I don't interact on it as when I did it got me nowhere. Its a tough experience this BDSM lifestyle. I honestly never expected it to be so difficult to connect with like minded females .

[bl****]

even as a girl looking for other girls, it’s frustrating. nobody ever reads profiles anymore and they lack communication skills. i’m tired of the ghosting, the scams, and the lack of back and forth conversation. it’s also like people don’t even know how to ask you questions! they won’t enthusiastically engage with anyone.

[La****]

8 minutes ago, bluntsandbondagexX said:

even as a girl looking for other girls, it’s frustrating. nobody ever reads profiles anymore and they lack communication skills. i’m tired of the ghosting, the scams, and the lack of back and forth conversation. it’s also like people don’t even know how to ask you questions! they won’t enthusiastically engage with anyone.

This. The communication skills are totally lacking. It starts with all the blank profiles, or worse, people who openly admit to being lazy (Saying something like "I hate writing these things", for example). Then when you spend thought out time and effort to craft something of substance, its "Hi" as a reply... hell, one person even went so far as to berate me in their response and made sure to inform me that they're not going to even take the effort to read all of my message. Unsolicited cruelty isn't kinky... I never consented to your degredation kink, Karen.

Seems like the overall user experience here is very low quality... if it wasn't, why do so many fill out pages and then just never come back? Or, seemingly never interact? I used to screen shot and report pay4play scammers, but it got to be so endless with all the bot accounts and p4p in this community.

[Pa****]

* for those that dont know... do not take your chats to Telegram or Signal (or any app based on phone number), or even FB or Instagram, unless your profile is set to 'private' - then dont 'add' them - you can just msg them. ***some scammers will pull all your info / data / friends lists, then try to blackmail you by threatening to send your profile and photos to those in your lists. Other scammers are phishing for financial data. Snapchat seems to work ok too.

[Mr****]

Is this what the telegram thing is as well? I have noticed a lot of people posting pictures with the word telegram information in the picture. Wasn't sure if that is like the new Snapchat or the new onlyfans