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Surya-1196

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Posted (edited)

I’m super happy to have found you thank you so much for being here, contributing so much of your experience to support my understanding as someone completely novice.

So, I’m here for some thoughts. I have met a guy online. The attraction and connection is great. Early on he asked if I was bossy that I looked it but it would be his dream as he finds me unbelievably sweet and that’s the combination he’s been dreaming of. As conversation went on he declared that he would like to take me out to dinner. He further disclosed that in public I would be his princess and in private i his goddess and that he already feels as if I’m his owner and he my property. He asked if I liked the idea. And my body and soul responded so positively it took me by very pleasant surprise.

 

We are looking at arranging a date in a few weeks. He FYI’d that he is not interested in a one night stand. I am not either.

 

I am looking for a committed loving monogamous relationship but I’m not mainstream in much except I’ve never explored this experience before but it thrills and excites me and our attraction for each other appears strong.

 

My question is that I’m not sure how much play our current online relationship should be. I have set intuitive boundaries around what is ok for me and have declined invitations to certain things he has invited online and he has asked me things that I may or may not like and I’ve felt very comfortable expressing my yesses, nos and maybes and he respects.

He apoears to want to play with every online engagement but I want to know more about this person before I decide firmly to meet.

Is this an ok ask of him? To not play online? Or at least so much. I enjoy it a lot A LOT 🙂 but need to know who he is better before continuing as I want a relationship.

 

How can I put this and is that ok?

 

Thank you so much,

Surya

Edited by Surya
Typos
Posted
Same as CopperKnob says, stick to what you feel is right for you, and same for him. Online play can be alot of fun as part of a get to know each other before a meet but caution always applied until trust formed. Ive had many compromising requests that ive denied because its too soon and obviously been called the 'not a true sub' ect but that works both ways ive heard Dom types been told that because they arnt demanding enough that they arnt really Dom.
Just stick to your own and let it flow naturally with whats comfortable 😊
Posted
Agree with what CopperKnob and Cheekysub have said completely.

I'd also add a couple of words of caution - firstly it's very easy to get caught up in a purely on-line relationship, and build it up in your head, mainly because your mind fills in a lot of the gaps that you'd have filled for you with an in person thing, plus all you have to go on is what the other person chooses to tell you. Now there's nothing wrong with that and it's entirely possible that the connection could translate just as well to "real life" but just be aware that it may not and keep some guards up - I speak from experience of having been in similar situations where the reality and the on-line experience differ.

Which kind of leads into my second point and your comment that he wants to play with every on-line engagement - which to an extent may be part of the excitement of finding someone he connects with etc but if the play is all there is to him, then I'd question whether that is a red flag to consider. I'm not saying he is, but the fact that it always turns to play could be an indication that that is all he is looking for, and he's playing you.

So to answer your question, it's absolutely fine to want to take a step back and limit the play and spend time getting to know him better - a relationship based on good sex isn't a bad thing at all, but when sex is all there is to it, you have to question if it's the right relationship overall.
Posted

My philosophy is to be yourself as you would be in normal life. Make that vanilla foundation with him, maybe add some protocol to it, then build the kink from there. 

Read the book by Ms Renee Lane "finding love through female domination". You should be able to make your own structure from that. 

Posted
Again very good advice from everyone before me.
It could also be that he is just a little excitable too! The kid in the sweet shop wants them all! As does he, or as you already know it could be all he really wants.
You hold all the cards. You yourself decide what is enough for you. If you’re playing on line then just be mindful of your surroundings the same as you would on the outside.
It takes time to build so enjoy and if you ever stop enjoying then stop and walk away.
Posted
God I love our community. Trust your instincts, it’s never a mistake to go slow. You want something lovely…. Don’t let your enthusiasm risk it turning into something hard.
Posted

Hello everyone,

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. All your messages have made me feel so sure I did the right thing and served to further affirm my instincts. 
Gemini-man, what you wrote had particular resonance. 
I wrote to this guy and said I wasn’t prepared to play online but needed to know who he was etc. He never replied and just as I’m typing this a message came through “ Good Morning my Queen” which I’m taking as flat refusal to respect my position made clear to him. 
 

I think my teaching here is how shallow it can be to build up a picture of this guy must be great because he’s got for him to know a pretty girl isn’t stupid 😊

 

Thank you all so so much.

Vibe here is so great. Wishing you all an amazing day. 

Posted
Hi Surya, firstly sorry that it appears to have panned out the way it seems to be, but also glad that you caught it before getting too badly hurt.

Whilst the Internet can be a wonderful means of finding like-minded people and building connections, as with anything good in life there is also the flip side - in this instance there are people who use it to lead others on or live out fantasies or use it as a means of 'escape' without being entirely honest, from the safety and relative anonymity that their keyboard allows.

I've been both guilty party (albeit not deliberately or maliciously) and victim in the past so know how it goes - trouble is as I said before it *is* easy to get caught up in it and build hopes and pictures of what could be, but unless both people are being totally honest and open it often leads to disappointment.

There's not a great deal you can do other than keep your guard up, avoid "sex talk" in the early stages as you get to know people and trust your instincts.
Posted

Hi Gemini_man,

 

Thank you so much for your message. Yes I’m 

proud of myself for catching on too which is such a marker of growth as previously I give and give and then it’s too late and discover I’ve  been sold a dream and yes it hurts.

 

So this for me is HUGE. He’s come back trying to push the boundary and I haven’t responded previously I would have thought there was something wrong with me why a msn couldn’t respect my wishes…

It just seems so disappointing as there seem to me to be so many people out there masquerading as what they’re not to hurt people. It makes me so mad.😡 

Lastly on re reading my message I realised the final paragraph makes zero sense 😳 and I can’t edit.

What I wanted to say was that I get seduced by the aesthetic and erroneously consider handsome with decent values and I realise how naive this is. Equally I have learned that far too many people think a pretty girl who is sweet and kind is stupid, maybe I was once but not anymore 😊💪🏽
 

Thank you and all so much again 🙂

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted
I'm sorry that you had to go through that! I was reading your messages and I couldn't believe how similar an experience I had! Thank you so much to everyone who gave advice and was supporting. This made me feel seen and it feels good to know I'm not alone!

It sucks that some people find it so easy to pretend to be something they're not and use that to get what they want! I guess you just have to take it as a learning experience eveb though it's hard.

I hope you're feeling better! All the best to you❤️
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