Where to start

[Clivia]

Hi all,

I am extremely new, and not sure where to start.  Through reading erotica, have realised what really turns me on but not sure if that would translate into the real world. Is reading educational books a place to start or a munch. It's like a whole world has opened up but a very big one. What's people advice on where to even start. 

Thank you in advance. 

[TheBookCollector]

Use google and on line resources, books, the forums and munches to educate yourself, set up hard and soft limits. Remember like everything books, writings on line are all subjective so read several sources on the topic.

Dont be tempted.to jump into something without knowing hownto negotiate, how to set up safecalls and safe words.

If a submissive learn how much power you actually have in a dynamic.

[Ki****]

TheBookCollectot made a fantastic comment there.
The only thing I could add is to try aand make friends in the kink community. Both Dom and sub. That way if you have any questions, you have more sources of information as well creating a small support circle for if you ever get worried about anything.

[ge****]

52 minutes ago, TheBookCollector said:

Use google and on line resources, books, the forums and munches to educate yourself, set up hard and soft limits. Remember like everything books, writings on line are all subjective so read several sources on the topic.

Dont be tempted.to jump into something without knowing hownto negotiate, how to set up safecalls and safe words.

If a submissive learn how much power you actually have in a dynamic.

This pretty much sums it up in one very succinct post to be honest.

"Don't run before you can walk, and don't walk before you know how" is a good approach to adopt when it comes to this lifestyle.

It is very exciting when you're new and there's a temptation to try all the sweets in the shop, and as a woman you'll get no end of sweets offered - some of them may be delicious, some of them may be those ones that have a hidden sour taste and more, but until you know what your favourite flavours are you can't possibly pick the right one for you.

So my advice would be much the same as The Book Collector's, and which you've touched on yourself, continue your voyage of self-discovery, get to truly know what makes you tick and just as importantly, what doesn't.

Once you know yourself and your desires and can articulate them with confidence then is the time to start exploring more.

[He****]

You start with you. Always. That's where it all starts and where it eventually comes back to. You take a look inside you and at your age you should have enough insights to set a few fundamental principles. Are there things that you know are unsafe and not worth risking? Are there things that you have enjoyed and would like to explore further? What is important to you? How's your free/available time, does a new pursuit fit in your life currently and how much time can to dvite to it? Same for ***, health (including mental), etc.

It's important to have a sense of purpose, before you take the plunge, otherwise, there so much information out there that it can be overwhelming. These days, the challenge is not where to find info, it's how to manage the vast amounts of it so that it works for you instead of ending up dragged here and there. The fact that pursuits if the kind you're after have to do with emotions, urges, feelings etc makes it imperative that you use your mind and logic to set principles. Being a woman on platforms like this one makes things even more challenging for you. You will easily attract so much attention, that, if you don't have a system to manage it, again it can soon become overwhelming and leading you to paths you haven't consciously chosen. It's fine to use all the info and insights you come across and adjust your purpose and path as you go along, as long as you have set a purpose and path and are monitoring how things progress against it. To give you an example, many women start a profile online to meet people, but when they start receiving likes for their photos they get such a fix from this, that they forget about meeting and get obsessed with uploading more and more photos, making these more likeable, getting more likes, etc. Nothing wrong with that, if it's a conscious decision, but I'm certain many don't realise how their priorities have shifted from meeting people to getting likes.

I hope you noticed that I haven't mentioned a single thing about BDSM, sex, etc. You need to get the fundamentals right, first. After that stage, my top tip is thay, unless you have decided to approach this form an academic point of view, appreciate that BDSM and sex are practical things. You learn and evolve mainly by doing rather than reading. If you feel you're lacking theoritical context, then surely make that one of your priorities, but don't forget that as soon as you l've progressed a bit on that front, it makes sense to test your newly found wisdom in practice. I'm sure you'll find this more rewarding and more insightful, as well as educational at the same time. It will also steer you to the right direction for your next theoritical pursuits. Theory and practice should go hand-in-hand, if you are to make the most of your journey.

[ge****]

One other thing you may find useful to help guide your learning and exploration is some of the on-line questionnaires - not the ones that tell you how dominant or submissive you are, but the ones that list all kinds of activities associated with the lifestyle that you have to rate 1-5 in terms of interest.

Some of them run to hundreds of different activities, some of which you won't even have thought about or even heard of!!

They're a great way to frame your interests and give you areas to explore and learn more about - and once you're ready to take the next step and meet people, a great way to compare notes and assess likely compatibility or areas of common interest.

[Deleted Member]

Hello 👋🏻 This is exactly how I started! Reading erotica. I was with a partner st the time so I just kept on reading until 3 years ago. I joined Fetlife and started reading what people talked about there and chatting and went to an event. It can be very overwhelming when the theory turns into reality. I wish now I had read a bit more theory and talked to a wider range of people. I was inundated with messages from Doms and it got a bit frenzied for me. It's a big world as you say, and you can't discover it in a week. Be careful who you trust and listen to yourself.

[Brat83]

This is also my position so thanks for the info

[Deleted Member]

Making kinky friends is a great idea, because it gives you someone you can ask questions to that you might be too embarrassed to ask in the forum, and it's also someone that you can share experiences with. Sometimes it's very hard to share your new experiences with your existing friends, they won't understand, or you just *** that they might judge you.

[Deleted Member]

Try coming into the Lobby here to chat (it can be intimidating at first, because there are lots of establish friendships, but bear with it) or attend a local munch.

[Dubstak]

Making new friends is kind of the best way to go some of your current friends just might not understand you and the way you think I wish you well and I hope you have a Lotta fun in your new journey

[Je****]

Lots of people seem to like erotica, and that's great, sends the imagination going and you can assert yourself into that situation differently compared to movies such as porn etc.

 

But I'd say if you are enjoying things, by all means google them, even browse porn as well, I am sure there are kinky audio books out there and possible partner matches who also enjoy it. 

I agree the chat room is a good place to pop in and say hello and learn a few things from different opinions all over the world and this site does have a lot of writers on it! Which is apparent in the forums here, so even browsing about can give you a good feel.

Wishing you the best of luck on your search though!