Collars

[Pr****]

So I am interested in what everyone’s options are on collaring in a D/s relationship. What is the typical meaning in the kink community? When is an appropriate time to consider collaring? I know each relationship is different, just wanting to get collaring feedback.

[Gh****]

Good question i wondered that too?

[Ch****]

Some people claim there is only one way we should view them, but to me it's dependant on the comunity one is in as a key aspect is that others understand what it represents.
-
For me, there are different types of collar. Consideration: For the start of a relationship, to help others know to give space while it develops. Relationship: For when things are committed. Eternity: Like a wedding ring, often given with ceremony.
-
Others come to mind as well, but these are unlikely related to your question. Day: used to represent any of the above collars in the vanilla world. Play: Used to symbolise a temporary dynamic. Mentorship: A rare one to see, but I have known people to wear such whilst being mentored.

[dr****]

Wow. Where to start. I suppose it depends on the dynamic. We live it 24/7 (children, family etc allowing) and once we felt the relationship was moving forward I gave her a collar. To us it is a reminder of our relationship like a wedding band. She can't wear jewellery in work (day collaris a simple silver chain), and felt incomplete without it. As putting her collar on is part of my own ritual I understood. She can however wear paracord bracelets so I ordered one with a blue line between 2 white lines. It looks at first glance like the thin blue line ones, so nobody questions it, and it is still for me to put it on her and take it off. We have different collars for different things. Her day collar, her work collar (bracelet), play collars and a sleep collar. Although I suggested giving her a collar, the ritual and specifics were her requests

[Ch****]

12 minutes ago, macclesfield153 said:

Wow. Where to start. I suppose it depends on the dynamic. We live it 24/7 (children, family etc allowing) and once we felt the relationship was moving forward I gave her a collar. To us it is a reminder of our relationship like a wedding band. She can't wear jewellery in work (day collaris a simple silver chain), and felt incomplete without it. As putting her collar on is part of my own ritual I understood. She can however wear paracord bracelets so I ordered one with a blue line between 2 white lines. It looks at first glance like the thin blue line ones, so nobody questions it, and it is still for me to put it on her and take it off. We have different collars for different things. Her day collar, her work collar (bracelet), play collars and a sleep collar. Although I suggested giving her a collar, the ritual and specifics were her requests

Good point, play collars can also be ones that are more tug proof. Lovely to hear about the ritual you two have with them. Connection is a beautiful thing :)

[ge****]

As you suggest each relationship and dynamic is different and the answers to your questions will lie in that individuality.
.
For some a collar is a symbol of a relationship that is almost like a kink wedding ring, for others they are merely a symbolic thing used during play, for some they are collected and interchangeable at a whim.
.
Similarly with the "when" - some will instantly want a collar, others will want to wait until it has a little more meaning between the individuals concerned.
.
There does seem to be a lot of conflicting opinions though - for some a collar is sacrosanct and should only be given/accepted as a commitment, for others they are as mentioned above, little more than a symbolic thing.

[ey****]

while there can be typical meanings; the most important thing is what the collar means to you.

Some people would say that someone wearing a collar signifies they are submissive.  Some would say it signifies them being an "owned" sub. 

Some in the old guard would say someone with a collar shouldn't be approached, but then there's others that would see it as a challenge if the person is unattended, or just say "to them it just signifies you're a sub" - so - it's open to different community (mis)interpretations - so as I say, it's what it means to you.

Some like collars because they see it as a sign of possession, or a sign of commitment, or something they've earned - like a sign of worthiness.

 

[Deleted Member]

My day collar was a really important symbol to me of belonging to my Dom. I never took it off myself except for once for an MRI scan. I took it off for good last Friday and, even though it hurts to look at it, it’s still sitting on the table by my chair because I can’t bear to put it away yet. 

[Hu****]

We also enjoy a collar and cuffs too

[Ig****]

I only use collars for sometimes play and most of the times In events show something like “collar on but no leash=sub unowned that night” “collar with leash=owned, stay away” “collar on the belt=Dom hunting for a nee sub”

[Ro****]

Honestly almost everything i came to say was already beautifully said. Im still waiting on my day to day collar as we waited about a year and have had recent complications. But for me and her the play collar is just that, we are both switches so its the someones in control and it is to a much stronger affect than without. On the other hand the public collar (decided on a necklace when its time) is a reminder more day to day, shes had one from me for years actually

[se****]

@Lockfairy My day collar was a really important symbol to me of belonging to my Dom. I never took it off myself except for once for an MRI scan. I took it off for good last Friday and, even though it hurts to look at it, it’s still sitting on the table by my chair because I can’t bear to put it away yet.

What is up with all these broken hearts?. Is this Valentine's Aftermath?. 😔

[Deleted Member]

To me it's a symbol of not just ownership but also trust, pride and love . Your happy to show off who you are with. Being collared by a Dom is the best feeling in the world knowing they want you to be theirs.

[ea****]

It can mean anything. Self empowerment. Long term devotion.

[Ch****]

You got it right that it differs from person to person. For some it’s just a ‚toy’ with no special meaning.

For me, a collar represents the D/s dynamic. It’s a symbol of ownership and that makes it so special. I feel proud when wearing one and I literally have mini orgasms when a D puts it on me, it feels so blissful.

For me, a collar is special to the relationship. I love being gifted one as a sub and I wouldn’t want to wear the same collar in a new relationship. It’s too personal for that.

As to ‚when’ you should collar someone, I like to so it when I feel comfortable in the relationship and want to surrender 100% and be someone’s property. In the beginning of a relationship I am obviously more careful and it’s more like a ‚test’ periode whether it is actually a good match and whether this person deserves my submissiveness. When I decide she does, that’s a good time for the collar :)

[Ho****]

I've always been one of those who sees the collar as a sacred bond and when I see kids showing up in timeline flat out asking for someone they haven't met yet to collar them, I end up straddling a line between sad and almost angry. I agree that every dynamic is different, but in an environment where it seems protocols are increasingly eroding, it would be great if the collar maintained its position as indicating a bond of trust and devotion and not be relegated to just another accessory. 

[ea****]

Yes I agree it should be taken as a more sacred experience and not so frivolously thought out but as long as the meaning behind what you want it to mean is purposeful and sacred I don’t think it matters.

[ea****]

It’s whatever you both consent it to mean.

[ey****]

Traditionally; of course.   Collars were worn by young ladies in the 40s and 50s in the build up to the sexual revolution as a means to show their availability or lack thereof : there was different meanings depending on where it was worn and how visible it was.  

The idea kinda returned in some of the rising gay communities via hankie code

The early idea of collaring in kink a basic combination of a children's playground game and a way for gay people to identify each other during less tolerant times (not that the present time is near perfect) 

Their role in kink is just a short spec on the timeline. 

[ea****]

^Dope

[ol****]

Old fashioned but a collar is a symbol of a committed relationship for me. 

I've never asked for one to be worn full time but have provided an alternative symbolic piece of jewellery that can be worn instead of a collar in certain situations.

[Da****]

For me it’s essentially like wearing a wedding ring, it means I’m taken.

[Pr****]

17 hours ago, macclesfield153 said:

Wow. Where to start. I suppose it depends on the dynamic. We live it 24/7 (children, family etc allowing) and once we felt the relationship was moving forward I gave her a collar. To us it is a reminder of our relationship like a wedding band. She can't wear jewellery in work (day collaris a simple silver chain), and felt incomplete without it. As putting her collar on is part of my own ritual I understood. She can however wear paracord bracelets so I ordered one with a blue line between 2 white lines. It looks at first glance like the thin blue line ones, so nobody questions it, and it is still for me to put it on her and take it off. We have different collars for different things. Her day collar, her work collar (bracelet), play collars and a sleep collar. Although I suggested giving her a collar, the ritual and specifics were her requests

I like the rituals she came up with. I may incorporate some of them too. Thanks for sharing.

[Ch****]

I got give my kink collarva year after  being sub for master. I wear it when we go to dungeons and also play time at masters.

 

I had a every day collar witch was a necklace with a sheep on it (long story) . But sadly it broke a few weeks ago and now I feel nacked an realy sad with out it. It will be replaced. When master an i can find the same 1 or 1 master likes. He chose it in the 1st  place. I loved looking at it knowing I belonged to master.

But the day it broke If I'd of been alone I'd of cried as to me its like a wedding ring.

If you see a person in a club with a collar on I never speak to the person with out asking the collars owner 1st. But outside a club unless you know a person is owned if there just wearing a necklace or piece of jewellery its hard to tell if some one is collard.

On my profile I do say I'm collard and owned 

[Deleted Member]

For me, collars are like unique necklaces that serve two different purposes: the ones I buy are an aesthetic that make me happy as compared to the ones I accept, which have significant meaning to the relationship. I own a few adorable collars that have soft leather or lace that won't irritate my sensitive skin. I wear my own collars because I love how they look and feel (and sound!). Accepting a collar (and the physical act of collaring) represents ownership. Collaring should be mutually earned and understood by both parties because of its significance. A stray is perfectly capable of being on their own, but once they fully learn to trust and accept someone's care (and that someone makes it clear that they want to adopt the stray), the dynamic shifts to something deeper and more intimate. The relationship evolves into a personal level of ownership. Since every individual depicts collars differently, it's best to discuss in advance to ensure mutual understanding.