Messaging People

[Deleted Member]

So when people message me, I try to be polite and message back, saying thanks for your message, you’re too young, too far away, not what I’m looking for, I’m talking to someone, good luck in your search, etc. But then people get annoyed that I’m not interested and either give me *** or block. Blocking is fine, if I’m not interested why wouldn’t you. But like abusing or trying to convince, and I don’t like to block because for the most part I know most people are just trying to find their way etc in what can be an overwhelming community especially if new. I’m new myself so I know. The actual question is, do I just be rude, not reply (I’ve even got *** for not replying…lol) and let them go on about their day?

[FETMOD-KF]

We've had a few messaging threads over time and I was two minds on putting this through.  But, there is a perspective that hasn't previously been brought up.

PLEASE

Keep responses valid to this topic - no kinda derailing about how men have it worse or other similar woe is me kinda comments. Please

[fartboy30]

I wish people would be polite to me

[Je****]

I simply do not reply. Why bother being rude?
If not interested do not respond. They cannot message back if you do not respond either. They will move on to someone else. No matter who it is, people handle rejection badly on all platforms. It is no different here. But, you do not owe them an explanation. I get being polite to decline, but if it is just making things more stressful for you, just...let them go.
I had to learn that the hard way. From any gender may I add. I just don't waste my time or theirs now if they are not what I seek.
Sorry that you get ***, but I am not at all shocked, it is just too common now.

[ey****]

9 minutes ago, fartboy30 said:

I wish people would be polite to me

Hopefully this thread might give you insight why a lot of people simply don't reply. 

[ey****]

I'm really sorry to hear this

It feels like a lot of people cannot win.   You don't reply or hit 'ignore' and people bitch and moan that they don't get replies, or that they're owed one or whatever they're spouting

Or you give a "thanks but no thanks" which leaves it open for the rude people (who pretty much confirm you were right to say no)

It's far too common.  I hope this gives insight to folk of why they don't always get replies. 

[Du****]

This sounds like ‘negging’ - attempting to provoke a response by abusing or insulting you. Some people never grow out of the toddler mindset that negative attention is still attention, which is what they crave. It is NOT rude not to reply - regardless of what some may tell you; your time is yours to bestow, and no-one else may make an unsolicited claim to it. Au contraire, it is rude to call someone rude for not replying, since it’s another way of soliciting attention by guilting you into it (see point 1). I’ve even noticed it in profiles: they say “if I message you at least have the courtesy to reply”, thus baiting you into it right from the off, because no-one wants to be thought of as rude. Sorry - doesn’t wash. If you wish to respond to anyone, either to decline or encourage, it is entirely your choice. The rest of us should respect that.

[ca****]

Don't worry people are a*****s so f**k them

[Ar****]

18 minutes ago, fartboy30 said:

I wish people would be polite to me

The reason people aren't polite to you is likely because of how you approach them. I've seen several of your comments on user photos recently and if my membership had been upgraded at the time I would have commented to call you out on some of them already.

I dread to imagine what you might be putting in a PM.

@buffalo947... I think whilst there are some folk who appreciate a polite declination they are few and far between. It isn't worth putting yourself through the mill, and if they are genuine they will understand that it isn't reasonable to respond to everybody. I'd stick to using the "Not interested" auto-response or not responding, they are perfectly clear and valid responses in themselves.

[Ch****]

This happens every day unfortunately.
Dammed either way you reply/dont x x

[Al****]

stand up for urself, be honest about how u feel but take their feelings into consideration too. if u or the other person ghost or block it can make someone feel hurt thinking “what did i do wrong?” or “did i say something?” but if one lashes out at the other then ghosting or blocking is necessary because there is no reasoning with ppl who are in an angered state. my advice is to just match the energy

[Ou****]

What I have seen other people do, and I think it’s probably a good idea, is to politely say “no thanks” and then always immediately block. Problem solved

[Je****]

1 hour ago, fartboy30 said:

I wish people would be polite to me

I can only give you friendly yet critical advice. 

People will be polite if you do not post the content that you do, on their profiles. I have had to delete this as they've repeatedly made me uncomfy to a point of blocking you. However i do hope you can find someone to connect with and take a note or two from this thread. All the best.

[ge****]

Sadly it happens and some people do get butt hurt when they are rejected - despite the fact that the rejection is to an unsolicited message from them in the first place.
.
Best thing you can do OP is only reply to those messages *you* want to reply to.
.
Ultimately it's your profile to run how *you* want to - so is pointless worrying about other people taking objection to how you do.

[Deleted Member]

I have always tried to be polite, and wrote a reply "No Thank You". This went negative as you described. Now, I do not respond or block them.

[ki****]

Those people are usually damaged in head

[va****]

Just block them you don’t want them in your life

[na****]

Sweet. They’re not even worth worrying about. Think of what you want and why you’re here! Women all get similar responses. It’s their insecurities, not yours…don’t EVER feel like you’re doing anything wrong. You’re not…the reason you are on here is for yourself sweet💞 Enjoy your weekend and stay safe x

[ki****]

Excatly,it's better to just ignore them

[Deleted Member]

So, I understand that the veil of anonymity let's people seperate themselves of the situation and act more uninhibited than they might in a real life social situation. But by god, the way some people act online is just insane, they cannot just be normal people, but there's so many of them and you just don't see people acting like that in real life. It truely baffles me.

My advice for the situation is to just block and ignore, any response you make may as well be screaming into the void for all it's going to do to get through to some of these terminally online reprobates and is purely for your own catharsis.

[ey****]

Ultimately - I do kinda think the best thing to do is if someone messages you and you are either not interested - or - no longer interested : to hit the "sorry not interested" button to terminate the conversation.

However; I also never want to see another guy whinge that someone hit this button on them either at the start or mid conversation - or - people demand "at least a reply" 

Guys seem to have this double think that they are somehow good and worthy of a response - while the bad actors should be just ignored and moved on from.   Being blissfully unaware it's often difficult to tell the difference.

[be****]

I agree with naughtynat. In addition, it’s wonderful you are so thoughtful and considerate of them. Keep being yourself and don’t give them too much time or energy beyond what you already have. Stay safe.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, kinkster786 said:

Those people are usually damaged in head

I wouldn't permit them that kind of 'let off' 

[na****]

4 hours ago, fartboy30 said:

I wish people would be polite to me

You’re are very rude and disrespectful to women! You called one a “bitch” the other day!

[na****]

Also just because there is a “click” here doesn’t mean no one else is entitled to a say!!!