sub drop/Dom drop

[Jed]

So we touched on this in the lobby last night and I would like to see more members engage with this subject that is all too common yet rarely discussed....

We all have inbuilt coping mechanisms hardwired into us from our formative years thro adolescence and into adulthood....we find ways to relieve stress and or cope with situations that otherwise would hold us up in life....but the *drop effect* felt by many subs/Dom's can be torturous in the extreme or leave a feeling inside that requires time and care to overcome....its in these moments that shared experience and learning comes to the rescue....for a Dom dealing with a sub who is experiencing the drop straight after play....good aftercare is paramount...understanding the mindset looking for the tell tale signs etc all go in to making sure the coping mechanisms are employed straight away...but then there's the moment your apart and the *drop* continues....this is where I would like discussion from you all....what are Your coping mechanisms how do You stop yourself falling further down the rabbit hole....lest not forget this touches Dom's too so again please engage in the topic....shared learning and shared experience can only enhance the community in its entirety 

Thanks for looking posting sharing

[li****]

Hey Jed this is a great subject that needs to be discussed. I have had a fair few sub drops, most have been while the Dom has been there and the aftercare has been ok not the best but I guess that's just being involved with a inexperienced Dom. The last sub drop I had it was after a very intense scene and the drop happened still days after. I had contact with my Dom but still his communication wasn't the best so I had to cope on my own. Which in the end I had to just sleep it off and talk to friends who got me through it. The Dom I was with shortly after that sub drop dumped me so it did mess up my mind a little bit as I felt he just wasn't there when I needed him. Again I think that comes from an inexperienced Dom who just didn't understand the situation and get how I was feeling. Thank you again for bringing this subject to light as I feel more Dom's and subs need to understand what goes on and into the mind and beyond when a drop happens.

[Deleted Member]

Great subject Jed as In the past I believe we have both brought up this very topic usually to do with newbies and the lazy so called D types that frequent the site . Over the years I've heard so many harrowing stories of subs that have just been dumped when drop kicked in and also the Doms that drop and just have a inability to admit this.

One point this is not a sign of weakness!! . It's the adrenaline comedown some control it better than others of which I counted my self In that group but it can bite the rest of us and really the only way it reach out if your Dom/sub is not forth coming or just lacking the emotional intelligence make sure you have a good support base talk to friends in the life reach out .

I've been there it's not nice friends are so important. 

As for after care ask the questions prior to any scene or play if the right answers are not forth coming walk .easy as that. 

I make my self available to my sub 24/7 no exception we always talk after that is a huge help and the side effect is the closeness developed  

I'll add more later  C

[saphy]

mySir.......You KNOW firsthand that its a debilitating factor that grips tight in your very core. It rips through Your chest and knots up your tummy and its a sadness and a sense of loss that's incomparable....but how do W/we manage it?......from a personal point of view, FOCUS is your friend. Once you manage to gain it of course lol.....keeping busy helps....but to get there you need to initially distract (not detract) yourself from those overpowering and overwhelming emotions, doing this allows you to gain composure which then leads to being able to focus more efficiently....continuous communication that allows you the space to revel in the time shared and process it. Memories and reflection will also leave a quiet murmer of satisfaction and enjoyment. But from a submissives viewpoint in coping and managing her Dominants 'drop'.....she needs to be attentive, caring and gently stroke His ego 😂😝 *coughs*....doing this will help balance Him and reassure Him that He delivered masterfully and clutching at what lies ahead stands them both in good stead for their future scenes. Conscientiously 'reliving' specific moments of enjoyment encourages strength and ability and placing herself in His hands brings forth the unspoken need for Him to reassert His Dominance. This is the best way a girl can provide aftercare for her Sir ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ btw....i love You 💖 xxxxxxxx

[ey****]

some things I often think to consider is that is likely both parties will experience some form of drop.  

This means after play/time together you may be approached, or need to approach, the other as some form of this.

A lot of physical aftercare is often obvious.  But it's the mental that can be the real bug bear and different people have different needs.  If you can preempt the others needs you can be really helpful - sending the first email/text to check in and such forth.

It's also important that sometimes people fill the drop by trying to push into more play too quickly - this can be a form of frenzy.  

I write a lot as part of my coping mechanism, some of these writings surface into blogs or comments - some just get ripped up after it's "off my chest".   Learning your own self-care is also important - what comforts etc?

I remember kinda telling a Lady I played with recently she should spend the day curled up on her settee with a bowl of popcorn and a blanket and her cats and watch shit TV.  (She smiled and said she did need to catch up on Love Island - finally a use for that show!)  

[Deleted Member]

Very good topic. X

[Deleted Member]

Firstly let me say it's so refreshing to read this post. This is an invaluable and every dominant and submissive should know how to recognise it and know what to do 

it's important to say it's not a myth is something very real 

for newbies out there either submissive or dominant sub drop is 

 

The temporary depression and/or chemical dis-balance experienced by submissive/masochists after intense BDSM play. This can be short lived or can be a delayed reaction, and/or can last as long as a week... If You are the Dominant or Top in the situation it is Your responsibility to see your play partner through this period of chemical dis-balance and or depression and make sure they are safe, sane and healthy.

 

The "low" feeling a person experiences (usually a submissive) after a BDSMsession. Generally caused by a sharp decrease in endorphins, cortisol, epinephrine, and adrenaline after ending a session. Similar to coming down after a high.

Subdrop is the state of physical, emotional, and psychological withdrawal from an intense interaction with another person.

As the above posters have rightly said both Submissive and Dominants can experience the "drop "

After care such as cuddles blanket drinks etc is required , remember  to care for someone includes both physically and emotionally 

 

Recognising  the signs of drop during and immediately after is vital 

some submissives can become "dazed" speech can become tad garbled or person may look and sound disorientated , other signs include 

flu like symptoms 

anxiety 

tiredness 

lethargy

feing sad or low 

 

particular those in long distance relationships can have huge drops after a overnight or weekend meets 

Many presume aftercare is immediate after but that's incorrect , contact afterward is vital , no matter how text phone cam etc 

 

Also little things like a bracelet is often given to a submissive to wear as a token to touch etc so she can feel contact without being side by side 

Sending little video snippets etc can help 

 

saphy gave a great description of how to cared her Dominant ... it's definitely a two way street to care and nurture each other 

 

lol Sorry I got on my soap box 

Sx 

[Meg97]

I've only experienced sub drop twice so far, but both times in the same session, with in about 30 mins. The first was scary and confusing because I had no idea what was happening; I know before, Sir was caressing me, slapping my ass and tits, scratching me hard, pinching, biting and restraining my hands. Then all of a sudden, I "woke up" and felt confused and overwhelmed and it took me a few minutes to form a coherent thought. But I don't think I dropped all the way down and then a few minutes later, Sir gave me an earth shattering orgasm and I was hyperventilating, crying and shaking after. All I remember is telling Sir to hold me and it took a good 20 minutes to come down and return to normal. 

That was only the second time that we played together, but we text each other every day so we have gotten quite close.

As for Dom drop, I'm going to talk to him about it and see if there is anything I can do to help him after an intense scene.

[ey****]

what I've often also found - sometimes there's obviously a lot of the immediate effects.   But I often suffer a few days later at random.  Sometimes often feeling it was so long ago and everyone is so far away.

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, Meg97 said:

I've only experienced sub drop twice so far, but both times in the same session, with in about 30 mins. The first was scary and confusing because I had no idea what was happening; I know before, Sir was caressing me, slapping my ass and tits, scratching me hard, pinching, biting and restraining my hands. Then all of a sudden, I "woke up" and felt confused and overwhelmed and it took me a few minutes to form a coherent thought. But I don't think I dropped all the way down and then a few minutes later, Sir gave me an earth shattering orgasm and I was hyperventilating, crying and shaking after. All I remember is telling Sir to hold me and it took a good 20 minutes to come down and return to normal. 

That was only the second time that we played together, but we text each other every day so we have gotten quite close.

As for Dom drop, I'm going to talk to him about it and see if there is anything I can do to help him after an intense scene.

That's such a good description of dropping and it takes experience to understand what to do and not think that your unstable or loosing the plot 

thank you for sharing , many people will have experienced similar but due to inexperienced not understood what was happening 

Sx

[Meg97]

6 minutes ago, sammyb45 said:

That's such a good description of dropping and it takes experience to understand what to do and not think that your unstable or loosing the plot 

thank you for sharing , many people will have experienced similar but due to inexperienced not understood what was happening 

Sx

I'm glad that I can help other people with my description, the way reading this forum has helped me. It's nice to have somewhere to ask these questions without fear of judgement and whatnot 😊

[Deleted Member]

Couldn't agree more 

Sx 

[BigPolly]

I cope with mine in a very different way, in order to cope or avoid a drop I make sure I am responsible for myself & have never been emotionally tied to a Dom. All of my Doms have either been one offs or over several play sessions but no emotional relationship so I deal with any drop myself. On occasion I have got dressed & left immediately after play & not looked back or have gone the wrong way about things & ended up straight back in a play session in order to wipe out the drop. This is probably not what I would advise to a sub but it works for me. I spent 20-odd years as a Domme & only became a sub a few years back so whereas I am happy to hand control of myself over to someone entirely during play, once play stops I need to be in charge of myself. I have assisted a Dom I played with a few times through his drop by showering him after play, washing his hair & cuddling him up in a towel whilst we talked (...about his ex 😂)

[Jed]

Thank you all for your valued input...as I mentioned shared experience and learning can only help to better the whole community and with all your words this will alert others to the situation x

[Deleted Member]

My experience of a subdrop I suppose can be a warning or advice maybe towards a new submissive rushing into these Dynamics thinking that the trust built enough between their Sir to scene  . I made that mistake big time I agreed  for him to come to my house (I know another mistake) and we scened loved everything about it was literally buzzing endorphins running high  after he packed up and left  and I never thought anymore cause I hadn’t learnt enough  thought it was the norm and that mistake cost me big time by not having the knowledge and understanding of these dynamics and respect that this lifestyle  deserves left me in a very bad way  it was 12 hours after that my head wasn’t feeling right and I felt so low tired and really emotional I wasn’t interested in anything not even my kids I just couldn’t be bothered I literally turned into a zombie it was like this dark cloud was literally zapping everything out of me  I messsged this Dom as I hadn’t heard anything from him and told him how I was feeling and all I got was I’m sorry your feeling this way I should of communicated earlier and that was it  my kids go to there Dads on a Friday that Friday I was alone and never felt so alone and could feel myself slipping  even further the weight was unbearable so I went into chat feeling really nervous literally hands shaking and asked for help and to this day i am truly thankful for all the support in that group cause without them I’m not sure where I’d be so the point of my story is not to abuse these amazing Dynamics between a D/s go out learn speak in the lobby and know your stuff to be able to build up the communication of your Dom and to work out if he is a true Dom cause again from my experience he wasn’t aftercare is one of the basics thing that should be known my growth as a sub has come from my mistakes and what I’ve learnt is not to rush into anything get to know your Dom if that takes 6 months then so be it and learn everything there is to learn  I certainly wish I had done that so to s those Mew submissives out there thinking yeah I know it all you don’t hunny go and learn some more xxx 

[saphy]

Polly......I love ya girl 😂😂 much loves xxxxxx and Beau, beautiful darling Beau....ive had the pleasure of knowing you for quite some time now and I've witnessed that growth within you for just as long and I have to say, you truly haven't had the easiest times at all. What you've shared here couldn't have been easy for you to reminisce over and I personally want to applaud you for that, infact I want to extend that to LilM as well. You both are absolutely amazing girls with worth that sets you on a par where you'd very easily be sought out but with that comes a vulnerability. You've both worked real hard to get where you are at this point and like the rest of us, you'll continue that hard work. The sad thing about learning a lesson is that sometimes we NEED to teach them to ourselves because it's the best way to learn. So take all that negativity and don't lose faith, process it...make it a positive in your life and cherish the journey. I can't wait to see you both spread those wings and grow phenomenally. I love and adore and treasure you both ❤️😍❤️😍❤️ "tre'sha trik....kar va"

[BigPolly]

Hahaha thank you @saphy I’m all about the smiles, the fun (much pain) & lots of new experiences 😁

[saphy]

@BigPolly you are indeed gorgeous and I adore the bones of ya! You're just sheer awesomeness lol mwah! ❤️😘😍

[Deleted Member]

@saphy  thank you for your kind words I am totally honoured to be calling you a dear friend  you simply are the best and yours and Jed’s support has been amazing and just wanna say loves ya both dearly  💗💗

[saphy]

@Beau as we do you huni ❤️❤️ keep thriving as you are! You've got this! xxxxxxx 💋💖💋💖💋 

 

[meelo_coco]

i definitely need more coping mechanisms i find sub drop soo hard at times . but having a friend who understands at the end of the phone I have found crucial

[li****]

@saphy @Jed you two have been there for me so much these past few months. Thank you for your kind words and support. Loves you both.

[saphy]

@Lilmonster and we'll continue to be huni....thats what a community is all about, supporting those who need it and helping them strive to be who they are. We all hit little snags and big bumps on these journeys, keeping strong is the key. And that's what great friends are for, to hold your hand in those times and to keep you from falling. We love you ❤️😘❤️😘❤️

 

 

[Jed]

Again thank you all ever so much for your valued input....its so heart warming to read all of your comments and experiences.....its very pleasing too see the community come together to openly share and encourage growth and development thro experience and I hope it gives rise to more new members who have read all of your comments, heart and encouragement that they can fulfil their own path with knowledge gained thro shared thought....big thanks again to all you *regs* for adding weight to a worthy subject matter.

Regards

Jed

❤

[Deleted Member]

My heart is swelling. I spent too long away from this community. 😢