Message etiquette

[Fa****]

How many out there actually think it makes sense to send an initial message to someone simply saying “hi” or “hello” or any form of this or even branching out into a 2 word combination of a greeting and some form of compliment or endearment?

I seem to be getting a decent amount of messages recently with simply one or two words and it’s becoming a little frustrating. 

I know I shouldn’t complain, and that it can be daunting messaging someone for the first time but seriously your generic message does absolutely nothing whatsoever for me so you may as well save both of us some time. 

Please, please put some though into what you send me or anyone. First impressions count. If I message someone first (which is rare, believe it or not I’m kinda shy) I at least know WHY I’m messaging - I like your pics, your dog is cute, your user name intrigues me, your profile is interesting and I will TELL you this. 

A generic message makes me feel like one in a long line of women you’ve contacted hoping for a “bite” - don’t do it. 

While I’m ranting: PAWG - not ok unless I know you and we’ve discussed it and if you’re going to use my user name in a message - spell it correctly 🤦🏼‍♀️

[Attaboy4u]

Huh?

[la****]

This has been my biggest pet peeve with online dating over the last 15 years. Can’t believe folks can’t read the profile and say something interesting!

[Deleted Member]

Your preference is valid and keep your standards.

[iB****]

I feel like it’s a 50-50 here. You yourself say you rarely reach out, because you’re shy, anyone can be shy when sending an initial message. At the same time I do agree that boring basic bland no effort attempt communication are already setting the tone. I think the best thing to do as cliché as it is, is be yourself and even send an initial what interested you in the person enough to reach out to them. You can be more risky and send something about their physical pictures, or maybe you can say that their collar must feel as good around their neck as my hand would. Overall, it’s a different world and things have changed. If one person doesn’t respond it doesn’t mean anything. Plenty of other kinky people on here to meet and discover, the only limit is your own confidence.

[pe****]

What does pawg mean

[Du****]

Total agreement on this - especially your point re: ‘hoping for a bite’, it’s so obvious. If anyone just sends “Hi”, or “Nice feet”, I don’t bother to reply, I just delete immediately. Sorry, men, but you outnumber us so heavily that you have to make an effort if you want to be taken seriously. After all, your two-word message means you’re not taking me seriously, and it shows.

[Fa****]

5 minutes ago, petitexBRAT said:

What does pawg mean

Apparently “phat ass white girl” (I had to Google) x

[Fa****]

8 minutes ago, iBeerlyFET_XO said:

I feel like it’s a 50-50 here. You yourself say you rarely reach out, because you’re shy, anyone can be shy when sending an initial message. At the same time I do agree that boring basic bland no effort attempt communication are already setting the tone. I think the best thing to do as cliché as it is, is be yourself and even send an initial what interested you in the person enough to reach out to them. You can be more risky and send something about their physical pictures, or maybe you can say that their collar must feel as good around their neck as my hand would. Overall, it’s a different world and things have changed. If one person doesn’t respond it doesn’t mean anything. Plenty of other kinky people on here to meet and discover, the only limit is your own confidence.

You’re right I maybe want as clear as I ought to be. 

I rarely reach out unless I’m seriously interested but if I do reach out I at least make an effort. 

A generic “hi” shows at best little thought at worst laziness and multiple sends x

[Deleted Member]

I dont think a one word greeting amounts to a first impression.

I think it should completely normal to start off messages with a simple "howdy do" cause thats how people greet eachother in person.

Especially if someone sends "hey" to you and all you think of in response is "hey" lol its kind of the same issue. If someone responds "hey" to you why not respond to them with interest in their profile? If they respond with a one word answer well youve done your part. In otherwords, perhaps all i need is to send a simple "hey" to see if the person im reaching out to will even respond in the first place because spending time and thought into 70 opening messages to 70 different people where only 5 of them will respond to you is equally exhausting

[Deleted Member]

13 minutes ago, petitexBRAT said:

What does pawg mean

From my experience "Phat Ass White Girl"

[Attaboy4u]

Okay the joke was in bad taste. So what's the point if you don't have any mental connection, and how else would you without some form of communication? Grunting is for another day perhaps, but yeah you aren't alone in the quagmire.

[lv****]

I feel like the reason men and women only give short messages is because of the lack of response. I give you some detailed idea of what I'm looking for that's well thought out and respectful and I get no response or no thanks'd or my favorite - sorry I don't like bald guys.. = )

The value of an app like this is being able to communicate easily and having a conversation before you take the leap to invest yourself into someone in an alternative relationship and by choosing to be turned off by a lack of detail in intial communication is only limiting yourself.

Real life interactions don't start off with a monologue about who you are and what your looking for. They start out with someone being friendly to you and you taking that chance to be friendly in return. A simple compliment or helpful gesture.

It's always your choice how to interact and its your right to look down on people who don't put effort out intially. Think about how many times you've reached out and gotten ghosted, ignored, or told thanks I'm good then think about your choice to do the same to others.

[Ic****]

I agree with you, of course. Something to keep in mind though— this can often be true in reverse as well, but in a different respect. In my experience, it’s very hard to get a woman’s attention, even with a specific, well thought-out message. I know women tend to have a lot more options, so I try to put something out there that is unique. But even with that, I very rarely get a response or, more often, I get a very standard, brief answer that doesn’t really invite more conversation. Pretty quickly it becomes me trying to get a conversation going and asking questions, and getting very little effort back. I agree that people should put some effort into their intros (and I really try to!) but I could also see that people just want to see if there is even a chance they will get a response before putting in a lot of effort. It would be nice if both parties in a conversation put in a little more thought into their conversations and try to get to know each other… that is sort of the point, right? 😄

[Deleted Member]

@Freetobare - I wholeheartedly concur... If they can't drum up the acumen to actually compose and composite a tailor-made draft for their suitor's... They honestly do not deserve one... It should begin with a greeting, now, technological advancements and so on, so, instead of a date, it should, ideally begin with a time-of-day, "Good morning... Afternoon..."... Etc... And then it should break into a full body conversation... "I read your profile, I found it quite relational, I too have an interest in x, y, z..."... And should, ideally leave with a signature, even if that's only a "It was a pleasure to make your acquaintance, name's Daniel, be well...". None of this wyd? rubbish?? 😕🙄

[RustytheFoxCoon]

Often there isn’t much to comment on. For instance, I tried complementing others on pics like you recommend - but often it leads to me being called a creep for judging on looks or even being called a “potential r*pist”
The biggest reason there is restraint, is the *** of those who heavily over react, even to things that make sense. While I do agree I wish it was as easy as giving complements you genuinely mean, it becomes a guessing game if this person is going to be really fun to talk to, a possible suitor, or if they will start slandering your name bad. I been there once, and it can ruin you. Please be patient with this kinda stuff as it’s not just a lack of creativity!
Also not saying you’re arrogant or bad or anything. Simply put, I wanted you to understand that I agree with you on how it should be, but want you to know what the environment for a dom can be like and why you may be seeing the level of this issue. It’s frustrating for both us. Sorry you have to deal with it too! I know it’s not fun. Hope I was able to at least add one point of view that makes sense, if not, still hope things going well for you!

[Am****]

This has become a a concept unique to online dating. When encountering people in the real world we do not go into elaborate detail of why we are talking to that individual without a response first. If the persons profile is also blank, then I get the frustration. In kink where communication and mutual consent is key, I am puzzled why this has become such a large faux pas. Treat people how you would if you had to meet them face to face, that includes waiting to immediately blurt out obscene desires within 2 seconds or saying hi or pulling out your junk. If a person says hi, why not be the better person and just say hi as well. Perhaps you’ll be pleasantly surprised one day

[Deleted Member]

Funny I wrote this one person a few sentence message saying some things about their profile that we had in common, no reply, a few weeks later I sent a “hi” and she wrote back and now we chat a bit. Guess you never know.

[Al****]

When I reply to a profile I give at least 4 complete sentences and then ask if they would like to talk please text me back.

[Deleted Member]

Agree 💯 and thanks for explaining pawg bc I didnt know either. Hey or hi or hru is laziness. It's not personal. I want to know why you picked *me*, it impacts how I will look at you.

[Mr****]

Oh ok ok I see I see

[Catsailor69]

One of the biggest deterrent for me to put a lot of effort in an initial contact, comes from sending many. I would send a greeting that started out with an introduction and comments on their profile. After a little while, when they wouldn’t comment back or worse, block me, I realized that I was spending a lot of time being polite and genuinely trying to connect with a good first impression.
Now I find it much easier to send a “Hello” with maybe a simple, “interesting profile you’ve created” comment. If they reply affirmatively, then I invest more typing time. Lol

[Deleted Member]

In the real world, most start off a conversation by "hello" or "hi". It is simple and brief. It allows someone else to get a word in to form a real conversation. Though, I understand that those words are used more than often, it usually holds the best format for conversation. One might think they are giving a compliment to another on something they make note of from their observations but, who is to say the other person would feel the same? Something as simple as the look of my arms for example, make me uncomfortable. Someone saying something nice about my arms may seem like a compliment from one end, but not on the other. I figure you will say "just don't show your arms"- or something along those lines... I do not have to display my arms but, sometimes when seasons change, some clothes become too heavy or too light for the environment. We as living beings, adapt to our environments. Back to my initial thought, I happen to say "hello" to start a conversation. I also start conversations being more detailed. Neither way is better than the other. Sometimes one may be frustrated by one type of greeting, and others by the other type. Over the internet, we struggle most here to find the appropriate words and phrases to not offend someone. Text does not convey the same tone as someone speaking to you. The generic approach may seem "overly done" to you but, may be someone else's way of doing their best to not insult you.

[Deleted Member]

Your post is totally relatable. Effort is everything. My pet peeve is when I receive messages referring to themselves as my 'Daddy' etc as an opener or something overtly sexual. I get that it's a kink site but my page has more about me than that. Do you have the same issue too?

[Ni****]

I can see why. I send out well thought out messages, but it's common to just be ghosted on the other end. It becomes easy to fall back on 'hi' because if you get a response, then you can proceed from there. A similar question could be asked about 'why dont more people respond back with a message letting you know they arent interested'. I still try to grab attention, but it gets tiring typing out a message only to get no response.