Subs and Switches

[Aq****]

What's your opinion on a sub and a switch 'playing' together? Do you think it would be viable long term?

I'm a bratty sub and my partner is a switch. He likes to be tied up and gagged sometimes and that doesn't turn me on, it does the opposite tbh. He says he's dom leaning and likes to be dominant mostly but seems to want to be tied alot. More than I thought he would. I'm a sub and could pretend to dom but it's just not me. I tried to like it but i don't. He knows it doesn't turn me on but I think he convinces himself sometimes that it does. When he is dominant it's great. He says he likes being a dom more but its more a 50/50 split in my opinion

[ey****]

yes, but...

the switch would have to accept they are unlikely to be able to do so many sub activities or explore that as part of the relationship

how big an issue that is depends on the person.  

But, an option sometimes is - can they do sub activities with someone else?

[Deleted Member]

if you both enjoy each other and its fun for both of you...it's viable

[Deleted Member]

Try and be honest with him

[Bigl123]

Maybe try and incorporate your bratty side into your sessions when being dominant. You know tease him for being in that position as a man etc.

I’m no expert but maybe behaving in the way you would do as a bratty sub whose been given control suddenly might be a fun role play for you. In terms of long term success I have no idea but the idea of this is to have fun so worth trying stuff out

[Bl****]

As long as both are having fun, it's perfectly fine😉

[Aq****]

11 minutes ago, Bigl123 said:

Maybe try and incorporate your bratty side into your sessions when being dominant. You know tease him for being in that position as a man etc.

I’m no expert but maybe behaving in the way you would do as a bratty sub whose been given control suddenly might be a fun role play for you. In terms of long term success I have no idea but the idea of this is to have fun so worth trying stuff out

I do that and it's something but I'm attracted to dominance mostly. So at somepoint I'd like him to take back control and punish me. But he doesn't, he just want to be a sub. So then I just put on an act of a dom which is fine, I'm good as it I think but its not me and it really doesn't turn me on

[ge****]

19 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

yes, but...

the switch would have to accept they are unlikely to be able to do so many sub activities or explore that as part of the relationship

how big an issue that is depends on the person.  

But, an option sometimes is - can they do sub activities with someone else?

This totally - and says pretty much what I would have said - the only other thing I can think to suggest is whether you would feel more comfortable (and he could accept) you doing the tieing and gagging etc but *without* the domination element.
.
As someone who, like you, is inherently submissive and doesn't feel at all comfortable dominating - I have found I can indulge in activities (e.g. giving a spanking) usually considered a "dominant" role if you take out the dominant element and just make it a "level playing field/kink play" type thing.
.
Or alternately could it work if he were topping from the bottom and instructing you to tie him up etc?

[Su****]

As long as you are both open and honest then there shouldent be an issue. If you do not clearly communicate with each other that you do or do not enjoy those aspects.
Change can be fun especially if you are learning. I like to switch so I like to try to get what I give so to say that way I can learn more and be better over all.
Ultimately if you don't enjoy then you need to have the open conversation about it.

[pu****]

As a switch, I get a bit turned off when someone is 100% one way because I like the give and take of being with someone in the middle. I’d have to really be in the mood and mindset to be with someone who is purely sub or dom.

[Deleted Member]

I think you answered your own question! If you don't want to dom than don't, unless you're willing to do so strictly for the benefit of your partner without expecting to enjoy it yourself. But that's a really hard ask (and, personally, if my partner isn't into the play and I feel like they're doing it out of obligation I can't enjoy it anyway). If it's really just "play" and not a serious ltr then consider enm. If you don't feel like you could honestly do that without letting jealousy get the better of you than probably best to part ways.

[mc****]

If it’s one of your limits, this is NOT okay. This can be considered ***. I recommend reviewing your contract with your Dom.

[al****]

I think that can workout very well but with some conditions. The switch has to understand his/her partner is just sub and she/he can't change the role and the sub needs to know the partner is switch not Dom and he/she can't dominate everytime. The partners need to communicate and understand each other .

[se****]

Switch... This is only my personal opinion. It is possible long term. Eyem is correct in respect and accept, there is no "other way around" later on. Flipping the coin, the "other" needs to be very Clear and Firm, there will be NO other way! Don't even think about it later on!! But... said in a Very Nice Way.😁❤ If the Switch hopes for the other way, then they should look for another person, so nobody gets hurt. I really understand you. There were some male Switches that could not make up their minds, vague or too afraid to say more Sub. Reminder, they were talking to another Switch.🤷‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

A switch knows how fun both sides of the power exchange can be. They are probably just saying they like being “dominant more” to keep you happy and not lose you, but secretly he wants to be dominated and is probably looking for someone that’s willing to do it.

[Aq****]

3 hours ago, gemini_man said:

This totally - and says pretty much what I would have said - the only other thing I can think to suggest is whether you would feel more comfortable (and he could accept) you doing the tieing and gagging etc but *without* the domination element.
.
As someone who, like you, is inherently submissive and doesn't feel at all comfortable dominating - I have found I can indulge in activities (e.g. giving a spanking) usually considered a "dominant" role if you take out the dominant element and just make it a "level playing field/kink play" type thing.
.
Or alternately could it work if he were topping from the bottom and instructing you to tie him up etc?

We discussed kink before entering a relationship and this topic came up a little. I thought he may be suited to a switch but he just wanted me and insists he is still more dominant.

I'm still exploring what about his subbiness I like and don't like sexually i suppose. I think tying his hands turns me off. Like I can gag him but he has his hands free so he can dominate me again, I just don't want full control. I could have full control if I was being bratty with the belief he would get free and punish me and take control again but he doesn't. He just wants to sub and forgets I'm not a dom?

[Aq****]

1 hour ago, jms1212 said:

I think you answered your own question! If you don't want to dom than don't, unless you're willing to do so strictly for the benefit of your partner without expecting to enjoy it yourself. But that's a really hard ask (and, personally, if my partner isn't into the play and I feel like they're doing it out of obligation I can't enjoy it anyway). If it's really just "play" and not a serious ltr then consider enm. If you don't feel like you could honestly do that without letting jealousy get the better of you than probably best to part ways.

I have done that and he knows I'm just playing a role. He's questioned if I'm a switch after I've done that and I'm not because I get no pleasure from it. We've been together 3 months in a monogamous relationship. I I expressed doubt at the start regarding it working between a sub and a switch but he still insists he doesn't want a switch

[ha****]

I see no reason why you couldn’t be his partner for his dominant tendencies and he can’t take care of his sub tendencies with someone else

[Deleted Member]

I list myself as a switch but I don't have a need to sub, I'm mostly I'm just being flexible. Unfortunately people think far too deeply into the statement I think.

So to answer your question yes your relationship can still work. If it's an occasional kink my suggestion is just play with it occasionally and get something in particular you want from him in return.

 

 

[sW****]

We don't always have to be turned on by what our partners need. Don't ignore your limits for anyone!! But, there is a difference between not satisfying for you and damaging, disgusting for you. If it makes you feel badly, explain this to your partner. If it is simply a matter of it's not your cup of tea, you can think of it as an act of service as a submissive. Many submissives engage with their partner's needs being foremost. If you can get into that mindset, you may actually find it pleasureable...because of how it makes them feel. If not, you must refuse to do it and find find way to help your partner get what they need...even if that means letting them be dominated by someone else.

[Aq****]

Me and my partner are in a monogamous relationship. We are not looking for anyone else to 'play' with or otherwise. I was just curious to know people opinions as its more common for subs to go with doms and switches to go with switches. He'd never make me do anything I'm not comfortable with either

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, AquariusTrash said:

I have done that and he knows I'm just playing a role. He's questioned if I'm a switch after I've done that and I'm not because I get no pleasure from it. We've been together 3 months in a monogamous relationship. I I expressed doubt at the start regarding it working between a sub and a switch but he still insists he doesn't want a switch

Yeah, he may say he doesn't want a switch but I think his actions speak louder than his words. I think sometimes males switches can have trouble really owning up to their sub desires because they may have shame over them - I just know for me that was something I had to work through. I think because submission is traditionally seen as a "feminine" trait there can be reticence for men to fully embrace that aspect of self.

[Ij****]

Yeah to kind of mirror what's already been said, I'm a Dom all the way through. Getting tied or dominated doesn't really do anything for me at all. But when I'm seeing a switch if they're feeling like being dominant then I'll let them do what they need to do and most times we still have fun. I wouldn't go against any limits but give it a shot

[sW****]

1 hour ago, Mathbro said:

I list myself as a switch but I don't have a need to sub, I'm mostly I'm just being flexible. Unfortunately people think far too deeply into the statement I think.

So to answer your question yes your relationship can still work. If it's an occasional kink my suggestion is just play with it occasionally and get something in particular you want from him in return.

 

 

Being able to switch and *being* a switch are different. Like being empathic vs. being a Empath. So, some people switch for the pleasure of their partner or to explore what might feel good. But, every Switch has different needs. Some are bottom/top heavy but still *need* that other experience to be fulfilled. Some can and enjoy taking any role requested in the moment and may not need to experience other aspects of heir switchery because this fulfills them.

[se****]

@HeyTomoe... I agree with you, and this is so far alot what I have seen and experienced. They don't want to loose the women. Like I said, they were like this to me as well to a female Switch. I don't like this, because it is not fair for me or the other person. Also, this is misleading. BUT... I have met some GOOD male Switches that was clear and open.