Lo**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 (edited) 8 minutes ago, JayBlaze777 said: I’ve heard of this happening to other girls. Dude was a complete slimeball. Manipulated & planned it from the start. This is a huge wrong doing & idiots like this ruin it for women going forward. It’s sickening that he spent all that time building trust with ulterior motives the entire time. That is my take on this as well. Manipulation, plain and simple. He hoped that once you were in that position, you would feel unable to back out. There are many that would have gone along with this despite their discomfort. Well done for sticking firmly to your boundaries and not letting him trash them. Edited July 16, 2022 by Lockfairy
Ae**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 Not an overreaction. That's a dom you cannot trust, massive trust exploitatio, very unsafe to be around a person who lies by omission about an entire human being turning up and belong with you both while you're very ***.
Deleted Member Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 The answer is No and Yes. No because any kind of relationship but special ours, the kinky ones, are based on trust and truth. He should told you in advance and discuss with you. Even in non consensual fetish should be an initial agreement. From my personal dominant point of view that guy (I'm not calling him man in purpose) was a regular guy looking for an easy threesome spiced with some kinks. Yes because by your reaction proof that you are egoistic. You aren't the only one, there are many,many girls like you. I never blindfold. I love to read the reactions of my actions in my girl's eyes. But do you know where is the problem? Submission and domination aren't games or role playing. Is requiring a certain psychological development and as I said before a relationship in this way is based on trust either that is a LTR or occasionally relationship (people which are going to designed clubs have the tendency to play with same people over and over again which is creating a type of relationship). The mistake of many girls which are declaring submissive is that you don't know, or don't want, to let your inner self go. Bottom line is that you have to work more on yourself in order to attract the real dominants and not random guys which are anchored too much in vanilla world and practicing time to time domination. Be more carefully how you are choosing them. You can be dominant (because of your job for example) in daily vanilla life but for a real submissive vanilla life is becoming a role play.
Matttster Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 I agree with most of the comments above. What he did was wrong. Any relationship, be it kinky or vanilla, should be built on openness and honesty. He was not open nor honest. Did you even know he had another woman he was involved with in some way? It does not matter how new you are to kink, he misled (understatement) you. He betrayed your trust. He acted apologetic later, but was he sincere? Or just sorry his great plan flopped? I am glad you stood your ground and walked away!! I would suggest you keep walking and not look back.
Cr**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 21 minutes ago, gemini_man said: I'd say it was a heck of a lot more than a "simple" lack of communication which almost dismisses it as an oversight on his part - it has to have been pre-meditated for the third person to even be there and yet this guy still didn't think to mention it!! . *ALL* the blame here, based on what we know, lies at the feet of the dominant and absolutely none with the OP. . And sorry, but rating the experience? Not really necessary and if it were surely that's for the OP to do, and I daresay it wouldn't be a 5!! It's as simple as it gets. As "sweetness" already stated, the mention of a threesome was already on the table. You ever heard of a surprise? Regardless of whether it was premeditated or not doesn't diminish the fact that the possibility of the encounter being a success remains. My own personal experience with a surprise threesome (MMF) went smoothly and it wasn't even detailed as when or who would be involved. So as I stated -- it's a 5/10 encounter for lack of communication on both parties involved. All the blame is on the dom? You don't even know all the facts. I'm rating your comment 0 out of 10.
xo**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 Aw hell no. Run the f**k away from him. That's such a red flag.
ge**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 25 minutes ago, sweetness2022xx said: It did seem preplanned and I was the only one not in on the plan. I think that is part of my problem Which if it was, makes the other lady just as culpable as the dominant - now of course he could have fed her a line or whatever, but she has a level of responsibility here too. Either way, I'm glad you're able to treat it as a learning experience, not that lessens the wrongness of the actions of either of the others in the slightest.
Deleted Member Posted July 16, 2022 Author Posted July 16, 2022 Not at all.. you are completely right
Ho**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 This was a complete and premeditated *** of your trust. I know you sunk a lot of time into getting to know him, but IIWY,I'd never see him again.
Pu**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 That's really shitty of him, you did not overreact in the slightest
Ro**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 I left my actual statement above, came back to say its nice seeing the community actually be a community and not half and half opinionated dirt war it seems most things become when big enough. No one screaming obvious red flags to counter. Its a little sad when you wake up and see something and thats the barrier to things being a miracle… but again its nice to witness
ge**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 21 minutes ago, Creampie201 said: It's as simple as it gets. As "sweetness" already stated, the mention of a threesome was already on the table. You ever heard of a surprise? Regardless of whether it was premeditated or not doesn't diminish the fact that the possibility of the encounter being a success remains. My own personal experience with a surprise threesome (MMF) went smoothly and it wasn't even detailed as when or who would be involved. So as I stated -- it's a 5/10 encounter for lack of communication on both parties involved. All the blame is on the dom? You don't even know all the facts. I'm rating your comment 0 out of 10. A "surprise" is something you spring on someone you know well enough to know they'll be receptive to the surprise - which in this instance, regardless of any other side of the story (so that comment was irrelevant) it's clear was not the case. . The possibility of the encounter being a "success" is almost completely diminished by the above alone - and yes there's a possibility that the OP *may* have been receptive to it, but as it's clear she was not your point is completely irrelevant. . You may have had success with a similar experience, but either you were very lucky, or knew the other person well enough to know it would be well received - and I'll wager it wasn't on a first meet - either way it does not make what happened to the OP in any way right, nor does it mean she is in any way to blame or failed to communicate adequately - from all she has said she in no way encouraged the situation of having this sprung on her. . No I don't know all the facts, which is why I qualified my comment with "based on what we know" but that is all we can go on and based on that *ALL* the blame does indeed lay at the feet of the dominant here.
Strix Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 I see this as a breach of trust. He assumed that you'd be fine with another woman. He never discussed this prior to you in any conversation while online. When you turn up he asks you if you've had a threesome but doesn't inform you that there is a woman there or maybe coming over to join you at any point? If in a D/s relationship or even as D/s play partners you need trust. If a second person is to join in, as far as I am concerned for myself, is that we both meet the person I/she would like to join in with our play time we talk through what we want to happen what we like and see if we all in agreement. We meet several times then that's fine. There may be times that I may vary this but I still would make sure that all parties are happy with the scene as to not breach trust or consent at any time as would rather have a true submissive woman become my sub than end up being classed as a ***r of trust or breacher of boundaries.
Bl**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 That was horrible what that alleged "Dom" did. I agree with @gemini_man That wasn't a surprise. That sounds more like a couple wanted a 3rd to play but didn't handle it in anyway properly.
Cr**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 17 minutes ago, gemini_man said: A "surprise" is something you spring on someone you know well enough to know they'll be receptive to the surprise - which in this instance, regardless of any other side of the story (so that comment was irrelevant) it's clear was not the case. . The possibility of the encounter being a "success" is almost completely diminished by the above alone - and yes there's a possibility that the OP *may* have been receptive to it, but as it's clear she was not your point is completely irrelevant. . You may have had success with a similar experience, but either you were very lucky, or knew the other person well enough to know it would be well received - and I'll wager it wasn't on a first meet - either way it does not make what happened to the OP in any way right, nor does it mean she is in any way to blame or failed to communicate adequately - from all she has said she in no way encouraged the situation of having this sprung on her. . No I don't know all the facts, which is why I qualified my comment with "based on what we know" but that is all we can go on and based on that *ALL* the blame does indeed lay at the feet of the dominant here. You must not know very many people, huh? A surprise is not exclusive to having known individuals well enough. I myself (in both social and private life) have had and been given surprises by 3rd party participants. Lack of communication on both parties.Your own morbid take on this topic has now become null. Congratulations. The possibility for the surprise to have been a success stands without correction. Again, lack of communication. Congratulations. I've had many subs and many experiences similar to this. "Very lucky" and "knew the other person well enough" are both things you, again, are incapable of knowing. And your wager was wrong. Lack of communication. Congratulations. "Based on what we know" when applied to only hearing one side of a person's experience is the equivalent to a court trial with one party absent entirely. Please, I urge you... don't go into law. You're unqualified.
Bl**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 I was all set to meet a guy I met on this app, but I knew I didn't trust him enough to have sex when we met. I wanted to get to know him a bit. Bastard ghosted me. Definitely you need to express your boundaries very clearly and loudly! It may end in your getting ghosted like I did, but you will be safer. A true Dom wouldn't pull that crap on you. I'm a Domme, I wouldn't ever do that to any of my littles. I take the fact that they trust me very seriously. Good luck to you. If you ever need a friend, message me.
Mr-Brown Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 No you didn't!! You were right..it was your safe and trusting place..also while blindfolded and very *** and trusting state he brought someone else in. And without pre-greeing. What an idiot 🙄 he should have been happy with you and only you at that time.
Da**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 Not an over reaction at all. As a Dom with multiple subs everyone knows what is going on beforehand, when we are all going to meet for the first time, when we are going to play for the first time, etc. No secrets. My subs has even given me permission to surprise her with it and I refuse to do it, because I know my sub and that's not what she really wants. It was a total lack of respect and a breach of trust.
Deleted Member Posted July 16, 2022 Author Posted July 16, 2022 You picked a lame ass fake “Dom”. A real Dom would never do that. Completely took advantage of you and your trust, wasted your time and gas. Pos.
Deleted Member Posted July 16, 2022 Author Posted July 16, 2022 I would have absolutely lost my mind. It's an outrageous betrayal of trust. It doesn't matter one bit that he brought it up over dinner and the response above that it could have been taken as tacit permission is nonsense. If you want to add another person to a play session you ask *directly* and then *who that is* should be discussed. I would expect to at the very least meet them beforehand. *Very apologetic* wouldn't have covered it if I'd been in your shoes because I would have absolutely gone through him.
Th**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 Sweetness not only did you do the right thing but as this was a first meet you did the brave thing as well, well done. . As has been stated multiple times this was absolutely a breach of trust, at the very least. The fact that he had to arrange for the third party to be there probably indicates pre planning. . This is an excellent example of why a Dominant should not take general consent as a reasonable level of consent. Personally I use Specific, Informed, Enthusiastic, Consent. . Keep, keeping safe
Du**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 1 hour ago, Creampie201 said: It's as simple as it gets. As "sweetness" already stated, the mention of a threesome was already on the table. You ever heard of a surprise? Regardless of whether it was premeditated or not doesn't diminish the fact that the possibility of the encounter being a success remains. My own personal experience with a surprise threesome (MMF) went smoothly and it wasn't even detailed as when or who would be involved. So as I stated -- it's a 5/10 encounter for lack of communication on both parties involved. All the blame is on the dom? You don't even know all the facts. I'm rating your comment 0 out of 10. Absolutely not. The Dom brought in another person, without consent, *while OP was blindfolded*. There is no interpretation of this which makes it acceptable, Being open to the idea of a threesome, under certain circumstances and with the right kind of person, is a universe away from what this Dom actually did to her. Appalling lack of etiquette at best; out-and-out *** at worst. It’s not even a question of whether OP’s feelings or words were “misinterpreted”: the Dom should have taken care to leave no room for doubt. And it *is* his responsibility because *he’s* the one introducing the ‘extra’. He knew what he was doing and he knew OP wouldn’t consent - that’s why he waited until she was blindfolded. Consent is everything. End of.
Po**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 I'm sorry that this happened and does shake up the trust and the energy
Cr**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 15 minutes ago, DuchessFeuille said: Absolutely not. The Dom brought in another person, without consent, *while OP was blindfolded*. There is no interpretation of this which makes it acceptable, Being open to the idea of a threesome, under certain circumstances and with the right kind of person, is a universe away from what this Dom actually did to her. Appalling lack of etiquette at best; out-and-out *** at worst. It’s not even a question of whether OP’s feelings or words were “misinterpreted”: the Dom should have taken care to leave no room for doubt. And it *is* his responsibility because *he’s* the one introducing the ‘extra’. He knew what he was doing and he knew OP wouldn’t consent - that’s why he waited until she was blindfolded. Consent is everything. End of. Again, you all are basing your criticism without the "dom" present to represent himself. Blind judgment based off one person's testimony. There's no detailed analysis of what was exactly discussed nor agreed upon. Again, lack of communication. This time, lack of evidence to support any valid claims. Both parties are still to blame.
ge**** Posted July 16, 2022 Posted July 16, 2022 1 hour ago, Creampie201 said: You must not know very many people, huh? A surprise is not exclusive to having known individuals well enough. I myself (in both social and private life) have had and been given surprises by 3rd party participants. Lack of communication on both parties.Your own morbid take on this topic has now become null. Congratulations. The possibility for the surprise to have been a success stands without correction. Again, lack of communication. Congratulations. I've had many subs and many experiences similar to this. "Very lucky" and "knew the other person well enough" are both things you, again, are incapable of knowing. And your wager was wrong. Lack of communication. Congratulations. "Based on what we know" when applied to only hearing one side of a person's experience is the equivalent to a court trial with one party absent entirely. Please, I urge you... don't go into law. You're unqualified. I'll not derail things further by countering that point by point- suffice to say IMHO you're wrong, taking a lot of what I said out of context and lowering things to an immature level with your attempts to belittle. . Whichever way you look at it though the dominant in this instance was very wrong, did not have consent (based on what we know) and the OP has neither over reacted nor done anything wrong, not only in my opinion but that of the overwhelming majority of those responding.
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