A scam (Findom) vs fun (femdom) *one just is *** based

[Go****]

I would like to know why do
Most of these times these apps say I’m a scam. And yes I’m a findom but I have verification on several other websites (Here, loyal fans, IWC, reveal me) Why do people rather do femdom when it’s roughly the same things. Like one quick question of “who’s a good boy handing over all his ***?” And it’s either you do it or don’t. Why are you so mad when I tell you I’m a findom and call me a scam?

[FETMOD-KF]

couple of notes

obviously discussing Findom is permitted on this site; but advertising is not

while we know this is a divisive topic - opinions shouldn't descend to slurs or insults - and while there are people that might not feel this is a 'valid fetish' - those who enjoy it would disagree and so no comments to that degree.  

[ge****]

I think the "fake" accusations will largely come down to the fact there *are* "dominants" who are fake and who do scam others for *** - so seeing someone who is looking for *** (i.e. a FinDom) leads people to draw conclusions.
.
Perhaps make it clear in your profile precisely what you are about - get yourself verified on this site etc to try and avoid people making those conclusions about you?
.
As for FemDom and FinDom being roughly the same - the fundamental difference is the financial aspect (unless we're talking professional FemDoms) and is probably why, for some (myself included) FemDom is the preference.

[un****]

If they are a true FinDom, there is no scam. Many finsubs find sexual gratification in having their finances controlled by someone else. But, it does leave the whole category open to scammers. It's not something I have, or would do, but I do understand there is a niche for it.

[Deleted Member]

I work in procurement and apart from having in interest in a transactional dynamic; or in being dom’d at all - my main issue with findom as a whole is the lack of clear terms and conditions on the engagement from providers within the sector.

[Deleted Member]

Sorry *no interest!

[su****]

I didn't know that was thing guess I still have a lot to learn

[XxXDirtyboyXxX]

Ok this is my opinion and view. I have thought of paying for sessions when really in mood or thought about taking up femdom that says they only require a purchase of one item or one payment/ tribute for a new toy not wanting to use ones from previous relationships. And some have had many things backing them up from videos pictures of others that had sessions so on. Even if all evidence points to your legit hard to trust someone who won't meet first. I don't mind buying toys and stuff for femdom or in my case gf to play but I meet them played with them and know there not wasting my time. But someone that I meet on the internet that won't even meet first even for a drink dinner doesn't have to be sex is hard to trust. I seen and almost was tricked once someone made new profile used someone else info and verifications from pics to videos and everything had tons of stuff that made look legit but found out wasn't kept catching them in lies. The fact is man have to deal with 10x more scams and tricks if not more then females. And it's hard to send cash then expect someone you never meet in person to keep there word. it not like you can ask for refound if they change there mind or do anything about it they can run with your *** and some do. Hints why nobody trust I know am not going to be scammed maybe am to scared to be scammed but hey.

[ey****]

to digest

an awful lot of people aren't into Findom and don't make any attempt to learn about it - and that makes sense.   

regardless of a lot of what I am about to say; this still goes back to the original point that a lot in Findom, and certainly how it is presented, does not interest them.

A lot of people from there have at least been attempted to be scammed; at it's simplest "Pay me £x and I will give you everything you want" and they don't differentiate this from consensual Findom arrangements.

There is also a lot of misogyny (and sprinkles of homophobia) attached.  M/f findom is extremely rare (but exists) with most 'cash masters' having male submissives also.  
 

There is also a layer of entitlement - that there are men who think they started a conversation so you should respond without T+C's attached - while also a slippery slope fallacy that if this all catches on then more and more women will do the same and no one will satisfy their boner for free.

There is also the lack of understanding - from even those involved.  "I will talk to you, send for lunch" - the guy sends for lunch and then they chat a bit and she stops.   He will then make blames about being scammed or ghosted or whatever when the reality was he was expected to *send again* to keep the conversation going.

Similarly.   There are a lot of ladies who don't entirely understand what they guys want.  Or, maybe they do, but don't always spell out this isn't what can be offered.  That yep, there's a guy who will send a fiver once for breakfast and expect a month's worth of conversation from it - but when it is kinda cleared up it does feel overly mechanical which is not fun 

People will also always roll out a straw story of someone who kept spend spending more than they could afford and there's no real regulation.   Like, if you phone a phone sex line they will identify customers who are *** and cap their bill and/or block them but this doesn't exist in online findom and as such provides assorted horror stories.

In short, however

Being accused of being fake or a scam is going to come with the territory of doing Findom.  Don't focus on the people who think you are fake, but instead focus on your subs and those who are paying.  

 

 

[Deleted Member]

Its certainly bizarre a lot of men hate findom and call it a scam, yet they are happy if they find a sugar mommy who wants to spoil them 🤔🤔🤔

[Bo****]

Scam is when the owner of the account using a fake picture. I believe this can be addressed by video calling once at the start of the communication.

[Lo****]

I feel like it's the up front or not nature of it. So many now see Findom as a quick way to get cash from horny wankers, and there's a lot that will start a conversation and lead a sub on, get them thinking that they've found their perfect dom only to suddenly get hit with the "f**k you, pay me" attitude. I feel like it's so common online now that content creators think that it's a business to be a findom, rather than forming an actual d/s relationship.

[ey****]

there's a bit of a catch 22 - and - so...

guy and findom start talking

Findom - send

guy - prove you're real

Findom - gives a bunch of evidence

guy - video chat me

Findom - video chats as further proof

guy - got exactly what he wanted and didn't have to spend a penny

 

who is scamming who there?

 

[ge****]

46 minutes ago, BoundSheep said:

Scam is when the owner of the account using a fake picture. I believe this can be addressed by video calling once at the start of the communication.

It's not just that though and in some cases may not be the case - scammers seek to make financial gain from conning people into parting with their *** in the belief they are getting something in return - how they achieve that takes on many forms and may be slowly built up from relatively small sums to vast ones over time.

[Deleted Member]

The thing that comes to mind is that so many scammers use "financial domination" as cover for their predation. So common is it that those that do so outnumber those who are on the up and up. Because of this, there's unfortunately become a sort of "false equivalency" between the two.

The best thing IMHO is to be upfront with this, including great detail about *precisely* what your various kinks mean to you, including needs, limits and consent-wise.

It is =critically important= to represent and advocate for yourself upfront, to negotiate play and gauge your potential partner's commitment to respect your boundaries and safety. This goes for **all kink**, not just financial play.

Because I'm personally upfront about not being into "financial", that it's triggering for me and thus one of the hard limits I list in my intro, scammers have to work much harder trying to lure me in, get me hooked on them before going for ***.

[co****]

In my past, I have been the sysop of a porn server, before the craze that it has become; so I have some basic knowledge about selling sex, and what is scam behavior. There are so many people asking for ***, online. Either selling ad space, or just through the normal hustle to pay bills, so many people have a hand out.

When anyone asks me for ***, it's an instant turn off; when chatting with a women who has a kink in relation to ***, it is my cold shower to anything happening further.

I personally find it kinkier, when chatting with a female, who is motivated to chat with be because of their own pleasure, rather then chatting with me to try to make a buck off of me, because she knows how to use sex to make *** (there are so many choices in a "using sex to sell products" culture already).

In a culture where the middle class is more of a fantasy, and you are left with the rich 1% and the poor 99%; more people are going to be interested in getting as much for as little out of their pocket. More than likely because they don't have the cash to pay you, but want to play the part as a player; because the Internet allows you to be any fictional character you create for yourself to be.

[Deleted Member]

I'm fairly new to this but submissives paying a tribute or some of fee is completely normal?

[ey****]

42 minutes ago, jas05 said:

I'm fairly new to this but submissives paying a tribute or some of fee is completely normal?

So; to digest

Professional Dominatrixes are common and would require a tribute or fee.  They may often (but not always) require a deposit which would require a % of the fee up front and the rest upon meeting.   

A Professional Dominatrix would NOT meet for lunch or coffee "to see if you get along" without any form of payment or tribute. 

Financial Dominatrixes / Findom is often more online play so, again, a tribute unlocks so much chat, interaction or online play.  

However....

Female Dominants do not all exclusively work professionally - and as such would not expect a tribute, a fee, gifts or anything like that (though, buying a partner gifts *is* nice, right?) 

But one of the major problems is a lot of guys treat these as if they were a Professional, i.e. giving a list of fetishes, wishes, pushing for play quickly, so on so forth - and then often wonder why they get nowhere.

--

one of the other issues is a lot of scammers are aware how both pro dommes and online findom works and so can bait similarly for people who are little bit quick off the pin.   But they would also sometimes pose as being someone who doesn't work professionally - but of course is still going to spring a scam somewhere on the line - it usually is getting you to pay for something from a store that doesn't exist or so forth

[co****]

In My experience it was just a few short years ago that paying financial tribute was an instant red flag. In todays world you see those who claim to be Dom and demand to be paid a tribute but when faced with a real Dom they will agree to submit but again with a tribute expected, they should be honest and just say they'll pretend to be whatever you want for a fee

[StrictMaster44]

52 minutes ago, jas05 said:

I'm fairly new to this but submissives paying a tribute or some of fee is completely normal?

No it's not normal

[ey****]

as a further to that - while *** and pro dommes etc are welcome on this site - it can only be for dating or conversation and not to seek clients

if they are a Pro with a € on their account then that is fine 

but otherwise it's conversation or dating only.  So if someone DOES suddenly start asking for ***, then you hit report and end the conversation.  Equally it is also forbidden to offer *** unless the person has the € profile - so anyone trying to bait people is also forbidden. 

[jo****]

Cause of reputation and legal stuff.

[Deleted Member]

Problem is that there are WAY too scammers. Guys / companies overseas etc ... That want a small fee and sometimes they want gift cards and all this other stuff. People are more on guard. Sad ... when you're a legit Findom. You get lumped in with fakes. IDK ... Best thing to do is have a good get to know each other first. Lay out what you offer "things you'd do" and have them layout what they're after.Get agreement, from both sides. If you can't video chat, send pic with you holding up a piece of paper with their name/username on it. Make sure it's handwritten or send a snap chat of you, we're you write it and hold it it up . After everyone is happy, everything laid out ... Now clarify ... "I am a Findom and I require a fee upfront. After, that I expect you to give me *** when 'fill in the blank'. You understand?" They say yes, you give them your cashapp or however you do it. Just put in the extra work. *** will come.

[Go****]

18 hours ago, BoundSheep said:

Scam is when the owner of the account using a fake picture. I believe this can be addressed by video calling once at the start of the communication.

In any sort of situation I ask for public meet or video chat. If they don’t, it’s a scam imo. I open with that requirement and scammers go radio silent.

[ge****]

The problem is that too many *** demand tribute and things like that too quickly. There are way too many scammers and any real Fandom gets lumped in with them because every girl and guy pretending to be girls that just wants to make a quick 50 bucks without actually being a domme says they're a findom