What's your perspective?

[al****]

I was always told that a person should stand behind their word. If you say your gonna do something follow through and if you can’t then communicate that. Personally I don’t like to create false expectations.
Yet i find it extremely common that people don’t think the same way. What is the point? What do people gain by setting up false expectations? I feel like it takes too much effort and energy to tell you what I think you want to hear when my actions show the complete opposite. Personally it is one of my pet peeves. But I am curious as to what others think about this.

[TN****]

I totally agree. If you say your are going to do something then do it. There are so many fake people on any of these “dating” sites. It always comes unraveled in the end. So why do it?

[je****]

Hell yeah say you’re going to do it and keep saying it or start saying the little senseless lies it makes you really wonder, yeah I’ve studied many people and walks of life and let people keep doing it to see if they ever get it but that’s how I approach it because those individuals will never change promise. Communication trust and being honest is my big three deal breakers…. Respect will come with that. Good post girl

[Pr****]

Sadly, many people DO think the same way…selfishly. They want what they want and will do whatever it takes to get it. They don’t care about your expectations. These parasites only care about what they expect they can get from you, and will move on to the next host as soon as they’ve drained the last. You’ll be better off once you can accept many people in this world don’t share your values…some will, but often the scales won’t balance. After saying all of this, I want to add…you can trust everyone you meet. Yes…I said CAN…but it’s up to you to figure out what you can trust them with and for. Good luck…

[Cu****]

Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

[al****]

Loving the feedback ❤️

[Ju****]

Let's be honest, most people online are about the fantasy of what they say and project. People want to live a life in their head that doesn't match their reality. That's never going to change.

All you can do is be better at spotting the real ones from the fakes. Don't spend weeks chatting online. Video chat is too readily available while still maintaining anonymity. Use ALL the technology at your disposal to vet people and the truth will come to light sooner.

[fe****]

I completely agree I've spoken with a few women on here who say they would make my profile a reality but in the end I realise they are only saying what I want to hear for financial gain and I'm certainly not interested in that, why can't people just be honest and say yes they will or no it is not for them

[Th****]

I was just telling my roomies this. Don't offer me help getting on my feet and then make me look foolish when I ask for rides to find work or a doctor's appointment. Damned if I do damned if I don't.

[Deleted Member]

Most if not all people lack integrity and honesty so it's no surprise that your struggling to find what you need. You just need to find the right person that has them qualitys no matter how hard that is to find

[littlemiss37]

I have managed to suss out these kinds of pple . I notice they what u call love bomb like overly compliment me etc . If u ever need to talk I'm only a pm away x

[MrJim]

I live by a code of ethics and honor but it may stem from my years in military service. I believe you are correct in saying that most people don’t care about anyone but themselves and they lack ethics and self respect. If you tell someone that you will be somewhere or that you will do something you should do it. This is especially true when that person is family or a friend. Unless you are lying in a hospital bed do whatever you said you would do. Just my two cents

[He****]

I always follow through with what I say I'll do, I've never not. I may not always be able to do something straight away but if that's the case I will say so. I don't see the point in saying things for the sake of it, you are right it takes up too much energy. What I want to hear is the truth always, BS gets found out in the end anyway.

[ey****]

Actions always speak louder than words

But there is a lot very important to understand in a kink context no matter how frustrating they may be

So for example people in some form of sub frenzy will potentially agree or appear to be up for a lot of things and when the frenzy kinda wears off a bit; sometimes this seems less good an idea.  It is important to kinda recognise when someone is agreeing (or even suggesting!) things while in frenzy, or while simply masturbating to the idea.

Some of these of course deliberately waste your time; but some genuinely mean it, at least at the time - and may struggle themselves a little with now saying 'no' to something they'd previously said 'yes' to. 

Obviously then of course there are those that will tell you what you want to hear as part of any form of dupe or scam, an old saying there that if something seems a little too good to be true, it probably is 

[se****]

I told a pal, the rule of keeping your words are to keep them when the others are not Shady! Ended up being a 3rd party innocent victim. No more pal.🤷‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

Managing expectations is a challenge of leadership as well as relationships. You nailed it with communication: managing expectations is impossible without open and honest communication. I’ve found that many people despite what I thought was clear communication had developed their own expectation that was not in line with what was communicated and so have learned that probing questions are often necessary to know what is expected. That being said I agree that actions and words should always be aligned and one should never promise more than what they can deliver. Above all, be consistent, be honest, and be open.

[Sl****]

We live in a world built on lies, backstabbing and manipulation. I would expect only this from anyone and so I would only get surprised if they don’t 😆

[al****]

5 hours ago, JustBryan said:

Let's be honest, most people online are about the fantasy of what they say and project. People want to live a life in their head that doesn't match their reality. That's never going to change.

All you can do is be better at spotting the real ones from the fakes. Don't spend weeks chatting online. Video chat is too readily available while still maintaining anonymity. Use ALL the technology at your disposal to vet people and the truth will come to light sooner.

That’s the thing it it’s not just online and not just with the dating scene either. I’m not sure why but I seem to be noticing it a lot more just in general.

[al****]

2 hours ago, Hels1920 said:

I always follow through with what I say I'll do, I've never not. I may not always be able to do something straight away but if that's the case I will say so. I don't see the point in saying things for the sake of it, you are right it takes up too much energy. What I want to hear is the truth always, BS gets found out in the end anyway.

Exactly my thoughts

[al****]

36 minutes ago, DNick4583 said:

Managing expectations is a challenge of leadership as well as relationships. You nailed it with communication: managing expectations is impossible without open and honest communication. I’ve found that many people despite what I thought was clear communication had developed their own expectation that was not in line with what was communicated and so have learned that probing questions are often necessary to know what is expected. That being said I agree that actions and words should always be aligned and one should never promise more than what they can deliver. Above all, be consistent, be honest, and be open.

Very good point, thank you

[al****]

5 hours ago, littlemiss37 said:

I have managed to suss out these kinds of pple . I notice they what u call love bomb like overly compliment me etc . If u ever need to talk I'm only a pm away x

Thanks ❤️

[al****]

3 hours ago, MrJim said:

I live by a code of ethics and honor but it may stem from my years in military service. I believe you are correct in saying that most people don’t care about anyone but themselves and they lack ethics and self respect. If you tell someone that you will be somewhere or that you will do something you should do it. This is especially true when that person is family or a friend. Unless you are lying in a hospital bed do whatever you said you would do. Just my two cents

I’ve instilled this in my kids. “ if you don’t have your word to stand by, you have nothing” but my daughter will tell anyone that asks…” Mommy only breaks a promise if it’s fire flood or blood” (basically it would take some sort of emergency or natural disaster to make me go back on my word. It’s always been something that bothers me or triggers me in a sense. I just don’t get it.

[Ju****]

51 minutes ago, alwaysthenewgirl said:

That’s the thing it it’s not just online and not just with the dating scene either. I’m not sure why but I seem to be noticing it a lot more just in general.

I noticed that, too, so I changed my social circle. I used to hang with my friends from when I was younger. But they weren't doing anything with their lives. Just existing. No drive. No commitment to something bigger than themselves.

When I finally got focused on my future and surrounding myself with people with the same focus, all that changed.

One thing to keep in mind is that honor and commitment are driven by your social circle. If those things aren't supported in a person's social circle or family, they are less likely to be honored by the person. In my circles today, if you're known as a flake or unreliable, you're cut out quickly.

So look around your community, your peers, your friends. Do they hold the same values you do? Or are they emblematic of the problem?

[ar****]

Some people are exploitive. Others, quite chaotic. Sometimes people gain new (conflicting) insights, learn, or get uncertain about things. And sometimes priorities shift. Life happens. As long as you don't make assumptions about where someone is coming from, and engage in clear communication with an open mind, you can try to figure out if people are deliberately setting up false expectations, or just act out whatever their reptile brain tells them.

[Tu****]

I feel like I'm part of a dying breed. If I tell you I'm going to do something I'm going to do it regardless of the cost. I get irritated (to put it mildly), when people tell me something and then don't do it. I was raised that these are good qualities to have.