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Confused with myself and confused on what to do about my husband


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Posted (edited)

I came to this website and made an account just to talk about this with someone. So hopefully someone can give me a little insight. This is gonna be kinda long, but hang in there.

My husband and I got married as soon as I hit 18. Now here we are 5 years later. I’ve always been interested in bdsm stuff but I don’t have any experience with it at all. I’ve always been too shy to actually act upon anything. My husband never really seemed into it. The craziest he’s ever gone is maybe give my ass a slap here or there or put a little pressure on my throat sometimes while we’re having sex. 

But today he was sitting on the edge of our bed and he pulled me over his lap with my face in the mattress. He started to finger me and I obviously enjoyed that, but then I asked him to slap my ass and he did it, but then I asked him to do it harder, then harder, and to not stop doing it and harder again and harder. He kept doing it and told me that he couldn’t slap me any harder, that he was already slapping as hard as he could and that it was even hurting him to do so. (He is a large and veryyyyy strong man)

It felt amazing and I didn’t want it to stop, I wanted him to do it more and a lot harder and take it a lot farther. I don’t know why it didn’t hurt me considering I’m a big baby with a very low *** tolerance but it didn’t. It stung, but it was a good, warm, kinda fuzzy sting. At some point I started crying, I don’t even know why I was crying, which is totally weird to me. I wasn’t having bad feeling, I was having good feelings. Then I came and he realized I was crying. He started freaking out and said he wasn’t into the tears, which I couldn’t help it. I told him that I liked it and I wanted to do it again but he was freaked out and said no and just got up and left me there and left to go outside and do yard work. 

So I’d like to hear y’alls thoughts on this. What was up with the crying? What do I do about him? Regular sex just seems way too boring to me now. I don’t want to go back to that. It’s been about 7 hours since then and I can still feel the sting and the heat on my cheeks and I’m still incredibly turned on by it. 



Edited by Amc8

perhaps it's possible that if this is something you wanted to do for a while and didn't imagine it happening then the tears were possibly through happiness?!  I don't know.

A lot of people aren't comfortable with seeing others cry for whatever reason, perhaps their own discomfort that they've hurt/upset you

so where to go is - on paper - to do it again and stopping without crying, or seeing if he can accept of the crying.  It might be easier to go for the first option, at least initially....

Hey there :). I can’t speak to the exact reasons why you may have found this but I can tell you that regardless of your situation - this can be totally normal for some people. Often including myself! I battled depression just before finding my dom (in fact he was a big part of dragging me out of the dark and into the kinky light haha) but the first time we got to play - I randomly cried like a baby. In that instance I realised it was because I had spent years feeling nothing but being numb and feeling dread. And then suddenly I was feeling everything! Mentally and physically and it actually was happy tears, I was just overwhelmed! But it’s happened even since then and I’m not always sure why (almost like a bodily reflex!) but we don’t stop the session unless I use my safe words. Which I’ve seldom (perhaps even never?) done. So for your own peace of mind, I think you’re all good and there’s nothing to worry about. But in terms of your relationship, I’d urge you to talk about it with him. He could be feeling horrible about all this and understand none of it! So I think you should immeadiately start researching BDSM outside of asking others (which is always a good start!) do your reading, drain YouTube! Then read more. There’s loads out there, equip yourself with knowledge so you can first work out what this is for you and what it is you want. Then you can approach him from an educated point of view and explain a little more sophisticatedly. There’s no doubt a kinkster inside of you and I think we all deserve to chase our desires but you are committed to him so you have to treat him with love and respect too. Start researching and feel free to message me with any questions, hope you work it out xxx
I enjoy being slapped around, and i know if he slaps me a bit harder then usual on accident he apologies repeatedly. Maybe since hes not co mpletely comfortablt with it, he just feels bad and thinks he went to for despite you saying you enjoyed it?
I think crying happens to a lot of people. It has happened to me... sometimes it's just the release of emotions inside you.. tell him he is helping you cope with your emotions and freeing you from the burden of carrying them alone 😘

welcome to the site,

from one little slap to a proper spanking session some men wont feel comfortable doing it. It's always wise to have a good conversation about your need but also make sure the partner dont get upset about it.

For other people who read forums, make sure you have a little chat before engaging in impact play, sometime you dont know the full life of your partner. Some hide a past they dont want to talk about, and when face with this kind of situation it could trigger some bad memories. 

Now you know what you ahve been craving for so long, I hope you get more fun with your husband...

Hi and welcome x My ex girlfriend used to cry after reaching orgasm. It's a natural release reaction. My best advice is 1st sit and chat about how this made you feel. Don't hold back! You'll be surprised how most guys really like it when they realise you get turned on by it If he's holding back due to *** on his side then it's obvious time for a tool/toy! Don't rush him. Some guys are a bit old school like real men don't hurt women and this will take some convincing that it's enjoyed. Hope you guys work it out x
Though it wasn't a true sub space maybe that's where u went and you crashed coming out of.it. and longing for morr
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