What should I do?

[Pi****]

I have contacted a mistress back in 2020, I think she was beautifull. I gave her some money for christmas so she can buy stuff. I really liked it, through the months she asked me for more money, I would be a good slave if I did, so I did it (sadly) It kept going for this for about a year. On the moment I liked it. But after it I didn't like it after all, She says back in 2020, if you keep investing in your mistress, you get a session by me. So my curiosity was awoken at that time. It was going on for a year and I lost about 20.000 euro, witch resulted to a mental breakdown and some health/money issues. She is ignoring me ever sins I can't invest in her anymore. Now and then I messege her, and she responds yes you are still my slave etc. etc. but I don't think she realle means it.

After it all heapend I think about it a lot, how could I be so stuped, How do I need to process this. Any suggestiond what I should do? Thanks!

[Ma****]

Sounds like she was a scam you don’t scam your slave like that in my opinion I would block her and move on to a mistress that isn’t after you for money. As far as she is concerned she needs to get a real job and pay for her own stuff. That’s just my opinion

[Marquis_du_Lac]

Unfortunately there are a lot of fin Domme’s out there who’s sole purpose is to take advantage of genuine kinksters. Rather than feeling stupid and anger. Put it down to a life experience which you won’t repeat again.

What I would suggest is you name and shame her!

[argosh]

I hate to tell you, but that is an unhealthy if not outright abusive relationship. You probably already know that or you wouldnt be here, posting. If you have difficulty drawing the line then you need someone trustworthy who knows you and your limits.
Getting advice on the internet is unlikely to solve your issue but maybe you can find a guide who helps you to safely explore your fantasies.

[Scottishdombull]

Sadly you have to bite the bullet and move on to someone who would appreciate you not the gold digger that you were involved in.
It is not investment it is throwing your money away and since you cannot fund her lazy ass she giving you the cold shoulder. Face facts and move on

[Ie****]

Yes, firstlly stop communicating with her - what you've described is not consenual domination it's abuse. Secondly, never give anyone you haven't met in-person that much control over your life/wallet. And thirdly, learn more about that particular kink as it's not performed like that by those who are consenually dominating their sub/slave... And finally, find a Mistress who will consenually dominate you and who is in it for the lifestyle and/or love, rather than anything else. I'm very sorry this happened to you and that's all the advice I can offer on here.

Edited March 27 by Ieuan_Alarch

[Nacho-2589]

First off I’m very sorry you’ve had a hard time of it lately. Things like stress and worry build up over a long time. People very often don’t realise how long it takes to heal.
 

I’ve had some issues of my own. It took a long time for me to be really interested in seeking out friends or a partner. Or even leave the house at times. This is only a guide because each person is different. I took around 18 months to feel interested in anything. I went through the motions sure. But give yourself a break. The gift of time to yourself to recover. Only you know when that’s complete and you will know when you’re ready. 
 

I would cut ties with this mistress. It’s clearly not healthy and nor is there respect if she abandoned you. You’re not stupid, depends how you feel but you could say you were a victim. Nobody thinks it’ll happen to them until it does. You’re not the only one to have experienced this type of behaviour from others. So don’t think you’re alone. 
 

Flip the equation. You learned and now you can stop it. You took action. You can do that. 

[Deleted Member]

I understand you, I will try and give you some advice that worked for me in stressful situations, you could try and work a bit on your mental health, it's strength and how you can be a more stable person in the future, what worked for me when I would end up in mental breakdown situations is distraction, move away from the problem and try to forget all about it, but when you are ready try and work on what caused such thing so it doesn't happen again, I would say be cautious about who you pay and where that money goes, if they consider you just a bussiness you should consider them the same, but if they put out their emotions and desire to have you then you need to do the same, and also you should deeply consider when you pay someone especially online.

[ri****]

Cut contact find a legit pro domme

[Rammoth66]

I would not know, I never met a dom in person

[do****]

Lick your wounds, learn from your mistakes, learn more about you, and move on more aware than before. Shit happens. Everyone makes mistakes with investments. Invest wiser next time slave and you'll get your money worth

[Sub3604]

It sounds like you were essentially conned, move on that is a lot of money. €20;000 is about £17500 enough to buy a brand new car. Going by your post you are not in a relationship with her and have never sessioned or even met her.

Unless of course financial domination is your thing but either way it sounds like you are no longer happy to continue. After this long I cannot see why she would change things for you should you continue.

[SL****]

I think the best to do is to learn from this experience. Take the time to think about it, reflect and what could you've done differently. Also might help to accept it and dont blame yourself. Shit happens, we make bad judgments, it's important to go over it.
Few learning opportunities that I see - be vary about who you play findom with. Maybe make sure you're comfortable with the person and also play with things you can afford. Discuss this in advance. Set hard limits for yourself. Talk about them with your play partner, make them clear. It's important that you both enjoy the game! Not knowing both perspectives, it seems hard to make a call if this is healthy or not. But if it leaved you bruised and broken down, does not sounds like the healthy dynamic. Consider taking the time to process and changing the play partner.
I'm sorry you went through that and hope you feel better soon! Please remember though, blaming yourself will not help.

[do****]

I cosign what he said ☝🏽

[peavley]

Oh man.So sorry to hear this ( The first thing you need to do is block her everywhere.If you don't.Each time you see her name.It will trigger you again,and you will never forget the scam.The brain is amazing at burying bad memories.All the bestest,and hopefully you will find peace from this horrible experience

[Bo****]

You signed on to a financial arrangement and when it was no longer financial it was no longer real. This person was a sex worker not anyone you had a real relationship with. Move on.

[He****]

I am so sorry you experienced this, don't be hard on yourself, you are only young and still learning. It is experience, not a good one, but you know next time what not to do. You will be okay and you will find someone in the future who is genuine. I suggest you cut all contact with her, she does not have your best interest in her heart. But somebody out there will. Be gentle on yourself, okay.

[na****]

Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain. Good luck!

[Deleted Member]

Giving money to anyone on line is a sure fire way to get ripped off. Dont be conned into thinking that because she pays you attention you owe her anything financially. Shes not interested in you, shes interested in your money

[Tearmybuttocks]

U don't giv any mistress any money upfront u request a meet and greet or dungeon verification where u phone them and ask do they no the mistress and if she's trustworthy but then u only giv a deposit or u can show a new mistress contact proof of u bein scammed and ask to pay on arrival do not fall for the scam of a live video call as that doesn't stop them frm scamming u either I hope this helps and believe me bcos we r submissive the scammers no this and that's y the bdsm platforms r full of them maje sure u don't fall for this again good luck

[Ha****]

Being scammed sucks, but do yourself a favor and move on.

[ey****]

Sorry this didn't go the way you hoped

though, kinda... you were paying for her time and interactions.  as soon as you stopped paying, she cut the interactions.  Pay her again, and she'll interact again.

This is how it will work.

From her perspective, again, she is paid for telling you what you want to hear and, as you admit, it felt good at the time so you were gaining enjoyment.

 

To learn for the future - it may be this type of arrangement is simply not for you, but if it is - you need to set stricter budgets and boundaries.  Of course, the other person might not speak when you're not paying - but - hey ho

[ge****]

Firstly sorry you've experienced this - it's very easy to be taken in sadly, and scamming people is, these days, a huge and sophisticated thing for organised crime groups, whether it be in kink or otherwise - they prey on fears, insecurities, vulnerabilities and more and do so in ways that take in people across all walks of life, so don't be hard on yourself.
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Sadly there's likely not going to be a great deal you can do to recoup your losses, because at the time you willingly handed over the money with no expectation of anything in return - though if you feel able it may be worth a query to local law enforcement or even legal professionals to see if there are any options open to you, but it could be a very difficult case to prove.
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All you can do for sure is learn from the experience - cut all contact with this person, block them wherever you have them, you're young enough to recover from this and to move forward better equipped to be guarded against it in future.
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As a general rule never hand over money to anyone, and especially on line, until you are sufficiently confident that all is as it seems and above board.

[Fartlover-8278]

Damn bro that f**ked up , you need to move on

[Deleted Member]

I’d hunt her a** down and take my 20k out of her a** with a real nasty flogger and other implements of pain
Some people are just disgusting