Is this the right place for an HSP?

[Deleted Member]

Hi I’m new here. I’d just created my profile and thought I’d found a perfect Dom almost immediately - well he found me.

We messaged yesterday and today and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. I can’t concentrate at work and I am constantly wet - every time I received a notification my heart leapt. Being a newbie, most of the time it was other men checking my profile (I have manners so I have been polite and replied to most messages). When it was him I was beside myself with excitement.

I feel things intensely. I suppose I could be described as a Highly Sensitive Person.

The thing is he blocked me today and I don’t know what I did wrong.

I don’t understand. His profile states he is looking for friends/contacts/LTR. I mean I’m subby, so why would he do that? Maybe this place is just not for me 😔

[Da****]

Don't blame yourself...there are lots of reasons why he would do that, none of which have to do with you. It happens to doms all the time. Be strong and keep looking..

[St****]

I’m so sorry you had to go through that, and I think the ghosting really impacts a submissive more than others

[littlemiss37]

Don't let that put u of . I c it as pple get removed out of my life for a reason . Give me a message if u need to talk about it. I had a dom for 2months and had to end it . Felt like my world fell apart but I have got through it and I'm stronger now . X

[Deleted Member]

Thats a real bummer, it happen no matter what your looking for here or anywere else. I have kearned to be so content with self that i can be as patient as required until what im looking for finds me. I can whole heartedly agree with others its most definately not your fault at all. Xx

[da****]

While ghosting is rude it does happen. An approach I use when this happens is there must have been something that we weren’t compatible in their eyes. Not that there was something wrong with me. Like others have stated, be comfortable being alone.
Yes it’s can be a struggle but the peace at the end is well worth it

[littlemiss37]

11 minutes ago, WnC87n96 said:

Thats a real bummer, it happen no matter what your looking for here or anywere else. I have kearned to be so content with self that i can be as patient as required until what im looking for finds me. I can whole heartedly agree with others its most definately not your fault at all. Xx

I am also like that . Being comfortable with me that I can wait fkr the right person to come along x

[littlemiss37]

I would suggest reaching out to others that have been through a breakup in a dynamic aswell ad what u r going through x

[Deleted Member]

I think maybe your issue might be fixating too fast and too hard on someone, learn to measure your approach by setting checkpoints and seeing how they earn your trust, respect and care. Two days is not a relationship or any kind of commitment, it's barely enough time to get a feel for who someone is. Slow down if a relationship is what you want, take your time and either let things develop or fizzle out naturally

[Ki****]

It’s them not you

[Surferdaddy]

22 minutes ago, NineInchNailsYou said:

I think maybe your issue might be fixating too fast and too hard on someone, learn to measure your approach by setting checkpoints and seeing how they earn your trust, respect and care. Two days is not a relationship or any kind of commitment, it's barely enough time to get a feel for who someone is. Slow down if a relationship is what you want, take your time and either let things develop or fizzle out naturally

Well said my brother..

[sp****]

Another thought is you may feed off of new relationship energy. NRE is that amazing feeling you get when you click with someone new. You can find a whole culture of NRE on FET and Reddit. You should check it out there and learn more about it. It can help you understand it more and balance impulsivity with positive quick relationships

[Deleted Member]

Same thing happened with me 2 days ago. We matched we talked a lot and decided to meet. Our plan got canceled and I wanted to meet as i felt connection and I started liking her. She blocked me without saying anything then i got to know from her I’m too clingy and she doesn’t like that!! Well, i really miss her tbh and idk since when it’s wrong to show our feelings? Feeling bad

[Ch****]

Ghosting

[ge****]

It's very difficult to comment as to the reason why without knowing more detail - perhaps as has been suggested it was too much too soon for him, perhaps the perception of a connection was more one sided, perhaps he decided there was no compatibility there or a whole host of other possibilities.
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There's nothing you can do about it OP, other than to move on and accept it wasn't to be, you'll probably never know the reason.
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Just guard yourself in future and try to see that until you've actually met someone it's all just words on a screen.

[AKA_Copper]

When we're new everything looks really shiny and sparkly, our hormones are all over the place and it can be a struggle to regulate our emotional responses whether you describe yourself as a highly emotional person or not.
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I do tend to have a very black and white approach to this situation, I've been there but, it's important I think, for us to differentiate between actual connection with someone and what is more than likely NRE/sub frenzy and truly, our minds messing with us.
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You won't ever understand why the blocked you. There is no point in dwelling on it.
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Replying to all messages you receive here is nothing to do with manners but your excitement about being here, unearthing your sub side and the attention you're receiving etc. To reply to all messages will be exhausting if you continue to do so. It will eat into your daily life with the potebtial that you'll loose sense of who you are outside of kink. That won't help re NRE/sub frenzy.
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Like I say, I have a very black and white approach which isn't intended to come across as harsh as you feel it does right now.

[AKA_Copper]

Search the forums for posts titled
"All hail the rationality of new subs"
And
"Dear subs, yes you!"
Or just search "frenzy" they may provide some perspective

[He****]

Was he local or Long distance? that might have made the difference if he realised you were too far away or something. But ghosting is pretty shitty, which is what he's done.

[QXX666]

The fact that you found your Dom immediately ring the bell loudly! Maybe he didn’t read your profile first and didn’t realised you were not single ?
Maybe he freaked out that your are so needy and can’t manage that expectation.
Maybe he just deleted his account

[littlemiss37]

9 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Search the forums for posts titled
"All hail the rationality of new subs"
And
"Dear subs, yes you!"
Or just search "frenzy" they may provide some perspective

I'm going to search frenzy . I find I'm taking my time now much more which is good c

[ki****]

Online is tough for an HSP, because there are sooo many misleading profiles (accidental and deliberate). Try and guard against becoming emotionally engaged - at least until after a social meeting. When considering profiles and chats, look for reasons to reject! We are in the needle/haystack business......but be not downhearted fair maiden, it's early days for you.

[RodgerDodger]

The online thing fucks with your head (and I’d wager it’s 100X worse on guys who are working against an impossible ratio). Profiles can match to a T and yet end with no response or ghosting after only a few exchanges. Don’t know if this will work for you, but I’ve taken on their traits. I will answer every message (because no response is rude AF)- even if it’s not a match. But if someone doesn’t answer within 48 hours of reading a message or ghosts in a chat exchange - block and move on.

[ge****]

19 minutes ago, RodgerDodger said:

The online thing fucks with your head (and I’d wager it’s 100X worse on guys who are working against an impossible ratio). Profiles can match to a T and yet end with no response or ghosting after only a few exchanges. Don’t know if this will work for you, but I’ve taken on their traits. I will answer every message (because no response is rude AF)- even if it’s not a match. But if someone doesn’t answer within 48 hours of reading a message or ghosts in a chat exchange - block and move on.

Oh here we go with the "guys have it worse" trope - we don't, and nor are we working against an impossible ratio if we get how sites like this work and accept that we won't be for everyone, in fact won't be for 90+% of people regardless of our gender.
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A matching profile does not necessarily mean a match either - location, attraction, age and many other factors come into it and assuming just because they may like the same things means there's a match does what assume always does 😉
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Yes online can be a head fuck at times and leave you scratching your head, but that's the same for both men and women - but often it comes through forgetting the norms of the real world - sometimes conversations do end and go no further in the real world, happens daily, and yet we don't beat ourselves up about it, so why do it here? Likewise with assumptions about being matched?
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I have conversations on here all the time that come to an end, some of them never to be picked up again, some of them will be, it's the way of the world both here and in reality!!
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And no response is not rude in the slightest, the other person hasn't asked you specifically to contact them, they don't know you, or how you're going to respond to their polite rejection so you have to take no response as a way of saying no thanks and nothing more.
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Blocking and moving on however is a good move - saves them coming up in your searches again - though I'd suggest 48 hours is too soon, what if they're having a busy week or had a family emergency and planned to come back to you when they had more time?

[AKA_Copper]

4 hours ago, RodgerDodger said:

The online thing fucks with your head (and I’d wager it’s 100X worse on guys who are working against an impossible ratio). Profiles can match to a T and yet end with no response or ghosting after only a few exchanges. Don’t know if this will work for you, but I’ve taken on their traits. I will answer every message (because no response is rude AF)- even if it’s not a match. But if someone doesn’t answer within 48 hours of reading a message or ghosts in a chat exchange - block and move on.

I'm assuming you're using the label "guys" to encompass all genders, acknowledging that dating is hard for everyone rather than just men. Because you know, all I can offer you otherwise is a pill, do you want the red one?

[Deleted Member]

Thanks everyone for you generous and helpful comments. I should give this man some credit. He did speak plainly to me and was quite officious about the distance between us. Of course I melted at this brusque manner and played along. I wouldn’t take no for an answer I suppose and he grew impatient. I don’t blame him at all. But I will say he does not know what he’s missing 😈