Where Are All The Women?!

[CopperKnob]

Where in the world are they?
It seems that we're dwindling in numbers right?
Particularly when you join a dating app only to be told that men outnumber women 10 or even 100 to 1 or some other nonsense. But having heard that, if you feel that you need to take any shot you can just to have a chance, scarcity mindset's got you.

Scarcity mindset is screwing so many of you over and you don't even realise it.
When you genuinely believe your options for finding partners are finite, limited, or rare, it literally affects every aspect of how you interact, your emotions and even your perspective.

An example:
Ask yourself honestly: Have you ever come across a profile of someone who caught your interest? You've been excited by their pictures or their bio and then you realise, they're 5000 miles away.

What feeling did you have at that moment? Disappointment?
Anger?
Frustration?
Indignance?
Despair?

Let's remember that this is a person who you’ve never ever met and likely haven’t even spoken to, but you experience negative feelings. You had a flash of interest, and once you saw their location, in your mind they went from potential partner, to another random. Why and how  does that translate to any of the above emotions?
I'll be honest, for a lot of you, it’s because deep down, you feel like one more option for a potential partner was taken away from you. Something you’ve been looking for seemed to be there, and when you realised it wasn’t, those emotions appeared.

Those emotions are scarcity mindset at work. Scarcity mindset told you, "this person was a potential partner, a possible but rare opportunity". Then, when they suddenly aren’t a possibility anymore, for any reason at all, it feels like a failure, an opportunity lost.

It feels like you've been rejected and yet you've not been.

Scarcity mindset is the belief that chances with potential partners are a finite and limited resource and creates feelings of rejection by a person whose literally just pixels in your phone. Let me put this as clearly as possible:

There is absolutely no shortage of women. Honestly, we make up over half the population, and we enjoy sex, intimacy, kink, and romance to the same degree that our male counterparts do.

I can hear some of you saying 'bullshit' but again, that's just scarcity mindset doing its thing. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. By self fulfilling, I mean holding onto this belief actively stops you from seeing evidence that contradicts it.

When you truly feel like opportunities to connect to intimate partners are rare, you treat them like rare opportunities and when you start behaving differently, by treating a social interaction as an opportunity, you create a possible and very likely "failure" state, from something that did not have one.

And as I've said, women are everywhere. There is no shortage. But with this mindset, you set yourself up to feel rejection from every single one of us, the very second you learn that we exist.

There are countless reasons for relationship incompatibility both short and long term, (existing partner/s, mutual attraction, differing life choices, conflicting interests, the list goes on and on and on) most of which are beyond anyone’s control. But, when a social interaction moves from taking things as they are and becomes an "opportunity", it facilitates the ability for you to feel rejection from factors which have absolutely nothing to do with you. You diminish your own self esteem and self worth, as you experience feelings of “rejection” from seemingly every interaction with anyone who could theoretically be a partner. Rejection from people you’ve never spoken to. From random people on the internet. From people’s personal choices whether they're in their control or otherwise. I imagine that that barrage of "rejection" would break anyone. And this is why scarcity mindset is self fulfilling. Because after feeling so much "rejection", how could it not feel like your odds are overwhelmingly slim?

Here's the truth of it, as long as you believe potential partners are some sort of limited commodity or product, you will forever take personally the choices that women around you make. You will feel those choices as countless "rejections". Importantly, this gets to the heart of the issue so let me say that one more time with feeling,

As long as you believe potential partners are some sort of limited commodity or product, you will always take personally the choices of those women around you.

Because, when you take these things personally, it impacts how you respond to the emotions ellicited. And we know it, we've experienced the fall out. Ask yourself seriously, would you want to be around someone who, unintentionally or intentionally, takes your life choices as personal attacks and then attacks you?
I didn't think so

And, if you see us as a product, the only rational approach is for us to see you as a consumer. Let's not go down that path.

Nobody could be expected to weather an unending barrage of rejection. It’s not about ignoring it, weathering it, or forcing yourself through it. The trick to beating scarcity mindset, is letting it go. It’s about stopping yourself from turning socialising done for socialising sake, into an “opportunity” in your mind. Take things for what they are, socialise for the sake of socialising. No "what if's". No, "let's see where things go". Just spend time with people without expectation.

[Li****]

Im not reading all that 🥱😴

[ge****]

Another excellent piece CK that hits the nail squarely and firmly on the head - it's about setting expectations at the right level, and definitely not seeing every interaction as a "potential".
.
Trouble is many, and let's face it it is mainly men, see sites like this as easy access to their wildest fantasies coming true just for signing up to them, that all they have to do is have a profile to get laid/dominated/dominate/ whatever - and when that doesn't happen the frustration kicks in.
.
The thing is though they blame it on anything but themselves when it doesn't - it's the number imbalance, it's others being up themselves, it's everyone being so far away, and many many more reasons. In most cases the answer lies closer to home, it's expectations being set wrong, it's the attitude, the profile text etc.
.
It's undeniable there's a number imbalance on sites like this in sheer terms of volumes - but as I often say, take away those men that truly don't get it, who have their expectations or attitudes wrong, and the balance actually evens out somewhat.
.
And yeah if all men had the right attitude, expectations etc, treated women with respect and consideration rather than kink dispensers then there would be an imbalance, but perhaps if more men did that, women would be more inclined to sign up and hang around thus addressing the imbalance. Even if they didn't men would be more understanding of the situation and just accept it rather than railing against it.

[ge****]

20 minutes ago, Lindonger said:

Im not reading all that 🥱😴

Perhaps if you did, rather than being rude about it, you might learn something

[Ha****]

I remember mama said, "you can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait"
She said, "love don't come easy...

[bl****]

I think it has partly got to do with the app you use. This one for example tells me there is no one within 300km of me and then proceeds to say I am 1246 in the queue in my local area. Really? I don't think so. You cannot rule out or dismiss distance as a big factor. Yes, you may find someone you like and then find out that they are 5000+ miles away from you. You dismiss them as you think logically "what's the odds that this would ever go further than online?" Chances are it won't. Now I don't knock the odds occasion it does. Congrats you beat the odds. For me, normal life gets in the way. Commitments take priority.

[Deleted Member]

I think women are just fed up of being treated so badly.
I know I am!

[Puppy6411]

3 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Nobody could be expected to weather an unending barrage of rejection. It’s not about ignoring it, weathering it, or forcing yourself through it. The trick to beating scarcity mindset, is letting it go. It’s about stopping yourself from turning socialising done for socialising sake, into an “opportunity” in your mind. Take things for what they are, socialise for the sake of socialising. No "what if's". No, "let's see where things go". Just spend time with people without expectation.

This, interact and spend time with people - as people, not opportunities.

[CopperKnob]

2 hours ago, blueskymayo said:

I think it has partly got to do with the app you use. This one for example tells me there is no one within 300km of me and then proceeds to say I am 1246 in the queue in my local area. Really? I don't think so. You cannot rule out or dismiss distance as a big factor. Yes, you may find someone you like and then find out that they are 5000+ miles away from you. You dismiss them as you think logically "what's the odds that this would ever go further than online?" Chances are it won't. Now I don't knock the odds occasion it does. Congrats you beat the odds. For me, normal life gets in the way. Commitments take priority.

Maybe seeing ourselves as being in a "queue" also feeds in to scarcity mindset

[He****]

Distance doesn't bother me, I've flown 16,000 km twice for the one man. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

[CopperKnob]

3 hours ago, Lindonger said:

Im not reading all that 🥱😴

No one asked you to 🤷‍♀️🙄

[Ha****]

20 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

No one asked you to 🤷‍♀️🙄

I understand his reaction. It is again the umpteenth time that such an OP passes in review, and this time again it is a mountain of arguing about nothing. If you get such a message, report it and the sender will be blocked. If that is done by everyone in principle, it will eventually stop.

[bl****]

51 minutes ago, Hels1920 said:

Distance doesn't bother me, I've flown 16,000 km twice for the one man. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Credit to you for doing that. That's a big step above the norm.

[bl****]

59 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Maybe seeing ourselves as being in a "queue" also feeds in to scarcity mindset

Maybe the app should get rid of the feature then. I never believe it. It's just a marketing ploy to get you to spend money.

[ge****]

28 minutes ago, HarshDictator said:

I understand his reaction. It is again the umpteenth time that such an OP passes in review, and this time again it is a mountain of arguing about nothing. If you get such a message, report it and the sender will be blocked. If that is done by everyone in principle, it will eventually stop.

You're entitled to your opinion of course, but it's obviously not a "mountain of arguing about nothing", and in fact in your own way you've acknowledged that in your final two sentences by suggesting actions that could be taken, therefore validation it absolutely being "something" - even if to you it's trivial.
.
Sadly the if everyone blocked them it will eventually stop approach doesn't work either - in decades of using sites like this there always have and always will be men who have the wrong expectations, attitude, approach etc - and for every one blocked there's another ready to step up to the plate.
.
The only way it will stop is for there to be a seismic societal change and unfortunately I can't ever see that happening.

[He****]

22 minutes ago, blueskymayo said:

Credit to you for doing that. That's a big step above the norm.

I was in love with him, I'd move to Mars for that. 

[ey****]

there's a few different things I often think

so when men bring up any form of ratio or flawed stats - some is to kinda say that the odds are stacked against them and THAT is why they haven't found anyone.  Almost like the alternative is there is something wrong with them and they aint special when the truth is : dating is hard for everyone, especially online

there's another site that especially bad for women posting something and a man going "damn, wish you were closer" and, actually, the post wasn't a personal ad - and even if it was this overly assumption that she would be interested, just because a guy liked her post, has an element of entitlement - but sometimes I feel there is a little negging underneath and sometimes these comments aren't for her attention, but for others.

This is also where a lot of the OF/Findom/SW hate comes from.  The assumption that someone women wanting some form of payment-for-services - well, if she didn't she'd TOTALLY be interested, right?!  But then also this misjudged fear that more and more women will do this and it'll be impossible to even talk to a woman in a bar without first buying them a drink (wait?!) 

But yeah, it helps feed into this fear that women are somehow rare. 

Now, like, I'm going to a munch today. The event says 31 people are attending (reality is it'll probably be closer to 50) and 12 of the 31 are women, so around 1/3rd.  Again the reality I think will be closer to 20.  So, it's a totally different experience

and then at this point, of course, guys would be "but they're already in relationships" or "they're subs and I want a Domme" (or vice versa) which does kinda play that people will reject anything that doesn't fit their own narrative. 

[Ha****]

57 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

You're entitled to your opinion of course, but it's obviously not a "mountain of arguing about nothing", and in fact in your own way you've acknowledged that in your final two sentences by suggesting actions that could be taken, therefore validation it absolutely being "something" - even if to you it's trivial.
.
Sadly the if everyone blocked them it will eventually stop approach doesn't work either - in decades of using sites like this there always have and always will be men who have the wrong expectations, attitude, approach etc - and for every one blocked there's another ready to step up to the plate.
.
The only way it will stop is for there to be a seismic societal change and unfortunately I can't ever see that happening.

Of course I am entitled to my opinion. It is a matter of how you view life yourself, also known as the glass is half empty or half full. One person takes an issue very seriously and keeps going on about it, making the issue even bigger, = glass half empty. Another shrugs his shoulders with a grin and cheerfully continues, = glass half full. As you rightly pointed out yourself, the necessary seismic social change is not forthcoming to bring this issue to an end. Knowing this I prefer to trivialize this issue for my own good, = glass half full. Well, everyone chooses their own.

[Ar****]

8 hours ago, Lindonger said:

Im not reading all that 🥱😴

Way to make yourself a case in point, perhaps... but yes, as it's already been said nobody asked you too so if you don't want to you're welcome to scroll on by.

4 hours ago, blueskymayo said:

Maybe the app should get rid of the feature then. I never believe it. It's just a marketing ploy to get you to spend money.

And no. It's just one aspect of a useful range of search features which has never enticed me to spend money here in over four years.

[Re****]

And I’m thinking the same thing about MEN in my area, (Horny MEN)! This website stinks! I get many responses but most Men are afraid to follow through….. (SMH)

[CopperKnob]

2 hours ago, Real5819 said:

And I’m thinking the same thing about MEN in my area, (Horny MEN)! This website stinks! I get many responses but most Men are afraid to follow through….. (SMH)

Im unclear how your comment relates to the post but in relation to your thoughts, it's not the website, it's the men who are 'afraid to follow through'

[Deleted Member]

There is no shortage of women but there is a finite number and an even more finite number of potential partners. Most of us wouldn't be here if that wasn't the case. The higher the demand vs supply the higher the amount of required effort/money to aquire something. If there wasn't scarcity among potential partners there wouldn't be a multi-billion dollar, multi-layered industry built around finding a mate.

[CopperKnob]

5 hours ago, Darksoul_85 said:

There is no shortage of women but there is a finite number and an even more finite number of potential partners. Most of us wouldn't be here if that wasn't the case. The higher the demand vs supply the higher the amount of required effort/money to aquire something. If there wasn't scarcity among potential partners there wouldn't be a multi-billion dollar, multi-layered industry built around finding a mate.

If women were finite, if the demand was greater than the supply (great analogy for human beings) I can't help thinking that men, as you suggest, would make more effort instead of sending shit like this,
.
"Mmm damn Babygirl, you down to get all dripping wet for Daddy’s huge black cock 😏💦👅?"
.
And yet, there it is, in my inbox. From a man putting in the "effort"

[bl****]

That's just the ones that are lazy and stupid, that give the rest of us a harder time. Most of them think this is just a quick access to a booty call and not a way of finding a new partner. Most of them I believe need a reality check and a re-education.

[ge****]

17 minutes ago, blueskymayo said:

That's just the ones that are lazy and stupid, that give the rest of us a harder time. Most of them think this is just a quick access to a booty call and not a way of finding a new partner. Most of them I believe need a reality check and a re-education.

Whilst I agree with the vast majority of what you said - I'd disagree that they give those that do "get it" a harder time - conversely they make it easier for those people to stand out.