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Confidence ISN'T always sexy..........

Ju****

By Ju****
in New to BDSM, Kink & Fetish?

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Ju****

Ju****

Posted
(edited)

So yesterday I had the misfortune of using the Quick Kink feature (on my personal and couple profile) , set at "male, female and couples".

Upon this happening I must have stumbled across a certain male, I will only describe as muscled, from Edinburgh in Scotland.

 

As we know, using the Quick Kink Feature, leaves a view on someone's profile even if you didn't actually click on the profile itself.

 

This man inboxed my Personal profile.... With the below.

 

Man - So we've matched twice now? AjMackie? I'll be honest, I'm way more keen to just be with you, and not your other half.

 

Me - Matched twice? I've not matched with anyone, nor had my couple profile. And for someone to be keen on me and not my other half, who is my partner and best friend, is kinda rude to tell me. I won't do a thing without him present, and anyone not interested in him, shouldn't be approaching, I hope you understand.

 

Man - Blame the app developers then, because this app is telling me that your and couple profile have matched with me. And I'm sure you've experienced when that happens it usually means the woman is also interested in one to one meets. In fact, that's what it always means, so I'm not being rude. So calm the fuck down, and stop being on the defensive all the time.

 

Me - where or how exactly does it say we have matched?

 

Man - And lastly, you should meet me without him. He's punching big time.

 

Me - And no I don't know what you mean about the woman being interested in one to one meets? And you are being rude, to assume that I'll meet without him, when the profile states we come as a couple only. I am perfectly calm, and no, he's not at all punching. Not one bit.

 

Man - Is he sitting beside you? Blink once for yes. Twice for send help.

 

Me - If you honestly think that after telling me to "calm the fuck down" and to meet you alone because "he's punching", you are seriously deluded. Look at you, all muscle and no brain. And quite frankly I am embarrassed for you. Good luck. 

 

Then I blocked him. On my own profile, and my couple profile. 

 

This was a man who seen my profile, and couple profile, which had left tracks by using the Quick Kink feature, and because he viewed back..

1. Assumed that we "matched". He clearly doesn't have a clue how this site works, as we didn't spank or use BDSM test.

2. Assumed that because we had viewed him and vice versa, that simply meant that *I* as the woman, was automatically into one on one meets, no matter what my profile or couple profile states, that it is ALWAYS what a woman means when she views someone. 

3. He decided to insult me, by telling me to "calm the fuck down", accused me of being "defensive all the time" THEN still demanded I met him alone. 

4. Insulted my partner. Like how fucking stupid must someone be. How dare ANYONE come on here, pick one of a couple and actually berate and compare the couple to one of them, as a means to push himself upon the one he's interested in. 

5. When I made it clear that he was infact being rude and I won't so anything without my partner, he decided to insinuate that I was being watched or judged by my partner potentially being beside me. And to add redicule into the comment also.

 

 

Let me tell these "kinds" of people, men or otherwise.

If a profile states they come as a couple, they only come as a couple. Do not disrespect those boundaries. Do not try and slither into one or the others inbox. 

Do NOT under any circumstances try to elevate yourself, full of ego and "confidence" which I could only describe as laughable, by insulting someone's chosen partner. Someone they've built love and trust with. You do NOT fucking do that.

 

For me, I am new to exploring and learning poly and involving others. But I am doing it with someone I love, trust, live with, who's been in my life for 3yrs, has earned my respect and become a best friend. 

To read someone comparing and belittling them, thinking they are "better" than someone's partner, and to imply they know "what's good for you", or that they are a "better fit", is a huge no no. 

This will not get you anywhere. You lack self control, you wreak of insecurities, you're nothing but a low life idiot to try and put down someone's partner, with whom you're trying to score with. This "confidence" was nothing but the biggest turn off, insulting, immature and pathetic. 

This is something I obviously told my partner which had happened, which isn't nice for anyone to hear. I would have been heartbroken and felt like absolute shite, had a woman come into his inbox berating me in this way. 

No one should be comparing, or competing, or insulting anyone in this community. Certainly not to try and get someone into bed. It will not work. It is disrespectful and childish. 

 

Please always use your brain, be polite and take no for an answer when it's given. Do not insult someone's partner, or whatever else. It is not cool. 

This community thank God does not have many people like this, but this "man" and yes I am going to insult him, has absolutely nothing going for him if this is how he speaks to anyone on here. 

Please don't be that person. Confidence is sexy, when done right!

Edited by Jeneral_Whore
PJ****

PJ****

Posted
To be honest i think he steamroller'd right over confidence and drove several miles into arrogant!! 😂

Was he young? It sounds like a fairly insecure/need to prove myself type of bulshit that young lads seem to favour. Especially in the Andrew Tate tainted world.
I was saying to my friend just earlier.. as much as it's harder to get attention being a man, I think I still prefer it to the rubbish you have to put up with!
Th****

Th****

Posted
He's obviously a class a twat and not worth bothering about
Ju****

Ju****

Posted
  • Author
5 minutes ago, PJ3000 said:

To be honest i think he steamroller'd right over confidence and drove several miles into arrogant!! 😂

Was he young? It sounds like a fairly insecure/need to prove myself type of bulshit that young lads seem to favour. Especially in the Andrew Tate tainted world.
I was saying to my friend just earlier.. as much as it's harder to get attention being a man, I think I still prefer it to the rubbish you have to put up with!

He was 42 years old. 

Deleted Member

Posted
He sounds egotistic who in order to feel better about themselves puts another person down neither are desired traits in someone, I find people who base everything on looks very superficial and to suggest someone eles is 'punching' is as you said immature rude and disrespectful! Confidence is sexy but not when it screams insecurities and look at me I'm the best thing you've ever seen how can you resist! Easily pal. Blocked!
ED****

ED****

Posted
Yes falsely. fake people with narcissistic tendencies, enough said great learning material for newbies of any gender and vulnerability, super stuff !!
PJ****

PJ****

Posted
20 minutes ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

He was 42 years old. 

Oh 😂😂 oh dear! Obviously never grew up then! 😬

ED****

ED****

Posted
So easy, yes block but those OTT report ? especially repeaters, remember fantasy vs action and con-sensuality are paramount here I believe !
Du****

Du****

Posted
LOVE to see this behaviour called out for what it is - though I’m sorry you had to put up with it, JW. Maybe it’s a secret that men aren’t in on, but Guys, let us tell you: if we’re poly, it doesn’t mean we want you. If we’re dominant and you’re submissive, it doesn’t mean we want you. If we’re heterosexual and you’re a man, ffs, *it doesn’t mean we want you*. And if you march into our DMs like this tool, we most assuredly do not want you so much as breathing our oxygen.

Behave yourselves. Thank you.
Ju****

Ju****

Posted
  • Author
1 minute ago, DuchessFeuille said:

LOVE to see this behaviour called out for what it is - though I’m sorry you had to put up with it, JW. Maybe it’s a secret that men aren’t in on, but Guys, let us tell you: if we’re poly, it doesn’t mean we want you. If we’re dominant and you’re submissive, it doesn’t mean we want you. If we’re heterosexual and you’re a man, ffs, *it doesn’t mean we want you*. And if you march into our DMs like this tool, we most assuredly do not want you so much as breathing our oxygen.

Behave yourselves. Thank you.

To be fair I have plenty of male attention but NOTHING has ever came close to how ignorant and rude this man was. I was shocked and honestly disgusted he insulted my partner, my partner is my world, along with my kiddos, and for someone to say he was beneath me didn't sit right with me at all.

I couldn't believe it. And that if a woman views a man it automatically means they WANT them. JUST NO. Couldn't believe it honestly. 

ED****

ED****

Posted
AGREE, No disputing that preference also applies, those who know me know I always sayi it’s entirely the ladies choice, can j pull at your skirts a little more subtlety and sensitively please 🙏 an FO means FO!!
Ju****

Ju****

Posted
  • Author
2 minutes ago, EDY7 said:

AGREE, No disputing that preference also applies, those who know me know I always sayi it’s entirely the ladies choice, can j pull at your skirts a little more subtlety and sensitively please 🙏 an FO means FO!!

Not even for preference, I don't normally reply but wanted to be polite and tell him I don't play without my partner and it just escalated. Back to my own ways of ignoring profiles now who go against the boundary set out. Serves me right. But the main worry was that he believed a woman who viewed him meant they WANT and 1-1 and that he insulted my partner. Just shocked me someone like that was on here.

Du****

Du****

Posted
7 minutes ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

To be fair I have plenty of male attention but NOTHING has ever came close to how ignorant and rude this man was. I was shocked and honestly disgusted he insulted my partner, my partner is my world, along with my kiddos, and for someone to say he was beneath me didn't sit right with me at all.

I couldn't believe it. And that if a woman views a man it automatically means they WANT them. JUST NO. Couldn't believe it honestly. 

98% of men who contact me behave like this. I think there’s an assumption that I must be desperate for attention and I’ll put up with it because I “should be grateful at my age”.
Lol. No.

Ju****

Ju****

Posted
  • Author
11 minutes ago, DuchessFeuille said:

98% of men who contact me behave like this. I think there’s an assumption that I must be desperate for attention and I’ll put up with it because I “should be grateful at my age”.
Lol. No.

I am very sad for you having experienced this. That's not fair. Granted not all men are like this, I'll make that clear that it's not my opinion at all, but the ones that are, really grate me. Hope your interactions improve xxx

Ju****

Ju****

Posted
  • Author
1 minute ago, 50_Fifty said:

Welcome to the Edinburgh scene...

Not all I will admit. Most have been respectful. This individual however was just horrid.

ED****

ED****

Posted
15 minutes ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

Not even for preference, I don't normally reply but wanted to be polite and tell him I don't play without my partner and it just escalated. Back to my own ways of ignoring profiles now who go against the boundary set out. Serves me right. But the main worry was that he believed a woman who viewed him meant they WANT and 1-1 and that he insulted my partner. Just shocked me someone like that was on here.

Yes it is insulting, insensitive and really gross to walk all over someone elses value or values and some men do forget it can and does hurt, agreed. then i will say little more ! x

ED****

ED****

Posted
The one thing I did not yet say until near the end of this discussion so far,

is that I am truly sorry and regret your trauma in this as this is what transpired and clearly should not ever have happened I believe it will make you stronger and cautious to help you in the future despite thechurt and it was entirely horrible and reprehensible though I believe you handled and managed it xo xo well and to share it makes that better I hope 🤞 x
Ta****

Ta****

Posted
Nothing about that exchange exuded confidence. That’s not what confidence is. Confidence would have been to read your profile again, recognize that what you’re looking for is something other than him, therefore you’re not right for him either, and move on having not messaged you to begin with.
Chloebear

Chloebear

Posted
Some very entitled people on here… I’m sure it spans all genders.

Here’s one I had the other day:
Him: Slave, [blah blah blah - wasn’t interested, didn’t pay attention]
Me: I’m not your slave.
Him: Not yet.
Me: Not ever. BLOCK

🙄 I think it’s worse when they read the profile then come at you anyway.
sardonicus87

sardonicus87

Posted
Oi. Where do people get these ideas? I mean maybe it's not the right way to use it, but I have spanked a profile of someone I have no interest in playing with just because I liked their posts and presence, was more a platonic "I see and appreciate you as a person" and nothing more. Hell, your profile is one to which I did that.
.
Also, blaming the app developers for their own misunderstanding of how some things work. It took me maybe an hour of playing around to understand all the different parts and their intended function. It's not that unintuitive.
.
It's just unfathomable to me how utterly asinine some people can be. Like "how did you manage to live to adulthood being so stupid?".
Ti****

Ti****

Posted
I am not sure how relates to your title. I wouldn't say that has anything to do with confidence? If anything I would call it arrogance, which I don't believe is very popular anyway. Just a dick. Well done on being polite. Surprised you let it go on as far as you did.
RolloClopse

RolloClopse

Posted
Lot of toxic masculinity there, I hope people like that eventually go on to realise how silly they look.
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