Meeting dommes irl

[li****]

Other than going to munches, what’s the best way to meet dommes in person? What are things to look out for that might suggest someone is a domme?

[Th****]

Are you asking about just randomly meeting them in everyday social settings or how to find Dommes who *will* meet in person? 

We don't exactly wear t-shirts or any other identifying thing just in our everyday lives. If I'm out running errands or something it's very often leggings/joggers a hoodie and messy bun. 

 

For those who are shy about going to a munch or something alone, many local communities have online spaces as well. Discord servers Facebook groups, fetlife groups, though usually FL groups are more like a bulletin board of events and sometimes personals. 

[mj****]

Maybe take a look at local play events as well as munches, we find the play events tend to give you a better idea of what people are like

[li****]

The reason I avoid munches is mostly because they’re usually super uncomfortable for me as a lesbian ^^ Plus it’s hard to find lesbian dommes so I’m not sure what I’d get out of a munch

[Deleted Member]

I think you just gotta find the right one. It’s hard for the first interaction when you just meet and all your thinking about is the main purpose. It’s like a hat, when you put it on that’s when it’s game time and when it’s off it shouldn’t be much of a topic

[Silken_Tears]

An education event at a dungeon might be easier for you? There is something to watch, so less social pressure, and you are likely to meet genuine kinksters. Most munches I have attended have stickers where you can identify pronouns, genders you might be seeking, and whether you're seeking at all. Color coding at its finest.

[Ca****]

Regular clothes on my end But there’s no way to really distinguish a “domme”. Like some wear a rainbow to show they’re lgbt, pineapples for swing, chokers/ subs etc… I haven’t seen any “domme” “labels”. Maybe there should be one?!

[Wasp2017]

This is a bit of a wispy view but its not so much what a domme wears as how they wear it. I suppose you see something in them that makes them stand out.

[ey****]

aside from kink events (or dedicated sex events) there's no certain way/place to go in order to be certain someone is a Domme

mind, some tells might be if they have a necklace or anklet with keys on - these are likely to be chastity keys, for their male sub... so useless for what you're looking for I'm afraid

I do, however, know lesbian couples who met via kink/munches events - or - ladies themselves booking pro dommes they knew/suspected were gay or bi

[Pe****]

7 hours ago, livingdoII said:

The reason I avoid munches is mostly because they’re usually super uncomfortable for me as a lesbian ^^ Plus it’s hard to find lesbian dommes so I’m not sure what I’d get out of a munch

Why would you feel uncomfortable being a lesbian at munches? The BDSM community is probably one of the most accepting and open minded bunch of people there is.

[li****]

14 minutes ago, PervyPenelope said:

Why would you feel uncomfortable being a lesbian at munches? The BDSM community is probably one of the most accepting and open minded bunch of people there is.

I personally have never felt comfortable at any of the munches I’ve been too : ((

[Pe****]

4 minutes ago, livingdoII said:

I personally have never felt comfortable at any of the munches I’ve been too : ((

Ah, really? That’s a shame. What made you feel so uncomfortable?

[li****]

3 minutes ago, PervyPenelope said:

Ah, really? That’s a shame. What made you feel so uncomfortable?

Lots of men making creepy comments about me : (( and the organisers told me to get over it because I was at a munch and that’s what happens 😭

[Dusky]

I think you have a lot of great suggestions here--but you have every right to feel comfortable wherever you choose to be. I agree that educational events have the least personal pressure and the most "bang for your buck" (*pardon the pun) since you know you have an audience of interested community members, so you can look around those gathered and see if anyone sparks your interest. I find that people here acknowledge how difficult it is to maneuver in vanilla social settings and are gracious about inquiries. Out in the world, it is not something you can identify like a back pocket kerchief color chart, but here are some hints from my playbook:

- Is she confident in the way she talks, walks, moves, etc.?

- Does she make solid eye contact when she speaks with people?

- Does she smile when she does so?

- Is she unapologetic for the way she holds her space; i.e. she does not shrink smaller for others (this does not mean she isn't polite or makes room, even be extremely conscientious of those around her, but she owns her space)?

- Watch how she shapes her words: her mouth. I find that the way people talk, how they shape their words, their cadence and precision is often linked to their dom/domme status.

These are not dommes per se, but indications of dominant personalities, which is the best start. Finding out how they prefer to act in the bedroom is something that comes out in conversation!

I wish you the best in finding the one you seek!

Domina D

[The_Dude0711]

So, I'm new to this site and I'm a sub and lonely. Any advice?

[NewGurlGo]

New to this as well. Not sure where to start. It's hard to trust people is that I problem when you first take a leap into this?

[Ky****]

On 9/15/2023 at 9:24 PM, PervyPenelope said:

Why would you feel uncomfortable being a lesbian at munches? The BDSM community is probably one of the most accepting and open minded bunch of people there is.

I wouldn't generalise on that, some are but in general I'd say there's almost as much close mindedness in BDSM as in the vanilla world, doll mentions one- males thinking they have the right to make creepy comments to women, I quite often get transphobic comments, and in Chat its not infrequent to have to jump on kink shaming

[Ky****]

8 hours ago, The_Dude0711 said:

So, I'm new to this site and I'm a sub and lonely. Any advice?

get involved in Chat on here, take your time, get to know pppl and maybe it'll help

[Mo****]

Hey i am a dom and i have a confidence about me. It shows when im walking
talking, ect. I also love to talk about sex and love talkingtI strangers about

[Mo****]

Hey i am a dom and i have a confidence about me. It shows when im walking
talking, ect. I also love to talk about sex and love talking to strangers. I sometimes end up talking to strangers about sex 😄

[pp****]

🥳

[Go****]

What is a munchies ?

[ey****]

48 minutes ago, Golden182169 said:

What is a munchies ?

an organised social event for people into/interested in kink - often in a vanilla setting 

[Go****]

Thank you

[Dusky]

It is a social gathering of community members. People get together outside of play simply to connect and socialize with like minded individuals.