Mistakes we have made

[Ki****]

No one is perfect, those that say that they have not made a mistake are either lying or up themselves.
What are some of the mistakes that you have made while having kink play?
I myself, I have made the mistake of not knowing about aftercare, until I learnt that this is needed both as a sub and a top.
This could be as simple as having a bath, a cuddle and a cuppa, or even just sitting and chatting.
I am a switch, and as a top I have made a mistake that caused me to call Red on myself, so is not to harm my sub.
It is from these mistakes that we learn and grow, becoming the better versions of ourselves.

[bo****]

You can't use evostick as a lube.

[gi****]

@Kinki_Dayne, I think mistake is an interesting word. Mistakes allow us to learn and grow. Just on Sunday I met with a sub. For a variety of reasons, none of which are important, the intensity of the impact play was more than I would do as a warm-up to more intense play. The sub said yellow, we checked in, and then resumed, and my intensity was still too high, so sub said yellow again. Total time between starting and second yellow was under 5 minutes. We stopped, engaged in some nurturing care for the submissive, I owned my starting off too intensely, and then we resumed playing (after about a 30-45 minute session of care and nurturing). So, mistake, yes, I own that. An opportunity for the sub to know they can use their safe words, and I will stop, check in, make certain they are nurtured and cared for; that I am listening to them; that their voice is heard and they are valued; absolutely. And, something that ultimately, I'm glad we could re-affirm. Would I have chosen to have this happen differently, certainly. Am I glad that we had a chance to rein*** how important their voice is, again absolutely. And, it allowed me to rein*** that they don't disappoint me by using a safe word.

[Fa****]

I didn’t trust that a really good person was genuine. I did something I shouldn’t have and then told him. He couldn’t (understandably) forgive me or trust me and it ended.

[Eastbourneguy]

Tops needing aftercare is never mentioned enough. I know that from experience

[Ki****]

I say most common mistake for me has been to misread my partners signals at times and deffo always not enough communication leaving things unsaid, but life is a learning curve. Make peace and learn from them

[FT****]

I've made tons but the one that changed the way I see kink is not vetting play mates properly and setting boundaries and limits for the scenes

[Fa****]

12 hours ago, Eastbourneguy said:

Tops needing aftercare is never mentioned enough. I know that from experience

Funny enough I’ve had this conversation a few times recently (ish). So many Doms/Tops think I’m crazy when I mention it because why would they need it 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Also safe words for Doms.

Just things I believe in, doesn’t make them right or wrong, each to their own, but it’s my view. 

[Eastbourneguy]

2 hours ago, FatefulDestiny said:

Funny enough I’ve had this conversation a few times recently (ish). So many Doms/Tops think I’m crazy when I mention it because why would they need it 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Also safe words for Doms.

Just things I believe in, doesn’t make them right or wrong, each to their own, but it’s my view. 

I'm sure I have said so with you previously, especially when it comes to cnc. I know I need to feel I'm not a monster.

I can see needing a safe word with a very bratty brat

[Nocturne]

I neglected my own need for aftercare due to being a Dom and solely focused on aftercare for subs, it's still something I find difficult to accept, but when I feel comfortable I have become better at assessing and asserting what aftercare I need, small steps.

I have often moved too fast in dynamics, and I have trouble finding out how to prevent this from happening to this day, especially considering that the type of sub I attract and the type of sub that I am attracted to also often has had a similar issue.

I have had difficulty with realising when subs I'm not interested in have tried to engage with me and figuring out how to reject them directly without sounding harsh, which is something I'm still working on and will have to learn to do properly before attending more events.

[ac****]

If only thats tue

[Wo****]

Not Taking risks as simple as just speaking up.. Remembering that I am an adult..

Sex is a part of life and needs not be shown in such a negative light..

Being a hypocrite for enjoying girlfriends knowing what they like and being confident enough to communicate such joys.. All while not being confident enough to do the same with my interests...

..I feel like I grew up in a era of broadcasting SA for the first times And it made me feel like I were doing too much or like a bad person for simply initiating sexual advances.. seems silly but I am respectful . 🤷 Maybe a bit too shy 😂

[lo****]

Learning that vetting was a thing, and learning to do so has been such a learning curve. I was VERY VERY lucky the first Dom I was involved with gave me a good example to compare others to. He was by no means perfect, but he wasn't a predator or ***r, and that has helped to get me to remove myself from some situations.

While looking back I kinda vetted him, it wasn't like it SHOULD be done.

[kitty63]

i have had a tendency to tftb in the past, but i am trying to learn how to stop doing it

[sl****]

The being tied up and bound thing always looked more fun on TV then trying to in real life..but I was never actually tought how to neither

[Sh****]

I’m fairly new to the lifestyle, so probably my biggest mistake would be misjudging an ex partner. The short version is we had a discussion about kinks, she was highly Judge mental about it, and it’s fair to say the relationship ended, not long after that conversation actually.  

[Da****]

The biggest mistake I have made was during an impact session.

I have seen her take more. I have caned her. But my mistake was several.
1. It was me pushing her physical limit. (She was not ready to receive that from me yet).
2. I was too fast (between strikes), with not enough pauses for her, and did not build up slow enough.
Again, she could take it, but was not ready to go that far yet with me.
3. I didn't fully read all of her body language.

All of this lead to possibly destroying the safespace she needed to let go.

What have I done to correct this? I try and study her body language better. Discuss it with her. But only when she feels safe to discuss it.

That was almost a year ago, and we really haven't done impact play since. To this day, I worried I completely ruined it, not just for me but more so for her to receive from me.

[Deleted Member]

For me, in the very early days of serving my Queen (that was her preferred address) I used to get a little “downbeat” when I didn’t get nothing in return, but that is the whole point in being a submissive - gratification for just pleasing and serving is enough, and also not communicating enough.

[Ga****]

Hindsight really is 20/20. I was introduced to the scene by my ex-husband. We were so different from everyone we would meet at munches and other functions, etc. He would respect my safe words. Most of the time, but man, now that I look back on it.. I can see that he groomed me for his tastes. I love submission. ❤️ I'm now working on just owning my submission and having my own thoughts. That was my biggest mistake. Being a sheep I guess

[Ho****]

When I was introduced to the lifestyle, I was ***d into it. And the main thing that he would always bring up the fact that I was always so scared about just letting it happen and being open-minded. Oh course, I left that person and started to get educated.


I'm constantly asking My Alpha Daddy if I make any mistakes. He's always reassuring me that I've been doing great and haven't made any mistakes.

[le****]

Truthhhhh

[it****]

October 28, locketheart said:

Learning that vetting was a thing, and learning to do so has been such a learning curve. I was VERY VERY lucky the first Dom I was involved with gave me a good example to compare others to. He was by no means perfect, but he wasn't a predator or ***r, and that has helped to get me to remove myself from some situations.

While looking back I kinda vetted him, it wasn't like it SHOULD be done.

Hi what methods do you use to vet someone if you don’t mind me asking?

[YorkshireBiker]

On 10/17/2023 at 9:22 PM, KinksterDan said:

I say most common mistake for me has been to misread my partners signals at times and deffo always not enough communication leaving things unsaid, but life is a learning curve. Make peace and learn from them

I’m still making that mistake on a constant basis but can’t seem to break free from it.

[Ki****]

9 hours ago, YorkshireBiker said:

I’m still making that mistake on a constant basis but can’t seem to break free from it.

Ever tried to flip the script, at times we are so weighted down by *** bias we don't realise some of the choices we make.

[Pa****]

This is a smaller thing but when I first joined I had no clue how kink discussions or really how anything worked. I had someone messaging me about brat play. It’s not my thing but I was trying to put myself out there and explore. In my very embarrassing and presumptuous ignorance I figured I would try it out. Except that’s not what the messaging was about. That was just normal introductory conversation. And I (ignorantly) decided to spout of and be insanely rude (foolishly assuming that’s what being a brat was) despite the fact that kind of relationship had not at all been discussed or consented to. We had literally exchanged like 4 messages total. So was rightfully called out and immediately blocked. It’s embarrassing looking back on it now but it was an important lesson to learn. I felt affronted and embarrassed for a solid hour until I realized what I’d done. Now it’s kinda nice to look back and have a benchmark for how much I’ve learned since then