Deleted Member Posted April 16 40 minutes ago, MistressWhipplash said: Nothing in your profile shows what you offer as a person in a Woman focused relationship. Unfortunately your profile is solely about what you want online. Online for a Dominant Woman is boring. Boring attracts scammers for you to pay for your kink service. On fetlife, there are social events near you. I recommend you attend a munch and eventually a play party as a bottom for a while to get your kink jollies. Don't seek a relationship when your profile is geared to solely playtime. Be honest and go play. It is quite common for newbies to initially be play bottoms at fetish clubs, then eventually make a decision later about where they are in the kink arena. Be honest and go to munches etc. The BBB is in Birmingham is popular, offer to setup and take down playkit and get known as helpful and friendly, without pushing what you want. Overtime you'll click with someone if you're not a fuckboy. I need someone like you to guide me. So far I have failed in my search.
Deleted Member Posted April 16 9 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: One of the kinda common issues a lot of men run into is unreasonable expectations. Another is impatience. I'd saw you'd been scammed, and while this of course sucks and I'm sorry it happens - it's often impatience which is like catnip for scammers. The other thing is that no matter how much men will talk up being serious and wanting a relationship; they will take bites at any apples offered. The air of desperation is easy to exploit. The approach play ends up being rushed. That 3 weeks feels like a long time because a lot of people have been messaged in that time (save for a few low effort classifieds) and of course the scammers smell the desperation, as do the 'genuine' women and it's not really a way to feel special. It just feels like it's the latest guy who has signed up and rushed in. Patience is your friend. Take time not to rush in desperation to get your dick wet, but to learn from others. To slowly grow. To reach out less often, but to people who interest you more. Equally, of course, your profile is very much about what YOU want. Which is "explore submissive side" which also means you see the other person as a faciliator to your experimentation - rather than as a partner. It also has the issues that what if within this exporation you don't like a bunch of stuff your partner does? Not the basis for a long term relationship. If you wish to experiment and explore, then the two best ways are (a) with/via community - going to munches/events meeting friends etc (b) paying a pro though in both cases those are still both play based, rather than submission *in general* -- there is a Domme on twitter who will give slave tasks - but they are always things like "get up before your wife and make her coffee and breakfast in bed", "do more than your fairshare of housework" - etc. stuff which can ultimately be done with any partner. Thanks for the advice. I appreciate the note about my profile. Its difficult to know what to write to gain attraction. My inexperience and naivety led me to falling victim to scams. As you say that's me being desperate.
ey**** Posted April 16 5 hours ago, Kinkyboy1980 said: Thanks for the advice. I appreciate the note about my profile. Its difficult to know what to write to gain attraction. My inexperience and naivety led me to falling victim to scams. As you say that's me being desperate. one of the annoying things about profiles is there's no silver bullet. There are lots of "nopes" which are often widespread - but even the perceived "best ever" profile isn't going to be for everyone. I guess some tips is it's important to be honest. it's ok to cite what you're looking for - though better if that's within a person, not necessarily a kinky wishlist and a little about you also. Mine could probably do with updating. I guess a thing with anything payment related is a bit... is this a route you even want to go down. If you did pay someone for something... then what...? And I aint saying it's wrong or right because there are plenty of legitimate people/services which require payments but it's, ahem, never a one-time thing.
ge**** Posted April 16 8 hours ago, Kinkyboy1980 said: I need someone like you to guide me. So far I have failed in my search. Here's the thing though, if you need someone to guide you in how to write *your* profile it will no longer be yours - it needs to come from you, be about you, and not only what you want but what you can offer
Deleted Member Posted April 16 5 minutes ago, gemini_man said: Here's the thing though, if you need someone to guide you in how to write *your* profile it will no longer be yours - it needs to come from you, be about you, and not only what you want but what you can offer I meant guide me on the whole, although I have been into bdsm for a while, physically I am very inexperienced.
MistressWhipplash Posted April 17 (edited) I don't guide adults to adult. Think about what you offer and write that. Look up munches near you on Fetlife and go to a few to make socialising fun. Don't appear pushy or desperate = that's adulting. As you know how to talk to folks right? Daily life requires it. Ordering food, drinks, being in a queue yep that's all adulting. In my experience a guy who "requires guarding" thinks it's a woman's job yo help when it so isn't. I offer a male experienced submissive to give advice and rhe guy doesn't want it. That clearly shows his intent to attempt to manipulate. Not a cool look. As others have said it wouldn't be your words if they wrote your profile. It's important to show your inexperience and intent clearly. Edited April 17 by MistressWhipplash
ey**** Posted April 17 I think a little with guidance there are a few issues - many of which MistressWhipplash alludes to. Mostly that it does often dump your own learning/development onto someone else who in turn gets little reward from it. Somewhat different of course, if this person is a friend - but it can still be emotional labour. the other problem with guidance is it can often be a limited kinda thing - because you're getting one persons view. (this is something that was flawed in the 90s/early 2000s "we must train you" model. As well as being cultish, was very limited) Community learning, via stuff like munches gets much more perspectives and growth - and there are so so so many articles on line from everything to writing a good profile, to sending good messages to how to be a better sub/dominant/etc - just also to be aware each one of these is one persons view, so reading more helps further.
MistressWhipplash Posted April 18 Yesterday at 07:33 AM, eyemblacksheep said: I think a little with guidance there are a few issues - many of which MistressWhipplash alludes to. Mostly that it does often dump your own learning/development onto someone else who in turn gets little reward from it. Somewhat different of course, if this person is a friend - but it can still be emotional labour. the other problem with guidance is it can often be a limited kinda thing - because you're getting one persons view. (this is something that was flawed in the 90s/early 2000s "we must train you" model. As well as being cultish, was very limited) Community learning, via stuff like munches gets much more perspectives and growth - and there are so so so many articles on line from everything to writing a good profile, to sending good messages to how to be a better sub/dominant/etc - just also to be aware each one of these is one persons view, so reading more helps further. "One person's view" Going to munches as a newbie and getting a myriad of answers helps with determining where in the kink spectrum you are. I mean, many newbies hover on the edges of the kink arena until self-education by listening/asking grows BDSM knowledge so they can step into a fetish club dressed so they blend it /or stand out, depending on how they feel. It's about slow, comfortable steps into what suits the newbie. Zero to do with a relationship with an experienced person, and instead, all about individual growth. The rare ones who do the work and grow get snapped up. Those who put, "Where da Mistresses ar," who can spoon feed the newbies all that knowledge mostly get ignored. Training is a kink term for, "play with me random stranger, " it also a way for newbies to get scammed. No Dominant Woman will cold call a guy. Cold call messages with very shiny photos are often a *** scam. Plenty of scammers are pretending to be women. Going offline to munches and alternative markets are where you meet lifestyles.
Be**** Posted April 21 Hello, I’m just new, I’d love to be a slave for someone, I’ve been scammed 5 times by fake mistresses lve paid their fee for online sessions and dungeons but as soon as they got there ***, they dissolved, gone, any ideas where I could find a real Mistress, I’m in Calgary, I’m married but not very good. I haven’t had sex in 16 years. My wife thinks I’m a freak. I have a couple Fetishes she doesn’t like, I have a stocking fetish. I have a pantyhose fetish. I have a lesbian fetish, and am interested in Trans. My wife makes me sleep in the chair in the living room. I cannot share her bed, I cannot touch her. There is no intimacy left so when I’m alone, I usually watch lesbian videos and masturbate three times per day. I know that’s bad, I hardly shoot anymore, sometimes a couple drops come out. I need to masturbate, I get so horny, no sex in all these years, I just need to masturbate. I used to have a few toys and a nice collection of hose, my wife threw everything out, but I do now have one set of Stay Ups and one pair of Black Pantyhose.
ey**** Posted April 21 57 minutes ago, Best05 said: Hello, I’m just new, I’d love to be a slave for someone, I’ve been scammed 5 times by fake mistresses lve paid their fee for online sessions and dungeons but as soon as they got there ***, they dissolved, gone, any ideas where I could find a real Mistress, I’m in Calgary, I’m married but not very good. If you're married, regardless of the context of your marriage you are going to struggle to find someone serious It is unfortunate you are scammed. In terms of pros you need to spend some time researching who/what is near you in terms of dungeons, mistresses, etc. someone at a local sex shop may be able to help with some pointers - this way you can find someone legitimate for play/sessions.
ey**** Posted April 21 11 minutes ago, Best05 said: Why because I’m married will it be so hard where to start... the first issue is that regardless of context you would still, ultimately, be cheating you'd be claiming to want to be a sub/slave to someone - yet having to do it on a schedule that isn't just your own but a non-consenting 3rd party (your wife) that your interest is very much fetish based rather than relationship based. .. of course, yep paying someone for sessions is an option, but yes you will have to do due dilligence and yes you will have to pay a deposit because if you arrange to meet and then there's an 11th hour change in plan due to the above, it's messed someone around and left them out of pocket
TheZenCommander Posted April 22 It's extremely common and normal for a man of your age to have an uptick in libido. Unfortunately this is very common in patients with alzheimers and dementia. Not saying you're on that track, just saying this is why I know it's common. So it's not bad, it's very normal and your fetishes are also very common and normal. As suggested above, you'd have a much better experience to just hire a ProDomme. On fetlife you should be able to find some for hire online or even at a dungeon near you. Because as also clarified above, your situation doesn't lend to open exploration with someone who's looking for a fully committed submissive. You're wanting your needs to be met, not to meet the needs of your Domme. This isn't submission, this is just kink. This is something that should come with compensation for their time and efforts. You'll be much happier with a clear agreement. And you're just not likely to find this here without getting scammed.
MistressWhipplash Posted May 5 (edited) On 5/5/2026 at 12:02 PM, pantysnatcha said: How might one find a prodomme to hire? Go on Fetlife* and search ProDomme Directory. Read reviews on their pro website sites and carefully view what kink services they offer. Be aware it won't be p-in-v, no sex at all. Be clear what you seek, be polite, clean, sober and on time. If you seek sex book a sex worker. Be aware sex and kink are separate when bookable. Edited May 18 by FETMOD-TF *External link removed
sl**** Posted May 6 This slut wants to thank Mistresswhiplash pantysnatcher,and other for by your words have given me a deeper perspective to achieve and that's whatever My Mistresses Desires are up to this slut to prove she is the most important factor if this makes sense
MistressWhipplash Posted May 6 (edited) Initially it's about mutual compatibility. Once those involved give consent to both take things further. Then kink is discussed in ordinary words. What bugs me is the assumption of a thing starting. Establishing mutual consent is first. The kink only seekers disregard the important stuff and get blocked. They are often the folks who type up "where da Mistresses at?" When what they are asking is where are the kink dispensers. Nope, that's rude and way too forward. No way would "most" guys walk into a restaurant or bar and say, "where all da girlfriends at?" Totally gross, and by behaving that way they show her that they should be avoided. Yep we can block and ignore, with very little inconvenience to us. Edited May 6 by MistressWhipplash
MistressWhipplash Posted May 6 (edited) On 5/6/2026 at 1:54 PM, dghosth said: I'm new how do I find a good Mistress local to me Pro Domme directory on Fetlife* if you want a kink service. Edited May 8 by FETMOD-TF *External link removed
Go**** Posted May 8 How would I find a mistress that is in to feminizing a submissive in to a trans sissy
ey**** Posted May 8 8 hours ago, Phoenixsubsissy said: How would I find a mistress that is in to feminizing a submissive in to a trans sissy this is literally answered in the post previous
Lepy420 Posted May 12 Ive always had a hard time finding a life long partner being a submissive man. I'm not interested in pay for play, I just want someone to chill and live my life with who will bend me into a pretzel and do unspeakable things to me.
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