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Newbiesub868

Limits - accepted or not

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Posted

So I had an experience I have to share maybe just to get it off my chest and I am even angrier today.

For the Doms, do you accept limits and if so is your expectation to just accept them, work your sub through them or breakdown your sub?

I am a sub, I am not weak or a pushover. I have limits and some of then are hard limits. The hard limits are just that, they are off the table for me and will remain that way until I make the decision to work through them.

Recently in a relationship, hard limit of no threesomes accepted (especially with a woman). We had a wonderful time getting to know each other and experienced a wonderful day of playing.

After a return from vacation the topic of being with a woman was brought up again and I was told this was a deal breaker. I was shocked and hurt to say the least because my hard limit was accepted.

Stupidly I agree to at least talk to other women and see. Each night we talked about it ended in tears and the one woman he asked me to talk with also ended in tears and panic attacks (not fun at all).

Now the relationship is over. I guess I am saying to those Doms that take limits lightly, dont. They are there for a reason and it isnt up to you to make the decisions for us. This is also why I will never become a slave and give someone complete and utter control of me. I was working in my control issues that were caused by abuse and getting much better with them. Well guess what, they are back and worse than ever because one Dom refused to respect my choice and has now damaged me more into accepting and trusting another Dom.

  • Like 7
Posted

I'm so sorry you've experienced this. No means no. It should always mean no and hard limits are never up for negotiation. 

Well done for sticking by your guns. I know it must have been hard to break away but I think you did the right thing. 

There are wonderful Doms out there who respect limits, but you take your time in deciding what to do and where to go next. 

  • Like 4
Posted
Limits; soft limits or hard limits should ALWAYS be respected. Always. There's no two ways about it. If it's a 'no' then that's the end of the discussion. On both sides. A sub has no less power than a dom does.
  • Like 3
Posted
Your hard limits are there for a reason. Only soft limits are there to be pushed at a comfortable pace. limits are something that should always be accepted no matter what, if any Domme/Dom does not respect this then they are not to be trusted in my oppinion. Always remember, just because you are the sub, doesnt mean you are powerless, infact it is quite the opposite, the sub gives the power to their Dom/Domme, after all, your safety is in their hands
  • Like 3
Posted (edited)

I'm sorry but that sure doesn't sound like a Dom to me. 
God it makes me so cross when 'people' (I won't say men) use the BDSM tag to abuse others. 

Limits should always be respected (and that's by both sides of the slash). I've had 'Doms' ask about my limits and in the next breath try to dissuade me out of them. PASS!! 

Sorry for you experience, I hope you can heal in time. 

Edited by Daddys_little_girl
  • Like 3
MissMermaid
Posted
I’m so sorry that you experienced this with your “Dom” and I use that word lightly, as clearly he isn’t Dom at all and more just a power hungry idiot that craves control and only cares for his desires. To me, my subs limits are very important, and I would t ever do anything they weren’t happy with, or try and push anything in then they didn’t want to do. I find it a great honour when a submissive trusts me enough to give me full control over their pleasure. So I please want you to know not all of us Dom/Dommes are bad!! There are some of us out there that can be trusted, and I hope you find someone perfect for you very soon, so that you can build that trust back up x
  • Like 2
eyemblacksheep
Posted

limits are limits

there are too many (particularly male Dominants) who see limits as challenges - and that's a big no no from the start.

Limits can be flexible and changeable (this also means things that were not a limit can become one) but ultimately they shouldn't be broken unless you're ready.

  • Like 3
TwistedBinds
Posted
I will just throw in a little comment. Before I do that I also wanted to pass on my sympathy for you being subjected to this terrible behaviour and can only wish the best. I feel that each play session should always be consensual and that means your limits should always be respected and you can change them at any time. If there is a softer limit that you are prepared to allow to be pushed then that is your decision and not anyone else's. If the Dom does anything that has not been negotiated or agreed to then it is abuse and not BDSM. As has been said below he is (at best) an idiot, not a Dom.
  • Like 1
Posted
Really sorry you had to share this bad experience but also thanks to do it so we can see its still happen!! Hard limits should always been respected and only rediscussed by the sub, but never by the Dom. The only issue here is that you agree to let him bullying you into it, you show him that he's in control of your limits and let me break the contract you had at the beginning of your relationship. For all the subs out there learn from that mistake and make sure you remind your Dom about this. You hold the keys of your hard limits and only you can open that door.
  • Like 2
Posted

I hate to read things like this. I'll apologise on his behalf. My advice going forward is if someone starts to push a hard limit then you need to re-evaluate your position in that agreement 100%.

 

Hard limits are to be respected not pushed. You may decide to change your hard limits over time but that's your choice. 

 

He has shown you a huge lack of disrespect here and you are way better off out of any arrangement like that. 

 

Good luck for the future. 

  • Like 4
Posted

can't speak from a place of experience on this at any level but find this the most disturbing aspect couldn't the mods" not and I use the words loosely because I think it would be very hard to completely police it,but maybe with the help of the poor victims and the many or most very intelligent men and women on this site set up some sort of report " a prick" forum so many strikes your banned,it's a question ????

Posted
10 hours ago, TAINTEDLOVE941 said:

can't speak from a place of experience on this at any level but find this the most disturbing aspect couldn't the mods" not and I use the words loosely because I think it would be very hard to completely police it,but maybe with the help of the poor victims and the many or most very intelligent men and women on this site set up some sort of report " a prick" forum so many strikes your banned,it's a question ????

 

If anyone has an issue with another user not respecting limits or displaying other dangerous behaviours I would encourage them to report them. We can only really act on behaviour that happens on site, though. But we do take it all very seriously.  

  • Like 4
Posted

Victoria Blisse,hon"💞 I totally agree that you can only "police" what happens on the site and I think the mod" boys and girls do a fantastic job ,in what is a very difficult and wide ranging task,to police this amazing kinky playground 💋💞 respect x

Totheblues
Posted

Newbiesub868, that's an awful experience, it'll be so much harder to trust another dom... But I hope you'll find someone right, there are many good doms out there!

 

As for no limits, I find myself a bit confused after reading all the posts. I understand that soft limits may be pushed, but is that really up to the sub? Where's the fun in that? And wouldn't it be like a tribute of trust, to give away this decision to the Dom?

 

I am not allowed limits (at least that's what I'm told). To the point in which He pushed one of my hard limits and made it soft. It's certainly not easy, it's a hudge internal conflict - but if both patries enjoy this state of mind and the one that comes after, then what's the hurt in it? I guess it's not for everyone, but guys - you saying that a sub is as powerful as Dom... It it really like that? Subs give away the power, so that the dom is powerful for them both... Or not? Eventually it's all up to you if you want an out, but... Argh, your comments left me with lots to think about! (:

 

Again, I hope it'll be allright, Newbiesub868!

 

 


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