Newbie question. Paying for equipment up front

[AtlTitlover]

Newbie here with question. I found a mistress on AFF that I was excited about and seemed legit. But, before we begin, she wants me to chip in towards new equipment before our initial meeting. I’m ok with that and makes sense, but a red flag went off when she wanted $800 in bitcoin. I balked at the method and said I could bring cash and just didn’t trust that payment method to someone I’ve never met. 

 

So, did I screw up? Am I too vanilla per my potential mistress? Or is AFF risky and I’m right to be concerned making a blind payment before even meeting someone?

 

Please help. Very curious and want to a slave and put trust into someone, but this just felt fishy to me. 

[Deleted Member]

Always trust your gut. 

ALWAYS. 

 

If you think something seems off, or smells fishy, it probably is. And you don't want to indulge in BDSM play with someone you don't trust 100%. 

For the record, that sounds dodgy to me too. I think your instinct is correct. Something is fishy. 

[Goddessdemi-9762]

Hello there how are you?

[Deleted Member]

A huge red flag indeed & absolutely agree 100% with what Victoria has said. You were right not to proceed with this. It is highly unlikely that any genuine potential Mistress/Domme would even contemplate any interaction with a potential sub/ slave without a vanilla meeting in a neutral setting first, let alone make any requests or expectations of that kind. Plus the fact that bitcoin was stipulated is highly suspect also. Likewise any prospective sub/slave would be advised to adhere to similar guidelines Put it down to experience & a lucky escape, take your time finding the right Mistress for yourself, get to know & trust them totally first before taking things further & good luck in your continued search.

[Deleted Member]

Definitely lucky escape. I just wonder how many conversations you had before *** for new equipment was mentioned. Was there even an image accompanying the supposed "mistress" ad/profile? If someone purports to be a mistress, then they have equipment already, surely. Alarm bells should have been ringing. Every site has spongers on it, who are trying to make easy *** by conning unsuspecting newly interested people. Deep, long conversations help to build pictures in your mind, so that you build both trust and understanding between both of you. If the "mistress " can't, or won't, give you this reassuring time through talking, then again, the connection isn't worth bothering with.

[Deleted Member]

It's a scam, & I'm 100% sure on that. You absolutely did the right thing. I experienced the same one when I first came online looking for someone, & like you I spotted it not parting with any ***.

[ey****]

nope - it's a scam, straight off the bat.  You're probably talking to a guy.   

The two fairly common scams are ones where you send the cash for equipment/clothing/toys or whereby you're asked to book a rather suspicious looking premise.

 

[MistressMettle]

As someone who pro dommes (this is a personal account) I can tell you there is never any need for you to send *** to a mistress for equipment. As a professional you have all the equipment you need with the exception of very rarely needing something more specialist or custom. However in those circumstances I would either buy the equipment myself or get you to buy it for yourself and bring it with you. Even if she is claiming to be in it personally and not professionally there is no logical reason why you couldn't buy the equipment yourself. You also have to question why on earth she would want to so much new equipment when she hasn't even met you yet. Any reasonable kinkster would understand why you would be suspicious and not ask you to hand over cash like this.

[Mi****]

I know some dommes who ask for a small tribute up front to show commitment but $800 is excessive to say the least. You should not have to pay for someone elses equipment

[ey****]

to give an idea

if you're speaking with a Pro for a booking the deposit is traditionally up to 50% of the session fee, although this can vary and of course you know to expect this because you are booking a session.

Whilst session prices can vary (depending on regions, circumstances and reputation) even high end few go above £300-£400 per hour so you shouldn't expect above £150-£200

And while there are non-pros that still expect a little effort or potentially costs covered - a small/modest gift or help with costs - for someone you know you can verify - is very different from others.

[funlookingcouple]

On 1/11/2019 at 9:29 AM, MissTillysue said:

I know some dommes who ask for a small tribute up front to show commitment but $800 is excessive to say the least. You should not have to pay for someone elses equipment

I agree 

[AtlTitlover]

Thanks to everyone for the feedback. I’m completely distrusting of AFF now as well as I think everyone there sounds fake. Couple of women I’ve talked all have English problems too. Another flag. Sigh. This potential mistress did send pics of her and I did Google image search to see if fake and couldn’t find. Oh well. Lesson learned. 

 

So, I’m very intrigued to be a slave now though, but no idea how to find a true mistress into more BD than SM. Saw professional in past, but didn’t like how there was zero sexual aspects. If I need go somewhere else on this site or another board, please redirect me. I’m in Atlanta GA area. 

[ey****]

In the US in particular there's assorted laws around professionals that make things difficult.  A professional willing to offer anything from strap on or "above" isn't allowed to legally advertise as such as it's deemed to be a sex act.

In the UK this is a lot bit more lax but the majority of Pro-Dominants do not offer PIV (but may have other aspects deemed sexual) and the majority of otherwise 'escorts' offering Domination are not normally in expertise in that area.  Certainly I do know of a Pro-Dominant who does sometimes have sex with clients but her words are "the best way to make sure this doesn't happen is to ask" - complex.

The secret to finding people isn't necessarily to float between one website and another, despite the online benefits, but to actually go where they are.  What munches and fetish events are within reasonable travelling distance to you?  Find them. Go there.

[MisterE8]

 

With the one I was talking to we were talking all day every day for 3 straight days, the first message she sent me she said that she would never ask for ***, then the day before we were set to meet bam she wanted $1350 for "training equipment". Cut off all communication with her right after that.

Like you I am new to the Mistress / slave lifestyle and trying to find a legit Mistress is proving to be almost impossible.