You’re scrolling your inbox. A few spicy DMs, a cheeky Spank or two, maybe a photo that makes you grin wickedly. Some convos light you up instantly. Others… not so much. What happens next? Do you vanish without a word, or do you wrap it up like the confident Kinkster you are?

Let’s talk about ghosting. It happens everywhere — dating apps, socials, even kinky spaces like ours. But here’s the thing: ghosting is boring. It’s the most vanilla move you can pull in a playground designed for adventure. And we all know you came to FET for hotter, braver, and kinkier than that.

FET is built on safe, sane, and consensual play. That means clear boundaries, honest communication, and respect at every step. If a chat doesn’t spark, the sexy move isn’t silence — it’s a respectful goodbye. It shows courage, confidence, and maturity, and it keeps the community vibe playful instead of awkward.

 

kinky_300X50_EN.gif

 

Ghosting kills the mood

On the surface, ghosting feels easy: no message, no effort, no explanation. But easy doesn’t mean sexy. Silence leaves the other person dangling, wondering what went wrong. It leaves you carrying the weight of unfinished conversations. And it chips away at the playful, respectful vibe that makes FET such a special space.

Think of it like a scene with no aftercare — it just doesn’t feel right. Kink thrives on clarity. And so do conversations.

 

Respectful goodbyes are hotter

In kink, we talk openly: what we like, what we don’t, what’s on the table. That’s what makes play safe, consensual, and fun. Your inbox deserves the same energy. A short, playful “Thanks, not my vibe” isn’t rejection — it’s redirection. You’re both free to explore chats that fit better, instead of wasting energy in silence.

And here’s the secret: saying no confidently is a turn-on. It shows you know yourself, you respect others, and you’re not afraid of being clear. Nothing screams Dom/me or Switch energy more than owning your exits as much as your entrances.

 

ghosting-is-vanilla.pngRespect is kinky. Say No-Thanks, then say yes to better matches.

 

Meet your new toy: No-Thanks

Not in the mood to type out a polite goodbye? We’ve got you. FET’s No-Thanks button is your anti-ghosting safeword. One tap, and the other Kinkster gets an automatic message that says: “Thanks, but I’m not interested — nothing personal.” Quick, clean, and oh-so-kinky. No awkward silence, no guilty ghosting. Just clarity with a playful twist. Simply tap on the three dots inside your inbox. Voilà, problem solved.

Think of it as consent culture for your inbox. You get to set boundaries with confidence, the other person gets closure, and everyone stays free to chase the connections that actually spark. That’s how we keep FET hot, safe, and fun.

 

300x250_Breathles_EN.png.7a55492d57feca31f1c80ffc2f1bc9d6.png

 

Your inbox aftercare

Think of your inbox like a dungeon session. You wouldn’t just walk away mid-play without a word. You’d close it off, give aftercare, make sure everyone feels good about the experience. A respectful goodbye — or a quick tap of No-Thanks — is inbox aftercare. It’s neat, it’s kind, and it leaves everyone ready for their next adventure.

And just like in play, aftercare isn’t about being “nice.” It’s about responsibility, maturity, and hotness. Because a Kinkster who knows how to close a chat with style? That’s irresistible.

 

Reach out, don’t fade out

Respectful rejection is only half the story. The other half? Making the first move. Too many people ghost not just others, but themselves — by staying quiet when they really want to say hi.

If someone catches your eye, don’t sit on it. Their profile pic made you sweat? Their Kinky Ad made you grin? That’s your cue. Send a cheeky opener, drop a flirty Spank, or slide into their DMs with something bold.

It doesn’t have to be poetry. It can be as simple as: “That rope photo? 🔥 Are you usually the one tying or being tied?” Or: “You had me at latex. Tell me your favorite way to wear it.” Small, fun, and direct is all it takes. Because the truth is: courage is sexy. And silence never is.

 

Community kink etiquette

Anti-ghosting isn’t just personal — it’s cultural. FET works because Kinksters show up honestly. We flirt, we play, we explore — but we also respect each other’s time and energy. When you skip ghosting and close conversations with care, or use No-Thanks, you’re not just helping yourself. You’re helping the entire community stay safe, kinky, and connected.

And let’s be real: no one joined FET for silence. We’re here for sparks, scenes, and stories worth telling. Every clear goodbye makes space for the next exciting hello.

 

kinky_300X50_EN.gif

 

Your challenge

Open your inbox today. Look at the messages waiting. For the ones that make you tingle? Dive in. For the ones that don’t? Don’t ghost — wrap it up with a cheeky line or hit No-Thanks. Keep your energy clean, your vibe magnetic, and your kink life flowing.

Because ghosting? That’s lazy. And you’re not lazy. You’re bold, kinky, and unapologetically playful. Show it in how you start convos, and show it in how you end them.

👉 Check your inbox now — send a Spank, start a chat, or close one with style (and a No-Thanks if needed).

 

 

 

  • Like 167

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE

109 comments

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

00****
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



CagedClitLvr

Posted

Not this time. I'm from a real site but I been through all the locals. Lots of filters and labels to help one see what you're into I host parties and have community. You should try fetlife. I'm back 1 day and here u are.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

CuriousRose

Posted

On 12/23/2025 at 8:10 PM, absurdist said:

If this was a dating app it would apply but its not.
Its a scam, bot, fake and post selfies for self gratification bdsm forum page with about (of a guess) 35% of the users are actually real people looking to meet someone or are already part of a group/in a relationship but there spouse is ok with it being and open relationship....

If you dont pay and 50 bots message "them" you cant even like let alone match with someone you may actually like.
Defeats the purpose.

My experince is a week after messaging ive either recieved random nudes then profile is deleted or i get ghosted cause they have "mental issues" or 99% of the time its no reply let alone again i cant even message.

Look at the selfies posted, they never reply... wonder why 🤣

A lot of people I’ve found are using this as a dating app…….. I’ve also come across people on here who don’t state right away what they are really looking for nor are they upfront as to their true relationship stats (men and women I have cheated with aren’t clear and one found to have a husband who actually doesn’t know she’s cheating nor on these apps). 

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

CuriousRose

Posted

I 100% agree with this.  Respectful conversation, no matter if you’re in a relationship or not,. Especially if you’ve been in some kind of relationship with the person. 

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fl****

Posted

☺️☺️☺️☺️

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

ab****

Posted

If this was a dating app it would apply but its not.
Its a scam, bot, fake and post selfies for self gratification bdsm forum page with about (of a guess) 35% of the users are actually real people looking to meet someone or are already part of a group/in a relationship but there spouse is ok with it being and open relationship....

If you dont pay and 50 bots message "them" you cant even like let alone match with someone you may actually like.
Defeats the purpose.

My experince is a week after messaging ive either recieved random nudes then profile is deleted or i get ghosted cause they have "mental issues" or 99% of the time its no reply let alone again i cant even message.

Look at the selfies posted, they never reply... wonder why 🤣

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ap****

Posted

This part

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Se****

Posted

wait people message others on here??? Holy smokes news to me, I'm the ghostee 101% of the time, so much so that I've more or less given up and passively show interest

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Toni-2380

Posted

I always try to respond if not interested with Sorry, not interested or I hit the no thanks button. The part with ghosting that hurts is when you start playing or you set a meet up and then boom, no response. It makes me feel disrespected and honestly it hurts. Especially if you are having fun one week then ignored the next with no explanation. Just tell me your not interested, I am a big girl and can take rejection and move on.

  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ke****

Posted

Yeah and when you agree to meet up with somebody actually show up like it's making me wonder if this is even real and if anybody actually does anything because everybody likes to talk but when it comes to actually meeting up hooking up doing more than just texting it's like not a thing like do people really actually hook up on this thing or is this just get your hopes up to think you're actually going to get to do something fun and it never happened

  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

wo****

Posted

Ghosting defined accurately.
Very interesting way of understanding what falls under the umbrella of ‘inappropriate’. The shaming and demeaning language that follows sounds openly hostile, not mearly devoid of empathy. It comes from a place of female privilege, delivered in a mean and nasty manner.
What follows highlights a problem women deal with in online dating that men don’t encounter (and often don’t have empathy for either). A very understandable and small amount of frustration is seen. Helpful, constructive feedback is given. Ending with a very fair minded delivery of more constructive feedback, lessening the impact of the harshness from earlier. It is very much appreciated by me, someone who delivers direct, and sometimes quite harsh feedback when I perceive bias and double standards favoring one sex over the other. Respect.
* If anyone views my perspective as “wrong” I am more than happy to explain at length and in detail publicly and/or privately. When wrong or mistaken I am happy to acknowledge that. If you come at me, which I don’t mind, just make sure that you have all your ducks in a row. Personal character attacks are not refutations to anything I say. Either that or bring censorship. That just proves I was correct. Grownups use civil discourse to sort out the truth.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

wo****

Posted

August 30, Mazda3GTSportGrl said:
When people have invested time to regularly play together and they were good enough to engage with and one party ghosts them without a respectful rejection, that is cowardice. and abusive, exclusively dating or not. Just be kind and say that the arrangement is not for you, then move on.

There’s that word again- Abusive. Really? The last sentence is constructive advice. I like it.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

wo****

Posted

August 30, mangariv said:
This is just my opinion and also my first comment, but just because you message someone doesn't entitle you to a response, sure it would be nice if they responded. If they don't respond don't take it personally just try someone else and move on.

Solid response.
Clear, concise, and direct in explaining the reality - check
Empathy- check
Constructive Feedback- check

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

wo****

Posted

August 29, Gilly222 said:
I used to try to reply to everyone out of politeness, but stopped because most msgs weren't polite. If someone only msgs a "Hey", or asks me what I'm here for (anything that's already covered on my bio)I've no obligation to afford time to
N love to all since its Friday n I was told yesterday I was a hippie 🤣😙

Starts out strong, but MOST initial messages are IMPOLITE? You show a very interesting way of understanding that word here.
As far as “I’ve no obligation to afford time”, that comes from female privilege.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

wo****

Posted

August 29, MissMinoux said:
Not replying isn’t ghosting. I don’t owe anyone on here a reply.

True and accurate. Also, it comes from a place of female privilege and shows a complete lack of empathy.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

wo****

Posted

August 29, Archer73 said:
Ain't been nothing but ghosted. Think I've been on here eight years, maybe nine. One date off it. Then ghosted. Ghosted on Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, Feeld, you name it. I'm starting to think there's something very wrong with me. I don't know what but it's really fucking difficult. No matter what I do there's always better. I try to send messages on here but they're either never read as they sink beneath six hundred other hopefuls or I don't get a reply. There was someone here who was *perfect*, so tobtheb get Premium for a week and see they read it and deleted was crushing.

I was someone once. I was on the London fetish scene. I knew everyone. I rarely went home alone. And now, like a faded Casanova, it's just me. Feeling like a damn fool for ever hoping it could be me.

Very sad, disappointing. Thanks for not being hostile and showing empathy for women despite a long, grueling experience that can be soul crushing for many/most.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

wo****

Posted

August 29, aligurl80 said:

I’ve had this numerous times. Tried to be polite and wish them luck only to be called a fat cow.. or a stupid witch (-w + b) and told I’m not a real submissive because I won’t meet or exchange pics. Sometimes ghosting is all a girl can do to stop the abuse.

I understand the frustration. Personally, I would call it an immature or childish reaction rather than abuse.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

wo****

Posted

August 29, angelmom7511 said:
And some guys can't take no for an answer. So I just don't respond if I'm not interested. I'm not into blocking everyone whom I'm not interested in just because they can't take no for an answer.

A reasonable position explained clearly and without hostility.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

wo****

Posted

August 29, Ms_Sensualist said:
Men that ghost deserve a lifetime of impotence … if you can’t deal with emotions then don’t involve yourself with others.

Now tell us about the women.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

70****

Posted

A respectful denial is better than nothing at all and then you wondering what the heck you did to get ghosted. Tell me to f off vs not responding at all. Lol

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

YegBiBtm721

Posted

16 hours ago, Stevieable said:

This app/site is fucking horrible. Nothing but bots/scammers/ghosters/abandoned accounts/lazy OF and jobless slugs that only target men while administrators do nothing about it. Notice how most of the comments are from men on here? I wonder why...

Similar on other kink related sites. The one that begins with G , so many bots, OF page owners male and female, you block them and they come back with another account.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Onmyownnow599

Posted

I have replied no thank you, or whatever reason to be respectful. Not all are respectful back and you get backlash from the situation.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

TimtheMerciless

Posted

How are we about " respect" when the admin use "vanilla" an insult? 

 

Respect isn't just buzzword. You have to understand what it means. To be fair to  the site makers  do have a vision of a better world.  But that better world starts with embodying that vision. I don't want kink to be another sectarian division.  With nice wordplay as a set of knives.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Se****

Posted

10 hours ago, stewart1111 said:

It's common courtesy to message someone back who has taken time to message you even if it's a no thankyou , but that doesn't happen because people just think ignoring you is OK. It's not, it's hurtful...

No, it isn’t its entitlement to think that you’re owed ANYTHING from a random stranger or a reply from an initial message  

That said, not responding to someone who has sent an initial message is NOT ghosting. Ghosting is where you have been talking to someone for a period of one and they vanish out of the blue and THAT is wholly unacceptable (other than in minimal, very specific circumstances). 

  • Like 3

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wr****

Posted

I try and respond to people. If I don't feel we are compatible I will say that. Probably 75% of the time they try to convince me they are and what their profile says doesn't tell the who story. Eventually I do stop responding because it becomes clear no matter what I say they aren't going to hear me saying I am not interested. I can understand why many don't bother to respond. I don't get a huge amount of messages because I don't keep a picture here.

  • Like 2

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

ju****

Posted

Lately been getting many of those. Then a few days later I check back and they've all been banned 🤣.

I had one of those. Played with someone here who went super radio silent after months of play. She came back 6 months later, apologized and we resumed our cyberplay with plans to meet. But then disappeared once again but this time completely.

It's been over 10 months now. Though the fucked up thing is she's actually online every few days but just not responding to anyone. I know she's seen my messages but its a real bummer to not know what happened all of a sudden. I hope she sees this and perhaps finds it in her heart to give me an answer for closure. I'm moving on nonetheless.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

he****

Posted

Know your worth, if I even see my message as read and they don’t reply back, it’s an instant block from me because if they had time to read, they had time to reply. And truly it is 110% their loss, not here to pull teeth to meet or play games. I should be able to send a message, get a reply then meet and fuck, everything else is a waste of my time.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sp****

Posted

Personally, I don't feel you have to respond to every “Hello” or any other opening line. It's not “ghosting” until you have at least had the beginning of a conversation. One message does not a conversation make.

  • Like 2

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Si****

Posted

It's also more than being an adult and saying "Not interested". Being ghosted starts building resentment. You join a social platform to meet like-minded people and then not even a goodbye? Why bother trying to do anything for yourself? The people here are just like people in person, might as well never leave the house or get online.
I do tend to get ghosted when I give my introductory speech of what to expect about me, so yes, I come online very intermittently.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

YegBiBtm721

Posted

It would be nice to at least get stock reply back but it seems everyone is too busy. They can browse online, scroll, read your message but no interest in replying. If you were rude or insulting maybe you don't deserve a reply but how complex is it to reply back?

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

st****

Posted

46 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

Hypothetical question for you.

If on a daily basis you had 300 to 500 random men you didn't know message you from all over the world, often being crude or abusive, would you message every single one back?

How long would that take you - at let's very generously say one minute each - to open, read and reply to the whole message? Could you afford the emotional energy, never mind the time? What if only a hundred random new strangers messaged you each day demanding a response, would you find that more acceptable?

I get what your saying but they will get round to reading them so a quick no thanks button even would suffice

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ar****

Posted

13 minutes ago, stewart1111 said:

It's common courtesy to message someone back who has taken time to message you even if it's a no thankyou , but that doesn't happen because people just think ignoring you is OK. It's not, it's hurtful...

Hypothetical question for you.

If on a daily basis you had 300 to 500 random men you didn't know message you from all over the world, often being crude or abusive, would you message every single one back?

How long would that take you - at let's very generously say one minute each - to open, read and reply to the whole message? Could you afford the emotional energy, never mind the time? What if only a hundred random new strangers messaged you each day demanding a response, would you find that more acceptable?

  • Like 2

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

st****

Posted

It's common courtesy to message someone back who has taken time to message you even if it's a no thankyou , but that doesn't happen because people just think ignoring you is OK. It's not, it's hurtful...

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted

This app/site is fucking horrible. Nothing but bots/scammers/ghosters/abandoned accounts/lazy OF and jobless slugs that only target men while administrators do nothing about it. Notice how most of the comments are from men on here? I wonder why...

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ho****

Posted

Ghosting contact is extremely common here. Most don’t have the courtesy to respectfully decline contact. Ghosting ist hier extrem verbreitet. Die meisten haben nicht einmal den Anstand, einen Kontakt respektvoll abzulehnen.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

TimtheMerciless

Posted

Most of my friends are vanilla.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

pr****

Posted

1000% (unless that person has been really unreasonable and caused harm to you)

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Marhtinz

Posted

100

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

MsDrawers

Posted

Vanilla shouldn't be a pejorative term in a sex positive community.

  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sa****

Posted

Ghosting is only healthy if the other person makes you feel like your boundary had been crossed & you don't understand why. Don't be shamed for walking away or turning the other cheek

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted

👋

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

ra****

Posted

Just my opinion, but if getting ghosted by someone during a talking stage is something that bothers you, then it might not be a bad idea to step back and ask yourself why you’re letting the way a random stranger treats you bother you at all.

Can we address the obvious elephant in the room first and say that automatically assuming the person you’re chatting with is the same one in the profile pics, then I’ve got some really spicy content I’m willing to share with you after you cashapp me $25 😉

Secondly, I don’t know what a man’s inbox looks like, and I’m just assuming that most women’s look similar to mine. If I responded politely to every message I received, not only would it take up WAY more time than I already have or should be investing on an app like this, but could be spending it investing time in a conversation where we have enough in common for it to be worthwhile for us to continue it. Also, some people just don’t handle even the most respectful rejection very well so if you want to get mad at me for not taking the risk of being insulted, idk what to tell you. Stay mad? 🤷🏻‍♀️

People have lives. If you can’t handle being left on delivered/read for a few hours or even a day when you have no idea if someone lost their grandma or might be busy scrolling through their inbox politely responding to every message out of obligation so that someone they’ve never met doesn’t think you’re “too good to respond to a simple message” then please, go get yourself a hobby before you drag yourself and another person into an unhealthy, co-dependent relationship that’s a one way street that dead ends in ToxicTown.

The biggest problem with society and people today is that they think they’re entitled to be treated with respect and kindness as a human being. Have you been outside lately? It’s rare to find someone who has more consideration for other people than they do about someone’s missing goldfish.

The point is, if you’re going into this taking people, including yourself, too seriously, especially at the beginning, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and missing out on some quality entertainment 😂

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

se****

Posted

I think ghosting is no big deal if you haven’t been conversing much it’s not really real life it’s being under consideration.

If two people have been talking a lot and one just disappears aka ghosting or have met ghosting is a lack of maturity and tact.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ch****

Posted

Don’t let it affect your confidence in any way! Keep trying and stay positive… your true connection is out there. When you find it…. you will know… you would feel a connection unbreakable.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

LadyV

Posted

This post strikes me as a weird way of shaming women into responding with "no thank you" to men we aren't interested in instead of not responding at all (which we do because men tend to explode at us in response to rejection).

Like...if you want women to respond more, ya gotta tell men to not blow up at "no." You shoot the messenger, you stop getting messages. 😒

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Or****

Posted

I do they just never respond and ghost me

  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

le****

Posted

Guys if you see the ghosts in this thread just block em. I give people a week to respond then i block em. Lifes too short to waste on ghosts.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bu****

Posted

1 hour ago, MistressWhipplash said:

If he isn't my cup of tea I write no thanks and block. No one meets from here either. Don't be your genitals, talk in an ordinary way. It's pretty basic stuff that.guys mess up. The guys at munches I see as friends as none are masochists. Random short chatting is all that occurs here. Once a guy realises it a no-hand-shandy zone poof he's gone.

I don't know. In my experience, it never even gets far enough for my genitals to even come up in the relationship. I kind of wonder what you mean by "basic stuff," because it seems like people are just looking for a precut cookie that perfectly fits into their lifestyle rather than trying to engage long enough for something real to develop. Which, for me, is part of the fun of a relationship, it is pretty disappointing, to say the least. I do agree, though, that random short chatting seems to be all that occurs here, but for different reasons.

  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

ba****

Posted

*like to leave

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

ba****

Posted

38 minutes ago, YellowYarrow said:

No. I'm not going to waste my energy talking to people I don't want to talk to even if it's to tell them to f*ck off. People are never entitled to others. The sooner society accepts that the better off we'll all be. Go to therapy if random people no longer talking to you bothers you that bad.

If the other person agrees to a time and day and ghosts after it’s disrespectful cause why even agree? If I’m not interested anymore I just say so and let bygones be bygones. I don’t like leave if people hanging one way or another

  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

MistressWhipplash

Posted

If he isn't my cup of tea I write no thanks and block. No one meets from here either. Don't be your genitals, talk in an ordinary way. It's pretty basic stuff that.guys mess up. The guys at munches I see as friends as none are masochists. Random short chatting is all that occurs here. Once a guy realises it a no-hand-shandy zone poof he's gone.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

in****

Posted

August 29, MissMinoux said:
Not replying isn’t ghosting. I don’t owe anyone on here a reply.

This comment is where it's at.
If we have not engaged in conversation, then not replying to a 1st message someone has sent, is not ghosting. Ghosting is when you are fairly well established into communication/meet ups and then they dissappear. Very different and can be hurtful. Let's not call a non-conversation message ghosting. Some people get quite a few messages daily. Its not up to them to soothe your ego when no response is given. Dont even go there with politeness.....

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ye****

Posted

No. I'm not going to waste my energy talking to people I don't want to talk to even if it's to tell them to f*ck off. People are never entitled to others. The sooner society accepts that the better off we'll all be. Go to therapy if random people no longer talking to you bothers you that bad.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

ba****

Posted

Why do people ghost after having a good conversation? It’s frustrating cause you think you have something especially even after they agree. Do people have no courtesy anymore? I just want fun and to provide it. Idk what is so hard

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Cu****

Posted

The worst part of ghosting is after you have met someone and the meet went really well. Then your just left with what the fu*k did I do wrong 😕

  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Rainydaye88

Posted

I am super appreciative of the no-thanks button. Mostly cause if I actually say no, I feel like the person that I've said no to tends to get super angry and it turns into a block. Having an automated message has reduced the hostility that I've experienced. I did get someone who came back and post "fat b*tvh" comments on my photo though. Luckily its only happened once which of course lead to me reporting and blocking.

I will never judge someone for ghosting especially cause of my personal experience with saying no to someone, but I think there is some growing to do of handling rejection better.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

ja****

Posted

August 30, Coco_De_Leche said:
Firstly I am direct in my own profile that “I do not owe you conversation’ and this is true for anyone!

The definition of “Ghosting” abruptly ending all communication and contact with someone without any warning or explanation,

Completely different to not being interested in replying to a barrage of inappropriate DM’s; be it a sender not reading/ fitting profile, a message being beggarly, lazy, utterly banal or utterly rude/offensive…
A “No thanks” response to these can be an opening to a communication/ rebuttal.
“Silence” in this instant is a response and your “closure”.

Don’t take it personally, if you approached someone IRL would you keep pestering that person who ignored you- NO! so don’t do it online.
Silence is not a consent to keep sending DM’s

If a conversation is started and there is no stimulation to continue, then yes, a “respectful rejection” within the context of the conversation should be applied and respected from both parties.

Just because you say you don't owe anyone anything doesn't make that some sort of justification. The idea of owing and entitlement and stuff like that that's all cope for being rude

  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

ja****

Posted

August 30, Nikki_wv said:
Well I've been here for like 3 years and the men that message me seem to use this app as a hookup app and don't actually have any interest in kinks or fetishes. They rarely read my profile and have little to no interest in what I want or what I'm looking for. And they try and question and challenge your "limits". I get messages everyday from men just wanting to have regular vanilla sex. I used to send the "no thank you message" BUT if you didn't at least read my profile and if you just send me some message about wanting to fuck, I'm blocking you. AND if I told you that's not something I'm into (like sleeping with couples) and you KEEP messaging me, I'm also gonna block you. People on here don't seem to care about what YOU are looking for and just want an easy lay.. and that's not what I thought this app was. I've chatting and matched with HUNDREDS of men and not a single one was worth meeting up. And i CRAVE a good fucking. Good luck finding someone here. Also men have maybe 1 picture. And if they send you pics 90%of the time it's all about their d1ck. Physical attraction matters on BOTH ends. You can't come on here looking like a thumb with no charisma thinking a baddie is gonna be all over you

No offense, but women can sit on a mountain of dicks get laid every night of the week have 15 partners and still get mad at men who want to have a partner also. It's very much a Mary Antoinette let them eat cake instead situation

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

ja****

Posted

August 29, Gilly222 said:
I used to try to reply to everyone out of politeness, but stopped because most msgs weren't polite. If someone only msgs a "Hey", or asks me what I'm here for (anything that's already covered on my bio)I've no obligation to afford time to
N love to all since its Friday n I was told yesterday I was a hippie 🤣😙

I hate that excuse though, because there are plenty of guys who write long thoughtful messages and they still get ignored.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

ja****

Posted

Yeah I absolutely hate ghosting I hate how Cavalier we are about ignoring each other. You know there's another human being on the other side of that screen that may or may not be putting their hopes and their loneliness out there

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ro****

Posted

August 29, Ms_Sensualist said:
Men that ghost deserve a lifetime of impotence … if you can’t deal with emotions then don’t involve yourself with others.

Cruel 😂

  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted

I'm fairly open on things. So far, I've found several people wanting money. Other than that, it's been quiet on my end. I send messages, but silence. Like all the other dating sites I'm on. Sometimes I wonder if my messages even get sent, subscription or not.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

ta****

Posted

Ya peolle juat need to be upfront and honest
  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

PagenRed

Posted

2.5 years , pay for premium subscription, still waiting for my first reply and my first ghost.
This site is pretty pathetic

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted

What messages are yiu talking about two words said to you and then nothing next to all the no replies , this app is a joke

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted

For me, ghosting and alignment are two totally different vibrations.

Ghosting, at its core, is avoidance. It protects the person doing it from feeling the sting of saying, ‘Hey, this isn’t working.’ And I get it... honesty isn’t easy. It means you feel the discomfort first, and you have no control over how the other person will take it.

But my alignment isn’t casual.. it’s in my marrow.

When I tell someone, ‘We don’t align,’ or ‘This doesn’t work for me,’ I’m not just talking. I’m collapsing that timeline. I’m keeping my own energy clear so I don’t drag that misalignment into what comes next.

I’m not saying everyone has to do this, or that they’re wrong if they don’t. This is just who I am. It’s the standard I hold myself to...not because anyone demands it, but because it’s how I stay congruent with who I’m becoming.

For me, honesty is respect. It’s discipline. It’s honor.
And as a Dom, that’s part of my moral compass.

So I speak.
Even when it’s uncomfortable.
Even when it would be easier to disappear.

Because every time I choose honesty, I’m choosing alignment.
I’m choosing to live from the end,
as the man who doesn’t leave loose ends behind.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ar****

Posted

13 hours ago, Coco_De_Leche said:
Firstly I am direct in my own profile that “I do not owe you conversation’ and this is true for anyone!

The definition of “Ghosting” abruptly ending all communication and contact with someone without any warning or explanation,

Completely different to not being interested in replying to a barrage of inappropriate DM’s; be it a sender not reading/ fitting profile, a message being beggarly, lazy, utterly banal or utterly rude/offensive…
A “No thanks” response to these can be an opening to a communication/ rebuttal.
“Silence” in this instant is a response and your “closure”.

Don’t take it personally, if you approached someone IRL would you keep pestering that person who ignored you- NO! so don’t do it online.
Silence is not a consent to keep sending DM’s

If a conversation is started and there is no stimulation to continue, then yes, a “respectful rejection” within the context of the conversation should be applied and respected from both parties.

You're very direct. Your profile is scary as hell, but I guess that's the point of it.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Gh****

Posted

I get ghosted alot because of my desire getting to wonder if what i like is taboo or is it me or who I try with cause I have no clue

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

di****

Posted

Ghosting is quite common

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ne****

Posted

I concur on many points shared here, and, I also resent the way this article is putting down Vanilla in promotion of another idea (despite how great touting communication be.)
  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

ni****

Posted

So many ghosts....

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ni****

Posted

Well I've been here for like 3 years and the men that message me seem to use this app as a hookup app and don't actually have any interest in kinks or fetishes. They rarely read my profile and have little to no interest in what I want or what I'm looking for. And they try and question and challenge your "limits". I get messages everyday from men just wanting to have regular vanilla sex. I used to send the "no thank you message" BUT if you didn't at least read my profile and if you just send me some message about wanting to fuck, I'm blocking you. AND if I told you that's not something I'm into (like sleeping with couples) and you KEEP messaging me, I'm also gonna block you. People on here don't seem to care about what YOU are looking for and just want an easy lay.. and that's not what I thought this app was. I've chatting and matched with HUNDREDS of men and not a single one was worth meeting up. And i CRAVE a good fucking. Good luck finding someone here. Also men have maybe 1 picture. And if they send you pics 90%of the time it's all about their d1ck. Physical attraction matters on BOTH ends. You can't come on here looking like a thumb with no charisma thinking a baddie is gonna be all over you
  • Like 4

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

BruiseWayne

Posted

20 hours ago, portland30674 said:

I try as a woman not to ghost but when I tell a guy im not Interested he chews me out no matter how meek and respectful I am. So I do be trying

Beyond what the rest of this article is saying, part of it is right in how you can just the 'no thanks' option. They can no longer send you a message after that and it lets them know you're not interested without having to worry about them saying foul shit on their way out the door. 

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Co****

Posted

Firstly I am direct in my own profile that “I do not owe you conversation’ and this is true for anyone!

The definition of “Ghosting” abruptly ending all communication and contact with someone without any warning or explanation,

Completely different to not being interested in replying to a barrage of inappropriate DM’s; be it a sender not reading/ fitting profile, a message being beggarly, lazy, utterly banal or utterly rude/offensive…
A “No thanks” response to these can be an opening to a communication/ rebuttal.
“Silence” in this instant is a response and your “closure”.

Don’t take it personally, if you approached someone IRL would you keep pestering that person who ignored you- NO! so don’t do it online.
Silence is not a consent to keep sending DM’s

If a conversation is started and there is no stimulation to continue, then yes, a “respectful rejection” within the context of the conversation should be applied and respected from both parties.
  • Like 4

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

20****

Posted

Ghosting is the 'lack' of character in the person doing the ghosting.
  • Like 2

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

20****

Posted

When people have invested time to regularly play together and they were good enough to engage with and one party ghosts them without a respectful rejection, that is cowardice. and abusive, exclusively dating or not. Just be kind and say that the arrangement is not for you, then move on.
  • Like 2

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ba****

Posted

55 minutes ago, mangariv said:
This is just my opinion and also my first comment, but just because you message someone doesn't entitle you to a response, sure it would be nice if they responded. If they don't respond don't take it personally just try someone else and move on.

I absolutely agree

  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

ma****

Posted

This is just my opinion and also my first comment, but just because you message someone doesn't entitle you to a response, sure it would be nice if they responded. If they don't respond don't take it personally just try someone else and move on.
  • Like 4

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bu****

Posted

I see so many people saying the don’t get messages or replies without having a subscription. If someone is serious about this why not pay for a subscription? I do but I take meeting someone seriously🤷🏻‍♀️
  • Like 2

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Gi****

Posted

I used to try to reply to everyone out of politeness, but stopped because most msgs weren't polite. If someone only msgs a "Hey", or asks me what I'm here for (anything that's already covered on my bio)I've no obligation to afford time to
N love to all since its Friday n I was told yesterday I was a hippie 🤣😙
  • Like 3

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Pa****

Posted

I feel just like archer73. In the last year I have TRIED TO CONTACT 100s of woman. Not a single, No thanks from any of them. Only a handfull of responses, a couple of(what I thought was meaning full), and one date. I too used to be somebody. I now feel like a condom discarded, but never used. It sure would be nice to get a rejection, and a why, for once.
  • Like 3

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mi****

Posted

Not replying isn’t ghosting. I don’t owe anyone on here a reply.
  • Like 7

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted

A lot for me are new accounts so seem like spam. Very little info and 1 picture.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ar****

Posted

2 minutes ago, muskegon797433 said:
Ghosting is the lack of ability to express feelings appropriately not about YOU

Well said, I'll try to remember that.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

mu****

Posted

Ghosting is the lack of ability to express feelings appropriately not about YOU

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ar****

Posted

Ain't been nothing but ghosted. Think I've been on here eight years, maybe nine. One date off it. Then ghosted. Ghosted on Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, Feeld, you name it. I'm starting to think there's something very wrong with me. I don't know what but it's really fucking difficult. No matter what I do there's always better. I try to send messages on here but they're either never read as they sink beneath six hundred other hopefuls or I don't get a reply. There was someone here who was *perfect*, so tobtheb get Premium for a week and see they read it and deleted was crushing.

I was someone once. I was on the London fetish scene. I knew everyone. I rarely went home alone. And now, like a faded Casanova, it's just me. Feeling like a damn fool for ever hoping it could be me.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

do****

Posted

I'd love to but yall make it so I have to pay for BASIC SHIIII

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

BBc-10in

Posted

Who in Memphis?

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Stepfubk4

Posted

Yes, ghosting is rampant! Nobody cares! It takes a few seconds to type out a message of I'm not interested?

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

al****

Posted

3 hours ago, portland30674 said:
I try as a woman not to ghost but when I tell a guy im not Interested he chews me out no matter how meek and respectful I am. So I do be trying

I’ve had this numerous times. Tried to be polite and wish them luck only to be called a fat cow.. or a stupid witch (-w + b) and told I’m not a real submissive because I won’t meet or exchange pics. Sometimes ghosting is all a girl can do to stop the abuse.

  • Like 3

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Da****

Posted

all the messages I get, are waiting for verification, or behind a subscription

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted

This is really helpful! I’m new and still learning all the functions on the app. Now I feel like a real dick for “passing” instead of “no thanks”. I initially sent really nice responses to people like, “Our interests don’t seem to be aligned. I hope you find what you’re looking for. Take care”. But depending on volume of incoming messages, that is just not a sustainable approach. So again, thanks for this!

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Da****

Posted

Weird how some messages are blocked behind a pay wall.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

an****

Posted

And some guys can't take no for an answer. So I just don't respond if I'm not interested. I'm not into blocking everyone whom I'm not interested in just because they can't take no for an answer.
  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

GeneGrey

Posted

It doesn’t help that Fet uses a filter to prevent people from posting more than one message if that person doesn’t respond in time. It automatically ghosts for you. They should fix that filter to extend it to at least 3 days. People are busy with lives, sometimes it takes them more than a couple of days to reply a message.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

De****

Posted

Sorry, just have to comment on how a BDSM chat site somehow censors p-i-s-s off, seems pretty wild.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

De****

Posted

Just joining the community (slowly). Life also gets in the way. Love the single non-ghosting option, but there might be a few more. The I'm shy, or Life happens, please check back in later button would be good. We could also let it be known (2 weeks later), if the message was seen. Some people creep on people no matter how respectful the rest of us might try to be, and sometimes ghosting can be a simple "piss off" message. (Something that should also be a button but used sparingly).

Seeing portland30674 commenting about getting chewed out (non consensually I might add), is not cool. Unfortunately on a grown up app like this, we can't assume that everyone will act like grown-ups.

I really like the quick button idea for how best you want to respond without it involving too cognitive load.

My $0.02

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Pe****

Posted

Given how poorly most guys take rejection, I'm not surprised women ghost regularly.
  • Like 2

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted

No one cares

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ms****

Posted

Men that ghost deserve a lifetime of impotence … if you can’t deal with emotions then don’t involve yourself with others.
  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ca****

Posted

Truth

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted

I try as a woman not to ghost but when I tell a guy im not Interested he chews me out no matter how meek and respectful I am. So I do be trying

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

ki****

Posted

Most women ghost 😂 like tito except that 1% guy lol

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted

Ghosting is rampant on all dating apps unless you're that1% guy... don't take it personal, move on, there's a lot of women out there. Also things are better in person most of the time...

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

su****

Posted

What if you're shy tho it's not fair to tarnish us all with the same brush lol x

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

co****

Posted

Ghosting is childish…

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

sy****

Posted

You can send msgs? I cant send or recieve anything

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted

I have sent tonnes of messages but no replies. Seems like the norm here for me.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted

Yeah. I've sent several messages but never get a reply. At least let me know my messages go through. Starting to wonder if this app blocks my messages like Match.com did.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted

Couldn’t agree more.

Share this comment


Link to comment
Share on other sites


BDSM Magazine

Similar discussions