Ghosting - Let’s be Open and Honest Instead

[Th****]

Part of being in any form of relationship with anyone even a friendship, is having to have hard conversations, you NEED to be able to do that, and id argue that a conversation ENDING a relationship is MUCH less hard than one DURING a relationship. If you cant handle ending one you cant handle being in one

[Pe****]

literally everyone on here ghosts me, and i‘m neither ugly nor disrespectful. my best bet is they that are just on here out of boredom and are not actually looking for a connection nor to make an investment

[Ra****]

I agree ghosting is a huge problem. I myself am looking for something real and I believe in being open honest and being kind to one another. I am open and honest from the beginning of what I'm looking for. If a connection isn't felt after chatting some, then I tell the person straight away and wish them luck on finding what they are looking for.

[Th****]

2 hours ago, DaddysHere2please said:

With this lifestyle that’s based on connection, openness and honesty it’s time to be real with one another. If we aren’t feeling a connection, be open and honest.
No need to argue or fight
Make it a big deal
Just say this isn’t working and move on.
This ghosting trend is becoming and epidemic and the problem when it expands into a community like this it can cause more issues…
Remember these relationships are built on open, honest, trust…
That’s what makes it different, better…
So let’s be honest and kind when it’s not working…
And stop with the ghosting

 

what are your thoughts?

If you aren't *actually* in any sort of dynamic and have only exchanged a few messages it's not "ghosting". 

[Th****]

1 hour ago, DaddysHere2please said:

Makes you wonder why people choose this, it used to be clear that we were more open and honest and accepting but now with the lifestyle becoming more watered down it’s blending in with the rest unfortunately

One reason is people's reactions. When enough people become abusive in response to to a polite "I'm not interested" it's safer to just end contact 

Edited February 12 by ThaliaV

[Sh****]

Generally if I’m not interested in chatting with someone who messages me, I’ll at least do them the courtesy of sending a thanks, but no thanks message. Life can get pretty busy though so I don’t always have the time to reply even if I am enjoying the conversation. 

[Deleted Member]

When someone says thee most stupid and asinine things .. you will get ghosted. Especially not respecting a no. Have an adult conversation without being childish and desperate to fulfill your own gratification.

[19****]

Absolutely 💯 agreed, a quick response saying no thank you. That's all it should take

[Aylo_01]

i usually think "your loss" because i know i am a great guy, if they going to judge like that, "do you thing"

you want be very happy in the future with such mentality though, everyone got flaws etc etc

[Ba****]

I hope everyone can agree it all comes down to mental health. A very vital thing for our community because we are in very *** states. The more awareness we spread the more impactful. Cutting out the unstable and unhealthy leaves us with a more safe environment to be ourselves. Maybe a little off subject yet applies in my opinion.

[ge****]

As others have pointed out there's a world of difference between ghosting and not having initial speculative messages responded to, and I'd even take that one step further and suggest that even if you have had a level of interaction with someone over several messages and they go quiet it's still not ghosting.
.
There's a balance of course as to when it becomes ghosting but for me it's well beyond some of the indications here, it's more once a relationship of sorts has been formed and connections made - perhaps even meeting discussed and agreed to.
.
However even then there are many valid reasons why someone might do so for their own protection, and not just to save an awkward conversation.
.
I think like many similar phrases that have come into parlance (e.g. White knighting, woke etc) ghosting has become overused and used as a means to explain something not working out how someone may have hoped.

[sardonicus87]

I have no real problems with being ghosted. I know a lot of people, especially women, can get a lot of abusive and harassing messages for simply saying "no thanks", so I don't blame them.
.
If they don't respond, I just assume they aren't interested. To me, that's an equivalent to "no thanks", and I honestly don't need to hear them say it, as them saying "no thanks" as opposed to ghosting has the exact same outcome: not doing anything. Them saying "no thanks" doesn't make it any different.

[Do****]

First is last, no one owes anyone anything. From consent to an explanation. It may be polite to offer it but politeness isn’t owed

[CopperKnob]

Let's be honest, ghosting isnt a new phenomena. Before tech made us so accessible to everyone all the ***y time it was easier to ghost. It's just a new form of it.
I'm OK with being ghosted. No one owes me their time, explanation etc and, I think that that understanding comes with maturity and being secure in yourself so that it doesn't affect your self esteem etc.

[CopperKnob]

The other thing to add, having read through some of the comments is, ghosting isn't 'dishonesty'. It's literally ceasing any form of contact and, if that's about the 'ghosters' own morals/ethics/boundaries etc, then I'd suggest that's actually being honest with themselves.

[CopperKnob]

51 minutes ago, sardonicus87 said:

I have no real problems with being ghosted. I know a lot of people, especially women, can get a lot of abusive and harassing messages for simply saying "no thanks", so I don't blame them.
.
If they don't respond, I just assume they aren't interested. To me, that's an equivalent to "no thanks", and I honestly don't need to hear them say it, as them saying "no thanks" as opposed to ghosting has the exact same outcome: not doing anything. Them saying "no thanks" doesn't make it any different.

Precisely. What people actually mean when they want a response is a reason why contact is being ended and I don't understand why. Its a want, not a need. The outcome is the same. The only difference is that the Ghoster opens themselves up to continued conversation about the why.

[Du****]

53 minutes ago, sardonicus87 said:

I have no real problems with being ghosted. I know a lot of people, especially women, can get a lot of abusive and harassing messages for simply saying "no thanks", so I don't blame them.
.
If they don't respond, I just assume they aren't interested. To me, that's an equivalent to "no thanks", and I honestly don't need to hear them say it, as them saying "no thanks" as opposed to ghosting has the exact same outcome: not doing anything. Them saying "no thanks" doesn't make it any different.

Thank you for this. You understand.

[DarkArts1066]

There are occasions, where ‘ghosting’ - or however you choose to describe it, is the only way to end a difficult relationship.

There are people, who simply can’t take no for an answer… who will perpetuate a conversation as a form of staying ‘on the radar’, even through the relationship is over, dead and buried.

Personally, I would rather receive feedback than be ghosted - and would much rather not ghost someone, but I have learned of late, that sometimes it is the only way to get the point across. Call it ‘en***d detachment’ if you will……

[ge****]

2 hours ago, sardonicus87 said:

I have no real problems with being ghosted. I know a lot of people, especially women, can get a lot of abusive and harassing messages for simply saying "no thanks", so I don't blame them.
.
If they don't respond, I just assume they aren't interested. To me, that's an equivalent to "no thanks", and I honestly don't need to hear them say it, as them saying "no thanks" as opposed to ghosting has the exact same outcome: not doing anything. Them saying "no thanks" doesn't make it any different.

Precisely this...and exactly how I view it - there are people I've chatted with (some on this thread) that the conversation back and forth dies out (either naturally or because of lack of interest or life happened or whatever) I don't view it as having been "ghosted" in the slightest far from it.
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Now in some of those instances the conversation may pick up at a later date, sometimes not but it's still not ghosting.
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I think part of the problem on sites like this is people get too invested too soon, and read signals that aren't there, then find it difficult to accept when things don't pan out ad they may have hoped - and as I said in an earlier post then need something to pin it to, and ghosting becomes that thing.

[YorkshireBiker]

I get the feeling, like in most conversations around this type of subject, is the root problem is the behaviour of some men.

2 hours ago, sardonicus87 said:

I have no real problems with being ghosted. I know a lot of people, especially women, can get a lot of abusive and harassing messages for simply saying "no thanks", so I don't blame them.
.
If they don't respond, I just assume they aren't interested. To me, that's an equivalent to "no thanks", and I honestly don't need to hear them say it, as them saying "no thanks" as opposed to ghosting has the exact same outcome: not doing anything. Them saying "no thanks" doesn't make it any different.

I feel 2 ways about this. 1 I agree entirely but that’s not how I would act so how do you get point across if not given the chance? 2 I we all just behaved in a more respectful way, this might not even be issue to start with. 
 

2 hours ago, gemini_man said:

As others have pointed out there's a world of difference between ghosting and not having initial speculative messages responded to, and I'd even take that one step further and suggest that even if you have had a level of interaction with someone over several messages and they go quiet it's still not ghosting.
 

I’m glad this came up as it was something I was going to mention, I’ve had a few conversations with different people that I haven’t messages for a while - they were just general chit chat and the conversation just seemed to come to end but I’d hate to think the person thought I was ‘ghosting’ them. 

[Da****]

9 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

One reason is people's reactions. When enough people become abusive in response to to a polite "I'm not interested" it's safer to just end contact 

However on here there is a thanks but no thanks which blocks them, at least people could use that. Then they wouldn’t have to deal with the reaction right?
I mean even an explanation of why send it and then use the button. I don’t agree people should snap on someone being honest but within this app they have accounted for it . So you send a quick explanation, and use the button if your interactions have been longer term, of send them a thanks but no thanks message on here.

[Da****]

3 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

The other thing to add, having read through some of the comments is, ghosting isn't 'dishonesty'. It's literally ceasing any form of contact and, if that's about the 'ghosters' own morals/ethics/boundaries etc, then I'd suggest that's actually being honest with themselves.

It’s not dishonest , but what it can do is play into people’s triggers. Many have abandonment issues etc. so while you may not “owe” people anything in your opinion it’s a disagreement based on time and principle, if you have spent their time getting to know you/themetc then I’d say it’s not that difficult to go ahead and maybe let them know why, then use the thanks but no thanks button provided here. This way at least people will understand maybe things they need to work on that they don’t recognize. The constant just walking out and leaving people wondering plays into their ***s, self esteem etc. and I’m sorry but if you have spent weeks/months leading someone on just to drop them off that’s a you problem. And again some people are runners, and that’s okay, but an explanation that it wasn’t them could be very helpful to their mental health moving forward.
And the original point is in this community we should actively seek to be different and set ourselves apart from the norm

[Da****]

2 hours ago, DarkArts1066 said:

There are occasions, where ‘ghosting’ - or however you choose to describe it, is the only way to end a difficult relationship.

There are people, who simply can’t take no for an answer… who will perpetuate a conversation as a form of staying ‘on the radar’, even through the relationship is over, dead and buried.

Personally, I would rather receive feedback than be ghosted - and would much rather not ghost someone, but I have learned of late, that sometimes it is the only way to get the point across. Call it ‘en***d detachment’ if you will……

So what’s wrong with feedback and then using the thanks but no thanks button provided by this site? That’s still closure without ghosting. Instead we are feeding into people’s triggers and insecurities

[Po****]

It annoys the hell out of me if l am suddenly ghosted by l have been hitherto getting on well with and where there has been no indication of anything wrong. That is when l consider the perpetrator to be extremely cowardly. Just be straight with me all of the time.

[zA****]

It speaks volumes about the character of a person and if they can do this online what are they like in person!!!