Fat Positivity and Kink | Saying No to Body Shaming

Body shaming is everywhere. Whether it’s advertising, health guidance, in the media – or even friends and family commenting on our bodies – it can feel like the world's against you as a fat person. The kink world, however, is known for its open-mindedness and acceptance, and fat positivity is proof of that. Victoria Blisse talks about fat positivity and kink, as well as her own experiences on the fetish scene.

What is fat positivity?

It may seem obvious, but fat positivity is all about accepting a fat person for who they are. Although it shouldn't be such a big ask, body shaming is so ingrained in western society that it’s important to actively promote body confidence in mainstream culture. Nobody should be subjected to scorn or ridicule because of their size. Fat people should have the same rights and access as everyone else. 
 

Being a fat person on the kink scene

The kink scene is, in general, an accepting place. Body confidence is cherished, even celebrated. As a fat person myself, I was nervous about showing off flesh when I first attended BDSM and fetish events. But to my surprise, being fat was never an issue. The fetish scene attracts all kinds of people in all shapes and sizes, and fat positivity is a testament to its inclusivity. Having a good time and getting kinky is all that matters! After dipping my toes into the fetish waters, it soon felt strange to keep my clothes on. I felt comfortable in my own skin in this wonderful world.  

I’m now as happy being naked at a fetish club as I am in my own home. My journey towards self-acceptance and body confidence is, in large part, thanks to the kink world. Still, there are some misconceptions and stereotypes about fat people on the fetish scene. For example, it's commonly thought that a fat person can't do as much because of their size, but that's not true in most cases. 
 

Fat people often feel welcomed into the kink scene. 
 

Impact play

It's not all about body confidence. Fleshy areas of the body are the safest areas of the body for impact play. More flesh equals bigger surface area – it’s as simple as that! This means that a fat person can be hit in more areas for a longer duration, and often times, more intensely. Those interested in impact play should always be risk aware, of course, but being a fat person can be a gift, not a hindrance. Impact on the stomach is still riskier than on the bottom, but when the belly is lovely and big and soft, you can beat it more easily than a skinny one!  
 

Shibari and Rope

Photos of rope bunnies usually portray a misconception that you have to be young, thin, and bendy to rope properly. This is not true in the slightest. Fat people can be rope bunnies too, duh! If you're a fat person, you might just need more rope and try a few different ties that take into account your unique body size. Suspension is possible too, and don't be told otherwise! If a rigger tells you differently, then they're simply not the rigger for you. In fact, don’t let anyone tell you something is impossible because of your size. There's always a way.  

Fat fetish – Is it okay?

Some people get turned on by fat people. Often, though, it's the fat itself that gets them going, not necessarily the person. This is not the same thing as fat positivity. We'll never fetish shame here at Fetish.com, but always remember to ask a fat person for their consent in your kink. Every person should be treated like a human being, not just as a way to get a fetish fix. 
 

Feederism

The same goes for feederism, also known as the weight gaining fetish. Consent is particularly important with this kink. As long as everyone involved is on the same page and aware of the risks, then a weight gaining fetish can be enjoyed by all parties. Feeders and feedees can enjoy their fetish without shame or guilt.  
 

It's important to actively champion fat positivity. 

How to actively champion fat positivity in kink

It’s easy, really. Respect fat people. Anti-fat sentiment is so hardwired into society, it can be hard to recognize at times. So, here are some ways to combat body shaming within the fetish community, and in day-to-day life too!  

• Carry extra rope if you're into shibari, and try tying a fat person if you never have before
• If you hear someone body shame or say something derogatory about a fat person, stand up for them 
• Don’t talk about being too fat or needing to diet in front of a fat person
• Don’t assume a fat person’s needs and preferences, just ask them! They might be different from other people. 

It can be difficult to challenge personal preconceptions, but actively working to be more fat positive is worth it. There’s a soft world of curves and kinks out there to be explored! 


Republished: 11 August 2022

Victoria Blisse is an erotic author, a sex-positive Reverend and part of Smut.UK who arranges events for curious and kinky people with a literary bent.
 

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All images (unless otherwise stated) via Shutterstock