Understanding the Differences Between Kink and Swinger Events

Swingers and kinksters often rub shoulders as their events are frequently held in the same places. They also have interests that overlap, and both sets of people are wonderfully open-minded. So why is it there can be problems crossing over from one community to the other, even for a visit? Victoria Blisse explores the differences between kink and swinger events and how to be a polite visitor who gets invited back again and again!

Going to a kink or swinger event?

The first thing you should do before going to any fetish, kink or swinger event is to check the rules. Invites will generally include things such as dress code and if you haven't seen the event or venue rules before arrival, seek them out. Most venues will have them somewhere prominent for you to read if you don't see any, ask a member of staff for clarification.

Generally, kink and fetish events allow you to take your phone and capture photos, as long as you keep them to selfies and get consent from anyone in the image. Be careful not to get people in the background. However, most swinger events have strict no phone policies and will expect you to leave your phone in your locker.

Another big difference is that swinger events will expect you to be fully naked, except for maybe a towel. However, full nudity is less usual at kink events unless there's a hot tub or pool. A lot of fetish events, especially those that happen in usually vanilla venues, will have strict dress codes. Other places will ask for no genital nudity in specific social areas. So always check, so you don't inadvertently offend.

Voyeurism at kink and swinger events

Voyeurism is something you find in both the swinger and kink communities, but the rules around it can be very different. Swingers tend to keep to the rule that if the door is closed, then what's going on inside is private. However, if you're in certain public rooms, then no matter what's going on, you are free to watch.

Kinksters, however, are very different. Even when people are indulging in play in a public space, it's good form to ask if it's okay to watch. However, don't interrupt a scene! If you're unsure it's okay to watch, wait until you can catch the attention of the Dominant. They will make it clear if they're happy for you to stay or leave.

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Always establish consent at kink and fetish events.

Consent at kink and swinger events

Although consent is key in both communities, the way you express it is different. Gaining consent at swinger events is often acquired by a person simply being in a particular place (an orgy room, for example). People there will touch each other without necessarily asking verbally first.

At kink and fetish events though, this is never the case. A verbal agreement must always be established before you touch someone - unless you know them well and have agreed differently. So if in doubt, ask. Many areas of BDSM play require practise and risk awareness. So it makes sense that kinksters want to get an agreement before any kind of impact or restraint is employed. It's also why you must never try to join a scene if you're not already part of one unless explicitly asked to do so, to minimise risk.

If in doubt – Ask

There is no such thing as a stupid question. If you're not sure if something is allowed or you don't understand something that is going on. Ask! Ask people around you, or if they're all busy, find an event organiser, a Dungeon Monitor or another member of staff. They'll be more than happy to answer any questions you may have.

It's much better to ask a question than to assume something and inadvertently break a rule or even worse - cause risk to yourself or someone else. And there's probably not a question you can think of that anyone hasn't already heard before. Don't worry about offending – it's never offensive to ask a practical question that will make your experience better.

Victoria Blisse was an erotic author and sex-positive Reverend. She helped shape fetish.com and FET from the very beginning and we're eternally grateful for her passion and creativity. Sadly, she passed away in January 2024. We hope that whenever her articles are read, she'll be honored.