Sex on the first date

[Deleted Member]

Hmmm ... an issue of contemplation here. I'm supposing it depends what type of relationship or dynamic one is in to explore the question at hand. 

[Deleted Member]

Do you click?
Do you feel comfortable?
Is it what you want?
If yes then the chances of something happening on a first meet are much higher.Kink or vanilla it matters not,all about that "spark"

[J_****]

I have to admit that this is something I'm grappling with at the moment. I spent so much of my life missing out on opportunities because my fundamentalist Christian background dictated that I mustn't do X, Y, or Z. So I decided around the age of 35 that I would start living my life to the full.

Nine years down the road and I'm ready to find my next serious connection. I want my next relationship to last. And many of my friends are advising me to not jump into bed too quickly...to leave it six months to get the relationship established before getting intimate.

Well...six months ain't gonna happen! I can say that with full confidence. But I've been talking with a guy online who I've made an incredible connection with. We have many superficial things in our likes/dislikes that are polar opposite, but at the core, our principles and values and moral compasses are completely aligned.

There's already a spark. A HUGE spark. And we're going to be meeting for the first time next week. I want things to flow naturally and not rush into anything. But what if things naturally develop in that way on the day? I don't want to delay just on principle if it feels right at the time.

Equally, I don't want to fuck it up. But if it's right, then how would that fuck it up? You see what I mean?

What I do know is that I've loved many times in the past, but the relationships became toxic because I'm kinky and they weren't and that void became so huge that it created a rift that could not be repaired. So why wait until we're already well established in emotional attachment before finding out we're incompatible in the bedroom?

I feel for you, love... it's a mindfuck making these sort of decisions. "Sex on the first date or not" really shouldn't be such a difficult decision to make, and yet it is!

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, J_Darkmoon said:

I have to admit that this is something I'm grappling with at the moment. I spent so much of my life missing out on opportunities because my fundamentalist Christian background dictated that I mustn't do X, Y, or Z. So I decided around the age of 35 that I would start living my life to the full.

Nine years down the road and I'm ready to find my next serious connection. I want my next relationship to last. And many of my friends are advising me to not jump into bed too quickly...to leave it six months to get the relationship established before getting intimate.

Well...six months ain't gonna happen! I can say that with full confidence. But I've been talking with a guy online who I've made an incredible connection with. We have many superficial things in our likes/dislikes that are polar opposite, but at the core, our principles and values and moral compasses are completely aligned.

There's already a spark. A HUGE spark. And we're going to be meeting for the first time next week. I want things to flow naturally and not rush into anything. But what if things naturally develop in that way on the day? I don't want to delay just on principle if it feels right at the time.

Equally, I don't want to fuck it up. But if it's right, then how would that fuck it up? You see what I mean?

What I do know is that I've loved many times in the past, but the relationships became toxic because I'm kinky and they weren't and that void became so huge that it created a rift that could not be repaired. So why wait until we're already well established in emotional attachment before finding out we're incompatible in the bedroom?

I feel for you, love... it's a mindfuck making these sort of decisions. "Sex on the first date or not" really shouldn't be such a difficult decision to make, and yet it is!

For me it's not a difficult decision at all.We are all sexual creatures or why else be on a site like this?If you feel comfortable and that's what is craved then I would say enjoy,go for it

[J_****]

5 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

6 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

For me it's not a difficult decision at all.We are all sexual creatures or why else be on a site like this?If you feel comfortable and that's what is craved then I would say enjoy,go for it

 

I'm going to just play it by ear.  We've already discussed keeping options open regarding the possibility of getting a twin room for an intended chaste evening of talk and laughter.  But I'm also going to be packing some essentials in case chastity decides to fly out the window! 

 

I think the whole point is not to fall in lust and confuse it with love, but I've done a lot of growing up since my last serious relationship, and have much higher standards than I used to.  I honestly don't think that will be an issue this time around.

[Deleted Member]

I always find the word "date" implies the hope of something longterm.
If I end up in bed with a woman on the first date I tend to assume sex is the most important thing here and decide this will be a short term atrangement.
That's just my personal take.

[Ze****]

I haven't had sex on a first date for over 12 years. And yes I've had a few dates, kinky and otherwise.

[J_****]

On 2/14/2020 at 4:10 AM, Method said:

I always find the word "date" implies the hope of something longterm.
If I end up in bed with a woman on the first date I tend to assume sex is the most important thing here and decide this will be a short term atrangement.
That's just my personal take.
 

Just curious...why is that?  Why does having sex early on need to negate the option of a longer term relationship?

[Deleted Member]

I do tend to agree with you Darkmoon. 

[Deleted Member]

On 2/14/2020 at 4:10 AM, Method said:

I always find the word "date" implies the hope of something longterm.
If I end up in bed with a woman on the first date I tend to assume sex is the most important thing here and decide this will be a short term atrangement.
That's just my personal take.
 

Why?Maybe she's blown away  y your charisma?Maybe she hasn't physically been with a man for years and she chooses you,that's a compliment and yet you would reject her for that?

[Deleted Member]

22 hours ago, J_Darkmoon said:

Just curious...why is that?  Why does having sex early on need to negate the option of a longer term relationship?

Just personal preference, not saying its right or the only way, it's just how I view it and it works for me. 

[Deleted Member]

FYI: in Sweden sex in normal on the 1st date. This is done to find out if the 2 of you will be sexually comparable. Because sex is such a big part of relationships in any country. Then if you find out you get along sexually and want to continue the relationship further then you go out on a 2nd date, a normal date.

America is still living in the 17th Century Sexually and still practicing Victorian values. It is starting to have a serious decline on the population here in the US.