Airs and Graces: Are we forgetting our manners? Or have times changed?

[Deleted Member]

As a very newly discovered submissive i have also struggled with the concept of honorifics and the meaning or weight given to them.  
it was pointed out to me that to give a submissive a capital letter at the beginning of their name can be seen as disrespectful. eg. i become little red instead of Little Red. At the time it made no sense on a spelling level but hey ho we adapt to meet the demands of the societal rules. 
i was raised to call elders, betters and people of standing by Sir or Ma'am. this is a vanilla concept for me and as such i still struggle not to call people by those respectful titles in daily life. 
i think it took one instance of viewing the fall out of a s type using an honorific to adress a D type without permission that cemented the fact that words have different meanings here. the Sir i expected to use as an acknowledgment of their position in the lifestyle  is VERY different to the Sir i use for my Dominant. but all the same it offends others so i dont use it. 

early on i had a good talk to myself and made the decision that i would not be willing to be in a dynamic with a Dominant that tried to restrict my contact with others outside of what i would choose to do alone. Sir allows me to talk to whomever i wish so long as i remain aware that my behaviour ow reflects on Him.  often times we have laughed together at people trying to get me to use an honorific or behave in a set way and it doesnt work. 
the idea that  someone would have to go to Sir for permission to talk to me makes sense, Sir takes on the role and responsibility of vetting people who He believes would be good or bad to talk to. it hasnt happened yet that He has said no but i think that speaks more on the type of people that approach me than any controlling element of Sir's Dominance. 
i have several friends that are D types and many of those have never mentioned asking permission to interact with me. more so than not however, should something be offered or requested ( links, pictures etc) Sir will be seen to give permission or perhaps they may ask directly. 
For those Dominants that restrict interactions with other D types, i smell smoke and red flags.. in my mind there is nothing worse than the restriction of knowledge or interaction with those that could be kin.  Perhaps it boils down to trust. 
Further, i think it is perhaps difficult to assume that everyone knows the rules and etiquette of the higher protocol way of interacting. i know im still learning and always making mistakes. Perhaps in time i can learn, but socially rather than at high protocol events , it seems a bit pompous of a D type to demand i dont meet their eyes. 

[SammyB]

Like you travelling back many years almost 24 ... interactions were very different .Manners , etiquette were at the forefront of every conversation .

In company It was an expectation that every Dominant was called Sir as a mark of respect for who and what he was.. his position

Equally there were far more protocols to have a conversation in company . Sadly for me I struggle with the new school approach . I’m not saying it is wrong it’s just very different from what I was first introduced to.

Had I not addressed a Dominant by Sir I would have been punished . Funishments didn’t exists neither

The Lifestyle moves grows and develops ....evolves.

There are different levels of acceptability now .Many younger or new submissives have scoffed at some of these practices and have been hugely outspoken in the lobby .... to the point of kink shaming .

Neither practice is right or wrong . Demanding respect isn’t ever the right approach .

The joy of this lifestyle is it’s different strokes for different folks .....it was always a community that didn’t judge . You might not have liked or understood someone’s else’s choice but respect was there ... can’t say that’s always the case now

What still continues to shine through is ...it’s all bout finding the right person or people with commonalities, everything after that is how you both or all travel a journey together with or without certain etiquettes



Great post thank you x

[Ar****]

13 hours ago, PixieDust said:

 

• As a Dominant do you expect to be automatically addressed by your title of choice from the moment you engage in a conversation with a submissive?

• As a Dominant who is in a D/s do you expect your submissive to address all other Dominants in a similar manner or do you reserve your title of choice for you and you alone?

• As a Dominant do you approach other owned submissives without first asking for permission from their Dominant partner? Do you feel you are being disrespectful by doing so?

• How do you as a community feel on manners in today’s society have, we lost the ancient art form of being polite and respectful?

I feel this is a topic which could use quite the measure of attention lately. Lately? Maybe it hasn't actually got worse, perhaps instead it is that we are just noticing or being less tolerant of poor behaviour? 🤔 Anyway...

i) Absolutely not. I'd feel presumptuous and arrogant to expect that. Sure, I have can display those traits at times - I'm as flawed as any of us - but I would rather not encourage them. A title, like submission, has to be earned. Similarly I would not want to establish a BDSM connection (in this example, through the use of titles) before I had spoken to a sub for long enough to know I genuinely wanted to choose them. The process goes both ways, and in most cases ought not be automatic, else how do you earn one another's trust? I also feel uncomfortable with a sub calling me by a title if I am already in an exclusive relationship or dynamic. One of my favourite moments when a new connection with a sub is forming and "going somewhere" is when they ask how they should address me... it may seem like a small gesture to some but I find a symbolic significance in such a thing.

 

ii) No I don't expect that... perhaps I might expect them to address other Dominants similarly if either we were not in an exclusive and the other were also their partner/s, or if addressing a named professional or similar, but I cannot think of any other situations. Generally speaking in a D/s, if I am Sir, I am Sir. If I am Daddy, I am Daddy. If I am Master, I am Master. Nobody else.

 

iii) Yes I do approach owned submissives on occasion, but never for play as then I do feel that would be disrespectful. I do not approach ones who make it clear on their profiles that approaches are not welcome or must be made via their Owner, and would do so only because I saw something in common with them (I thirsty love of geeky board games or a particular band, for example) and was reaching out to see what friendship connection might come from such commonality, or perhaps they were new to a site/area and I wanted to be welcoming. I have never felt disrespectful in such instances, and obviously whilst not all messages sent in these circumstances have had a reply I have never received a negative reply either.

 

vii) I feel that on the whole society has been becoming less polite and respectful yes, and I am anguished about it. Yes I see enough to give me hope. I see a younger generation, some inevitably behaving appallingly as some in every generation does, but brimming with many who are rebelling against the self-centred culture fostered by those who came before them. The ones who are pushing back, following the example of those who refuse to let civility die. The art has diminished, but it is not lost - and we must not allow it to be.

Edited July 13, 2020 by Aranhis

[Deleted Member]

Great topic Pixie!! I try to be respectful to all and I do follow a few protocols but basically they are just good manners. Examples being when a lot of us meet up I will greet the Dom/Dommes first, then their subs. If I want to send a sub a friend request I will always ask the Dom’s permission first, like I said it’s basic manners really. 
I would never expect any sub other than Lilm to address me as Sir, I’m not their Sir and will politely tell them that and to just call me Liam. 
I would never stop my sub from chatting to anyone be that Dom’s , subs , anyone basically. To deny her speaking to other Dom’s would deny her speaking to many of her friends. Also, and this is just me and not disrespecting any other dynamics , to me I would feel that to deny her the freedom to chat to anybody would show a lack in confidence in myself and our dynamic. 
im also fine with other Dom’s messaging her as long as THEY are respectful. If they come on to her demanding her respect and insisting she refers to them by their chosen title they can expect a pm from me and I’ll not be so polite then.

my sub belongs to me but is also her own person. She is absolutely free to make any friendships she wants to and will come to me if somebody oversteps the Mark. This very rarely happens and it’s usually the wannabes with no real bdsm understanding that will take that approach. 
it doesn’t all have to be politeness and protocols. Imagine how boring the lobby would be after a couple of hours of that !! Some people get so caught up in all that that they can sometimes lose sight that yes, always be respectful in this lifestyle but also remember to have fun.  

[Ar****]

10 hours ago, Cade said:

An additional thought to consider: The title doesn't make the dominant. That is to say, a dominant will be dominant without any title, at all.

Yes! It was only yesterday that I was thinking of the wisdom, "Watch out for people who are always bragging about who they are - a lion will never have to tell you it's a lion".

[rumples]

Really great questions Pixie thank you for posting

[Ar****]

6 hours ago, PixieDust said:

The more I sit here and think about it, the more I think you can't compare protocol to protocol, because what one person considers as a diamond another person considers as coal.  At the end of the day everyone has their own opinions on what etiquette is right for them and their situation. However again I think as long as we have good manners and are always respectful of each other we can work around anything.  

Precisely. It's already been said and I think you know this; we all have different rules and expectations, and that is okay so long as we remain respectful of one another. The only way you can find out what is right for you and the people you are directly involved with is full honest open communication with them - although gauging the temperature of the water with a post such as this can help guide you and will always be welcome.

[Deleted Member]

I am old, but not versed in the old protocols because I am new to BDSM. And I respect that some like to adhere to the protocols. On either side of the slash.

But reading through the messages has really brought home to me that I haven’t walked away from a controlling, gaslighting long term relationship to get involved in one where I need to ask permission to speak to someone. I think we all have to find our own way, but I’ve discovered that I love dominance but I am not suited to a Dominant and a d/s relationship.

[Wo****]

30 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

discovered that I love dominance but I am not suited to a Dominant and a d/s relationship.

One of those "ohhhhhhhhhhh" moments!!!!

Which means we're what? Is there a "label" for it?

[Leisa]

12 hours ago, Rumpleseed said:

Such an interesting and well written post pixie, you are to be commended little one.

For my 2 cents worth. I've been a Dominant since the early 90's. I, like many others of my time, took great pride when training our slaves and subs. Manners, both in private and public were paramount. The way in which they carried themself before other Dom/mes, was a direct reflection upon us. 

Ignoring the weekend wannabe "so called" Dom/mes and vanilla's trying to pass themself off as one, every true, educated and experienced dominant ensured his/her slave/sub addressed others of our kind by Sir or Miss. Respect shown is respect received was our creed. Punishment for absence of mind was often swift and weighted and not many relapsed.

As for permission to speak with an owned, collared sub. I pose this question. Would you allow your husband or wife to engage with anyone at anytime unbenownce to you? I doubt it. Being collared is for life and is as binding on both parties as a wedding ring. Anyone who states otherwise is either uneducated, or a vanilla exposing who they really  are. 

We in the lifestyle speak a different language, have different expectations and think differently to mainstream society. It's what makes us all "unique".

No disrespect intended but having been a submissive in this lifestyle for well over 20 years I find your manner of responding to be condescending and rude. This is not the 90s nor is high protocol something used in every manner in every situation. My Dominant is also from your generation of Dominants and but for a formal situation he is the only one addressed as Sir or when a situation distaste’s otherwise. I’m not sure what his response is or was or even if he’s responded below but with high protocols having been relaxed over the years I don’t know if you have or have not been part of this lifestyle as claimed nor do I personally know if you have or have not “earned” a title other than Rumplessed but until my Dominant tell me to address you as anything other than your username such will not be the case. I naturally call my Dominant by Sir during appropriate situations or when the situation calls for it but you are not my dominant and until told otherwise will continue to address you as your username or Mr so and so if you are indeed my elder. Having been raised by a father from the South we always addressed our elders as Sir/Ma’am and I still follow this ingrained instinct and teach my children the same unless they are told otherwise by the person to whom they are speaking. That being said as you’ve only been in this lifestyle since the 90s the chances of you being older than myself are fairly slim and it’s doubtful that you’ve earned the title by virtue of being an elder. On the other hand if we were in a formal setting then by all means I would address you as high protocol dictates. This forum is not one of high protocol and to expect anything different would be disrespectful to my Dominant unless he has instructed differently. My respect and loyalty are for my Dominant and are to him and him alone before will I address anyone other as Sir or Miss regardless of the instructions attempted to be given by another. If that individual has an issue with my manner of addressing them than they should seek out and address him and not attempt to chastise me. You are after all not my Sir and I obligated to you to call you anything other than the name by which you go. If you have an issue with my response than by all means seek him out. My respect, dedication, and honor are for him not someone who claims to be an old school dominate who, for all I know, may well not have earned the title. Have a great day and be blessed.

[Deleted Member]

46 minutes ago, Bounty said:

One of those "ohhhhhhhhhhh" moments!!!!

Which means we're what? Is there a "label" for it?

It was! Explained how I’d manage to piss off so many men. 😁 I’m just kinky, Bounty, don’t know about you?

[Si****]

Although my user name is Sir Green, i don't expect anyone to call me Sir unless they are my sub. To me I think Doms have to earn the right to insist on being called Sir or whatever they chose. Just calling yourself a Dom doest make you one. Its how you act and present yourself with self respect and dignity that matters most.

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, SirGreen said:

 Just calling yourself a Dom doest make you one. Its how you act and present yourself with self respect and dignity that matters most.

And there we have it in a nutshell. It's the actions not the words

[li****]

13 hours ago, Rumpleseed said:

As for permission to speak with an owned, collared sub. I pose this question. Would you allow your husband or wife to engage with anyone at anytime unbenownce to you? I doubt it.

So you're saying that your husband/wife/partner can't talk to any one they like then without having to come to you first!! That's nuts if I may say!!!! I also am finding what you have written very condensing and arrogant. I do understand if that sub is collared and at a club/dungeon then yes of course protocols should be in place for that I agree, but to not let a sub spread her wings and begin her journey and to ask questions and learn from other Dominants and submissives is in my eyes holding her back on learning from others and their experiences.

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, lil-monster said:

So you're saying that your husband/wife/partner can't talk to any one they like then without having to come to you first!! That's nuts if I may say!!!! I also am finding what you have written very condensing and arrogant. I do understand if that sub is collared and at a club/dungeon then yes of course protocols should be in place for that I agree, but to not let a sub spread her wings and begin her journey and to ask questions and learn from other Dominants and submissives is in my eyes holding her back on learning from others and their experiences.

Here a one for you then. I have  taken advice off subs(shock horror) I've even been bollocked by a sub(double shock horror) why? Firstly because these ladies had sound advice and secondly because I deserved it 😊.

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, lil-monster said:

So you're saying that your husband/wife/partner can't talk to any one they like then without having to come to you first!! That's nuts if I may say!!!! I

I was married for almost 10 years and if I had in anyway tried to tell my wife who she could and could not talk too I would have instantly felt her wrath and quite rightly so 

[Deleted Member]

15 hours ago, Rumpleseed said:

Such an interesting and well written post pixie, you are to be commended little one.

For my 2 cents worth. I've been a Dominant since the early 90's. I, like many others of my time, took great pride when training our slaves and subs. Manners, both in private and public were paramount. The way in which they carried themself before other Dom/mes, was a direct reflection upon us. 

Ignoring the weekend wannabe "so called" Dom/mes and vanilla's trying to pass themself off as one, every true, educated and experienced dominant ensured his/her slave/sub addressed others of our kind by Sir or Miss. Respect shown is respect received was our creed. Punishment for absence of mind was often swift and weighted and not many relapsed.

As for permission to speak with an owned, collared sub. I pose this question. Would you allow your husband or wife to engage with anyone at anytime unbenownce to you? I doubt it. Being collared is for life and is as binding on both parties as a wedding ring. Anyone who states otherwise is either uneducated, or a vanilla exposing who they really  are. 

We in the lifestyle speak a different language, have different expectations and think differently to mainstream society. It's what makes us all "unique".

Right so I wasn't going to comment as I have a had a bit going on last couple of days but hey, why not.

 

Firstly I am one of those "wannabe" Doms you mention. I take no offence as I perfectly understand the differences between the OG traditionlists and the new wave weekend warriors like me. Again No offence taken at all as i know no offence was intended and I respect your views and values, to a point. I understand how frustrating it must be to see a world changing so much but is that not what life is? Dealing with change and new views, opinions? I have chatted with a few OG traditionlists and all so far have made it plain to me that I am more than welcome and in no way are "less" than they. 

 

Others have already covered the key points so I only have one point to make

 

Where do we all come from? Vanilla land.

Generally which values as young people are we taught first? Vanilla 

 

So do we abandon thise values when we step Into this world? Not for me we don't, for me these vanilla values enhance the man I am, you notice my word there, man not Dom. We are men first and always, if you are prepared to abandon those manly values then you are abandoning your identity and living with a mask. People first and kinksters second always and your comment about wives not being able to talk to any one they wish shows me you have no clear distinction between the two different worlds. I see many who get so wrapped up in their "role" they seem to forget their first responsibility which is as a man. If you put your kink side before your vanilla then for me you lose so much of what you TRULY are and not only do yourself a disservice but also those you interact with as then they only get part of what you are and in essence that in my humble opinion is not all the man you are. There us so much more to offer if we don't allow ourselves to be only part of what we are

 

Peace and respect

D

 

 

Edited July 13, 2020 by Deleted Member
Spelling

[Lillyth]

I am rather new to this lifestyle, however my answer would be that unless I am in a dynamic with you, you will be spoken to and addressed with the same level of manners as I would address any other human being on this planet. Identifying as a Dominant does not make you my Dom/me. I always approach every interaction in a polite way as that sits in line with my values.
I have also seen D types that have been in the lifestyle for many years that have proven not to be worthy of being addressed as a better or with any such honorific.
We are all human beings at the end of the day, and I will treat you as such, and save any protocol that has been agreed, for my personal relationship.
Each to their own, there is no wrong way to do things in this sense, every dynamic is different and has their own unique set of protocols.
Within my relationship there is a deep sense of trust that would be undermined immensely if restrictions were to be placed upon who we can or cannot communicate with and make friends with.

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, Lillyth said:

I have also seen D types that have been in the lifestyle for many years that have proven not to be worthy of being addressed as a better or with any such honorific.
 

👆👆👆👆this, couldn't agree more. Time served as it were means nothing.

[Lillyth]

19 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

👆👆👆👆this, couldn't agree more. Time served as it were means nothing.

Thank you Donny. Yes this is so true.

[Carnelian2]

Interesting topic. Very interesting. I have met Dominant women who insisted on a title and those that got upset if I used one, so it varies by person. For myself, I have no particular need to be bestowed a title, as I know who I am and I know the role i have - no title is going to change that.

So it really comes down to the dynamic and the people involved, incl. what makes them tick. That is all part of the fun of getting to know one another. If you are Dominant, I think people will know without you having to let them know that they should address you as such. Just my two cents :-)

[De****]

On 7/13/2020 at 4:55 AM, PixieDust said:

Thank you so much for everyone's replies and insight so far, I very much appreciate the time you have taken to reply.  Please forgive me for not replying individually, only for the fact that if I did I maybe repeating myself. 

I actually couldn't sleep last night as the conversation I had, was playing heavily on mind and thus decided to write a forum post to see what others thought on the entire subject.  

If I am completely honest, I am really torn about how I feel about this topic in general.  Part of me is "old school" due to how I experienced my early days as a young sub, but then the other part me, is now, the much older sub who  has greater experience and knowledge and for that matter differing thoughts than what she might have once considered  to be her "gospel". 

Part of me is drawn back to the ways of "old school' because that is what sits right with me but then having said that you then get the insecure and for that matter disrespectful Dominants who have no idea what respect is about and for me to acknowledge them by title just because they are a Dominant also doesn't sit well with me. 

So where do you draw the line in the sand ? 

This then brings me to my next thought on communicating with other Dominants when I am in a D/s,  as for me personally I love to chat to everyone about everything and anything, as I am a chatterbox......so for my Dominant to then turn around and forbid from chatting to other Dominants, I don't know if that would sit well with me either these days. 

For me, I gain my nurturing through communication which I have learnt through my Astrology studies so I know what works for me and what doesn't.  However on the other hand you want to trust that your Dominant knows what is right for you and your needs. So do you go against their rules to gain you own satisfaction?  Its tricky because for me as a submissive ofcourse I want to follow my Dominants instructions to the letter but the other part of me wants to go screw you I'll chat to who I like, but then knowing me I wouldn't do that because I would want to remain respectful to my Dominant at all times.

I really don't know if there is a right or a wrong answer to these questions. At this point in time I really am conflicted in my thoughts and it may boil down to each individual situation on what I deem appropriate for me.  

At the end of the day I am my own judge and jury regardless of having a Dominant or not.  The only person who can make me feel bad is me, a lesson that has taken me many years to learn. 

I also think regardless of your role your manners are everything, its not hard to be polite whether you are the Dominant or submissive in any given situation.

This resonates so much with me., mainly because it covers the conflict I also have with ‘old school’ and current views.

 

 I was trained by my first Dominant and my training was very traditional and ‘old school’. For example, I was taught that ‘Sir’ is a title that is earned and as such has a high value and meaning so to just call anybody Sir is not something that I would ever do as that reduces the value of the title. This runs alongside the principle that submission is a gift and is to be treasured, not freely given to anybody.  However it seems to be that now the title and submission are just taken for granted and then pushed to one side just as easily. As such they are not valued and I wonder if that is why we have so many insecure submissives who really seem to struggle with self worth. 

I could go on about instilled values and position within the dynamic etc but moving on to the manners side of things, I will always stand by my original training in that a submissive’s behaviour is a direct reflection on her Dominant and his training of her and as such she should be respectful at all times, not just to other Dominants but also other submissives. (can you tell I had to write that out a hundred times? Lines were a favourite teaching tool!).

Personally I prefer the old school values - the basic principles have guided me through some rocky times when I’ve felt I was losing my way - but obviously times change and I think we all adapt to each dynamic anyway.

Ultimately, be it in this lifestyle or in vanilla, we don’t have to agree with each other but respect for each other and also each other’s opinions and values is something that we should all have. 

[Rumpleseed]

18 hours ago, Donnykinkster said:

Right so I wasn't going to comment as I have a had a bit going on last couple of days but hey, why not.

Firstly I am one of those "wannabe" Doms you mention. I take no offence as I perfectly understand the differences between the OG traditionlists and the new wave weekend warriors like me. Again No offence taken at all as i know no offence was intended and I respect your views and values, to a point. I understand how frustrating it must be to see a world changing so much but is that not what life is? Dealing with change and new views, opinions? I have chatted with a few OG traditionlists and all so far have made it plain to me that I am more than welcome and in no way are "less" than they. 

Others have already covered the key points so I only have one point to make

Where do we all come from? Vanilla land.

Generally which values as young people are we taught first? Vanilla 

So do we abandon thise values when we step Into this world? Not for me we don't, for me these vanilla values enhance the man I am, you notice my word there, man not Dom. We are men first and always, if you are prepared to abandon those manly values then you are abandoning your identity and living with a mask. People first and kinksters second always and your comment about wives not being able to talk to any one they wish shows me you have no clear distinction between the two different worlds. I see many who get so wrapped up in their "role" they seem to forget their first responsibility which is as a man. If you put your kink side before your vanilla then for me you lose so much of what you TRULY are and not only do yourself a disservice but also those you interact with as then they only get part of what you are and in essence that in my humble opinion is not all the man you are. There us so much more to offer if we don't allow ourselves to be only part of what we are

Peace and respect

D

Hello my friend,

I did enjoy your narrative, thank you. You were correct, there was no offence intended, had there been, you would be well aware :-) 

Yes, I'm part of the Old Guard, however, young or old, one does get wearisome with the seemingly never ending stream of vanilla's, unskilled and uneducated trying to use the lifestyle as a means to obtaining free or kinky sex or assert control recklessly over the lonely and ***. I take personal offence at their lack of interest in even TRYING to gain a basic understanding of the world they try and inject themselves into. As you say, we're all people, Dom/mes, subs and slaves alike and people can be damaged, physically and emotionally, very easily. Physical will heal, mental and emotional scars sometimes lasts lifetimes.

For me, this is not about sex, masculinity or testosterone, if you knew me you would know this. This is about two people entering into a totally open, trusting, fulfilling, uninhabited relationship where trust, respect and love is paramount. Dom/mes meeting the wants and needs of their subs/slaves and visa versa. It's a dance of sorts, with one leading and one following. A potentially deadly dance with someone unskilled leading.

During "my time", subs and slaves were beautiful, elegant creatures that came in all shapes and forms with stunning manners and etiquette who took great joy in representing the best of their Dom/me. To see them sitting at their feet,  standing beside them or huddled in groups laughing and giggling was always a joy to behold. 

As for a Dom/me back then showing respect to his/her piers by first seeking the initial permission to engage with anothers sub/slave, it encourage a very calm and balanced social balance where respect for all, by all was the norm, not an expectation. We never experienced the aggressive, belligerent, rudeness as I see in todays BDSM online sites. It just didn't happen. It was a golden time.

Domination and control is an art form, mastered by some, eluded by others. Some are born into it, others learn. It's MUCH MORE that the tools and toys, it's presence, aura, command and comfort, often evident to your sub/slave without a word even being uttered and so much more. Vanilla society is awash with scarred, ruined and misguided subs/slaves today. If you met one I have trained, you would be in awe, without doubt.

It's all about coal and diamonds.

[li****]

15 minutes ago, Rumpleseed said:

If you met one I have trained, you would be in awe, without doubt.

 

Well point me in the direction of one of these slaves/subs you have "trained" and I'll be the judge of that!!! You may know your stuff and you may have been in this lifestyle for some years but you are coming across very very arrogant and condescending which is putting me off and I expect a lot of others also. 

 

Times changed and BDSM and kink has also yes many still follow the old guard protocols and yes you will get rudeness and impoliteness as you get it pretty much anywhere to be honest not just on a kink website!! And yes some not all don't have a clue about what this is all about but some do actually wanna learn, they wanna learn from others in this community so who are we to shut them out and call them vanilla just cause they don't know or not sure of the etiquette. I'm happy to chat to any Dom/me sub slave anyone in this community to help them if they need it. My Sir never ever holds me back even though I have been through a tough time with *** and a bad D/s experience when I was first starting out, he doesn't cover me in cotton wool and tells me who I can and can't speak to I as a sub have my own mind and my own voice. D/s is all about 50/50 it's give and take!!!!!

[Carnelian2]

@Donnykinkster @Rumpleseed I find both your posts interesting. My first entry in D/s was probably in the 80's when I was a ***ager. This by no means makes me an expert, just confused :-)

The results of our efforts are evident by the fruits and flowers we produce, and the recognition we get in return.

This does not come with age or even experience - it comes from our inner selves, our souls.

I have played on both sides of the divide and immensely enjoyed both, as guess, it was not about me but about the person I was with. That is what matters; the dynamic and the connection.

At least for me it is. Others can be different and that is fine as well, provided that it is consensual and fulfills the needs to both parties; be it to submit or to Dominate.