How do you know you will make a good Dom?

[elbarto-2007]

How do you know if you are going to make a good Dom in a relationship?

Is it something you just know about yourself or is it something that you learn over time.

 

[Deleted Member]

Let me ask you this. When you walk into a classroom for the first time as a 5 year old would your teachers expect you to be able to perform complex algebra? No of course not, we evolve, we make mistakes and we learn. The base nature is there in the same ways that the child can add 2+2 but the complex algebra comes with time 😊

Edited July 13, 2020 by Deleted Member
Spelling

[Mike_22]

Everyone is unique and does things there own way. I agree with the guy above. We learn from others and our own experiences and we do things our own ways. As long as you are willing to learn and keep you and a sub safe 😊 Honesty, communication and Trust go a really long way in a BDSM relationship and are 3 values I live by.

[ey****]

You don't know that and you couldn't assume that.

If it's something you want to do then you will dedicate time looking how to be a good Dominant and continuous improvement.

[Wo****]

2 hours ago, elbarto-2007 said:

How do you know if you are going to make a good Dom in a relationship?

Is it something you just know about yourself or is it something that you learn over time.

 

You try it.

 

Both.

[Tdh-6]

I'd echo Mike's comment. Honesty, communication and Trust

[Princessbra-3046]

Learn over time, grow together with you submissive, and Never stop learning and trying new things !

[Leisa]

I agree with the above. Education in addition to honesty, trust, and communication is vitally important. If you could get a mentor it would certainly make your walk easier.

[Deleted Member]

It’s a complex question. It’s obviously both, being a Dom is being human first so your nature is part of it. But skills and how to dominate is the learning part of it. 
It depends the type of dynamic you are into. Some are less demanding than others. Your sub could help you too by telling you what she enjoy and what’s need to improve. It’s. A bit like a dance on your first date, alway awkward first but improve... 

[Ta****]

For me, a good Dom is one who listens to the needs of the Sub, who doesn't close his mind, and who doesn't engage in knee jerk reactions.  I have found two like that on here, and they are still very much good friends of mine.  

[PhantomFlogger]

Ask yourself why you want to be a Dominant, is it to have control?

Is it so you dont need to court, just demand and you will receive?

Is it because you enjoy hurting people?

Then youre probably not going to be a good Dominant.

As far as learning goes, we live in a BDSM community, where its illegal to own someone, or hurt them for gratification, here in the uk if you hit someone and the "victim" doesn't press charges, then the police will.

So its important to learn, not learn to be a good Dominant, but learn how to be safe, how to keep others safe, and as a Dominant myself i feel its VERY important to vet out the dangerous subs as well as expose the abusive Doms.

Learn about ropes so you dont cut off circulation,

Learn about sanitatization so you dont cause infections

Learn about rules so you dont cause confusion

Learn about language, the words we say, the way we react, and you wont be misunderstood.

Because one mistake resulting in a trip to a doctor or hospital or maybe a concerned friend and you risk questions being asked..

And im sorry but we live in a world where a young person would much rather say they were hit by their partner, than admit they enjoy being tied to the floor and flogged whilst 20 guys in furry suites piss on her.

 

As far as what makes a good Dom?

Thats personal to you and your partners, but for me a Good Dom is no different from a Hairdresser, your client comes to you, tells you what they want, what they dont want and they trust you with their body, i have belief in your skills, and if you do well they will return.

I believe the sub is in charge and the Dom is just there to do what the sub cant.

If you are serious about being a sub or Dom in this community you need references right?

Meet people, learn, express what you can do, have done, and hope to learn, then do some scenes, find play partners, and i can assure you that if you supply a good service, no matter of your confidence, you will find Subs approaching you to ask for your help.

From there its up to you to decide if youre going to be a good Dom or not.

[Ta****]

54 minutes ago, PhantomFlogger said:

As far as learning goes, we live in a BDSM community, where its illegal to own someone, or hurt them for gratification,

So its important to learn, not learn to be a good Dominant, but learn how to be safe, 

If you are serious about being a sub or Dom in this community you need references right?

Meet people, learn, express what you can do, have done, and hope to learn, then do some scenes, find play partners, and i can assure you that if you supply a good service, no matter of your confidence, you will find Subs approaching you to ask for your help.

From there its up to you to decide if youre going to be a good Dom or not.

This is one of the best posts I have come across on the subject....thank you for that!

Edited August 1, 2020 by TammyNatalia
Grammar correction needed

[PhantomFlogger]

5 minutes ago, TammyNatalia said:

This is one of the best posts I have come across on the subject....thank you for that!

Haha.. thank you, just trying to share good ideas, i get so annoyed when i hear my partners talking about guys calling themselves Doms because they think it means they dont have to put in the effort, or subs who use us like their own self harm kit

Safe, sane and consentual

The only three rules that are law in BDSM

[Wo****]

45 minutes ago, PhantomFlogger said:

Haha.. thank you, just trying to share good ideas, i get so annoyed when i hear my partners talking about guys calling themselves Doms because they think it means they dont have to put in the effort, or subs who use us like their own self harm kit

Safe, sane and consentual

The only three rules that are law in BDSM

And RACK...

Risk aware consensual kink.

 

Love the hairdresser analogy..

[Th****]

You already got the message that it is both I am sure.

You can decide you are a Dominant and that is just the very start of your journey.

If you want to make a good Dominant you will have quite a number of skills to develop that you may not associate with being a dominant but are critical.

You will need to develop your active listening skills to a much higher level than is normal.

It will help if you can lose your ego and develop your humility.

Essential will be the ability to be able to self analyse your self. You need to find your authentic self. You have to come to your submissive with total emotional honesty and that requires self knowledge.

Along with that goes the need for ultimate self control... Remember if you cannot control your self you can not control anyone else.

As has been mentioned of course there is all the educational side, the hard skills, soft skills, safety and all of the myriad of skills you will need for your and your submissives safety.

So let us jump forward a few year's in your journey, I guess the thought that may be in your mind is how long will this take and what will it look like.

It does not actually ever stop as, we continually develop and try to improve. A great Dominant will embrace any skill that can help them to inspire their submissive to be all that they can be.

It may be worth noting here that if you can accept that the control does not rest purely in your hands but is actually within the dynamic itself. That it is a balance and you in fact just fine tune that balance and correct any imperfections.

You will be moving a lot closer to being a "good Dom"

Good luck in your journey my friend,